Watching my life drift by

LegacyUser

Im a 25 yo male, ever since I finished school I've only had intermittent jobs none of which i've enjoyed, at school I never had any sense of direction or any idea what I wanted out of life. In the last couple of years I've started to smoke joints, at first it was a cheap high, now it's more a way to escape the reality that my life has no meaning or purpose. I can't see myself changing and I don't know why, deep down I know I want to live a productive life and be happy.

Im at the end of my tether, I don't know how long more I can bare to put up with myself. Watching my friends mature around me makes me feel worthless and inadequate. I'm scared of growing old and still being in the same situation as I am now. Im fairly intelligent and done well at school (exam wise) though I was always a messer and a clown.

I don't know what to do.

Even seeking help from my doctor seems like too drastic of a step for me to take, regardless of the fact that Im certain it's the only way to sort myself out.

*sigh*

Trinity

Need-help wrote: »

Im a 25 yo male, ever since I finished school I've only had intermittent jobs none of which i've enjoyed, at school I never had any sense of direction or any idea what I wanted out of life. In the last couple of years I've started to smoke joints, at first it was a cheap high, now it's more a way to escape the reality that my life has no meaning or purpose. I can't see myself changing and I don't know why, deep down I know I want to live a productive life and be happy.

Im at the end of my tether, I don't know how long more I can bare to put up with myself. Watching my friends mature around me makes me feel worthless and inadequate. I'm scared of growing old and still being in the same situation as I am now. Im fairly intelligent and done well at school (exam wise) though I was always a messer and a clown.

I don't know what to do.

Even seeking help from my doctor seems like too drastic of a step for me to take, regardless of the fact that Im certain it's the only way to sort myself out.

*sigh*

What needs to be sorted exactly? You need to make a career move and see where you want to go and who you want to be.

If you dont have a goal you cannot strive towards something. What do you think you would enjoy doing. Dunno if i would go so far as to say you are suffering from depression, would you say you are?

Have you ever considered life coaching or a cheaper quicker option is to pop to your job centre and fill out a questionnaire and speak to one of their advisors about what you would be good at or enjoy and they will point you in the right direction.

DOnt know what to say about the joints, dont smoke personally but almost everyone around me does, on a daily basis and its just normal for them

JuliusCaesar

Need-help wrote: »

I never had any sense of direction or any idea what I wanted out of life.
I don't know what to do.

Well, have a think about what you want out of life: money? relationship? friends? career? hobby/interest?

Imagine you are on your deathbed. What kind of a life would you have liked to have lived?

Have you any concrete goals at all? Want to see places? Want a house? Want a qualification? Want....what??

Do you have any interests or hobbies that give you satisfaction? Ever thought you'd quite fancy trying canoeing (insert any sport/activity)?

Write down a list of anything that strikes you and add to it over the course of a week. Then take yourself off to FAS or an adult guidance counsellor/occupational psychologist.

Hope this helps.

LegacyUser

The key to your issue is the joint smoking, constant smoking tends to take over your free time which you might otherwise spend giving your life some direction.

Also the fact that you spend a lot of your free time stoned probably makes you more introspective that you would be normally, which may be amplifying your feeling that your life lacks direction.

When I was 25 I was also smoking for a few years, fast forward into my mid 30's and I am still smoking as much (if not more) than ever. My point being that if you don't grab hold of this issue now it most likely will not go away.

I have had many times over the last 15 years or so when I have felt exactly like yourself, currently I still smoke loads but I do try and do stuff that I feel gives my life meaning.

Having said that I am pretty sure that I would have acheived a lot more in my life if I had quit smoking at 25.

You could try one of two approaches:

1) Try and figure out what you want to do with your life, see can you achieve stuff while continuing to smoke regularly (what I did myself, limited success tbh)

2) Quit smoking (maybe going down the GP route as you suggested) and see does it make figuring out what you want to do with your life easier

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice guys, I'll follow your tips JuliusCaesar. I think my problem is more one of finding the drive to get me closer to my goals, which are the normal "house, relationship, career etc". I always end up in a rut, not having the will to see the goals I aim for and just living with a shortsighted outlook on life. It's weird, I've spoken to mates about it in the past and they say that I over think things too much, I dunno, maybe I do. Maybe Im just lazy, either way it has to change

Beruthiel

In the last couple of years I've started to smoke joints

In all fairness, if you're smoking on a regular basis then you just won't be arsed about anything else.

beth-lou

Give up smoking the dope. It's draining you of any motivation. It doesn't effect everyone in that way, but it seems to be adding to your lack of self motivation. Stop smoking, find something you're interested in and start doing it. Eventually you will get some satisfaction from completing something, and hopefully that will encourage you to continue with it. Best of luck.

RossFixxxed

I would have been the first person to say hey smoking doesn't do that at all... until I stopped.... and there is a HUGE difference. You might have a few days of missing it but that's it really. Not nearly as bad as you would think.

It does demotivate a lot of people and over time leads to a hopeless, anxious, apathetic, frustrated state of mind. Seriously lay off for a few days and get moving on a few positive things. Walking, cycling, meditation, football, guitar or whatever you are into really! Reward yourself with some nice things too (no drugs of booze)!

PM me if you'd like, it'll be in strictest confidence and I have been down that road before and I think I can help in my own muddled way, have contacts in jobs, clubs etc etc!

Best of luck OP!
Ross

stressed out

OP try not to be too hard on yourself. 25 is still relatively young - I'm 33 and just after finishing a degree and starting to live the life I want. Before that I was drifting in and out of jobs, college courses, etc.

Dont compare yourself to others either. Some people have their lives sorted at 17 - they know exactly what they want to do after school, go to college, work at X job for the rest of their live - others takes years to find out what they want to do. Don't think you must live your life how society dictates - it doesnt suit everybody and many people feel under pressure to have this 'life' - decide on future career at 17/18, get married and have kids by 30, buy house, blah blah blah.

I will echo what everyone else about the smoke. Stop as your motivation is shattered because of it.

Dragan

Personally i don't think the drugs are the cause of it. I think they make it worse, i think they are a crutch for you, but it seems to me you have been drifting long before the joints.

Like everyone else i suggest you knock it on the head as it doesn't seem to suit you but i suggest you think about a short term goal you would like to acheive and go for that, then work up to long term, life changing goals.

Give yourself a chance to live mate, then see how you feel.

Bluebells

Dont beat yourself up for wasting time, its never to late to start your life. Dont think of it as a huge change, baby steps. Start going to the gym/ night classes. I find being active and in a routeen stops the over thinking. Once you start, things could have a chain effect. Be aware that you want a carrer change, look up night/fas courses, speak to people in different professions. What do you think you might be interested in/enjoy doing? Just generally try little things and remember its ok if it goes wrong, thats the only way you'll find out and you have plenty of time. It might sound silly but maybe set yourself little tasks everyweek.

impr0v

The fact that you're feeling bad about this is a sign that you're starting to mature too, so don't beat yourself up about it. As others have said, all it takes is small steps. Don't focus too much on career and/or salary as a barometer of where you are in life either, both are meaningless on some level.

My name is URL

OP,

Do you have some confidence issues in everyday life? I only ask because your post is very well written and straight to the point. Judging from it alone, I would say your quite an articulate and well rounded chap, and you shouldn't have any problem in finding a job that suits you.

Maybe a lack of self esteem is to blame for your reluctancy to set and reach long term goals.

good luck

LegacyUser

OP- are you working at the moment? Are you living at home? Are you on the dole? Did you go to college or do any courses so you're qualified in something in particular?

I have felt the same as you until recently. Everyone seemed to be progressing with their lives- getting 'proper' jobs, stopping smoking and drinking etc etc. But sometimes you have to look closer- a lot of my friends' proper jobs turned out to be awful and they're sticking with them as they feel they have to choice. So, don't be comparing your progression in life to others, things aren't always as they seem.

I've been doing the multi-cruddy-job thing for a while now, but got a new job last week which seems interesting and I can see going somewhere. If it doesn't I'm going to concentrate on the money (which earns me a city centre flat and holidays and savings), and I'll use my spare time looking for another job.

If you're on the dole go down to the FAS office to see if they have any courses for you to do- at the very least you would have something to fill the gaps in your day.

Make a list of where you want to be next year- in both material and mental aspects.

And go see your doc if you really feel you should- pick up the phone now and make an appointment! And get some multivitamins to give yourself a boost