how to word it...

pj9999

I'm not getting to see my son at the moment, due to having a hostile relationship with his mother.

As his mother and I are currently not on speaking terms, I'm going to write to her, making it clear that I want to start seeing my son again. I need her to know that if she doesn't facilitate access, then I will take her to court if necessary.

Just wondering if there is a way I can phrase it without actually mentioning words such as "court" or "the legal route" ?

Many thx
P

useful_contacts

pj9999 wrote: »

I'm not getting to see my son at the moment, due to having a hostile relationship with his mother.

As his mother and I are currently not on speaking terms, I'm going to write to her, making it clear that I want to start seeing my son again. I need her to know that if she doesn't facilitate access, then I will take her to court if necessary.

Just wondering if there is a way I can phrase it without actually mentioning words such as "court" or "the legal route" ?

Many thx
P

"Dear xxx

i know ATM thing are tense with us, but just because there is anonymousity between us there is no need for our son to suffer. I love our son (as i know you do ) so i know you feel how our conflict is affecting him.

I dont want our boy to grow up thinking i didnt love him, I want to see him so he can know that just because we didnt work out doesnt mean i dont love him. I know you are are a sensible woman and you know that a parent needs to see his child.

I think you should grant me access to him, at least twice a week, i dont want him to grow up thinking i didnt see him enough, and i know that if he found out you limited my access he would resent you.

Im trying to save us both that hardship, let me spend time with him,i know he wants to and i do too , it would save future conflit between us. If you dont agree to this there are other measures i can take to see my child.

The balls in your court, think about our son and what he wants"

Just edit it the way u like, i know the wording is v formal so edit away, just what id say

hope it helped xx

pookie82

Maybe add after the "If you dont agree to this there are other measures i can take to see my child" bit - "Obviously, for the benefit of all involved, I would rather we didn't have to go down this route. I'm sure that as two sensible adults who share a common love for our son we can work things out without outside help."

Try and coax her to believe that the courts angle will just hurt everyone.

Otherwise, well worded, useful contacts.

By the way, good luck OP I hope it works out.

useful_contacts

pookie82 wrote: »

Maybe add after the "If you dont agree to this there are other measures i can take to see my child" bit - "Obviously, for the benefit of all involved, I would rather we didn't have to go down this route. I'm sure that as two sensible adults who share a common love for our son we can work things out without outside help."

Try and coax her to believe that the courts angle will just hurt everyone.

Otherwise, well worded, useful contacts.

By the way, good luck OP I hope it works out.

YA thats a v good addition it sounds threating without that

thanks pookie:)

good luck op let us know how ya get on pet:)

marti101

Plus point out to her she would get some time to herself every week ie if she wanted to take a class,meet with friends without having to worry about babysitters that will probably work.By the way how old is the child,we could probably give better answers if we knew the age.

MagicMarker

Don't write to her, put the pen down, pick up the phone and call your solicitor.

If you're not going to see your son every time she throws a tantrum then best to nip this ****e in the bud.

Best of luck.

matrim

MagicMarker wrote: »

Don't write to her, put the pen down, pick up the phone and call your solicitor.

If you're not going to see your son every time she throws a tantrum then best to nip this ****e in the bud.

Best of luck.

Going straight to the solicitor might be a bit harsh, especially if you think your ex might be reasonable. But I would say at least keep a copy of the letter and register the post, so that you have a record that you sent it. This will show that you were trying to be reasonable, if it ever went to court.

marti101

matrim wrote: »

Going straight to the solicitor might be a bit harsh, especially if you think your ex might be reasonable. But I would say at least keep a copy of the letter and register the post, so that you have a record that you sent it. This will show that you were trying to be reasonable, if it ever went to court.

Agree you dont want to make it harder than it has to be court should be the last resort cause the only person it hurts is the child.So remind your ex of that fact.

Phototoxin

I dont want our boy to grow up thinking i didnt love him,

but SHE might want that ...

Trinity

If she is keeping him away from you out of spite then i would certainly mention that she is actually harming her son. If she loves him she will not like to hear that and will want whats best for him and if you are a good dad then thats what she is doing is harming him and jeopardising your relationship with him.

SarahMc

Maybe give her the opportunity to come up with an answer. "I am open to your suggestions as how how to draw a line in the sand over our past hostilities and move forward as parents to ensure our child has a loving relationship with both his parents".

iguana

useful_contacts wrote: »

If you dont agree to this there are other measures i can take to see my child.

I'd be very careful about the phrasing of this sentence. Use something more along the lines of "If we can't come to an agreement I will go down th elegal route."

"Other measures" could be construed as having a sinister meaning. And even if she knows full well that it isn't a threat she could make out that she thought it might be.

K-9

http://www.welfare.ie/foi/fammedser.html

Suggest Family mediation.

If she doesn't voluntarily let you see him and doesn't agree to the above, (I've been there), court is the only option.Especially record when you suggested mediation if she disagrees or refuses. Take the name of the person you where talking to in family mediation.

Record all the dates access was denied, phone calls and texts made to see him etc.

Do you pay child maintenance? Do not stop paying it. If you do and it goes to court the judge will seriously frown on that. Stay above the crap!

Write a letter pj9999, keep it short and to the point. Do not threaten anything as a solicitor will use that against you.

Advice going forward: Keep conversations and texts short and to the point, strictly child related only. Treat it like a business relationship. Once you do not respond to attacks, things MAY get easier. If a row starts, walk away!

PS. If you have a court ordered access order, report the breaches to the Guards. They will probably fawn you off but insist the reports are recorded.

The Sweeper

Are you paying your child support? You're entitled to see your son. I wouldn't even write to her, I'd just call her up.

Unless, of course, the reason that you don't want to go the court route is because you're not paying child support...?