no sex

daverunner

Hi everybody,

I am a guy early thirties, I am a confident and successful in all other parts of my life, good job, material possessions, plenty of money, I have been told by girls I am a really really nice guy (which bugs the ****e out me)
some have said I am attractive I know these are not the primary attraction for a women but help to reinforce an initial attraction. I am fairly quiet but have an excellent sense of humour, quite male and dominant(I am most certainly not some mammy’s boy and would be call a man’s man by colleagues) I have always been popular in every office I have worked

I have never had a girlfriend or sex, I have only had three dates all three girls didn't want to meet again which is fine, I was so nervous I may have come across as a bit boring and the conversation may have been one sided, also I don’t want invade someone personnel space so I only kissed one, the second give me the cheek and the third I froze.


I am unsure how to take things to the next level, which is compounded by the lack of any sexual experience, which is building up in my head by the day. i feel girls can see it in my stuttering words and actions.

I want to experience a hug a touch something physical to feel physical attraction towards me and vice versa, in the long run I don't want to be an insecure moron concerned with the number of partners a future girlfriend may have (if I manage to get one). Girls are entitled to be sexually satisfied I have no idea how I’ll perform or whether it will be such a rush of excitement that I may become clingy which is the last thing I want

It may sound shallow but I want to put some notches on the bedpost - so many people I know seem to get into and over relationships and one night stands I feel I am missing out big time.

I am not a anti social nerd I get on very well with both sexes and have no problem approaching girls in a pub provided I am with some friend so if things don't go so well I can fall back to lick my wounds. I don't have too many friends where I am living and that despite my best efforts isn’t going to change too much, so meeting girls is proving to be a bit of a problem. I feel like I am running out of time I know it sounds crazy


Sorry to go on, I would appreciate advice how to change the above, namely pretend that i am more expericened than i am

Rowley Birkin QC

Pretending that you are more experienced than you are definitely won't help in the long run Dave. I've never really had trouble talking to women but to be honest it's been very rare that I have gone out with the intention of "scoring". I find that I get chatting to gilrs in pubs and bars just for the craic and then have to back away as I have a girlfriend. My advice would be to head out with your mates for a good night and get chatting to a few girls on your own, no need for a wingman. Make them laugh and the ice is instantly broken.

You mention that you have a good sense of humour, don't go with any intentions of bringing this one or that one home just head out with the goal of having a laugh, makes things a lot easier. Laughter is a supreme aphrodisiac in my experience and you will never know what might happen.

I think maybe that the more you think about it and the heavier it weighs on your mind the bigger and more overwhelming it may seem so try not to get too hung up on the whole thing.

Best of luck.

It sounds like you don't have relationships because you don't put yourself out there.
I have never made a romantic approach in my life, most of my female friends haven't either.
If you were waiting for us to make a move you'd die waiting.
I know women can be harsh when they don't find you attractive, but I think the fear of something is much worse than the reality.
You honestly sound like a great catch.

I have a friend who is in a similar situation with the physical intimacy thing.
My advice to her is just to suck up the embarrasment and put herself out there.
It is the general consensus my group of friends that a majority of Irish people don't know how to kiss well.
I imagine that extends to sex too. If your involved in something shortterm I don't think you need to pretend or explain yourself.
If it is awful they will just assume your clueless. End of.

What kind of place do you live? Rural?

ImDave

I know where you are coming from. Up to last year I was in the same boat as yourself. Fear of rejection and all the rest. So I just got fed up of waiting around for something to happen and decided to be pro-active about it. And guess what, first time I made an effort I got shut down, but it wasnt that bad (actually it was quite funny but that is a story for another time :pac: ). You just have to take that kind of stuff in your stride. No one is going to get a 100% success rate! The fear of rejection is much greater than the reality of it.