in love with a neighbour and her family :(

LegacyUser

this is by far messy, so excuse me if u dont understand. iv gone unreged.

ok i recently got a counsell house with my mother about 2 years ago and the street is brand new.
she has 2 kids, of 1 iv fell in abosulte love with, iv never felt so strong for such innocence in my whole entity, the feeling is ridiculousely strong, and it all started when i was on the rebound of my X..

i lived with and had a seriouse falling out with a gf and i was in hospital before i was signed to safely return back to live with my mother in the counsel house, who was freinds with a girl next door in her late 20's with 2 children. she has a daughter and a younger son around 4, and me and my mother seen her everyday either way she would come in for a cupa or vice versa. id like to really just stress the emotions over everything that happened about her son, who iv taken some seriouse liking to. i was never into liking children untill i met him. and when i did i made this connection that i thought was impossible, and nobody really had in life.

so everyday i found myself thinking about how i feel about him, how i wished he was my son, how i watched how everyone else felt about him, and how i thought i could spend more time day in day out, i play out and kick a ball around when i can, play with him when i can, and as hes just a baby under 6 even he took a seriouse liking to me aswell, he used to run in to see me when he seen my car outside, wanted to sleep and practically live with me, he ran out after me when i would walk outside and constantly nagged his mother where i was if i was away. this blew me away into a world of EMO and all kinds of feelings underestimated. i was in a world of bedlam for this boy in and out BIG TIME.

but its only latley he has grown apart and not giving a **** that im around, doesnt care really ya no. this hurts me the most fully and i dont know what to do about it. hes only feckin 4 or something for chirst sake yet he has this hold over me. hes adorable but he doesnt give a **** im around, and he grows more attached to the fellas and guys maria goes out with or 'see's. quite possibly because of the following:

a few things happened that made me take a disliking to his mother. as far as i was concerned we were the best of freinds as she was with my brother and mother who lived with us, things happened over the year that i feel shouldnt of happened, but unfortunatly that was who she was. one for example (and i fear being judged as a left winged viewer so i speaketh the truteth) was when my brother was having a party and my mother went away for the night, she said that maria next door will let yous sleep in hers if u want, so off i went and slept in stevens bed next door. i herd maria come home but apperently she didnt know i was upstairs. my mate was drunk and my brother started to knock on the door with my mate hard and alot of havoc was suddenly airborn. maria started screaming at me out frustration i think, (to this day i dont know why but she sais se had a few on her. personally i think it was dominant issues that she feels compelled that she doesnt feel right walking into ours without awkwardness which isnt the case nevermind finding me in stes bed) and i just left. she apolagized thru text the next day which i personally begrudgingly accepted.
plenty more smaller sly little things like using us to go on her bebo and looking for consolidation when shes done something wrong or not answering her phone or telling white lies to get herself off the hook made me and my mother weary about her trustworthyness.

untill now. last week my older sister moved to australia and maria was supose to buy a fireplace off her. when she was in here all she ever said was i dont know who has a van to pick it up etc. so last week i knocked in and she told me that her cooker was 'blowing up'. i went to see what the problem was and she told me not to turn it on. she then told me she cant buy the fireplace and she needed a new cooker. she had sent a text to me sister saying 'chloe i need to buy a new cooker it broke i dont mind if you want to sell it to anyone else' and my sister was having none of it. she left me sister high and dry and she new it. the next morning she had bought a cooker, and i think it was to try and really convice us that it was broken. for once in my life iv never seen my mother hold a grudge like this towards anybody so she sences that something is wrong and that she knows shes a pain in the ass under our eyes but still thinks shes not in the wrong.

i love her to bits but for once in about 2 years shes not coming in anymore, she just takes the kids to work and school comes back and goes on msn with the comp i gave her a loan of and thats it.

my brother goes in for a cup when hes up and so do i but at the same time i feel awkward in her house because she feels she has to 'entertain' me by like sitting down with a cuppa too. she also said to me she knows my mother is not talking to her, but yet they were chatting hapiy outside thismorning.

now keep in mind my ma is very upset this week. her partner whom she was seeing for the last 7 years has called it a day with her one night. her daughter moved to australia and me and my younger brother are moving out soon. shes heading for a lonley life and she knows it. maria takes this acting of her to heart and wont come at all. i miss her coming in for a cuppa tea. i just knocked on her door this evening to see if she was awake to see her and the kids but the door was locked and i knew she was online.

im just feeling like **** now because i cant forget about her. especcially her son, the relationship has dissolved almost instantly. i cant forget her because i will see her going in and out everyday either way, part of me is thinking that shes just thinking of herself and needs to get back in here and comfert my ma during this time.

i just dont know what to do becuase i CANT IGNORE IT AND I WANNA CRY. YET ANOTHER ****ING RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN

i feel extra sad now and i just wanna go back to the hospital.

Garthicus

What?

I have tried to read this a couple of times and my head just hurts. Please try and articulate what you are trying to say better. You love the little boy and slept in his bed and your mates came in and a cooker that's going to blow up? What? Sorry if this sounds harsh; but if you need our help or opinion on here you really should try and explain clearly what you are talking about.

MagicMarker

Garthicus wrote: »

What?

I have tried to read this a couple of times and my head just hurts. Please try and articulate what you are trying to say better. You love the little boy and slept in his bed and your mates came in and a cooker that's going to blow up? What? Sorry if this sounds harsh; but if you need our help or opinion on here you really should try and explain clearly what you are talking about.

+1

I couldn't even make past the 4th paragraph, don't know what the hell is going on.

smares

I have read this twice and I am completely lost can't follow it at all

LegacyUser

Uh, well as everyone said, it's a bit hard to understand what you're talking about here. All I can gather is that ... you used to get along really well with this girl and her little boy, and now that she's had a falling out with your mother (because she backed out of buying a fireplace from your sister?) she doesn't come around and the little boy doesn't spend as much time with you. Have I got that right?

You might have just posted that drunkenly or your thoughts are a bit jumbled up at the moment, but I dunno if anyone can give you advice about this if they don't know what you're talking about.

All I can say is that you seem really overinvested in this girl and her family ... maybe take a step back from it for a while. From what I understand you're not actually in a relationship with her (or are you? what do you mean by "another relationship breakdown"?) ... do you like her or is it just that her little boy is making you feel broody?

Overheal

I did that thing were I switch off my brain and I looked at the words a couple times. I think all I needed to assimilate out of that crossword puzzle is:

You developed a bond with your neighbour's 4 year old son in Jerry Maguire fashion while you were on the Rebound.

he used to run in to see me when he seen my car outside, wanted to sleep and practically live with me, he ran out after me when i would walk outside and constantly nagged his mother where i was if i was away.

I'm reading that a bit creepy, but ok...
Anyway, 2 years on, you're not the neighbours you used to be for various reasons and now you find yourself heartbroken. Am I correct?

First, you have to pay attention that this all started when you split up with your ex, which really puts it in the Rebound territories of emotion. I assume you filled the void with your neighbours. It sounds to me like you never really sorted any of that out, and now you're reaping the consequences of fantasising her family as your own.

My advice? Quit living in that fantasy world. It doesn't exist. And it never will.

marti101

I think you have to get some outside interests and leave the neighbour alone.It sounds like you are stalking her,shes not your gf or faily member its none of your business who is going in and out of that house.Whether your mother and her arent talking thats not really yourr business either.I dont think you have got over your break up and i think you need need to get away for a while clear your head.And im sorry she does need the cooker more than a fireplace because if you love the little guy like you say then you would rather him have a hot meal rather than a nice fireplace.

Drummerboy2

I'm a little worried about this post.

Marksie

OP I simply cannot grasp the fullextent in that post. But from what i can peice together

wish i knew wrote: »

i just dont know what to do becuase i CANT IGNORE IT AND I WANNA CRY. YET ANOTHER ****ING RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWN

What relationship? The overattachment to the son or with the mother?
This seems ot be all in your head
so:

wish i knew wrote: »

i feel extra sad now and i just wanna go back to the hospital.

DO TAKE your own advice. Go to a professional.

Miss Fluff

From what I can surmise, and I read your post twice which resulted in an almighty headache, you have an unhealthy obsession with your neighbour and her son. It's not appropriate to share a bed with a little boy, I'm sorry, it's simply not. I think perhaps you should go back to hospital, it sounds like you do need to discuss these issues with a professional as your post was a really rambling stream of consciousness, best go and discuss these feelings face-to-face with someone qualified to help you imo.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Ok.

As far as I can tell you got to know this mother and 6yo son and took a liking for both, especially the kid, then for whatever reason, you seperated. First off, all kids are fickle. Second, kids don't really know emotional love. He liked your company, saw you as fun, but didn't really developed into NEEDING you.

The second half of your post is irrelvant (if I understand it correctly).

The problem is that most of the constants in your life have been removed, leaving you floating. The sisters gone to Australia, and sounds like the closest neighbours are fighting and distancing themselves.

You need to find someone you can trust, male or female. Someone who'll stick around and give you the stability you need.

Relationships breakdown happens to all of us and effects us all differently - this is normal. What you need to do here is sit down, work out what you've learnt and love on for the next time.

Failing that, counselling. Good luck with it all.

EDIT - just reread the mesage above this and your post: Is Steven the little boy...? If so, you can understand their reaction, no matter how big a mistake. Unless you're a legal parent to the child, sleeping with the child would set up virtually everybody.

Mr. Incognito

Is there a question mark in there?

I think the clue is in the title.

If you like the girl tell her.

Also- spell check on word is great.

Dizzyblonde

From what I can gather it seems to me that you have an unhealthy obsession with this family. You can't wangle your way into someone's life and become a father figure to their son.
I'm sure that one day you'll meet someone, settle down and have a family of your own but in the meantime you need to stay out of this family's business. This woman is a neighbour, that's all. If you get on well with a neighbour then that's great, but don't look to her and her child to fill a gap in your own life.
You seem to have a problem with knowing your boundaries. If a neighbour of mine wanted to be that iinvolved in my family it would creep me out completely.

Trinity

Eh ok dont know about the other stuff OP cos i cannot really understand it but you think this girl (single mum with 2 kids???) went out and bought a cooker for a few hundred euro just to get out of buying a fireplace off your sister? You think she made up that it was broken and took the lie further by buying a new one the next day? Seriously, you need to cop on.

**** happens. YOur mother is holding a grudge over this? A cooker to cook food for her kids is far far more important than a fireplace and i am sure she couldnt afford both. She did the decent thing and told your sister, thats not leaving her high and dry. Have you ever been on adverts? Deals fall through all the time.

And you are upset cos she freaked when she found you in your sons bed and she didnt know you were in the house? She comes in for a cup of tea and you and your mother assume its ok for you to let yoursefl into her house and get into one of her beds without her knowledge?

You knocked in for a cuppa and the door was locked? How do you know? Where you going to let yoursefl in?

You sound like the neighbours from hell. Scary crazy neighbours from hell. Best leave her and her children alone.

Karen_*

I do think you should go to your doctor and get some more help or after care from your stay in hospital.

Your post is quite hard to read but from what I can make out it would just be better for everyone if your two families stayed apart. When you get into owing money or making promises to buy things then trouble always starts. You don't seem to be coping well at all with the arguments and the stress and I'm sure Maria doesn't need it either. Nor does your mother.

Leave this woman and her kids alone and ask her to leave you alone if she approaches you.

marti101

I read through this again and i have to say you seem to be stalking her.Shes telling you white lies and my mother doesnt know how truthful she is.What business is it of yours or your mothers,maybe shes lying because shes afraid of the neighbours from hell who are stalking her.If it was me id ask to be put on a transfer list and get away from you.And from an outsiders view sleeping in a little boys bed will get you in to serious trouble.Look Maria is not interested just leave her alone and get on with your own life.

COH

*impending restraining order*

RossFixxxed

I didn't understand most of this post. It is very, very disjointed and rather sinister I must say. You need to talk to a professional. This is all very wrong. Sleeping in a kid's bed is not right, and without his mother knowing.

You are floating and latching on to a frightening level to a fantasy world. This almost sounds like one hour photo....

Marksie

I am not sure that PI is equipped to deal with a thread of this nature.

Suffice to say OP there is a consensus opinion that what you are doing is crossing boundaries.

Do go and seek professional advice and help.

Thread locked, unless someone comes up with a legitimate reason why it should be reopened