The irony of life

gedas

Hi all,
I've posted here about a month ago, but now I am going registered. Sorry if this is going to be too long.
Basically my girlfriend and I broke up a month ago. Been together for 5 and a half years. Last year we bought an apartment, and decided to rent one of the rooms to a fella. Now there was a lot of drinking involved, basically him and her. Of course I would get mad, but I am not an angry person, so I would it silently. Anyway, one thing let another. I don't want such life, I wanted a proper family. I don't really like my job, but it pays the bills. I have to work weekends, so our social life definitely suffered. I also wanted to save money, so that we could go on a nice holiday in October. But she wanted something else.
Anyway, I didn't take this breakup very well. Sometimes it felt like my heart is going to burst. It still does sometimes. So I decided to go to London to visit my sister and to clear my mind a little bit. Also bought her a little present, and thought that maybe we could sit down and work the whole thing through.
So I come back, and guess what? I find out that she's gone to Venice with that same fella who rented the room off us!!! After a month? How bad I am supposed to be to deserve this???
I am still shocked I think, because I want to laugh hysterically. But I am afraid that when it sinks in, I will be f***ed.....
Sorry, just had to get it off my chest....

Overheal

That definitely sucks bro. But I don't think you did yourself any favors by breaking up with her. If you still want her back you'll have to be able to get over this Venice situation. She was a single woman with a single guy and they both went on vacation. If you can't do that, you have to forget about her.

But like I said, you can also forget her. You've identified some things in your life situation you aren't happy with: the living situation, the job situation. You can use this as an opportunity to seek out a change. Whether that change involves your one or not, is entirely up to the pair of you though.

Beetlebum

Hey,

I was in a similar situation myself a while back. My boyfriend broke up with me on a Friday evening and spent
the reminder of the weekend with another girl. I only found out cause his brother called me wondering why he
hadn't been home for dinner on Sunday as it was Fathers day.

I know it's tough but the way I got through it was by reminding myself that technically he did nothing wrong. He
was a single guy who met a girl in a bar and they hooked up. They ended up going out for about 3 months until
it fizzled out and he came running back saying she was nothing compared to me, it was a rebound etc. Typical!

Ask yourself the following questions:

1) Am I in love with this girl?
2) Am I willing to fight for this girl and risk things falling apart again?
3) Am I able to forgive this girl for betraying me? (I get the impression you feel betrayed, I know I did).
4) Will I be able to trust this girl again?

You might be better off walking away. It sounds like you were quite incompatible, especially towards the end.

Long shot, but maybe they're just friends. Maybe she was upset by the break up and needed a break away and he went
with her as a friend?? Maybe that's naive thinking though.

not yet

Sit down in a calm place and ask yourself this......

looking on from the outside assuming you did not know her what would you think. What advice would you give the guy (you). Emotions can be a very strange thing, been there done that learned the lesson. try as much as you can to put aside your emotions and look at the situation coldly....

good luck.

Gyalist

If I were in your position, I would be taking proactive steps to safeguard my assets before they return. Go see a solicitor as a matter of urgency. This is not a time for reconciliation it is a time for war.

brianthebard

Are ye still living together op? If so get the **** out of there and move on. And if you're not then don't bother with her any more, it'll only mess with your head.

jim o doom

That sounds like some seriously unpleasant heartbreak (
Personally, down the years if I have ever broken up with someone, I have never gotten back with them again, because in a lot of cases history just repeats itself, and the reasons for breaking up re-occur and you end up with nothing but more pain and heartbreak (you know those make up break up couples that there is more drama than anything else) - and even when it's not as extreme as those couples, there is always a chance of it happening againg - just so this doesn't sound like totally retarded advice I am now engaged and with my girl 7 years - but I got lucky
I reckon clear out of there and never look back. the pain will go eventually..

Irishcrx

That's rough mate, would be on anybody. If she done that then she obviously has no respect for you, don't let her walk on you and walk away. Did you suspect anything going on between them while you guy's were still going out?

marti101

He broke up with her technically she was a free women,its not as if she cheated[that we know of].OP what did you expect for her to be sitting there crying her eyes out and waiting for you to come home.You went to London to clear your head maybe she had to get away to clear hers.

Aurora Borealis

Is it not possible that it is platonic and that she needed some room to breathe herself a la your trip to London and he went with her as a mate..

I know directly after a break up/break I had I needed to be in male company. I suppose to analyze it I needed some male validation or something. But whatever it was, romance was nowhere near on the cards.

Don't know your ex but I know things could have been interpreted that way in my case and it would have been very far from the truth.

Ask before you jump to conclusions.

That said there are those who do need to jump into another relationship to get over someone. It's hard but if that's what it is just look at it like that and not as a vilification of what you had together.

Not easy I know. I've been dealt that card but people are complicated and react in all sorts of different ways and you just need to concentrate on your own coping mechanisms.

Wagon

She's on the rebound, it looks a lot like that and it'll probably end in tears. Get out of there and cut contact before she comes crying to you. Do not go back to her though, the reasons that you two broke up will resurface. It's a **** buzz, but she obviously only thinks of herself. Leave it.

Gyalist

I don't understand why so many are advising the OP to get out when he clearly states in the opening post that:

Last year we bought an apartment, and decided to rent one of the rooms to a fella.

OP, you need legal advice to secure your interest in the apartment. Who pays the mortgage?

Rhinocharge

gedas wrote: »

my girlfriend and I broke up a month ago. Been together for 5 and a half years. Last year we bought an apartment, and decided to rent one of the rooms to a fella.

Anyway, I didn't take this breakup very well.
So I come back, and guess what? I find out that she's gone to Venice with that same fella who rented the room off us!!! After a month? How bad I am supposed to be to deserve this???
I am still shocked I think, because I want to laugh hysterically. But I am afraid that when it sinks in, I will be f***ed.....
Sorry, just had to get it off my chest....

Firstly: seek legal guidance with reference to the apartment.
Secondly: How long has the fella rented from you & what contract do you have with him?
Thirdly: Which one of you decided on the split?
Lastly: Laugh, your emotions are probably swinging from anger to denial & back again. Don't do anything rash. Invite your friends over, you'll probably need the support of your mates. You need time to cool down & think things out logically.

Been there & I know how it feels.

vorbis

That really sucks man. I know people will say that she's single and all of that. They're right but its still pretty nasty to shack up with the roommate!! As for it being platonic, they're gone by themselves to Venice ffs. The strong likelihood is that there was something going on there while you two were still going out. Get a lawyer asap regarding the apartment.

The_Minister

Did you see the episode of Friends where Ross and Rachael break up, and Ross sleeps with someone else?

Who did you think was right, Ross or Rachael?

Wagon

The_Minister wrote: »

Did you see the episode of Friends where Ross and Rachael break up, and Ross sleeps with someone else?

Who did you think was right, Ross or Rachael?

Neither. They're both idiots.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

gedas

Thanks for your replies.
Now, where do I begin....First off, the breakup was kind of mutual, because I was definitely tired of her drinking, but it was instigated by her. And I still think that we CAN solve everything, and all she is doing now is running away. Perhaps that's why it hurts, our relationship is being robbed of the chance to be strengthened or rebuilt. I am prepared to get counseling, because I know I wasn't perfect either. Anyway, she immediately moved out to her mom and dad's. Well, not really. There's still lots of her stuff in the gaff, like clothes, books, perfumes and so on. But she did take our Lab.
I still love her. She ran away once about three years ago, but came back for some reason. I really honestly don't know what was her reason, but I was glad of course. And I forgave her. Through the years I've learned I can forgive. I would forgive her now and I would learn to trust her again.
I know I am not perfect, I've made mistakes. I've never cheated on her, never hurt her, never insulted her, even though I had to take on her drunken insults, but there were problems which I could've solved differently.
I did suspect that there was something going on between them. I've asked her a couple of times in the past, but she assured me that there's nothing going on, just friends. I BELIEVED her!!! How foolish of me! Even after the breakup she CONVINCED me that she's not with him.
I found about this whole Venice thing from her mom. I had to beg her to tell me what the ***** is going on, because I know that she was trying to protect me from more pain. Her parents love me, I know, and I definitely don't want to lose them. I consider them my family as well. From what I gather they are shocked as well. After only ONE month she's running wild!!!
And I know for sure that HE paid for this ***** holiday. She has no money at all. I paid for mortgage from my account, and we lived off her account. He paid only 300 per month, compared to our 1000, and we don't earn that much. So of course he can afford this.
I've never had any breakups before, she's my first woman tbh, but I really wanted this to be as dignified as possible, and now I feel humiliated, a mat, a joker.
As regards to the apartment, I really don't know what to do. There was no contract between us and that fella, and the both of us are the co-owners. But I will talk to our solicitor.
Sorry for a long post and for not being quite coherent. And I THANK YOU ALL.

Rhinocharge

Gedas,

Best of luck. I'd recommend having a mixed group of friends in the house when they return. That fella will be back to the apartment & you'll need the emotional support ( witnesses )when you give him his notice.

gedas

He's already gone out of here. And unfortunately, I don't really have too many friends. She really didn't need any, she wanted to be just the two of us, so I've learned not to need friends, even though when we started going out I had a great group of mates. Having said that, I've become friendly with our neighbours, whom she never liked, but they are great emotional support. And I am also going to visit her brother and his wife, who, ironically, are great emotional support for me as well. And her parents support me as well. So, thankfully, I am not alone. And, yes, the boards as well.

pookie82

Wow. That is unbelievably harsh. No one deserves that.

Despite how cold it sounds in the midst of your emotional pain right now my advice would be to sort out the division of the apartment immediately. You can't afford to let your finances be screwed over as well as your heart.

You speak of wanting to get back with her but it sounds as if she's a bit out of control. You mention her "running away" before - in what context? Just upping and leaving you? Disappearing without a trace and turning up again down the line to work things out?

You also mention her alcohol problem as being an issue in the break up. Depending on how chronic that is I think you'd need to consider long and hard whether it's best for you to shack up with a woman for life who goes on the razz as much as you indicate and places it above your relationship in importance. She would have to take a long look at her problem and go about addressing that before you should even consider going back.

My guess is that things got bad between you and she turned to this "fun" other guy you were apartment sharing with who went on the piss with her all the time. Maybe she talked to him a lot about your problems over the drinks and developed some sort of bond. I can't imagine he's too nice a fella though considering he moved in with a couple and slowly poached your girlfriend. Maybe it's platonic and she needed to get away but sounds to me like there's something going on there.

I don't think that the fact you guys were broken up means you can't be hurt or blame her for going of with this guy to Venice. Sounds to me like there's something going on and if there is it was more than likely blossoming (if not already active) under your own roof.

Have you spoken to her at all to get her side of the story or are you just still in shock? I feel for you but it sounds like running back to fix things may not be the answer just now. Take some time to assess how much you want someone in your life who places drinking before your time together and who runs off with the housemate as soon as you guys are over. Maybe she's on the rebound etc but she's picked someone a bit too close to home.

make sure you sort out the apartment first though. You need to take care of your assets. I hope you come through it ok.

gedas

Thanks again for replies.
She ran away before for another man. But she didn't go far as she had nowhere to go. She basically moved out to another room of the house we were renting with a bunch of other guys at the time. But as I said she came back, which, especially now, is a mystery to me why.
She said she never talked to him about our relationship. I don't really know now whether I should believe her or not. She also said that she wants to break up because she wants to be alone, because she was never happy with me. But how can you live with a person for over 5 years and not be happy? Her sister in law told me yesterday that while talking to her about a year ago she said that she can't even imagine living without me or with another man. And right after the break up she told me that I was her best lover, as in not a selfish one. Now how the hell does that supposed to make me feel? Yes, I did love to pleasure her even without getting anything in return.
I understand her need to socialize. I also understand that people like to relax with a pint, a glass of wine, or a Jameson. But I also think that there are limits. You can't do that every day. And yes, he was her drinking partner. Till 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning. Any day. And she kind of blamed me for that. And if I tried to confront her, she would either tell me to f... off or say "go and find somebody who doesn't drink...I don't know anything anymore.
And we took that fella with us because was I sorry for him. He was also heartbroken, had no friends, had nowhere to live. And I would also invite him to join us to wherever we went to because I pitied him for he was lonely. And now I get sh1t in the face.
I think I am a decent, responsible guy. I have never lost interest in her, always told her how pretty she is, how sexy she is, told her I loved her 100 times a day, always showed affection, because she taught me to do that. I've never said anything bad to anyone about her.
And in the midst of this whole circus I still want her back, I miss her, I am not capable of hating her. Am I a moron or what? I just want to wake up from this ****** nightmare.

Rhinocharge

I know this may sound harsh, but you're lucky to have found out now what she is really like. She's running from reality by the sounds of it. ( other men, the drink ) People tend to blame others when there is a break up. It's easier to blame you than to take responsibility for her sh*tty actions. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

I reckon everyone has been in this type of situation at some stage. You'll survive the process. Yes it's painful & numbing & you probably haven't started to grieve properly yet. It's like when someone dies, but you know their still there.

Some free advice go talk to your Gp. Take some time off & sort out your assets. Change the locks, you don't want to come home some evening & find yourself locked out. It may sound callous but it's what's best for you at this point in time.

Stay away from her family. It won't be appreciated after a while. You need to get out & move in other circles. Work, gym, even family.

If she really loved you, she would of had the decency to talk to you face to face, not run again. You're her doormat. She know's this as you have forgiven her before for her indiscretions. A leopard can't change it's spots.

Try to forget the pain & move on with your life. Talk to your Gp, he'll listen as well as advise. You're overly stressed & you will need someone independant to talk too, whom also cares about your mental health state.

Keep thinking positive & for the moment, look out for number 1 ( YOU ).

Aurora Borealis

Gedas all I can say to you is your heartbreak will lessen and this will get easier and just think how happy you'll be when you meet someone else who is in a position emotionally to give your relationship everything you can. Someone who will not walk away without trying every last thing to smooth the way for a future for you both together. Ultimately she has lost out more because she has lost someone who is willing to try anything to salvage your love together and there'll come a time when she realises how much it means to be loved almost unconditionally. This woman is not currently capable of true love. You are and that's why it hurts so much but in the long run you OP are in a much more covetable position and will realise that when you meet someone who is ready for the same thing you are and can give it freely.

I really mean this OP and it's taken a long time for me personally to come to this conclusion.

Take care of yourself and your heart.


A.B.

not yet

Rhinocharge wrote: »

I know this may sound harsh, but you're lucky to have found out now what she is really like. She's running from reality by the sounds of it. ( other men, the drink ) People tend to blame others when there is a break up. It's easier to blame you than to take responsibility for her sh*tty actions. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

I reckon everyone has been in this type of situation at some stage. You'll survive the process. Yes it's painful & numbing & you probably haven't started to grieve properly yet. It's like when someone dies, but you know their still there.

Some free advice go talk to your Gp. Take some time off & sort out your assets. Change the locks, you don't want to come home some evening & find yourself locked out. It may sound callous but it's what's best for you at this point in time.

Stay away from her family. It won't be appreciated after a while. You need to get out & move in other circles. Work, gym, even family.

If she really loved you, she would of had the decency to talk to you face to face, not run again. You're her doormat. She know's this as you have forgiven her before for her indiscretions. A leopard can't change it's spots.

Try to forget the pain & move on with your life. Talk to your Gp, he'll listen as well as advise. You're overly stressed & you will need someone independant to talk too, whom also cares about your mental health state.

Keep thinking positive & for the moment, look out for number 1 ( YOU ).

Please take this advice........I split from my ex wife 4 years ago and the best thing I done was shut down all contact, if you let this woman she will wreck your head with, oh I dont know what came over me (no pun intented) I love you, your the one, I'm so sorry etc etc. she has proved she has no interest in how you feel or what you want,let her go and think positive. best of luck.

Tak3n

Im in a similar situation at the moment with my ex... we broke up because i was treating her like **** basically and she went off with another guy 4 hours after we broke up and is still together with him now...

Now im heartbroken and its all my fault.. Whats worse is she is stringing me along telling me how she doesn't know who to pick me or him.


The biggest issue for me is knowing that shes had sex with another guy since me and anytime i look at her i imagine this.

What ive found to help is a hobbie to take your mind off her - for me this is getting stoned and playing computer games - not very productive but it does the job nicely

gedas

Thanks again,

I know that she didn't mean to hurt me by going to that ****ing Venice. I am not mad at her and I don't hate her for doing that. Her parents are saying that she's trying to burn the bridges. I know she's back but I haven't called her yet because I don't have anything to say to her. And even if I call, I am afraid I will break down again and ask her to come back. I am 29 and she is my first woman and I just BELIEVE that she is the ONE, and that's why I don't want this to end so easy. And I am probably neglecting this whole situation because she did tell me that she doesn't think that we're going in the same direction.

I have an appointment with a councilor tomorrow. Also I hope to speak to the solicitor about the apartment. I've started doing some charity work. I am even planning to go church to make peace with God. I am trying to stay away from alcohol and drugs, so I can fight a sober battle with myself. I am doing this for myself, yes, because I don't like the way I am. I have to fight my demons. But also I'm doing this so that she could see that I CAN be different and that I CAN be the man she wants. Because I still think that this breakup is all MY fault.

****ing hell, I would have never imagined that this is going to be so hard...
Thanks again for your replies and advice.

Wibbs

Tak3n wrote: »

Im in a similar situation at the moment with my ex... we broke up because i was treating her like **** basically and she went off with another guy 4 hours after we broke up and is still together with him now...

Then she was with him or at least thinking very strongly about him well before you broke up officially.

Now im heartbroken and its all my fault..

It's partially your fault. Its also partially hers too. It takes two to tango. I've seen men and women who loved each other go through very tough times and still get through it. If there was no violence involved or psychological violence of course.

Whats worse is she is stringing me along telling me how she doesn't know who to pick me or him.

Walk away. If she's pulling the torn between two malarky the only way to get any closure is to make the decision for her., because she won't. Why should she? She gets the best of both. You as emotional support and familiarity, him for excitement, novelty and nookie. This is an all too common one. If you keep hanging around you'll actually help the new guy, by supporting her until he knows enough to do so. If you walk now, early on she'll likely panic and consider her decision. That's a tad devious though and will blow up in your face, basically because there's no point in trying again if the same stuff will happen again that broke you up.

The biggest issue for me is knowing that shes had sex with another guy since me and anytime i look at her i imagine this.

She's presumably had sex with guys before you so although it's a pain at the moment if you can't see past that then there's little chance of reconciliation working.

What ive found to help is a hobbie to take your mind off her - for me this is getting stoned and playing computer games - not very productive but it does the job nicely

Not sure of the methods employed but yes I think doing other stuff and taking this time to rebuild yourself is a good plan.

Amazotheamazing

gedas wrote: »

Thanks again,

I know that she didn't mean to hurt me by going to that ****ing Venice. I am not mad at her and I don't hate her for doing that. Her parents are saying that she's trying to burn the bridges. I know she's back but I haven't called her yet because I don't have anything to say to her. And even if I call, I am afraid I will break down again and ask her to come back. I am 29 and she is my first woman and I just BELIEVE that she is the ONE, and that's why I don't want this to end so easy. And I am probably neglecting this whole situation because she did tell me that she doesn't think that we're going in the same direction.

I have an appointment with a councilor tomorrow. Also I hope to speak to the solicitor about the apartment. I've started doing some charity work. I am even planning to go church to make peace with God. I am trying to stay away from alcohol and drugs, so I can fight a sober battle with myself. I am doing this for myself, yes, because I don't like the way I am. I have to fight my demons. But also I'm doing this so that she could see that I CAN be different and that I CAN be the man she wants. Because I still think that this breakup is all MY fault.

****ing hell, I would have never imagined that this is going to be so hard...
Thanks again for your replies and advice.

Dude, your future is not with this girl. She's not perfect, and ultimately she's not worth the grief you're going through. It's going to take sometime to accept this, but your a young guy, you'll get through.

I echo what was said above, cut contact with her and her family. In the end, they will always go with her.

the_syco

gedas wrote: »

I know that she didn't mean to hurt me by going to that ****ing Venice.

Dude, you sound like a doormat, always forgiving her, etc, etc. Get rid of her, get rid of the apartment (or you'll keep remembering her), and move into a house full of lads.

=-=

As for the other dude, I think he had no friends, as he has probably done this (rob the gf) before. People like that don't have friends very long.

=-=

As for the mates of long ago, join bebo, and look them up. The ex sounds a bit like a control freak: telling you what to tell her, telling you to have no friends, and all the other bullsh|t. You move away from that, hook up the lads, and you'll start to enjoy life.

Oh, and cos you'll have less bills, look for a more enjoyable job, and start to enjoy life.

davyjose

the_syco wrote: »

Dude, you sound like a doormat, always forgiving her, etc, etc. Get rid of her, get rid of the apartment (or you'll keep remembering her), and move into a house full of lads.

=-=

As for the other dude, I think he had no friends, as he has probably done this (rob the gf) before. People like that don't have friends very long.

=-=

As for the mates of long ago, join bebo, and look them up. The ex sounds a bit like a control freak: telling you what to tell her, telling you to have no friends, and all the other bullsh|t. You move away from that, hook up the lads, and you'll start to enjoy life.

Oh, and cos you'll have less bills, look for a more enjoyable job, and start to enjoy life.

Agree with all of this. You are cuckolding yourself by even considering the option of forgiveness, and of taking her back.

You seem to be unwilling to get angry, but anger is a true emotion, and if you can't get angry over this, then you're not dealing with it properly IMO. What she did is despicable, and she has treated you with utter disrespect, and borderline hatred TBH. Maybe you should take a leaf out of her book.

But she is NOT the one - she's all you know, that's the reason you believe that. People like her don't have a "one", they have crappy ill-adviced deceitful relationships. You seem like a nice guy (too nice?) sell the apartment and go find a nice honest girl who will respect and care for you. You don't need to settle like a tramp who runs off with your lodger.

Sorry for the harshness, but a bucket of cold water is needed right now man.

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

late reply but only read this thread now,

thats horrible what happened to you, but no point in blaming yourself, unless you abused her to the point of going off with another guy it really wasn't your fault

the best feeling in the world is the feeling you get the day you think about her and you realise you don't love her

muppetkiller

I think you need to think out side the box here.. Would you have any respect for a male friend who was treated like you have been ?
She's done this before , she's now done it again...what does Mr Bush say..Fool me once shame on me , Fool me twice....err you'll never fool me again.
Seriously change locks and delete this person from your life or you'll find yourself married to her and the cycle will keep repeating again and again.
She's bad news end of story.

gedas

Thanks for late replies:)
Anyway, I've decided to move out of the country because Ireland is too small for I'll be always checking on her. Just about to book a ticket to London.
It's all pretty pathetic. Or to be honest, I am pretty pathetic. For the past 2 months I've been crying, blaming myself, imagining how everything could be different, asking her to come back. I just can't let her go. I'm not even sure if it's love, or perhaps I am just being a selfish a$$hole. I don't know anymore. Got drunk with her last night, nothing got sorted. I still want her back, she wants to be left alone. So, I suppose, if I love her, I should leave her alone. She says she needs 6 months to think things through. What happens then, nobody knows.
She also says she wants to remain friends, but I don't want that. So, as soon as leave Ireland, I've decided not to contact her.
She has so many regrets about our relationship, it's bloody scary. If you heard her talking about it, you'd think I am the biggest prick in the world. And I know I've made mistakes, but she just can't forget. And no, I've never abused her. It's all so scary.
Thanks guys.

IRISH RAIL

gedas i think she has turned a lot of her problems into you thinking its your fault, have you sorted the apartment out yet? best get the formalities out of the way. then if london is your thing go for it. best of luck sounds like she wants to have some fun then in 6 months come running back to you. best be rid of her and meet someone worth your time

Marksie

gedas wrote: »

Thanks for late replies:)
Anyway, I've decided to move out of the country because Ireland is too small for I'll be always checking on her. Just about to book a ticket to London.
It's all pretty pathetic. Or to be honest, I am pretty pathetic. For the past 2 months I've been crying, blaming myself, imagining how everything could be different, asking her to come back. I just can't let her go. I'm not even sure if it's love, or perhaps I am just being a selfish a$$hole. I don't know anymore. Got drunk with her last night, nothing got sorted. I still want her back, she wants to be left alone. So, I suppose, if I love her, I should leave her alone. She says she needs 6 months to think things through. What happens then, nobody knows.
She also says she wants to remain friends, but I don't want that. So, as soon as leave Ireland, I've decided not to contact her.
She has so many regrets about our relationship, it's bloody scary. If you heard her talking about it, you'd think I am the biggest prick in the world. And I know I've made mistakes, but she just can't forget. And no, I've never abused her. It's all so scary.
Thanks guys.

Were you planning to leave anyway?

If you weren't that is one hell of an overreaction and smacks of the ultimate in self pity.

TBH ireland isnt the size of a postage stamp you know and time will sort it out.
If you don't want contact fair enough, but you are running away essentially.
It may seem like a solution but it isn't.

Face up to it and toughen up, you were used and are coming across as someone who will always find themselves in such a situation unless you learn to be more balanced.
its an miportant lesson in life and learning how you both handle these situations and how you continued to facilitate them when it was obvious it was gonig to happen again