Making a relationship official

kerryoneiler · 03-09-2008 9:37am #1

hi,
i was wondering what makes a relationship official. what makes a person you're going out on dates with different from your boyfriend/girlfriend? do you calll everyone you go out for drinks with your boyfriend/girlfriend or is it only when you both make it offficial? and how exactly do a couple make themselves official. does one of them say to the other ''are we together now'' or what?
also, does everyone celebrate an anniversary with their boyfriend/girlfriend? what day marks your anniversary? do you have an exact date and if so how do you remember it?

unhappycamper · 03-09-2008 10:03am

Usually when two people are having fun in each-others company and snogging and very happy together the taught is put out there 'will you be my girlfriend?' ... very simple After a few months of happy days and good times together, I reckon the guys say it more so than the gals?? Correct me if I am wrong. Its a courting thing..

eveie · 03-09-2008 10:05am

why are things so complicated
i am in this very position i have bee "seeing" a guy for about 6 weeks although we're not offical and its killing me, i stupidly asked him what the story with us was over a txt and he maturally replied that he wouldnt answer that over a txt. im such a twat, i mean grow the f*ck up. but yes it does need to be said you cannot take it for granted that your going out with someone, when they may just see you as a casula thing.
although DO NOT do what i did, that was such a plonker of a thing to do, a 16 yr old would have more cop on. i blame it on my shyness

unhappycamper · 03-09-2008 10:19am

The guy is probably dying to say it to you in person and make it all romantic and official. 6 weeks might still be a bit early though, maybe 8 weeks for me anyway.

haligh · 03-09-2008 10:20am

I've never really been in that situation... past two relationships were very quickly established and it was only afterwards we had the jokey conversation of 'you never really asked me out...'

unhappycamper · 03-09-2008 10:21am

haligh wrote: »

I've never really been in that situation... past two relationships were very quickly established and it was only afterwards we had the jokey conversation of 'you never really asked me out...'

Very smooth:)

Nevyn · 03-09-2008 10:25am

Well have a grown up face to face conversation about making yoru relationship exclusive.
That you will not be seeing other people and you may as well throw in a discussion about what will consitute cheating in your new exclusive relationship.

haligh · 03-09-2008 10:26am

unhappycamper wrote: »

Very smooth:)

haha I didn't mean we hooked up first or anything, just that quick change from 'just friends' into 'not really just friends any more'...

Burial · 03-09-2008 10:31am

eveie wrote: »

why are things so complicated
i am in this very position i have bee "seeing" a guy for about 6 weeks although we're not offical and its killing me, i stupidly asked him what the story with us was over a txt and he maturally replied that he wouldnt answer that over a txt. im such a twat, i mean grow the f*ck up. but yes it does need to be said you cannot take it for granted that your going out with someone, when they may just see you as a casula thing.
although DO NOT do what i did, that was such a plonker of a thing to do, a 16 yr old would have more cop on. i blame it on my shyness

Sorta like me, best never to do it in a text... So wrong!! I agree though, why do relationships have to be so complicated?? I blame it on the women! :P

kerryoneiler wrote:

hi,
i was wondering what makes a relationship official. what makes a person you're going out on dates with different from your boyfriend/girlfriend? do you calll everyone you go out for drinks with your boyfriend/girlfriend or is it only when you both make it offficial? and how exactly do a couple make themselves official. does one of them say to the other ''are we together now'' or what?
also, does everyone celebrate an anniversary with their boyfriend/girlfriend? what day marks your anniversary? do you have an exact date and if so how do you remember it?

Seriously though OP, if you like someone enough, on the next date ask, "Whats the story between us?" or "Are we going out or what?" and see how they respond. Casual dates are generally different from your BF/GF if you still go back to them after seeing them for weeks! Only call the person you've been seeing your BF/GF when you both make it official. As for the anniversary, either your first date or when ye agreed to call each other BF/GF. I'd ask the other person on that one too. As for remembering the anniversary, thats for you to remember!

Jimmy Bottlehead · 03-09-2008 11:26am

I always made a point of making it romantic and official, and asking the girl out properly. Think it sets it off to a good start

Faith · 03-09-2008 1:33pm

If you're unsure, then you have a conversation about it. Usually it's only a formality anyway.

SarahJ · 03-09-2008 2:08pm

Change your status on bebo.

Seriously tho, I think it takes one of you to say, listen, what are we? Bite the bullet!

Rosita · 03-09-2008 2:26pm

eveie wrote: »

why are things so complicated
i am in this very position i have bee "seeing" a guy for about 6 weeks although we're not offical and its killing me, i stupidly asked him what the story with us was over a txt and he maturally replied that he wouldnt answer that over a txt. im such a twat, i mean grow the f*ck up. but yes it does need to be said you cannot take it for granted that your going out with someone, when they may just see you as a casula thing.
although DO NOT do what i did, that was such a plonker of a thing to do, a 16 yr old would have more cop on. i blame it on my shyness

I don't agree with you at all. I think it was a reasonable thing to do. Yeah, definitely better in person, but completely understandable.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Femelade · 03-09-2008 3:05pm

I was with my boyfriend about 4 weeks when he asked me would i be his girlfriend.
But we use the date that we first kissed (as we were inseperable since) as our anniversay. just spent a weekend in london celebrating our 2nd!

eveie · 03-09-2008 3:05pm

no seriously i think im right to be hard on myself in this situation. i was feeling rotten as in sick so didnt care but i shouldnt have done it, i agree somethig had to be said but i have the balls to do and say alot of things but not that

Malari · 03-09-2008 3:29pm

We had a first date that lasted all day and evening then a bit of kissin' at the end of the night. Before we parted I asked him "what happens now?" and he said "you're my girlfriend!"

But a guy I was with years ago and we never really knew when we started going out, so it depends on the situation. We had to pick an abitrary date as an anniversary!

Liam Byrne · 03-09-2008 8:25pm

SarahJ wrote: »

Change your status on bebo.

LMAO! I know people who do that after (supposedly) 4 or 5 days!!! :P

GrumPy · 03-09-2008 8:39pm

kerryoneiler wrote: »

hi,
does one of them say to the other ''are we together now'' or what?

That's pretty much how it went down from my experience. Sure, there's loads of ways of approaching it, but if your dating someone for a while, your attracted to them and you enjoy their company then it just kinda happens. Dont rush into it though, you will may regret it. Take your time and decide if it's right for you and the right time.

tinkletoes · 03-09-2008 11:01pm

Just ask the person out straight whether in text or in person and if he is still vague just walk away and find someone who will give you what you want. You can waste too much time guessing what the other person want.

af_thefragile · 04-09-2008 12:15am

well, for me it was like i just once said, lets make this official. She was like yeah, and we were like. SO from now onwards were're officially in a relationship!!!
And we were both really happy.

then we broke up in 6 months! As it always happens with my gf... They can't handle me for longer than that!!

Overheal · 04-09-2008 4:20am

SarahJ wrote: »

Change your status on bebo.

How times have changed..

MysticalSoul · 08-09-2008 3:18pm

I have/had been dating a guy only a month. He had changed his status on facebook, which prompted me to change mine, but then as nothing had been said it did not feel quite right, so decided to hide my status for now. he noticed this, and asked what was going on. I explalined to him how as it wasn't official yet, did not feel right to have it in the public domain. He then changed his status to single, which came across to me as mind games, so I would say have a face to face contact with him, as due to not having had the talk I am unsure as to where I stand.

Goodshape · 09-09-2008 2:56am

Could never understand it at all tbh.

So before it becomes an 'official' relationship, you're free to snog and shag and see other people at the same time, like before you make up your mind, or what?

As far as I'm concerned (or at least as far as I'd like to be... other parties not withstanding), if we're snogging/sleeping together, and calling each other up to go out and eat and drink and do more snogging/sleeping together, then we are in a relationship.

If relationship lasts five days then bummer, that was a pretty **** relationship. If it lasts longer then groovy, things progress naturally.

The idea of having to stop a couple of months down the line and make things "official" has always seemed strange to me. What changes at that point?

I suppose sometimes there can be uncertainty, but if that's the case and the conversation to resolve it is so awkward and labored, I'd consider that a bad sign for compatibility anyway.

Making a relationship official

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