woman addicted to porn and masturbating.

LegacyUser

I'm a woman in my late 20's and I've been masturbating since the age of 9, and watching porn since the age of 10, which is when I got a TV in my room. I just can't stop. I've had a blood test at the doctor and it showed that my testosterone levels are a little elevated. I got some medication to balance my hormones but it didn't work at all and gave me bad side effects. So I have given up on the medical route and I am not looking for medical advice. Apart from anything else, it may not even be a medical problem, the hormone levels may have nothing to do with this.
I am almost constantly aroused. I masturbate to orgasm several times a day but it's not enough to satisfy me. I don't have a boyfriend at the minute and when I did he couldn't satisfy me. I can't orgasm from normal sex or normal fantasies. I think I've become desensitised from watching too much porn. Although I am frequently aroused, I can only orgasm if I think of extreme s&m. I am so addicted to porn that I have been banned from my office's computer system for looking up porn at work.
I think about sex all the time. I don't sleep around because I know there's no point since I cannot get satisfied that way. This issue is affecting my life for several reasons:
1. When I do fall in love again it will upset me and my boyfriend that making love does not make me orgasm.
2. I waste so much of my day fantasising, masturbating an looking at porn.
3. I just don't want to be like this, I feel it is quite soul destroying.
What can I do? I don't want to talk to anybody about this in real life. I just wish I could forget about sex completely. I am so jealous of women who struggle to become aroused or enjoy sex. Please someone suggest something, this has really taken over my life. I waste time masturbating when I should be working or doing my hobbies. I do alot of sports and I try to use sports to take the edge off my arousal but it doesn't help.

Miss Fluff

badfantasies wrote: »

What can I do? I don't want to talk to anybody about this in real life.

If you genuinely want help, as with any addiction, you will have to go and see someone about it. Have you looked into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?

Sleepy

Eh, how about trying an S&M dating site and finding a partner who's into the same things as you?

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote: »

Eh, how about trying an S&M dating site and finding a partner who's into the same things as you?

I actually very nearly did this, I looked on a website and found men in my area who were looking for women to do this with. But thankfully I didn't go through with it. I think you're missing the point of my post, I don't want to do this and I don't want to feel like this. I want to forget about sex at least most of the time.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

If you genuinely want help, as with any addiction, you will have to go and see someone about it. Have you looked into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?

Do you think it's just an addiction? Even the constant arousal? I feel like I'll never be free of it.

IRISH RAIL

It could be routine like a lot of guys so long looking at porn has led to you being desentisied (not sure if thats spelt right) then when your mind starts wandering you look up more as its happened over so many years you need more extreme things to get you off, its not uncommon I WAS LIKE YOU, thats right. it took more and more to get me off the end result was I very rarely orgasm with a girl. at first its great because they think you can go for hours then it gets frustrating becase they think you dont find them attractive, then all sorts of problems start. there is only one thing you can do get rid of the porn. maybe set up a security level on your pc so you cant acsess it. with a little effort you can bring yourself down from extreme to "normal" (I have that marked becase who is to say what normal is)

Overheal

badfantasies wrote: »

I actually very nearly did this, I looked on a website and found men in my area who were looking for women to do this with. But thankfully I didn't go through with it. I think you're missing the point of my post, I don't want to do this and I don't want to feel like this. I want to forget about sex at least most of the time.

not to sound silly but hows about turning to religion? All that abstinence and stuff.

Sleepy

From my own experience, most fantasies disappear once they've been enacted (even if only simulated if your fantasies involve particularly extreme S&M.

You need to take some responsibility for your own actions. You *chose* to look up porn at work. That was stupid. You know that, so resolve to have some self control regarding it in future.

Have you other interests you can pursue? Hobbies/skills you'd like to acquire that have nothing to do with sex that you could focus on for a while?

You say you can't orgasm from normal sex. I'd suggest this is only because you feel that way about it. Most men will orgasm purely from the physical stimulation but I've found most women need to let themselves orgasm. If you're having sex with the notion that you can't come from it or that you have to try really, really hard to try and experience an orgasm from it, you're most likely not going to.

dr.bollocko

Well you can deny your needs and as such gain a discipline borne of denying yourself a little happiness in this ****ed up world of ours, or you can accept yourself for who you are and try and be proud of your elevated interest in sex and share it with a partner who makes you happy.
Both options have their benefits, but the path of least resistance is often one worth traversing.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
i came on as unreg before to look for advice on this from the male perspective, i didnt continue the thread as people seemed too quick to jump on other irrelevant things i said and berate me for them..

i found this article though.. and it helped me to understand what i was doing a little.. it is from the male perspective, but i reckon its much the same for girls..

http://www.sexualrecovery.com/resources/articles/understanding-compulsive-masturbation.php

basically everytime we orgasm from masturbation we are stimulating certain brain pathways such as fantasy, pleasure etc.. and every time we do it its producing a numbing sensation in our brains.. much like many other drugs!!

it also suggests, that every time we do it we are subconsciously telling ourselves... "i am not good enough to do this with a partner"

so what i decided to do is undertake a period of celibacy from the act, and every time i feel compelled to masturbate i will write a little in a diary to try and bring out the feelings and the thoughts that lead to the compulsion.. much like any addiction there are trigger times when we are more and less vulnerable(for me = hungover!), we must learn to recognise the trigger so we can strengthen ourselves against the temptation..

i have managed alot longer without it, but have also given in a good few times!! but i have noticed some differences in how i relate with women in between and it has brought up some thoughts/memories/feelings that i need to deal with!!

soon eneough i will see my counsellor again and bring the issue center stage as to now it has been something i have skirted around..

as for the needing the extreme/s&m.. i though i needed to get more and more extreme to feel the "passion" as strongly, until one girl saw what i was at and told me to cop on.. as we lay there gently, just looking into eyes, gently kissing & connecting.. guess what i was filled with a desire beyond anything porn ever did for me!!!.. i went and spoiled that opportunity but at least i know its there.. and where real passion comes from..

we have been engaged in this activity since we were very young and it plays a huge role in our lives.. its not going to be straight forward to change and get what we want.. but it IS WORTH IT.. have a big hug from me.. i hope it all goes well for you!!

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote: »

You say you can't orgasm from normal sex. I'd suggest this is only because you feel that way about it.

No, it's because normalsex just isn't arousing enough any more. Imagine it like this, in a country like Saudi Arabia men would probably find it a great turn on to see a woman's face because they're not used to it. But here they are used to alot more than that, and so it takes alot more to get them off.

eth0_

Go and see a therapist. You're not going to find any answers here. You need to see someone at least once a week to try and break the addiction you have and find out why you are so addicted.

LegacyUser

Hi Op i can some what relate to you... Not in the S&M way but the fantassys but i have allways had an older woman fantassy dunno why i just do.

And also masterbateed 4 to 6 times a day and found it very hard to get a satisfactory orgasim...

I think its a matter of will power. try limit your self to it once a day... which ive done, then every second day and so on now some times i do crack one of a bit more often but that because i just get out ragously horney...

Now the dude who gave you all that info said it a lot better then me... but i find the good thing about a fantasssy is that its your's if one acts on it its gone for ever ;/ so i choose not to... and enjoy it as my own fantassy.....

craichoe

OP: Come on .. this is a little bit attention seeking.

If its not then its fine .. but otherwise ..

I could make up all sorts of rubbish to make me special

Silverfish

craichoe, please read the charter before posting.

If you have an issue with a post, please report it.

Marksie

dr.bollocko wrote: »

Well you can deny your needs and as such gain a discipline borne of denying yourself a little happiness in this ****ed up world of ours, or you can accept yourself for who you are and try and be proud of your elevated interest in sex and share it with a partner who makes you happy.
Both options have their benefits, but the path of least resistance is often one worth traversing.

The adage, with repression comes obsession, comes to mind.

In repressing your urges, or attempting to, you are focussing on them and focussing on specific aspects...they then become a domiating force in your life.

While I do not think your sex drive is outside the bell curve, i am not sure that you are giving it the full expression it needs.... but neither am i qualified to explore where this has come from.

To that end going to a professional therapist, may help you to understand yourself and where this both stems from and what can be done about it to lead to a more varied expression of your sexuality.
I am not BTW saying that you are anyway not "normal" because normal is a realtive term and not somthing that should be seen as an aim. I am not even saying you are a sex addict. But my particular path allows for all forms of expression of sexuality openly, so that they can be moved beyond.

It is much better to be comfortable, aware and focussed in who you are. A persons sexuality is a complex, organic and changing thing.

So those posters who are saying try professional help are correct. But not necessarily to "treat" symptoms and hence repress natural desires. But to determine where the singularity in expression has come from and allow you to express in other forms as well as those you currently are interested in.

RossFixxxed

Just saw what Marksie said and it's basically a better worded version of what I was going to write.

I'd just add it wouldn't hurt to find another outlet too. Some kind of intensive exercise. This is an addiction, anything that rewards your brain will become addictive (I mean I smoke and it's just rubbish, but I keep doing it).

Good luck.
r

ChocolateSauce

It doesn't sound like a problem to me, just sounds like you're....one of us.

There's nothing wrong with what you do, provided it doesn't negatively impact people around you. Have you considered getting into the BDSM scene?

ChocolateSauce

Overheal wrote: »

not to sound silly but hows about turning to religion? All that abstinence and stuff.

That sounds downright moronic. Religion will only make the problem worse.

Having read through all the posts, OP, I have more advice. This is not going to go away in the short run. I think you think there is something wrong with it, that it is immoral somehow, which is rubbish. I also think you've gotten a lot of bad, immature and short-sighted advice. I know loads of women like you, it's nothing unusual or special. They have lots and lots of sex (with skilled partners) and they masturbate a lot, and that's how they deal with it. You should turn this on its head and make it into a good thing.

peekyboo

ChocolateSauce wrote: »

I know loads of women like you, it's nothing unusual or special. They have lots and lots of sex (with skilled partners) and they masturbate a lot, and that's how they deal with it. You should turn this on its head and make it into a good thing.

How can you say that when the poor woman is pleading for help over something that is ruining her life?? Thinking of sex 24/7 and being constantly aroused can be no fun for anyone. I know the odd time I can become very sexually aroused and it's so physically uncomfortable and makes me jumpy to even sit still on the train for 20 minutes. I hate it and I can only imagine what the poor OP is going through.

OP, coincidentally I read an article in the paper tonight about sex addicts - they were actually talking about Rob Lowe and your man from the X-files and they described what you wrote about to a tee. They did suggest counselling with a psychosexual counsellor, I get the impression from the article that the sex obsession was hiding deeper issues that the person didn't want to think about and used this as a distraction.

I have a lot of sympathy for you and I hope you find some peace from this.

Marksie

ChocolateSauce wrote: »

Having read through all the posts, OP, I have more advice. This is not going to go away in the short run. I think you think there is something wrong with it, that it is immoral somehow, which is rubbish. I also think you've gotten a lot of bad, immature and short-sighted advice. I know loads of women like you, it's nothing unusual or special. They have lots and lots of sex (with skilled partners) and they masturbate a lot, and that's how they deal with it. You should turn this on its head and make it into a good thing.

I think you should re-read the OP's posts again and in particular the fact that this has already resulted in some form of negative response at work.

To dismiss posters offhandedly is to have not read the situation correctly in the first place, particlularly when their advice is neither immature or short-sighted.
The short sightedness comes of encouraging the OP to continue to over indulge in this obsessive behaviour without first determining why it is such a dominant force in her life.
From that aspect your advice is immature and frankly dangerous.

The simple matter is this: She is not making a conscious choice to pursue a particular lifestyle, the tail is wagging the dog.

HouseHippo

badfantasies wrote: »

I actually very nearly did this, I looked on a website and found men in my area who were looking for women to do this with. But thankfully I didn't go through with it. I think you're missing the point of my post, I don't want to do this and I don't want to feel like this. I want to forget about sex at least most of the time.

1st off you shouldn't supressyour sexual desires, this constant arousal may be due to the fact that you won't indulge in your fantasies,there is nothing at all wrong with SandM if there was tyhey wouldn't have so many sites dedictaed to it.

2nd of all it does sound a bit worrying that you masturbate soooo much.The fact that you started so young is crazy too I couldn't even reach an orgasam at that age. Maybe you should look into a sex therapist to help you deal with your issues? Sorry I can't be of more help

aidan24326

badfantasies wrote: »

Do you think it's just an addiction? Even the constant arousal? I feel like I'll never be free of it.

Whether it's an addiction or not you really need to consider seeking help and advice from someone who is qualified to deal with something like this. Find a good well-reccomended sex therapist or behavioural therapist and give it a try. If this is becoming a consuming problem in your life and you can't seem to change your behvioural pattern by yourself then it would seem like the next logical step (to me anyway) to seek professional advice. This is potentially too complex an issue to get much in the way of helpful advice here.

LegacyUser

Heya, I'm male but have a similar difficulty.Fantasies, particularly fantasies that are as taboo as possible turn me on. The more taboo the better, not attention seeking obviously because nobody will ever know anyway. However, I have a need to hurt myself psycologically just a little bit to be aroused.I'm specifically aroused by the role of power, having it and abusing it. Things like abusing trust. I need to feel a kind of intimacy, a real empathy with the person I have power over....it's a real problem. I've had to stop sex before because I couldn't take it, I wasn't in the same room, I couldn't trust myself because I wasn't really with it.A good example of what turns me on, is when reading that recent thread about some guy watching his sister masterbate, I couldn't help but feel a little excited. However if you showed me some extremely beautiful women having normal sex, I'd be unbelieveably bored, I'd just stare into space and think of something else.

Anyway, despite the needless detail, which is attention seeking perhaps, my point is the danger pushing your fantasies to the limits. As soon as you find a way to supress it let me know.