Friend "pining" over ex

useful_contacts

My friend is 23, was with "Dave" for 3 years on and off, they had the most volitile relationship, broke up every 5 minutes and i was sick of listening to it.

They broke up for good a year ago and he gota new GF at once and my friend was in bits, she sent drunk texts telling him she loved him but he just ignored her.

Last week was the 1 year annivsery of his fathers death, she sent a text just saying she knows its the annivsery and hopes hes ok(I know she just wanted his attention), heard nothing back.

He text her this morning saying "I got your text saturday, thank you it ment a lot to me" so she text him back saying "I hope your doing ok and I hope your happy" - he never text her back.

I was with her in work all day and all she did was PINE, AND WINGE AND MOAN that he didnt answer her and she thinks that because he text her it means he still loves her.

My heads wreaked from her, how do i tell her to shut the **** up about it.

Burial

Just tell her that he's moved on and so should she. This is the first text he's replied to in a year. Hardly sounds like he loves her. She should take this as a sign and move on.

If this doesn't work tell her, you've listened to her and been there for her through the years, but listening to her moan about him is not going to get him back. He's out of her life and he doesn't want to get back in it. It's harsh, but she must accept this.

If she requires proof/validation, just ask her not to send any texts to him only if he texts her. (Or replies to her original text) If he doesn't reply then she must realise he doesn't want to be with her.

Rosita

I suspect he replied to the text saying it meant a lot to him simply because it did in the circumstance, and imagine he is not replying to the others as he does not want to encourage contact. This seems like a time for straight-talking to your friend.

biko

She needs to move on, he has.
Delete his number from her phone, and the text.
She'll thank you later*

*maybe not

Adam

You call her a friend, yet you want her to "shut the **** up about it"? Why not just have some patience, that's what friends are for isn't it? she'll get over it.

Beetlebum

Mirror wrote: »

You call her a friend, yet you want her to "shut the **** up about it"? Why not just have some patience, that's what friends are for isn't it? she'll get over it.

Exactly what I was thinking!

When my ex broke up with me I was a shell of a girl for a full year and my friends always listened to me 'whinge' and moan about him because they knew I needed time and would eventually get over it.

Hope you never get your heart broken and turn to her for help and she tells you to quit bangin on about it!!

Yes, she needs to let go and she will. Be a friend. have patience, it won't kill you!!

Miss Fluff

Mirror wrote: »

You call her a friend, yet you want her to "shut the **** up about it"? Why not just have some patience, that's what friends are for isn't it? she'll get over it.

+1. This girl is supposed to be your friend you said. Why can't you let her whinge and moan and then through being a shoulder to cry on let her know gently but firmly that it doesn't bode well and encourage her to move on. She needs a sounding board now and although frustrating I am sure, give her a little bit of TLC OP. And maybe a night on the piss where she can talk about him continuously and get it out of her system might do her good too.

Sangre

Mirror wrote: »

You call her a friend, yet you want her to "shut the **** up about it"? Why not just have some patience, that's what friends are for isn't it? she'll get over it.

And on the other hand some people just need some sense slapped into them with a few honest words.

Ainekav

+1

You need to be more tolerant of her, shes goin through a rough time. you might find yourself in the same position someday and you'll need her then won't you..

Adam

Sangre wrote: »

And on the other hand some people just need some sense slapped into them with a few honest words.

i didn't say anything about not talking sense. if you want to advise your friend as best you can that's fine. i would have considered that a given.

Overheal

useful_contacts wrote: »

My heads wreaked from her, how do i tell her to shut the **** up about it.

"Shut the **** up about it." /walk away

Craft25

did she have a rebound?? why dont you set her up with a manslut friend!! but make sure he's tested!

other than that i agree with the others about trying to be a good friend.. especially the bit about a night out.. a few diversions to take her mind off him.. if she's still in love (even crazy unrequited love) then no amount of logic will change her mind.. she'll have to grow out of it on her own!!

Aurora Borealis

If you are a true friend you'll keep listening until she's all moaned out. Just keep reminding her he has obviously moved on and for quite some time already but do so in as gentle a way as you can. Keep remindnig her also of her own worth and by all means let her know if other lads give her attention. When you're pining like that you fail to see if someone else is interested unless they actually say it straight out. She'll get there. It happens plenty of us and the relief she feels when she does will make all the support you offer her right now so worth while. Trust me I could write a book on the stages you go through and I wouldn't skip one of them to get where I am right now. Be patient.



P.S. Wouldn't think it wise to push her in the direction of a rebound to get over him. It may only confuse her more. She'll meet someone if and when she's meant to and more importantly when she is good and ready.

RedXIV

I can tell you now that there's nothing you can really say that's going to change her mind on this guy, it's something she's going to have to realise for herself. Do the friend duty, just remind her when she's complaining that she could do better and she WILL do better in the future

musicinyou

hey,

first time responding on here but its a good a time as any,

at the end of the day it takes nothing to listen or pretend to listen, everybody handles love situations differently but one thing i can tell you for sure is that only love can break a heart and love can mend it again, one moment out of the blue can change this, reverse it all the time, go out have fun, laugh and dance and just smile things will pick up and she will meet the right one,, the more time you spend feeling sorry or hanging around waiting is time of your life you aint ever gonna get back.

im single almost a year i was engaged and in a relationship for 6 years, i chose not to sit and wallow but to remain upbeat and im having a great time, im in a new band im on the go this is how i work it,

Time will level itself straight, but op, take some time out for yourself, and do the things that make you happy because your falling onto the same line as your friend through no fault of your own,

sincerely wish you both all the georgie best

StockCube

I had a hard time getting over someone until recently, I have good friends who were with me all the way.

The best thing you can do for your friend is listen and remind her that she probably will meet someone new in a little while and then she'll feel a whole lot better.

You might be in the same situation one day and you will appreciate her ear x