Problems adjusting to college

LegacyUser

I've just started college this week. I really wanted to go to a different college but my parents pressured me into not going cos it is an IT so I ended up going to this university instead. The problem is I know absolutely no one here. I know there's a lot of people in the same boat in that respect but most seem to be getting along far better than me.

One of the problems is that everyone I seem to get along with lives in a student village that is nowhere near mine or lives off campus. All the other people in my house are from the same area and know each other very well so it's very hard to try make friends with them since they're so cliquey. I also dont have much in common with any of them.

I'm miserable here. I know there's student support services forthis but I'd feel really embarassed having to use them. On top of it all I miss my family and my boyfriend. It kinda sucks for me at the moment. Cos I have no friends in my village I cant go anywhere at night because it's too dangerous to be on my own. The streetlights are so dim and theres a lot of trees blocking the path from people's view. I end up crying myself to sleep most nights and am considering dropping out (also cos my course is not really what I thought it would be).

I'm sorry for whinging on and sounding pathetic but it's just I've no one to talk to here. I'm just stuck in my room kinda lonely.

So does anyone have any advice apart from the usual "get stuck in" stuff they tell you the whole time as a first year.

invincibleirish

I think i know the college in question, after a while you'll make friends with the people your living with and/or get to know others in the village, you dont meet everyone you know in college after a week or two.

Remember you are not the only one who is away from home and those they know, most will be feeling a similar level of nervousness/shyness as you are.

As for the security issue, when you get stuck into things you'll get groups of people who'll be heading the same direction you are and plenty who'll walk you to the door.

I guess its only freshers week/week 0 where you are relax late nights of partying will be along sooner rather then later!.

MagicMarker

invincibleirish wrote: »

I think i know the college in question, after a while you'll make friends with the people your living with and/or get to know others in the village, you dont meet everyone you know in college after a week or two.

Remember you are not the only one who is away from home and those they know, most will be feeling a similar level of nervousness/shyness as you are.

As for the security issue, when you get stuck into things you'll get groups of people who'll be heading the same direction you are and plenty who'll walk you to the door.

I guess its only freshers week/week 0 where you are relax late nights of partying will be along sooner rather then later!.

Eh, it's been a week like....

Give it time, if you fail to make friends it's because you allow yourself to be in that position, don't cry about it, do something about it.

It is a massive change, honestly most freshers are feeling like you right not.
Why don't you have a look out on your Uni's forum for a meet.
If there isn't one organised start one.
Clubs are also a really good way to meet people.

Dudess

anonanon wrote: »

I really wanted to go to a different college but my parents pressured me into not going cos it is an IT so I ended up going to this university instead.

That's enough for me. You shouldn't be there, you should be at that IT. If there's a possibility of a transfer, look into it now. It's very early yet, I'm surprised third level has already started. Where are you based?

Your parents have no right to force you to go to university when they're not the ones who have to live your life. An education at an IT is just as good, and better in some cases.

If it's not possible to change, try and stick out the year but go for that other college next year. If the course you're in now is relevant to the one you really want to do, you might get some exemptions. If you're really miserable, try to get onto a PLC course in something relevant. But never be unhappy - it's your life, nobody else's.

Recon

The clubs and societies are great for meeting a few new people who are into similar things to you and you could also try some new stuff yourself. The only people I'm still friendly with from college are people I met through those clubs and societies, rather than people I was in class with.

Your uni should have a day or 2 at the start of the year for them.

peachystarr

Theres not many colleges started back so its pretty easy to guess where you are, when all the other years get started there will be much more of a buzz around. You will make friends,i know you think you wont but you will. If you go in with a negative attitude your prob not gona have fun. Im pretty sure lectures havent started anywhere so give the course a chance, you wont know if you like it or not until you have at least a month done. Dont be so impatient, things dont happen over night, your in college now! Good Luck x

af_thefragile

I got to meet atleast 20 new people at the first day of my college.
You've just gotta put yourself out there and interact.
Soon you'll make a good new friends and have your little group going.


Remember you're not the only one who doesn't know anyone in the college. Everyone is looking to meet new people and make new friends. Use that knowledge to your advantage.

the_syco

No worries dude. It can be a shock to the system, as for the last 18 years, your mates would live nearby, and the people you'd see would live nearby.

Most uni's have a good range of soc's, so once the clubs and soc's day comes, you'll soon meet lots of miserable lost souls like yourself in a group that has the same love of DJing/computers/judo/yada-yada-yada.

My advice: give it a month.

sunnyside

Talk to people in your class before and after lectures.

AngryBadger

Dudess wrote: »

Your parents have no right to force you to go to university when they're not the ones who have to live your life. An education at an IT is just as good, and better in some cases.

Wasn't sure about this, but after some thinking Dudess is right on the money.

More importantly though OP, it is your first week, and moving away to college is a HUGE change. For what it's worth my first week was a complete disaster, but after that things improved rapidly.

I would suggest moving to a different place. You would be safer and feel more comfortable living somewhere else from the sounds of it. Socially you'd be better able to meet other students if you were living with/near them, which would mean you could socialise more, which would mean you'd be out and about living your life instead of stuck at home in a dodgy neighbourhood crying yourself to sleep.

themullet

Hey OP, I know exactly how you feel. I was the same when I first started college. I was a real home bird and missed home for months after I started. I was a really outgoing person but found myself shying away from any personal contact. It does get better though. Give the course a chance. Once you get to know people and get more confident with your surroundings you will feel better about the course. Keep in regular contact with your boyfriend and family and this will keep your spirits up. I wish you every success

RedXIV

I'm with Dudess, an IT doesn't mean you have a lesser degree, in fact, most IT's will prepare you for a specific path and launch you straight into a career as opposed to Arts in a university (no offence to Arts students) which pretty much does nothing for you unless you go on to do a H.Dip. I'm in an IT, which i wouldn't swap for any other place.

I'd look into swapping. better you do it now than waste a year working up the courage to stand up to your parents. After all, it's probably their money thats being pumped into you.

As regards making friends, this isn't easy, and especially in first year when everything is new. 1st tip, smile. all the time. You look happy all the time and people will be drawn to you. They'll want to know you and they'll want to be around you. 2nd, You're a girl, you don't realise how easy it is for you to go up and talk to guys. We love attention from girls because it never happens. so find a guy you like the look of and be confidenent that he's gonna be just delighted to talk back

lastly, i know you don't want to hear it, but remove all your restraints about getting to know people, just talk to everyone and anyone. You'll be suprised how easy going college people are and your undoubtable going to make friends there. It's just a case of initiating contact.

Best of luck

Red

LegacyUser

thanks for all your advice. I really appreciate it. I'm looking into transferring to the IT now because I feel like cos I don't really want to be at this college it's affecting my attitude and making me unsociable and miserable. Everyone else here is making friends cos they'll know they'll be here for the next 4 years but I dont want to be here so I cant really make myself put in the effort.

If I cant transfer now I'll probably try to get into the course next year or worst case scenario I'll move to a different house. Hopefully by next month I won't feel so down.

Therickmachine

anonanon wrote: »

thanks for all your advice. I really appreciate it. I'm looking into transferring to the IT now because I feel like cos I don't really want to be at this college it's affecting my attitude and making me unsociable and miserable. Everyone else here is making friends cos they'll know they'll be here for the next 4 years but I dont want to be here so I cant really make myself put in the effort.

If I cant transfer now I'll probably try to get into the course next year or worst case scenario I'll move to a different house. Hopefully by next month I won't feel so down.

Do that, I am 99% sure I know the college you are talking about. I took it off my list after one look at it!

I went to an IT despite having double the points needed for my degree!! Why? Because I knew it was it was friendly and I really wanted the course!

I was even asked at a job interview "You had 450 points, why didn t you go to Trinity to do your course instead of the IT? I replied because,
I liked the degree I was doing and it doesn t matter to me what people think of IT's . So what???? I got my 1.1 degree and my 450 points in the leaving!
She liked my answer and I got the job:D

I hate all this snobbery from people when it comes to colleges! At the end of the day YOU have to go there not them!

Its the same HETAC degree at the end of it all.
A person walks out with the same qualifictaion from Trinity as one does from an IT!
I don t understand the snobbery about IT's!:mad:

Point do what YOU want to do. Not your parents or career guidance councellor!

Insect Overlord

I thought I was going to have a great time in first year when I started. I got my second CAO choice. I was living at home so there was no costs to worry about, I knew I'd see my old friends whenever they visited and I could still play for my local sports clubs.

Was I happy? As it turned out, no, I was not. I spoke to about three people in my year up until the Christmas break. I joined two societies and one sports team; the first society fixed its meeting hour every week for a period when I had a lecture, the second society was for the college radio which didn't get up and running til February, and the sports team never trained because all 16 of us on the panel were guaranteed to play anyway. I also felt that a particular lecturer was bullying me. So, basically, I had too many problems and nobody close to talk to about them

By the middle of December I was really considering dropping out and I was miserable at home, at college, in town, everywhere. I made myself talk to one of the college counsellors, first for 15 minutes and then for a one hour appointment. Just talking about everything in my head made a huge difference. I started feeling more relaxed, I smiled a bit more, said hi to more people in the lecture halls, little things like that.

By the end of first year I still had made only seven or eight friends, but just knowing those guys makes going into Second Year so much better for me. I regret not getting that help a month earlier. Going into Xmas exams with no motivation nearly cost me the rest of the course as I ended up getting the minumum required results. By the end of second semester I'd brought my grade average up 20%. The change in my frame of mind made a huge difference.

Basically, if you don't get your transfer to the course you want, don't bottle it up. Talk to someone who can help you.

spinandscribble

i don't think this thread should become a ITvs college thread. they both have their benefits. The problem here is the ops lack of drive to find friends. i say this just because you havn't said how you've tried to make friends.
op, did you want to go to the IT just because you had mates going there? thats not the best of reasons, is the course you're doing the one you wanted or a higher level version or just what your parents wanted you to do?
Soon op there will be tutorials and you'll have to talk to others. i didn't make friends my first week but thats what socs and clubs are for. you need to make a effort.

by all means transfer to the IT if the course is better, the same or the one you really want. college is about making friends but first and foremost its about your education.

dudara

OK, I'll be brutally honest here. It's only your first week. What did you expect? A welcoming committee and greeting?

College is a tough transition for everyone. You leave your old friends behind and make new friends. However, while you're doing this, it can feel lonely. Just remember, that unless you're an absolute social pariah, you will end up with friends.

Additionally, don't judge the course on just the first week. It will take a month or so for the lecturers to fully bring you all on board.

BTW, I wouldn't blame your parents for your choice of college. No matter what they said, you still chose to go to this university.

bangersandmash

Hi OP, sorry to hear that you're having a difficult start to college, but I think Dudara and Spinandscribble make some good points. First, let's put aside the whole IT v University thing. Any college can be lonely, no matter how big or small, or what city it's in. It really is all about what you make of it.

If you are unhappy with your choice of course, I can understand. I made the wrong choice first time around, and it took me a long time to admit it. But I realised that it wasn't the college that was the problem, it was the course content and eventually I switched. If you really are sure about changing, then it will be easiest to do so in the next 2 months. If possible, talk to your tutor in your current college, if you've already been assigned one.

But I'm a bit concerned from your post that you seem to be unhappy now mainly because you feel isolated in your current college. Is it the case that your friends from secondary school are all in the IT you mention? Is it closer to home? If these are the real reasons you want to change, then I'd honestly ask you to think again. Choosing a course based on what your friends do is a really bad idea. And from my experience people who stick like glue to their old school friends when they go to college really end up missing out lots of great experiences. I should know, I started off as one of those people :rolleyes:

Your friends and family aren't going always going to be around, and you'll have to make an effort to get to know new people some day. If it's not today in your current college, it'll be in your next college, or it'll be in your in the job you get after your course. I know it can be difficult - it took me months to really make friends on my second time around. I knew nobody at all in the course, and disliked it at the start. But once I got to know people, everything changed.

As Dudara said, it's only been a week. At least give it a little longer before giving up. Some people make friends on the first day, for the rest of us it can take weeks, months or even years. And many courses tend to be pretty vague and boring in the first year, especially at the start. Give it a chance.

And please figure out whether you really want to change course. A question to ask yourself is: If the course you want in the IT was in your current college instead, would you change and would that change be enough to make you happy?

Don't worry, no matter what you choose, things will improve

Dudess

I'm not being smart but I don't really understand why people are advising the OP to give it time etc... She doesn't want to be there and there's another college which she really does want to be in.

Therickmachine

The OP doesn t seem to have wanted to go to this particular college in the first place, which doesn t make for the best of reasons to stay. She may have already made her mind up before she got there.
I can really sympathise with how the OP must be feeling.

If something can be done now, try and change. If not and you really hate it, I d leave maybe work and get in next year to do what you want.

Friends mightn t be the only reason for wanting the IT, you choose the degree you want of course but it may the smaller classes the IT may have that are more attractive to certain people. It can be a closer knit community and that was one of the reasons I knew I would be fine there.

Im heading to uni my self for the masters in the next few years and Im dreading it to be honest. I can t go back to my old IT. But its one year and I know I ll survive it.
3-4 years is a long time to struggle by...

Make some enquiries and take it from there.

amen

long time since I've been to third level but I'm sure its still the same.
College/UNI/ITS are not school. Its up to you to get out and meet people.
Say hi to everyone you meet and get their name if you can. Next time you see them say hi again.

Sounds sad but in first year if I was on the bus and someone sat down beside me and had a student id to same uni I'd start talking to them. Great way to meet ppl.

And you have a big advantage you are a girl. Boys like talking to girls.

As for your class just talk to ppl before and after lectures ask to borrow notes, suggest going to coffee. Everyone is in the same boat as you.

Even if you change to your IT you are going to have the same problems esp if you are late starting as everyone may have already started making friends.

Don't restrict yourself to ppl in your year.

Most parties don't seem to happen till around nov