Internet Dating Picture Dilemma

boarddotie

Hi all,

Would just like some opinions, male and female:

I am on an internet dating site and not being bigheaded but have been innundated with emails, winks whatever u call them. I am putting this down to the fact that I have pictures up and also I would be a year or two younger than the average age on these sites.

The thing is about my pictures: obviously i want to show my best side but now I am thinking I am showing TOO good on side on these pcitures!! They would be some of my favourite ones of myself during nights out or whatever when Im dollied and looking my best and at the best angles.

I have met 3 fellas off the site and while 2 out of 3 said they were attracted to me and we kissed and fooled around a bit (whether that proves the point or not is another post), I never heard much from them after. Now there were other issues involved here too (one just out of a 7 year relationship, another just wanted sex etc) but I still have a fear in the back of my mind that the 'me' that presents myself for a casual lunch date (casual clothes, light make up-the whole keeping it causual and relaxed) would be different to the beaming pix of me on the site from a wedding or other night out!

Now I know what ye thinking: I look like a minger in the mornings compared to the tarted up wan in the photo but its not THAT much of a difference...I just dont think I am the 'stunner/hottie/babe/whatever they may say' for real life lunch dates that I am in the pix!!

So do i put up poorer pix and risk getting less emails but at least the ones who are genuinely interested in me will get a nice surprise when we meet. Or do I leave it as it is an hope for the best!!

Thanks everyone!!

PS I only seem to have met with ppl who are not locally to me, so the dates are always after a drive of at least an hour (on both our parts) so theres only so much dolling up that can be done, its never been a night out so far where obv I would be looking betetr again!! As in the last time I had to take a nap in my car before we met :cool: haha! Gotta love the funny stories for interweb dating!

zuroph

hi!

rule of thumb, put the best pics up. it doesnt matter if u feel ur deceiving people, everyone else is on there too. Also, I sincerely doubt changing ur pic will have much effect on the amount of replies you get, this is the same for ALL girls on dating sites, the guys do the hunting so the girls get inundated with replies.
As for the driving to meet lads...whats wrong with us Limerick lads?! we're not all too bad!!
And dont be fooling around on first date off the net, the vast majority of guys on there are on the pull for just a bit of action.

RoosterIllusion

Well, to be honest why don't you put up a more normal photograph and see what happens...

You already know that's what you should do but you just won't admit it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Put up honest photos. If you put up hot ones & you dont match the guy will think you're pathetic

Happened to a mate of mine in college. Was talking to a girl on myspace, she was really hot...or so we thought, I met her in person and she was fat, much less pretty/ It's amazing what people can do with angling the camera.

He was disappointed with her & eventually started seeing the worst of her in everything.

I think there's some sort of thinking in people that if they put up hot photos it will somehow make them that hot.

Bottle_of_Smoke

zuroph wrote: »

hi!

rule of thumb, put the best pics up. it doesnt matter if u feel ur deceiving people, everyone else is on there too. Also, I sincerely doubt changing ur pic will have much effect on the amount of replies you get, this is the same for ALL girls on dating sites, the guys do the hunting so the girls get inundated with replies.
As for the driving to meet lads...whats wrong with us Limerick lads?! we're not all too bad!!
And dont be fooling around on first date off the net, the vast majority of guys on there are on the pull for just a bit of action.

Nonsense, what does it matter what everyone else does/ It's only the OPs experiences that metter.

Fat Pie Lot

As long as your photos resemble you, there's no harm in putting up the ones you think show you off in a better light than a normal, day-to-day photo. If I were on a site, as long as the photos were of the person, even if they were glammed up ones, that would be enough for me.

Thinking you were meeting up with Jessica Alba and being confronted with Amy Winehouse would be my main worry!

kidshamrock

I would say leave up the good ones! People on these sites know that the pcitures posted are probably the best so they should know to take a step back from the pix!
Maybe the real problem is is that the first date/meeting is during the day and not a night out or dinner where u can get glammed up and might resemble the picture more. But that in itself would lead to the other problem of him seeing you w/o make up for the first time etc
Its a dilemma u will have to weigh up!
Good luck

herya

If you feel there might be discrepancy why not to put a better selection.

Leave the best ones by all means but add some more realistic shots like trekking with friends, walking your dog, having a relaxed pint or whatever you feel depicts your ordinary day best.

You deserve to have your best pics up but guys will also appreciate your honesty and to be frank I think that the girl's attractiveness is best measured not when she's all dolled up for a special occasion but when she's au naturel and enjoying herself.

I think it's not about the guys being disappointed with how you look. They may simply expect a party babe defined by her cleavage if they see attractive pics of this kind and not much else to give counterbalance :>

TheDriver

Personally, best photos are best but I am always intruiged by no photo and then getting it privately if things go well in a chat/mail. Girls with photos up seem to always have issues with too many mails and not attracting nice guys apparently. I would be inclined to think try no photo for a while and send it to them once you like the idea of them
Also: Are you looking for a lont term thing as if you are, keep away from people out of relationships and you can always spot someone just looking for sex.

pepsi1234

I reckon you should put up mainly your best photos (because everyone else is doing that) and put up a few 'normal' ones. They will appreciate the honesty.

The risk about putting up only 'normal' photos is that people will think these are your best shots!

TheDriver

I find few people actually put up photos

John Kimble

Thankfully this isn't really a problem for guys as we don't tend to wear make-up (although I'm only really speaking for myself here!) and most guys don't like posing for photos!! I would have been reluctant in the past to put any photos of myself on the internet due to my own personal insecurities about how i look, however I did so recently via an application on Facebook. Weirdly enough, i've had practically zero response from Irish women but an overwhelming thumbs up from South American countries, perhaps the pasty Irish complexion is considered exotic over there?? Anyway OP, I don't think it's anything to be duly concerned with, it's just a bit of a laugh and I'd be very skeptical about the chances of meeting someone worthwhile through internet dating sites.

McGinty

Hi Op

I think the advice of putting some normal pics alongside your glam pictures are a good idea. I've done the whole net thing and had very mixed results, there are a lot of timewasters, but there are also geniune people out there too. Do you ever choose the man yourself? I ask because it might help if you do the choosing, I mailed my current partner (we met through the net) and it would have been very unlikely he would have picked me because I lived further than he was looking at, I am glad I chose him because he had the qualities I was looking for and lots of bonus ones I didn't know about so I would also urge you to do the picking yourself and ask yourself what do you want from this. I would also caution the whole fooling around thing on the first date, not from a prudish sense but I have met with men who I later suspected they were married and was very, very glad I didn't get involved in anyway at all. Best of luck with it, oh yes incidentely I take terrible photos, for a long time I didn't put my pic up, and when I mailed it to an interested man nine times out of ten I got no response, the ones who saw past the bad pics were pleasantly suprised, the thing is I don't know what the answer is, but just thought I'd share my story with you.

spinandscribble

i wasn't on a dating site, but on myspace and i met someone and we went out for awhile. he did say in his opinion i didn't look like my pics and joked i'd tricked him but he realised when he took some pics on a night out i just look different on film (tbh i prefer what i look like in person anyway lol).
anyway, i'd suggest asking your mates if the photos are THAT misleading, which they're probably not, you just sound like you're meeting guys that just want a bit of fun from what you've said about them.

ryoishin

My mates set me up on that plenty of fish site after I put one of their phones in the buy and sell as a joke.

Anyway I got the password eventually and had a few emails from girls that were good looking in some pics and dodgy in others. Rule of tumb is ask for a bebo and see what the overall consensious is with their pics.

pickarooney

How about putting up one of each?

MicraBoy

No harm, no foul!

Seriously, photos are only to get your shoe in the door. In the long term you will want a relationship to be based on something more substantial than looks.

My other advice....don't put out on a first date

00_katie_00

I met my boyfriend on a internet dating website, he had his name as benjamin which I presumed was his actual name & it very nearly put me off him lol But after chatting for a few days on the net we talked on the phone & then met in real life, he got a shock that I was so small (5foot) cause I had a picture of me standing beside a table & he thought I looked tall in that but he loves me the way I am & there is always that shock of ooh your like this etc etc when u fisrst meet, unless of course your Jessica alba so relax, just keep your good looking photos up & make sure u take things sloooww with men