Am i a rebound? Or being paranoid?

StockCube

I recently started seeing a really nice guy. We met through mutual friends and have been seeing each other for 3 weeks but it feels nice, like it's turning in to something serious.

We've both chatted about our ex's - To be honest i always have believed it's the worst thing you can do i've only really discussed my situation when he's prompted me. Also my relationship ended last October after 3 years, it was hard but i've put it behind me.

This new guy treats me so well, he's thoughtful, considerate and seems to want the same things as i do but it really bugs me how much he talks about his ex-girlfriend - he blatently hates her and goes in to rants about how awful she was. He's even said "I know i talk about her a lot but i was over her 2 days after we broke up" - he finished with her - if that makes any difference. I don't know exactly when they broke up but i know they were still together at easter, and they were only together a year and a half in total.

He also told me he's dated 5 different girls since they broke up who he met on the internet, 3 of them never progressed past one date, he went out with another for 6 weeks but he has said it's "different" with me.......I think i feel that too but i can't help but wonder am i some distraction from his ex - who by the way he refers to as "his girlfriend" not his "ex-girlfriend".....am i reading in to this? I was really hurt in my last relationship and i don't want to be hurt again x

seahorse

Well, if he's ranting about her continually and referring to her in the present tense that'd set off alarm bells for me. Sorry to have to say so, but it would.

spinandscribble

he mightn't still love her but he's still going through the breakup. Run a mile hun.

Liam Byrne

Most of the above is fairly normal, to some degree or other, so it wouldn't be fair to write him off completely - if he's worth it you could stick with it and set down limits as to how much wallowing you'll put up with....

BUT (AND IT'S A BIG ONE) :

who by the way he refers to as "his girlfriend" not his "ex-girlfriend".....

THAT'S a show-stopper, in my book. While she's in that place in his head, there's no room for you.

Wibbs

A rebound is probably best described as a relationship where the previous one is still in play emotionally(sometimes more). Basically there are three people in the relationship. You them and the ex. It can be that they're into you, want to make a go of it, but are still running through the end of the last thing. That's the best scenario really.

If he's not in contact with her that's a major plus point. If he is then run as fast as you can. Too often, people, rebounds are there as a transition from the previous relationship and are an emotional crutch until the other person figures out what's what. They'll leave sooner or later though. That can go on for years too.

At this stage I would play it by ear and see how it goes. If he treats you well and is serious about you then see what's what. Maybe discuss with him that this is worrying you.

StockCube

No they aren't in touch. It does seem like he calls her his girlfriend kinda like he doesn't realise he's supposed to say ex - the first time I thought maybe he meant to say "at the time" but i've noticed him do it a couple of times now - it stands out to me.

The thing is, i do really like him, i feel really comfortable around him (which is unusual for me) and i do feel like there is something there - it doesn't seem like he's any intentions of getting back together with her at all but i just wonder how long she's going to be a part of our conversation. It's too early now but I think in time i might maybe ask if he wants to get it out of his system and then leave it behind? I don't know if he even knows he doesn't call her his ex