the older man

LegacyUser

Im 25, I've started seeing a 56year old divorcee. We didnt meet up in a pub or anything, we've known each other for over two years and are in an organisation together. We've always gotten on extremely well and always have great fun together. We also have often been individually slagged about this, and people have hinted as to whether thngs were going on between us or not. Well, they weren't, up until a month ago.

I have a lot of feelings for this man, and he tells me he feels the same way, but i am conscious of the huge age gap. He really wants to make a go of this as do I; but i think if and when we go public I fear a huge backlash. its going so well so far and it feels very right. Hes not even my typical type, but I cant get enough of him. We genuinely are right for each other, but social convention means there will be a huge fuss when this comes out, and I care for him too much to see him being accused of being disgusting etc. I know we are consenting adults but you know how people are. Realistically can this work?? any advice/opinions please??

Overheal

Here we have presidential hopeful Senator John McCain, age 72, with wife Cindy Hensley McCain, age 54. They have been married for the last 28 years, which would have put them at 26 and 44. And he has been in political circles longer than that, so you can imagine what he had to go through over it.

Besides that, who's business is it of yours on the street who you spend your time with?

Miss Fluff

Yes it can work but will require a hell of a lot of work on both your parts, it's not going to be easy and as long as you recognise that and have your eyes wide open (you are right about public perception etc) then there is no reason on earth why you can't have a happy, fulfilling relationship.

Do you hope to have kids? If so, his age is something that will have to be seriously considered in this instance. And yes, I know people do father children at that age an older, but it does come up with an awful lot of extra risks and that's something that has to be given serious thought to.

Really hope it works out for you OP.

fits

Well I know a couple with a 24 year age gap. He is now 85 and she is 61. Thats a big gap at those ages. Luckily they are both still active and travel a lot. They had a lot of children together too.
Before you worry about what anyone else thinks, try to figure out can YOU live with it?

anthony4335

That is a large age gap, but you cannot do much about choosing who you fall for. If you do have feelings and you thrust this man I would say try going out for a few dates ,and take it easy, see how things go. As for been worried about what others think , ignore them as it is none of there business.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Yes it can work but will require a hell of a lot of work on both your parts, it's not going to be easy and as long as you recognise that and have your eyes wide open (you are right about public perception etc) then there is no reason on earth why you can't have a happy, fulfilling relationship.

Do you hope to have kids? If so, his age is something that will have to be seriously considered in this instance. And yes, I know people do father children at that age an older, but it does come up with an awful lot of extra risks and that's something that has to be given serious thought to.

Really hope it works out for you OP.

Yes, it is going to be hard when it comes out. I am VERY aware of that. And i think he is the one who will get the most abuse for it, people will see me as being taken advantage of, which is so ridiculous but thats how it is. He is so lovely, so so lovely, and so very young at heart, and I am so crazy about him. He is so charismatic, two of my friends have met him, and they were completely bowled over by him, they were very freaked out when I told them, but when they met him they saw how good we were for each other. He didnt realise the age that i was initially, i look older, and he assumed i was in my early thirties, and i assumed he knew my age,so things had happened before we realised. As far as we are concerned age is only a number, but I know that others will see it differently. And Yes, others don't matter, but I dont want him to be ostracised because of this.

As for kids, well, he has a grown up family already, and my job isn't suited to children, so that may not ever be an issue, but I know what you mean, it would definately have to be very carefully considered. I'm even dreading introducing my parents, they're just marginally older, I dont know how they'll take it.

Still I guess when happiness presents itself you have to take the risk and go for it. I just thought here would be a good place to get some opinions before the big 'going public' event!!

littlefriend

My friends dad married somebody younger than her. They have been together about ten years now and have 3 kids. She was about 23 or 24 when they got together - it was weird then but it wouldn't even be thought about now. I guess just be careful about the kids thing - you may want some in the future so don't decide now that you definitely won't.