He cheated on me for 2 years?

LegacyUser

Ive been awake half the night & i need to write this down. Sorry its kind of long.

I was with my ex for 2 years, we broke up a few months ago, it was long distance, we live on opposite sides of the country. He has a new girlfriend. I was upset when I found out, but from what I know of her (my friends did some bebo stalking) it seems that shes mostly just for sex (this is relevant).

He text me a few weeks ago telling me he missed me. We somehow started texting a bit until last week id had enough & told him i couldnt do it anymore, i missed him but we werent gonna get back together so what was the point. i could never just be friends with him.

I woke up at 5am this morning & had 2 missed calls & a text from him, calls just before 4am & a text at 4.10 saying "i want u". i probably should have ignored it but in my half asleep state i replied with "i was asleep when you rang but thats probably for the best. hope you had a good night". didnt expect to hear any more.

Then i got a reply saying "sorry i only rang <sisters name> and <gf name>. didnt call you at all", at which stage i was just like what are you on about. so i replied & said you rang me twice & text me. i got a reply asking when was the text sent & what did it say, which shouldve made me cop something wasnt right but i thought he was just really drunk or something. anyway turns out it was the gf replying & she told me (in between calling me some names) that shed first been with him xmas 2006 and shed been with him for months before we broke up, & it must really hurt to know my first boyfriend was cheating on me 99% of the time i was with him. (im 24, but a late starter i guess..)

he cheated on me once that i know of, in june 2007 he kissed someone & we broke up for 2 months. he was so upset telling me that he KISSED someone else, im finding it hard to believe he slept with someone else 6 months before that & managed to hide it. Wed only been together about 5 months at that stage so if id found out then i couldve easily walked away. but i think i do believe that he was cheating on me for a couple of months before we broke up, things had been bad, there was a lot of lies told about various things & we didnt see each other much. if he could do before, whats stopping him doing it again i guess.

im not as upset as maybe i should be. but i dont know if this is because this information isnt definite. but am i crazy to want to know? im thinking about texting him later & asking can i speak to him (presuming he has his phone back) & asking for the truth. i want to know if the whole relationship was a lie. you always hear about these guys cheating regularly on their innocent gf who doesnt have a clue about it.

i think maybe knowing its true will hurt like hell, but it might be worth that to help me get over him. because ill know there wasnt much to get over. i dont know whats best. i dont think its something ill just be able to forget about & always wonder about.

i suppose im asking if i should contact him & ask him about it, or just leave it be & thank God for my lucky escape.

IRISH RAIL

hey op heres a big hug for you these things are never easy.
Id say she was only saying that to put her claws in, it is possible she was with him. but personally id thank my lucky stars do some damage control and move on. tell him/her whoever has his phone even though you text me last week saying how much you missed me im not going to be your drunken text buddy grow up and cop on and leave me alone. that should do the trick.

spurious

Change your phone number and have no chance of contact with him. Your friends spying on bebo are not helping things.

Whether he was cheating for 2 years or 2 months is neither here nor there. You won't be over him while you keep thinking up excuses to 'find out' things.

Overheal

2 years or 2 months or 2 times: too much. bye bye.

Claim back your self respect because he's clearly not hanging on to it for you.

LegacyUser

i spoke to him. its true.

apparently for 2 weeks at christmas 2006.

my whole relationship was a joke.

I know im better without him & i had a lucky escape. but i ****ing wish id known back then & didnt waste 2 f*cking years of my life

girl2

I read a book once called Building Blocks.....its something about getting over relationship breakups and moving on. An excellent book, I must say.

Anyway........the first thing you need to do is "Accept". Accept this is over, accept that you can never change anything, anything that has happened between the two of you, accept that he is a liar, a cheat and that you are better off without him.

Why you probably want to know is because you still have feelings for him? I dont know. But if you do find out everything.....all that its going to do is question everything you ever had with him. You will question what is lies and what was the truth, and you dont need to torture yourself with these things.

Please try to move on.....you said you live at opposite ends of the country, so you dont have to run into him every day. Stop trying to find ways of prolonging the hurt this has already caused you. Stop torturing yourself. Can you change your phone number? Or ask him to never contact you again. And try to be strong. But once you accept things for what they are, you will find an inner peace. (I know it all sounds very spiritual, holistic and blah-de-blah, but for me it worked).