Guilt about siblings situations compared to my own

Gekko

Bit of a weird thread title for PI...I'm guessing...but I'm just curious as to whether anyone can relate to this. Oh and I can't be bothered to go unregistered.

So I'll try and keep this as brief as possible.

I'm in my late 20s and, to summarise, doing ok in life. I won't go into too much detail as there isn't really any need.

I have a brother 5 years younger than me and a sister who is 9 years older. Both have had fairly serious problems in their lives in the last few years.

Both are on anti-psychotic medication due to differing versions of schizophrenia. One was committed for 3 weeks before being diagnosed and put on medication. The other was suicidal at one point before being diagnosed and going on medication. Both are now on the mend.

To summarise both have had big setbacks in their lives.

My issue, if you can call it that, is that sometimes when I compare my situation to theirs, I feel guilty about my situation relative to theirs. It is by no means perfect, but for instance, I have what I think may be an opportunity to strike up a relationship with someone.

However, I sometimes think that I wouldn't like my siblings to know about it or to see me happy, because I wouldn't like to think that they might feel bad about themselves when comparing themselves to how I'm doing.

This might sound weird, like reverse envy or something. But I've been through a period of depression in the past and I know sometimes how the mind works and sometimes we do compare ourselves to our brothers and sisters. My parents and their siblings still do it to this day!

Well I haven't kept this very brief - so apologies for that - but I'm just wondering if anyone can relate to this and maybe give me any advice.

randylonghorn

Gekko wrote: »

Both are on anti-psychotic medication due to differing versions of schizophrenia. One was committed for 3 weeks before being diagnosed and put on medication. The other was suicidal at one point before being diagnosed and going on medication. Both are now on the mend.

None of this is your doing. You haven't cheated them out of their inheritance, for example, or done the dirt on your brother with his girlfriend, or ... well, you get the idea.

There is therefore no reason to feel guilty.

Ok, I can see where you're coming from in terms of perhaps being careful not to shove your current good luck in their faces, or boast or make a big deal of it ... but you've had your own rough times in the past by the sounds of it, and you're perfectly entitled to enjoy your bit of happiness without feeling in the least guilty.

You're concerned for them, and that's great ... but see if you can put that concern to work in more useful, positive ways. Wasting it on guilt won't benefit them and will impact negatively on you and probably the potential relationship you mention.

Gekko

that's pretty helpful - thanks

anyone else want to add their 2 cents?

I'm going to have to agree with randy.


Provided you don't develop an ego and begin boasting about it to them, I'm sure they won't mind. If its a big deal to you; you could always talk to them about it (although I wouldn't advise it, as they may take it that you are subconciously trying to tell them you're better than them, even though you're not). Just go ahead and do as you feel with your life, man. I'm sure they'll be just fine.

sunnyside

Gekko wrote: »

sometimes when I compare my situation to theirs, I feel guilty about my situation relative to theirs. .

I wouldn't feel guilty because circumstances can change. Right now your life is much better than that of your brother and sister but 10 years down the line that could have reversed completely.

Very few people are lucky enough to enjoy good times forever. They are having difficult times now but one day that will probably have changed and it will be you who's having problems while they are enjoying life.

If everybody was expected to be happy at the same time there wouldn't be anybody to support and cheer up the people who are feeling down.

r3nu4l

I can identify with what you are saying to some extent Gekko. The only thing is that you have to get on with your own life and make the best of your own situation. We can all be lucky or unlucky to some extent in life. I've had problems in the past but I've overcome them and am well out on the other side and doing well for myself. All you can do is be there for your siblings, you can't run their lives. Ease up on yourself, make sure that you are happy and don't add to the worries your parents or siblings have, that's as much as you can do. Don't hold yourself or your progress in life back because of some warped sense of duty to your siblings

Karen_*

So basically Gekko you are a very caring person who feels for other people. Well don't change that or try to change it. You've nothing to feel guilty about and in fact your siblings are lucky to have you. Do nice things for them, spend time with them. But don't hold back in life out of guilt. They wouldn't want that.

neuro-praxis

Use your own blessings to bless them. Be the best support to them that you can be while enjoying and and getting the most out of your own life.

You never know - this new woman in your life could even be another friend/ally for your siblings.

Spread the love!

McGinty

I would add that it is not that unusual to feel 'bad' about doing well in comparision to family/friends, etc. The only thing you can do is enjoy, because the other option is to stay unhappy to make someone else feel better, and really that is counterproductive.

kmick

They sound like they are doing alright now? Why pity them. I bet they don't feel sorry for themselves. Count your blessings, help them out where you can, be there for them if times get hard. Lend em a few quid if they are broke etc.

Stop obsessing about how good your life is compared to others - its as bad if not worse than the people who obsess about those with more then them.