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celibacy

  • 30-08-2008 9:52pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    i am a bit shy and i have to be honest the fact that every girl i meet has had lots of partners is scaring me. is it possible to meet a mid twenties virgin any more. or i am i wasting my time


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    No. There have been a couple of threads on here lately that have concerned women in their mid-twenties/thirties that have been virgins.

    It is quite rare though. There's no need for any girl you meet to be a virgin to have a good experience with you. Unless it's religious beliefs getting in your way i don't see why it should be a problem for you. Sounds to me like it's a confidence issue? You want to be someone's first so you won't badly compare to other lovers? Or you just don't like the idea if sleeping with a girl who's been with other men?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    its because i think its special. but people seem to sleep with eachother so easily nowadays. am i wrong to want to be with just one woman. surveys say women lose their virginity at about 17 and have 8 partners on average, that is too much


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Obviously it isn't too much, or it wouldn't have happened.

    Why do you care what the average is. Are you planning to propose to a demographically balanced survey result?

    I know a couple of women in their twenties or older who are virgins. Unfortunately all of those I know personally are only interested in men who have respect for women, so you're out of luck as far as they go, but I'm sure they aren't the only virgins of that age.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    Talliesin wrote: »
    Obviously it isn't too much, or it wouldn't have happened.

    Why do you care what the average is. Are you planning to propose to a demographically balanced survey result?

    I know a couple of women in their twenties or older who are virgins. Unfortunately all of those I know personally are only interested in men who have respect for women, so you're out of luck as far as they go, but I'm sure they aren't the only virgins of that age.

    I think that that's a bit harsh, Talliesin. The OP has a preference for women who haven't yet committed to having sex with anyone else. It's his preference who or what he goes for. if he really is disheartened by girls who've had many partners then there's no point in him forcing himself to go out with them.

    OP, although those statistics may be accurate for the most part, there are many girls out there who are virgins until their twenties. Some even later. The short answer to your question is that yes, virgins of that age do exist, but they probably will be hard to find.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 954 ✭✭✭marti101


    Are you a virgin,im just wondering are you putting women on a pedestal.After all if you expect them to be virgins,why should they sleep with you.Cause then they are the women you are talking about here.ie non virgins.


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  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    its because i think its special. but people seem to sleep with eachother so easily nowadays. am i wrong to want to be with just one woman. surveys say women lose their virginity at about 17 and have 8 partners on average, that is too much
    No it's not too much, you're just too self concious and will probably think a woman will make comparisons should they decide to sleep with you. So in your head you've come up with the ''sex is sacred'' line to counteract the deeper issues you have and concinved yourself you need to be with a virgin.

    You don't.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,398 ✭✭✭Phototoxin


    its because i think its special. but people seem to sleep with eachother so easily nowadays. am i wrong to want to be with just one woman. surveys say women lose their virginity at about 17 and have 8 partners on average, that is too much

    at least you have the balls to be different. There is no harm, however if a girl made a mistake etc you shouldnt stigmatise her or judge her for it. That siad old fashioned girls aren't as hard to find as you might think. They are just rarer, and usually religous.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,290 ✭✭✭dresden8


    The amount of hypocrisy around the virginity issue is amazing. The number of "swordsmiths" who hate women who ride is unbelievable, for normal people that is.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    just because someone isn't a virgin doesn't mean they have no values ect. maybe they were in love? maybe it meant alot to them to lose it and are happy how they lost it. is that so bad?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,925 ✭✭✭aidan24326


    its because i think its special. but people seem to sleep with eachother so easily nowadays. am i wrong to want to be with just one woman.

    No. You're entitled to want whatever you want. But if you're going to limit yourself strictly to virgins you will obviously limit your possibilities, and for what? You could meet a wonderful girl who had slept with a couple of guys. They might even have been boyfriends that she cared about at the time. Are you going to pass her over just because she isn't a snow-white virgin? If so then more fool you.
    surveys say women lose their virginity at about 17 and have 8 partners on average, that is too much

    Too much for who? If someone wants to have 8 or 38 sexual partners then that's their business surely. Each to their own.

    By the way, the chances of you finding a virgin and spending the rest of your life with her while neither of you ever sleep with any other person are slim I'm afraid. This is not the 1930s.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,930 ✭✭✭✭challengemaster


    pookie82 wrote: »
    I think that that's a bit harsh, Talliesin.
    Harsh but fair.. sometimes the truth hurts.

    Survey says?* lol! Personally I've never heard of this almighty magic survey, that every woman in the world has taken.

    It might be that out of 100 women in north london, the average lost their virginity at 17, and also out of that 100 women, the average partner toll was 8.. doesn't mean that's every woman ever accounted for.

    Facts/Surveys & Common sense go hand in hand together...

    *Has reminded me of family fortunes. bygraves_duhduhh.jpg


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    pookie82 wrote: »
    I think that that's a bit harsh, Talliesin.

    It's not harsh, it's a fact that all the women I know of that age or older who I know are virgins complain about men with this attitude. I could go on a quest to find more virgin friends if it'd make life any easier for the OP, but it won't change that the virgins I already know (again where I know they are virgins) would consider him a creep.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    if i was still a virgin i'd think the op was a creep too.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    The OP is entitled to his feelings as much as the next person.
    There are lots of people out there who feel that sex is very intimate or special.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,011 ✭✭✭cHaTbOx


    its because i think its special. but people seem to sleep with eachother so easily nowadays.

    Can I ask ,why does she have to be a virgin ?
    I think it devalues the your view of thinking it is special.
    Now ,if you are in love it is special, but are you trying to seek out a virgin or love?They may have had lots of partners but if you are in love with them IT DOES NOT MATTER. They will take there time with you .That will not mean a thing and it can be special that way.If you are looking for a virgin becuase you are jealous/afraid that she has had more partners then I dont think you are fit for any woman.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    Talliesin wrote: »
    It's not harsh, it's a fact that all the women I know of that age or older who I know are virgins complain about men with this attitude. I could go on a quest to find more virgin friends if it'd make life any easier for the OP, but it won't change that the virgins I already know (again where I know they are virgins) would consider him a creep.

    Fair enough. If he's going on the women-need-to-be-sacred-and-untouched-as-otherwise-they're-filthy-whores idea, then yes, it's creepy.

    But if he just wants to meet a girl with whom he can share his first time perhaps (?) or wants to meet someone who waits that little bit longer for a special first time, there's no need to lynch him. Being disillusioned with the modern day casual approach to sex is not a crime or "creepy".


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i am a bit shy and i have to be honest the fact that every girl i meet has had lots of partners is scaring me. is it possible to meet a mid twenties virgin any more. or i am i wasting my time
    It may not be common but I only lost my virginity at almost 25 just over a year ago. My boyfriend (26 at the time) only had a single drunken one night stand before aged 26 - so we were both very inexperienced. In a way I love that we were both in the same boat - but that said we did not have a clue. Sometimes I think that it might have been better if at least one of us knew what we were doing, but as we both trusted each other and had a sense of humour about the whole thing we got there and now have a beatiful baby boy - so we must've done something write ;)
    As much as this cliche bugged me when I was single, it's true that you never know what's around the corner - you will meet someone.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Talliesin wrote: »
    It's not harsh, it's a fact that all the women I know of that age or older who I know are virgins complain about men with this attitude. I could go on a quest to find more virgin friends if it'd make life any easier for the OP, but it won't change that the virgins I already know (again where I know they are virgins) would consider him a creep.
    so i am a creep because i value sex and intimacy. what about guys out looking for sex every night, are they real men


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    so i am a creep because i value sex and intimacy. what about guys out looking for sex every night, are they real men

    No, you're not. Any time the issue of "are there any virgins left out there" comes up a lot of people get very defensive as they think that because they've already chosen to have sex you're labelling them as easy/sluts/promiscuous or whatever. When I assume that all you're looking for is someone who acknowledges your desire to keep sex special and meaningful. That's not a crime, or creepy, unless you've got the Madonna/whore complex going on.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2 brownybear


    No your a creep because your sex life revolves around controlling the other person in an unacceptable way. Sex is about pleasure not control- you own nobody but yourself....... you creep.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    brownybear wrote: »
    No your a creep because your sex life revolves around controlling the other person in an unacceptable way. Sex is about pleasure not control- you own nobody but yourself....... you creep.

    I presume that's a joke that you specifically signed up to post. if not you should probably re-read the OP and point out where he mentions all of the controlling he's going to be doing.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2 brownybear


    Pookie you obviously identify with the control issue- what has when I signed up got to do with it?

    As for the point at hand you have got to be kidding or let me guess- a young male. All this 'I just want it to be special' b*llsh*t it just your average backhanded attempt to couch his own rather obvious misogyny in less offensive jargon.
    Here is the control....here is the judgement.....
    surveys say women lose their virginity at about 17 and have 8 partners on average, that is too much

    Great you decree the acceptable amount than.....I bet both of you have very strong opinions on abortion and stay at homes mums too.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,698 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    Brownybear, week's ban for personal abuse, please read the charter upon your return.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    dresden8 wrote: »
    The amount of hypocrisy around the virginity issue is amazing. The number of "swordsmiths" who hate women who ride is unbelievable, for normal people that is.
    I know what you're saying and I agree with it, but as pookie says, I don't think it applies here. The OP does not come across as misogynistic, he just puts sex on a bit too much of a pedestal. I don't get any tone of "non virgin females are soiled and therefore lacking as humans" off him.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i do feel i have to defend the creep and control allegations. i have lots of female friends and am never judgemental. however i do feel sex is special. i fully understand it in terms of a loving relationship but i do think things have got out of hand both for men and women when one night stands become the norm. sex is great and even better in a relationship. casual sex can be damaging


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 829 ✭✭✭McGinty


    Hi Op

    Just out of curiousity do you think a person who has slept around (be they male or female) in their past for whatever reason is incapable of loving and intimate sex?

    Is it possible that the person who has slept around may have done so looking for love, or had low self esteem, or issues around sex, or just plain liked having lots of sex but then wanted a loving, deep meaningful relationship later in life.

    I can give you two scenarios that flies in the face of your theory of too many lovers = slut (again be it male or female) and these are true stories:-

    couple a: both married as virgins, got along pretty well learned together (terribly by all accounts) to the point the sexual relationship died, wife in marriage (who was a virgin) runs off with another man.

    couple b: man in relationship has some but not that much experience, meets loving kind woman, marries her, she has been around the block a lot (definately more than 8, heck more than 20), they love each other as two people and like each other and have been committed to each other for several years. Both have remained faithful and devoted to each other.

    The thing about relationships is that they refuse (in reality) to be boxed in, I think you should ask yourself can I find a good, kind, loving woman who makes me laugh, who enhances my life, who is interesting, fun and so forth, rather than be hung up on the whole 'I can't find a virgin in this decaying, immoral world of today'. Decide to find a good woman and drop all that guff, the intimacy will follow because the feelings will be there between the two of you.

    People have accused you of being a creep, or at least controlling, the thing is that reaction may have occurred because you are attempting to take ownership of someone's past, and the fact is, it is their past, I hope for your sake you lose the attitude that the number of sexual partners count, be they male or female because you could miss out on a genuinely lovely person.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 729 ✭✭✭beth-lou


    Just because someone is a virgin, doesn't mean that the sex will be special, or that you will be that special to them. It just means that you're their first. That's all.

    Sex is special when two people make a connection. Regardless of who may or may not have gone before, it is the connection between you, that is unique to you and them, that will make it special.

    Don't limit yourself to "virgins". Look at the woman in her entirety, and not as a hymen.


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