A Young fool???

LegacyUser

I've really gotten into golf in the last year or so.

From the off, i really hit it off with one of the older members in the golfclub, hes divorced and in his late fifties(Im 27, he has a son the same age as me). I know the age difference is shocking but it was more the person i was drawn to rather than anything else.

He's moving to Spain in a month to basically start a new life there, he may come back to Ireland for a few months a year but thats about it. I know he has met somebody in Spain, and shes wants to be a big part of his life and he seems reasonably keen to give this a go.
The reason he is separated is that he had an affair with another golfer a number of years a go and his wife found out. He is still very close to this person, and im not really sure if there is something still going on between them, though at a guess I'd say yes.

Anyway, as I said we have always gotten on well, as in always good chemistry, bit of a spark.We went for a drink last week and he said he was going to miss me very much and asked that I keep in touch with him. When he dropped me home we ended up kissing. We spent Friday night together and most of saturday. Though part of me couldnt believe i was having sex with a man this old i must admit to enjoying it. He said he was so glad that it had finally happened as he always knew that there was something between us. I dont regret it happening but i am conscious of the 'situations' in his life at the minute. We met up today for coffee, and he said he wants to make the most of the time he has with me, until he leaves for Spain, if I am OK with that.

Part of me is sad to see him leave, i know that, and id like to think that he genuinely does want to make the most of the time he has left with me until he goes. But i cant help but think that he is going over there to this woman who he has been seeing for the past 6 months, and is he just using me in the interim period for entertainment. And even if he isnt, am I crazy to let this man into my life for the next month when i know by October he will be out of it again??

Am i just a young fool being taken for a ride by an older man whose been around the block a few times, or did this happen because he was leaving, and i knew he was leaving and we both finally acted on our feelings? I really dont think it would have happened otherwise. And should I just enjoy it??

Very muddled about the whole thing, any advice welcome!!

Marksie

dilemma08 wrote: »

should I just enjoy it??

At 27, you know your own mind.
Forget about teh age thing really its immaterial as the whiole romance has a limited span.

He wants to continue, the question is do you?
If you can enjoy it for what it is, adults acting on chemistry, then contrinue.
If you think however that you will go deeper and get involved and therefore hurt.
Then don't.

Don't try to overanalyse. Just accept that it happened because you wanted it to and leave it at that, or enjoy the now and what is.

gogglebok

dilemma08 wrote: »

Very muddled about the whole thing, any advice welcome!!

Hi OP, my advice is probably going to be very muddled about this too, so bear with me. I'm not surprised you're torn, because it souunds like a genuinely difficult position. I think you have a couple of different issues there, and it might be valuable to tease them out one by one. I'll make a stab at starting it.

1. Is he using you?

This is the easy one. I don't think "using" is the appropriate word here. He seems to be completely open about where he sees he life, and the part he has for you in it. He's not promising to stay at home, or to take you to Spain with him. He says he wants to make the most of your time together, and I don't see why that can't be his honest position.

2. The age issue.

This doesn't sound like a problem at all. You're 27, and you sound pretty bright. For him to pull away from you because of your age would mean he was making your decisions for you, and that would be completely inappropriate treatment of a grown woman. I don't think he is using any fancy older-man voodoo on you. It is no doubt a surprise to find yourself with someone twice your age, but as long as you're fulfilled by it what's the harm?

3. But are you fulfilled?

This is where it gets tricky. It sounds to me like the hard core of your dilemma is how deeply you might end up feeling for him, and how devastated you might be when he leaves. I think that is a real concern, and there are big arguments on both sides about what you should do, and I can imagine perfectly intelligent people making wildly different decisions. Which is not much help to you, I know.

Speaking personally, I would embrace the relationship. A month of ecstasy followed by a month of agony sounds a lot better to me than two months of nullity or what-ifs. (I may be exaggerating, but you get the point.)

If you don't proceed you will probably still be friends, and you'll always have had that one night. That's not a bad outcome. If you do proceed you may well end up hurt, and there will certainly be a tang of sadness through the whole relationship. I guess I would accept that, and even try to enjoy the bitter-sweetness.

But I would completely understand if you decide differently.

Good luck, whatever happens. It's a thorny one. I'll be curious to see the advice of the regulars here, and to hear your ultimate decision.

LegacyUser

gogglebok wrote: »

Hi OP, my advice is probably going to be very muddled about this too, so bear with me. I'm not surprised you're torn, because it souunds like a genuinely difficult position. I think you have a couple of different issues there, and it might be valuable to tease them out one by one. I'll make a stab at starting it.

1. Is he using you?

This is the easy one. I don't think "using" is the appropriate word here. He seems to be completely open about where he sees he life, and the part he has for you in it. He's not promising to stay at home, or to take you to Spain with him. He says he wants to make the most of your time together, and I don't see why that can't be his honest position.

2. The age issue.

This doesn't sound like a problem at all. You're 27, and you sound pretty bright. For him to pull away from you because of your age would mean he was making your decisions for you, and that would be completely inappropriate treatment of a grown woman. I don't think he is using any fancy older-man voodoo on you. It is no doubt a surprise to find yourself with someone twice your age, but as long as you're fulfilled by it what's the harm?

3. But are you fulfilled?

This is where it gets tricky. It sounds to me like the hard core of your dilemma is how deeply you might end up feeling for him, and how devastated you might be when he leaves. I think that is a real concern, and there are big arguments on both sides about what you should do, and I can imagine perfectly intelligent people making wildly different decisions. Which is not much help to you, I know.

Speaking personally, I would embrace the relationship. A month of ecstasy followed by a month of agony sounds a lot better to me than two months of nullity or what-ifs. (I may be exaggerating, but you get the point.)

If you don't proceed you will probably still be friends, and you'll always have had that one night. That's not a bad outcome. If you do proceed you may well end up hurt, and there will certainly be a tang of sadness through the whole relationship. I guess I would accept that, and even try to enjoy the bitter-sweetness.

But I would completely understand if you decide differently.

Good luck, whatever happens. It's a thorny one. I'll be curious to see the advice of the regulars here, and to hear your ultimate decision.

Googlebok, that was an excellent post thank you.

Marksie,yours was helpful also.

I know at 27 Im not young exactly, but yes, it is a total shock to be with a man of this age, and not be at all bothered by it, and i really am not, we get on so well its not an issue. He is a decent guy, very decent in fact, and he has been very open with me, you are very correct in that. He is extremely pragmatic in his approach to life, and I respect him for that.

I am not quite sure what to do yet. I am nervous of a flood gate effect on my part, i suppose previously I just denied my feelings for him/the chemistry that was there; citing his age etc etc. I just dont want to get hurt, not that he'd ever intentionally hurt me but you know. i know I'll miss him when hes gone, i'm even getting a lump in my throat now thinking about it; which makes me nervous; and makes me think that maybe it might be best to leave it at one night of passion and nothing more.

Why does impulse play cruel tricks in these situations?? sigh.