Your Favourite Comedy Movie line?

red_ice

I was watching dumb and dumber the other night and i completely forgot about the scene when the lads reach aspen and they are out in the cold.

Harry starts choking lloyd, instead of him using his breath to scream out for help, or to tell Harry to stop, instead he screams out "Harry! Your Hands are freezing!" I think thats possibly one of the funniest clips ever!

Another fav clip of mine is in the life of brian when brian is meeting with Ceaser, surrounded by 3 centurions. Brian cant understand him and keeps going "what?". Ceaser give him the "Stwike him centurian wery woughly!". Class!

Nothing beats the "Hands are freezing" line tho, pure quality!

What are yours?

Pigman II

Napoleon Dynamite: Why don't you go eat a decroded piece of crap!

Peyton Manning

My top 10 would probably all come from Dumb and Dumber.....

My favourite:

"I expected the Rocky mountains to be a little rockier than this..."
"Yea....that John Denver's full of ****"

orestes

Brian: You're all individuals!

Crowd: Yes, we're all individuals!

Disembodied voice: I'm not



Classic

Mikeyt086

All of the Anchorman intro had me cracking up ie.

"The human torch was denied a bankloan."

Pretty much anything Will Ferrell says.

Melion

Both from the same movie

"You get me slapped with a fine, you argue with the customers and I have to patch everything up, you get us thrown out of a funeral by violating the corpse, and then to top it off, you ruin my relationship. I mean, what's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?"

"Dante Hicks: I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages, working on my day off, the steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward-assed **** on the planet, I smell like shoe polish, my ex-girlfriend is catatonic after ****ing a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks.
Randal Graves: Thirty-seven."

L31mr0d

First ever comedy line I remember ever splitting my sides to was in dumber and dumber, its not really line but the scene that led up to it.

Lloyd goes off in the dog-van and leaves Harry on the side of the road, then later you see him driving back on this crappy little motor bike and he pulls over

Harry: Where did you find that?
Lloyd: Some kid back in town. Traded the van for it straight up. I can get 70 mpg on this hog.
Harry: Lloyd, when I think you couldn't be any dumber... you go and do something like this... ... and totally redeem yourself!

That whole scene and the one following it on the bike to Aspen has to be my favourite part in any comedy movie I've ever seen

"Just go, man... That's nice and warm." lol

gordon_gekko

your alive harry and your a horible shot , from dumb and dumber when after harry tries to shoot bad guy who is about to shoot lyodd

another fave , i hate illinois nazi,s , john belushi to dan akryodd after being told its illinois nazi,s whos protest is holding up traffic in the blues brothers

Killme00

"Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus"

"Sprechen zie Dick"

shoelaceface

anchorman - want to come to a party in my pants?

stepbrothers- your a cross between fergie and jesus



oh i like will ferrel!

Art Deco

Blazing Saddles

Deputy- 'We've encountered some quicksand up ahead, better send over a team of horses to check it out'.

Sheriff- 'HORSES? WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE NO HORSES YOU DUMMY! Send o'er a couple a n*ggers'

GENIUS!

robby^5

The late great bernie mac from 'Dont be a Menace to Society...'

"I hate you black bastards, you STINK! I hate your black skin. I hate your black pants. I hate black pepper! ... I hate black keys on a piano. I hate my gums, because they black. I hate Whoopi Goldberg's LIPS. I hate the back of Forrest Whittaker's neck. AAH! Most of all, I hate that black-ass Wesley Snipes."

Absolute love that whole scene, his facial expressions get me every time.

Sean Quagmire

'...that girl is a stone faced liar i pulled out of her really early on that one'

Bill Murray talking to reporters in 'Kingpin'

...'when i heard about the lonely mothers outreach programme, i had to get invloved...i couldnt help myself' (says with the smuggest look ever)

another great line from him in that movie

The Bollox

I know a lot of people don't like the film but there are loads of lines in Scary movie that make me really lol.

for example

there are news casters in the school campus reporting on the murder, you hear snippets of what the reporters are saying and eventually it goes to a black reporter "this is x reporting for Black t.v. white folks are dead and we're getting the **** out of here!" and they speed off. it's genious

and of course:
Gail Hailstorm: "so what would be your last words to Drew?"
Shorty: "RUN, BITCH, RUUUUN!!"

My name is Mud

Dont be a menace has some genius lines alright

Ashtray's cellmate: If you hit a man, in time his wounds will heal. If you steal from a man, you can replace what you've stolen. But always cross in the green, never in between. Because the honorable Elijah Muhammed Ali floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. And always remember my brother, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, knick knack, paddy whack, give a dog a bone, two thousand, zero, zero, party, oops! Out of time, my bacon smellin' fine.

And not really a movie line, but the Jeff Daniels crapping scene in D&D gets me every time!

Shacklebolt

Blazing Saddles-

Sherriff: Good day Ma'am and isnt it such lovely weather?
Old Lady: Up yours n1gger!

fluffyVW

From Dodgeball.

Peter La Fleur: Okay, Romeo, let me help you up.
White Goodman: Get off of me, don't you touch me. It is over between us, Kate. Nobody makes me bleed my own blood - nobody!

Dodgeball Chancellor: Captains, shake hands. Let's have a clean match.
Peter La Fleur: I]holds out his hand[/I Good luck, White.
White Goodman: I]reaches to take it, then pulls a psych[/I Cram it up your cramhole, La Fleur!

And from Blades Of Glory

Jimmy: Get out of my face.
Chazz: I'll get inside your face.

Again anything Will Ferrel says is funny!!! :D:D

I can't think of anything more right now!!! I always go blank when I'm trying to think of stuff!!! :rolleyes:

Cadeaus

This is Spinal Tap.


Just gets better every time I watch it. Even the dvd commentary had me in stitches.


What happened to your last drummer?
He choked on vomit.
We never actually found out whose vomit it was though.
Yeah, you can't really dust for vomit.

ShiverinEskimo

Can't believe no one has mentioned Airplane! yet.

"Cream?"
"No, Thanks, I take mine black, just like my men."

And when the two black dudes are talkin Jive and the subtitles underneath are translating. One of them finishes a sentence with "Shhhhiiiiitttt" and the subtitle says "Golly."

Or "that was before I discovered my drinking problem" and he pours his drink in his eye.

Classics throughout that movie.

Kiith

Airplane was the first thing i thought when i saw the title thread. Brilliant.

First Jive Passenger: **** man, that honky mus' be messin' my old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head. You know?
Second Jive Passenger: Hey home, I can dig it. You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you man.
First Jive Passenger: I say hey sky, s'other s'ay I wan say?
Second Jive Passenger: UH...
First Jive Passenger: Pray to J I get the same ol' same ol'.
Second Jive Passenger: Eh. Yo knock yourself a pro slick, gray matter live performas down now take TCB'in man.
First Jive Passenger: Hey, you know what they say... See a broad, to get that booty yak 'em.
Jive Passengers (together): Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em
First Jive Passenger: Cold got to be. You know? Shiiiiit.

Elaine: Would you gentlemen care to order your dinners?
First Jive Passenger: Bet, babe. Slide a piece o' da' porter. Drink side, run da' java.
Second Jive Passenger: Lookie here. I can dig grease 'n chompin' on some buns and draggin' through the garden.

Randy: Can I get you something?
Second Jive Passenger: 'S'mofo butter layin' me to da' BONE! Jackin' me up... tight me
Randy: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
First Jive Passenger: Cutty say 'e can't HANG!
Jive Lady Passenger: Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Randy: Oh, good.
Jive Lady Passenger: He said that he's in great pain and he wants to know if you can help him.
Randy: All right. Would you tell him to just relax and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
Jive Lady Passenger: Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da' rebound on da' med side.
Second Jive Passenger: What it is, big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap!
Jive Lady Passenger: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da' help!
First Jive Passenger: Say 'e can't hang, say seven up!
Jive Lady Passenger: Jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Hmmph!

Peteee

From Airplane!

Tower voice: Flight 2-0-9'er cleared for vector 324.
Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Tower voice: Tower's radio clearance, over!
Captain Oveur: That's Clarence Oveur. Over.
Tower voice: Over.
Captain Oveur: Roger.
Roger Murdock: Huh?
Tower voice: Roger, over!
Roger Murdock: What?
Captain Oveur: Huh?
Victor Basta: Who?


Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.

And of course the shirley jokes!

From Top Secret!

General Streck, German High Command: [talking on the phone] What is the condition of Sergeant Kruger?
[pause]
General Streck, German High Command: Very well, let me know if there is any change in his condition.
[Hangs up]
General Streck, German High Command: He's dead.

Zaph

My favourite Airplane lines:

Elaine Dickinson: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Elaine Dickinson: It's a big building where generals meet, but that's not important.


Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can't tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I'm a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I'm just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can't you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

And a couple from The Blues Brothers:

Jake: Do you have any fried chicken ma'am?
Mrs. Murphy: Best damned chicken in the state.
Jake: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.
Mrs. Murphy: You want chicken wings or chicken legs?
Jake: Four fried chickens and a Coke.


Elwood: What kind of music do you usually have here?
Claire: Oh, we got both kinds. We got country and western.

TygerKrash

Neal: Del... Why did you kiss my ear?
Del: Why are you holding my hand?
Neal: [frowns] Where's your other hand?
Del: Between two pillows...
Neal: Those aren't pillows!

Shacklebolt

Dodgeball:
-We should MATE...
-What?
-I mean we should date-socially!

Ay Cee

First thing that sprang to mind is in Midnight Run

The Duke: Jack, you're a grown man. You're in control of your own words.
Jack: You're goddamn right I am. Now here come two words for you: 'Shut the **** up!'

nacho libre

Lloyd: Why you going to the airport, flying somewhere?
Mary: How'd you guess?
Lloyd: I saw your luggage, then when I noticed the airline ticket I put 2 and 2 together.

Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?
Mary: Well, that's pretty difficult to say.
Lloyd: Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million.

Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance!

Harry: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

ThOnda

Adventures in babysitting:

Gang Leader: Don't **** with the Lords of Hell.
Chris (the babysitter): Don't **** with the babysitter.

Maximilian

My favorite is from The Pink Panther Strikes Again.

Its the dog bit at the end of this clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXn2QVipK2o&feature=related

Morlar

Here are a few from Team America - World Police

Gary Johnston: Bak. Derk-derk-Allah. Derka derka, Mohammed Jihad. Haka sherpa-sherpa. Abaka-la.
Terrorist: Ahhh! Derka derka derka!
[Allows Gary into terrorist hideout]

_____________

Gary Johnston: Jesus, this is a nice limo.
Spottswoode: Yes, it is. Now suck my cock! Just kidding.

_____________

Gary Johnston: I'm leaving. I'm out.
Spottswoode: No, Gary! You can't leave! We need you now, more than ever!
Gary Johnston: Don't you see what's going on out there? Everyone hates us!
Spottswoode: Hey, now, everyone hated Winnie the Pooh, too.
Gary Johnston: No, they didn't!
Spottswoode: Well, I did. That cocksucking bear killed Jack Kennedy!
__________

Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We've been frew this a dozen times. I don't have any weapons of mass destwuction, OK Hans?
__________

'A rittle to the reft'
__________
Gary Johnston: You can't be serious.
Spottswoode: Oh, I am serious. Look, this is my serious face.
__________
Joe: One of the terrorists is trying to tell us something.
[looks through binoculars]
Gary Johnston: [waving the distress signal towards Joe and Chris] It's me! It's me!
Joe: Looks like he's saying, "Kiss me! Kiss me!"
Chris: Smart-ass mother****er!
[fires missile at terrorist jeep]
____________
Chris: Surprise, cockfags!
____________
Spottswoode: Gary, if for some reason your cover is blown, and the terrorists take you prisoner, well, you'll probably want to take your own life. Here, you'd better have this.
[hands Gary a hammer]
_____________

Spottswoode: Jesus Titty****ing Christ!

____________________________________
Kung Pow


Master Tang: Pay no attention to Wimp Lo, we purposely trained him wrong... as a joke.


Master Tang: I remember a long time ago, when a friend told me there would be a chosen one.
[flashback to a younger Tang talking to Master Doe]
Master Doe: There will be a chosen one.
Master Tang: He then told me of the significance.
[flashback]
Master Doe: It will be significant.

robby^5

Another good one from kingpin from the start of the film after they finish scamming the priest and they confront them in car park

Bill Murray: "Every bowler has to face the music some day"

*Murray slams the door*

Bill Murray: "And today that bowler is you."

*speeds off*

I'm totally gonna watch kingpin tonight.

Cyrus

Kingpin and dont be a menace are both chock full of great lines

loved the line in stepbrothers at the wine mixer and the guy is telling will ferrell that he has done a great job, then he goes,

but i dont what it is, i just wanna punch right in the suckhole, its something about your face,

the dialogue that follows is very funny

Cyrus

kingpin again

bill murray with the family he has adopted or whatever

i find if you give a little you get a whooooole lot in return

go deep johnny, real deep!!

Or when he wins the competition at the end

im rich, im rich, finally big ern is above the law, get those girls over here

Indie18

almost any line from duck soup it's too hard just to pick one.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0023969/quotes

Eoin

Cadeaus wrote: »

This is Spinal Tap.

Same film, but different part (courtesy of IMDB):

Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [pause] These go to eleven.

SoupyNorman

Hot Shots (Admiral Benson)

Admiral Benson: I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there?
Lt. Commander Block: I don't see any crab, sir.
Admiral Benson: Don't tell me. There were two crabs. They work in pairs. I went to Annapolis for chrissakes!

Admiral Benson: Oh, by the way I would like to thank you for having us over for dinner the other night. Cheryl and I thought the stroganoff was marvelous.
Lt. Commander Block: But sir, we didn't have dinner the other night.
Admiral Benson: Really? Then where the hell was I? And who's this Cheryl?


Admiral Benson: Thompson wasn't that good a pilot, anyway. He only had a small family. The kids are a pain in the ass. The wife's on the sauce. Hell, poor bastard's better off dead. What size shoes do you wear?
Lt. Commander Block: A nine, sir.
Admiral Benson: Good. It's settled then. We'll send Harley to the front.

And my Favorite...

Admiral Benson: [after his cap blew off and landed in the sea] Holy Cow! My cap blew off! Swing her round. We'll pick it up.
Officer: But, sir, we're on the mission.
Admiral Benson: Good thinking. We'll pick it up on the way back. We gotta mark the spot, though. Put Robinowitz in a life raft. Have him row in circles until we return.
Officer: It could be days.
Admiral Benson: Then put some food in the life raft, for god's sake, man. Do I have to think of everything? We'll tape his favourite shows, he won't miss anything.

SuperGrover

we thought... you was... a toad

Shryke

Elwood: It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.

sound_wave

Another from Spinal Tap, I nearly pissed myself at this part.
==================
[reading a review of the album "Shark Sandwich"]
Marty DiBergi: The review for "Shark Sandwich" was merely a two word review which simply read "Shít Sandwich".

great movie.

Xavi6

Lehiff: 'Cause when there's something there...
Café Waitress: Some chemistry.
Lehiff: Right! Who knows where the sparks will lead? An' a fella like myself, a stranger could just be a bit of fun in the sack, no more than that. Or, and it's not that crazy, your soul mate, eh?
Café Waitress: Yeah, you've got a point.
Lehiff: On the otherhand, I could just be a thief or something.
Café Waitress: What do you mean?
Lehiff: Some villain, just waiting for my chance to
[punches her]
Lehiff: smack your jaw and rob the register while the place is empty.
[jumps counter, robs register]
Lehiff: But this is the thing of it, see. You just never know...
[gardai walk in]
Lehiff: what's gonna happen.

Sally: Have I got a ronnie?
Mick: A what?
Sally: A ronnie, moustache, like?
Mick: Show.
[pause]
Mick: Well you're no Tom Selleck, but...
Sally: Ah, go fuck yourself.

Jerry Lynch: This is what separates the men from the faggots.

Jerry Lynch: You just don't have the requisite Celtic soul man


But the best line EVER is -

Lehiff: It was your oul wan man, she poked me in the eye wit her cock

eagle eye

I'd agree that Will Ferrell is the king of the one liners and so so funny, probably my favourite comedy actor. The late and great John Candy and the great Steve Martin in Planes, trains and automoblies is one of my favourite comedies of all time. This one cracked me up.

They wake up in the motel after sharing a bed together.

JC: Del? Why did you kiss my ear?
SM: [FONT=Arial,]Why are you holding my hand?
JC: Wheres your other hand?
SM: Between two pillows
JC: Those aren't pillows
JC and SM loudly: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[/FONT]

Roar

i've always loved the line from hotshots part deux

President Benson : "Topper Harley! The son I never had. Well, no damn wonder I didn't recognise ya"

i think that's genius and makes me laugh every single time.