Serious Time management problems

Dionysus

Hi,

A very close friend of mine is in trouble at work, and she needs professional help. I am hoping somebody here might be able to direct me as I do not even know the name of the professional practice that could help her.

She is trying hard to keep her head above water at work and is staying late every night, and coming in every weekend for at least one full day (13 hours last Sunday, for instance). Her employer is totally unaware of these hours, and she feels that they would sack her if they knew about them. She is a highly intelligent, diligent, conscientious professional at the start of her career- and she is petrified that she will mess it up.

Nobody else in her large firm is there during these hours. Consequently, when she omits an important detail in her work even after these long hours she gives herself hell. It is terrible, and painful, to watch. It is impacting on every aspect of her life. She has a job that very many people would envy, and she has spent years of exams and training to get here. But she is seriously thinking about giving it up for teaching now that she has arrived. Hearing this is also painful, because she is the hardest working and most determined person I have ever known, and she has aimed for this position for years. She is very popular, and always has something on- but work is eating into this seriously as well and she feels she is disappointing everybody now, and that she cannot get anything right or please anybody. It's a vicious circle, but there must be some help to stop it?


I think this needs more than one of those day-long Irish Times Time Management Courses in a group. But I am not sure what it needs. That is why I am here. She is afraid to tell her employer about her difficulties as her probation is up in two months and she is afraid they will look unfavourably at this. Therefore, her holiday days will have to be used for this. I feel like screaming! Her last review was, however, excellent with a single "criticism": her employers suggested to her to get some work-life balance.

She does not think anybody can help her; that this is the way she is. She attended a guy before a few years ago- when she was going through all these exams- and he did not, she says, help her solve the problem. Given this fatalism, I'm therefore looking for somebody solid with proven methods here. I don't want to risk anybody else. She has agreed to give it another try now.

I would really appreciate any pointers here, as I am very concerned and unsettled that she has still not got a handle on this. She is not getting enough sleep- coming home at 7am, having a shower, changing and going back for work at 9am without anybody knowing but me is the straw that broke the camel's back. She then, according to herself, makes silly mistakes at work which put, she then feels, all her efforts to nought. She can be the funniest and most energetic in the world, but the light is gone and her self-esteem is taking a hammering from all of this.

Any help will be most appreciated. Thank you.

cronos

Well IMO, their is only three things that can be wrong here.

- The boss is giving too heavy a work load for someone of her experience and by her accepting it then doing the work without complaint, the boss is then not aware that they are giving too much work.

My Solution: Tell the boss that you have to work extra hours to get the work completed and this is confilcting with the work life balance issues discussed in her review. This would show that she is trying to take on board what was said in her review and it also shows that she is not scared to disagree with her boss when appropiate.

- The boss is giving the same amount of work to her as too everyone else with her level of experience. It just happens to take her longer to do her work, this could be because the pressure of losing a new job and being on probation is getting to her.

My Solution: Perhaps she would need more training or a change in the work she is doing within the company.

Serafijn

If she is working all hours then no wonder she is making mistakes. You can't expect to perform well when you're not getting enough time to recharge your batteries.

It sounds like her workload is too heavy and she needs to tell her boss. She doesn't need to go into the extent of just how many hours she is doing extra, but explain that she is really struggling to complete her work in the normal hours. He will have much more respect for her if she goes to him for help than when he finds out she's been suffering in silence.

When I start to feel snowed under it helps to just take a step back and look at the bigger picture. What urgently needs doing - make a list of these important items and set a time to get through them. You generally find there's less work than you thought.

Sorry I can't give any hints on professional courses or help, hopefully someone else on here can.

Good luck to your friend, I hope she can pull herself out of this!

Stheno

I'd suggest that she follow up on her review particularly the criticism regarding a work life balance and schedule some time to talk to her boss about that whole area.

That may then open up into a wider discussion as to why she is working so many hours?

Is she by any chance the sort of person who just doesn't say no to extra work regardless of how busy they are?

Deadeyes

I'm going to disagree with the others on this. I don't think it is a workload problem. I am thinking that maybe your friend is a perfectionist. And that she is spending 90% of her time trying to get that extra 5% improvement in quality of the work. For example if she only spent 9-5 working on something it maybe of above average quality and more than acceptable to her superiors, but for her that's not good enough, so she pushes for that little bit extra which is next to impossible to achieve.
Now that is my first impression but it is discounting a couple of things:
1. Maybe she is not cut out for the job.
2. The profession is not the kind of one that deliberately overburdens people, works them to burnout and replace them with another graduate.

Dionysus

Thanks very much everybody. I'm inclined to agree with Deadeyes that it is perfectionist related- a pattern of behaviour- and not so much related to the amount of work she is given. She thrawls over everything until it is perfect, and I think those traits would follow her into everything she does. She could be more assertive with her bosses for certain, but ultimately I think she needs to overcome this perfectionist tendency.

This behavioural pattern which makes her stay in work and do all these hours is, in a nutshell, what needs to be tackled. I still haven't a clue of the sort of professional she could see to help her out of this. Anybody know? Thanks again.

Deadeyes

A Psychologist could help. That old interview question about what's your worst quality and people say I'm a perfectionist always makes me laugh, cause it just goes to show they don't know what they're talking about. As you may have guessed I have tendencies towards that direction and I always feel that my work is never really complete even when it's gone live for months and people are raving about it. It can be hard to just say eff it. She will have to learn to aim for average or at least above average it makes for an all round happier life. That acceptance that ok is ok must come from within but will probably need that external push in the right direction. As I've said a counselling psychologist might help other might know of someone better qualified for correctly identifying and dealing with such cases.

Suaimhneach

Maybe she'd be happy as a teacher?

Kamili

She should definately get some help, she sounds like she may have OCD and as a result this is manifesting itself in her need for perfection all the time. I am not saying that she does have this disorder in any way but what you described seems to me that it might be part of it. I'm not a doctor so please don't take this as gospel either.

Another take on it might be that she is not getting enough rest so is not in any fit state to manage her work and as a result is making mistakes and has to then stay late to rectify this issue. From an employers perspective they would only see her staying late as an inability to be organised enough to complete her tasks in a normal working day so I can see why she doesn't want to say anything. She needs to learn to say no too and to start structuring her day with a to do list, getting priorities on tasks sorted out and organising herself instead of being scattered and as a result making mistakes. She also needs to learn to say no if she feels she can't complete a task. its okay to do this!