Has my boyfriend lost interest?

shellie11

hi, im 22,hope you guys can give me some indication on whether im worrying over nothing or whats going on...
Have been going out with my BF for 4 and a half years.
We both still live at home with our parents and thats the way it will stay for another long while id say, with prices of house nowadays etc... For the 1st 2 years, our s*x life was great :-)
now in the last 8 months, we barely do it once a week if even i have put on a little weight since we first started going out, as you tend to do when you are in a comfortable relationship, eating chinese and the likes. but im still only a size 12 so not FAT or anything. but now im freaking out thinking maybe i just dont "do it" for him anymore...
i have spoke to him about this and he told me not to be silly, but stil after discussing this, things havent changed... im worried that he has gone off me or has got bored with everything..

Is this normal for a long term relationship- like for the s*x to slacken off or should i be worried?

jim o doom

In my own experience, it goes through trends; myself and my fiancee (we're going out like 7 years now) used to get frisky on an ridiculously regular basis when we started off, then for a while it was only once a week or so, then it picked up again etc etc..
It's kind of hard to know for sure with out knowing the circumstances surrounding the situation - if there have been life changes recently, like loss of someone close that can cause some depression which will affect the libido, or myself; if I am training a lot, I do be tired in the evenings, which can affect it as well - so too can a very busy job..
You could try initiating "procedings" yourself more regularily - most men won't turn down a lady who is in the mood to have fun if she is forthcoming about it at the time

shellie11

Thanks Jim, yes he has soccer training twice a week, so i dont see him them nights because he is always too tired. and at the weekend we are always with friends now so dont have much time alone...

LegacyUser

After 4 years and at your age, would you two consider getting an apartment? 850 a month isn't too bad when its split between two.

Although i don't know what your employment situations are so..

0utpost31

Putting on extra weight is one of the reasons I ended it with my ex girl. Didn't want to have sex with a chubby girl.

beth-lou

0utpost31 wrote: »

Putting on extra weight is one of the reasons I ended it with my ex girl. Didn't want to have sex with a chubby girl.

Thank god for her that you did. She had a lucky escape. :rolleyes:

beth-lou

OP, it's very normal to have a lull. It is very natural and happens in all relationships. The fact that you both live at homeis hindering your development though. If he says everything is fine then believe him. And size 12 is by no means over weight. I'm 13 years with my OH and in that time we have been up and down (pardon the pun) many times. How about heading off for a weekend, just the two of you to put the fire back in it?

jim o doom

beth-lou wrote: »

OP, it's very normal to have a lull. It is very natural and happens in all relationships. The fact that you both live at homeis hindering your development though. If he says everything is fine then believe him. And size 12 is by no means over weight. I'm 13 years with my OH and in that time we have been up and down (pardon the pun) many times. How about heading off for a weekend, just the two of you to put the fire back in it?

I agree with beth-lou entirely, also my girlfriend is a size 12 & we generally have an excellent love life - size 12 is not fat!
The fact that we are renting together and sleeping in the same bed every night is much more conducive to an active sex life - living at home must make it nigh impossible..

kayos

Every relationship, as said by other posters, can go through this and its not something you should take as your partner has lost interest being the soul reason. There are many outside factors that can affect a person’s sex drive such as medication and stress in ones life (is your partner under stress in work or family life?). Seeing as you two don’t live together this will make any outside factor probably worse as you have limited opportunity to have a healthy and regular love life. There are a number of things you could try but it really is down to both of you to want to try them and to pick what might work best for you guys.

One thing you guys could try would be to devote a night a week to just the two of you, while friends are important your relationship is more so. When I say devote a night to the two of you this could mean a nice meal (home cooked or eat out) a bath together and then lock yourselves away into what ever room you want. Make it special by actually doing up the room a bit, clean it up, have some nice candles/incense burning, soft lighting and if you fancy so music to get you in the mood. Have some massage oils to hand and any other bits and bobs you fancy. Then just enjoy each other!

If it’s a case of you have the opportunity but feel your love life has grown stale well then a trip to your local book shop or Amazon might be in order. There are plenty of books out there to help couples rediscover each other and rekindle their love life. The pocket guide to 1001 positions might be fun but there are much better books out there that deal with things at a deeper level and help both partners to become better lovers. So go for something where you can read the articles rather than look at the pictures. A book on Tantra might be of interest to you both or you might find it a bit to away with the fairies, but plenty of people practice it and sing its praises….

An active and healthy sex life sometimes requires a bit of work. Wanting it and working to have it are two different things.

Oh on the size thing 12 is far from fat, modern media and the way they put forward the idea that a stick thin figure for woman as the ideal is crazy. Dam you Twiggy dam you to hell! Not only are they promoting an unhealthy wieght which leads to some people developing eating disorders they dont even show the real model! How many photos do you think they take to get that one photo they will then air brush to hell before they publish it?

Dudess

Nobody said anything about size 12 being fat, but the OP says she has put on a little weight. Shellie, maybe that's not making any difference whatsoever to your boyfriend, but then again, maybe it is. There is nothing wrong with feeling less attracted to someone if they put on weight - if that's how a person feels, that's how they feel. I know you're not fat, but that doesn't mean the bit of extra weight hasn't made a slight difference to your appearance.

But then again, maybe he hasn't even noticed (there tends to be the assumption that guys are vultures for spotting weight gain - in general, I think that seems to be something more noticed by women). However, if you feel a little self conscious about the weight you've gained (small and all as it is) that could be projecting outwards, which might be affecting your personality. So maybe consider taking up regular exercise? E.g. attending dance classes, aerobics. This would do wonders for your sense of well-being and self-esteem, and it will firm up any slightly wobbly bits that might be making you feel self-conscious...

AARRRGH

It could be a couple of things.

I think, in general, people have less sex with each other the longer they are together. Or at least, the 10 times per day at the start of the relationship gradually reduces to a more "normal" frequency.

It's possible his sex drive isn't as strong as it used to be.

Does he initiate sex or do you?

newestUser

beth-lou wrote: »

Thank god for her that you did. She had a lucky escape. :rolleyes:

Go on to Ladies Lounge any day of the week and you'll see women saying they could never go out with a man who was shorter than they were.

I wouldn't have sex with a short person. I wouldn't have sex with a fat person. Potato potatoe in moral terms.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Rhinocharge

Sounds like ye both need a weekend away. Doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, could be spend 2-3 nights in a B&B.
The love life does slacken after awhile thats the norm ( even rabbits take a break ). Not living together doesn't help, all couples need alone time & the sleeping arrangements don't seem ideal!!
All couples go through this, it's perfectly normal.

MagicMarker

So, you don't see each other and you don't have sex...

You don't have a relationship, what's happening to you happens to most people your age who have been in a relationship for so long. You're growing apart, you're bored of each other but you're too comfortable in the situation to break up.

The lack of sex is just part of a larger issue.

Oshare Bones

MagicMarker wrote: »

So, you don't see each other and you don't have sex...

You don't have a relationship, what's happening to you happens to most people your age who have been in a relationship for so long. You're growing apart, you're bored of each other but you're too comfortable in the situation to break up.

The lack of sex is just part of a larger issue.

What is the solution though?

Wibbs

If that is the case, then find out what's actually wrong. Reflect on it and figure out if it can be changed, or even figure out if the effort of change is worth it.

0utpost31

beth-lou wrote: »

Thank god for her that you did. She had a lucky escape. :rolleyes:

Can you read at all? I said it was one of the reasons. There were many more. Anyways what's wrong with not liking fat girls? Are you fat by any chance? Did I offend you?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Lose some fat & tone up. It's true you're going to have less sex as time goes on but how good sex is tends to be proportional to how sexually attracted you are to the person.

I don't think he's going to dump you over being a size 12 but if he's anything like me he's going to enjoy the sex a lot more if you're in better shape

sweet-rasmus

I think you are stressing over nothing.

I would wonder whether you are thinking this because you perhaps (without knowing for sure) have had enough of this relationship?

hippiechickie

This post has been deleted.

bangersandmash

0utpost31 wrote: »

Can you read at all? I said it was one of the reasons. There were many more. Anyways what's wrong with not liking fat girls? Are you fat by any chance? Did I offend you?

That's well and good, except that your own preferences aren't too relevant as the OP is not actually fat.

While most people are predictably focusing on the OP's small weight gain, there are some far more obvious issues here. Assuming you're both around the same age, you've been dating since around the time you were both in secondary school. From my experience, it's a pretty young age to start a serious relationship. Many people's personalities can change dramatically between between the ages of 18-22. Putting sex aside for the moment, have the two of you drifted apart in other ways? Relationships often go through phases of sexual activity, so it's possible that things improve without any major change. But it can also be a sign that there's something more serious wrong in the relationship. Is everything else the same between the two of you, or have other aspect of your relationship changed?

The fact that you will both be living at home for the foreseeable future could be part of the problem. While women are traditionally stereotyped as being the ones who look for commitment, it's possible that your boyfriend is wondering where exactly the relationship is going. It sounds like you need to have a serious discussion about where things are headed. Hopefully you might find out what, if any, underlying problem your boyfriend has with your relationship.