Problems with compulsive lying

LegacyUser

My problem is that I have a tendency to tell fibs a lot of the time. They're never bad lies that affect anyone else, They can range from completely mundane litttle tales to fabulous stoies about some mad exploits I got up to. Most of the time I do it when I've had a few drinks but not always. I've been aware that its a problem for a while so the situation has improved yet from time to time I still find myself lying and then really regretting it soon after. The worst is when I have to continue a lie because someone mentions something I lied about before. I have a great bunch of friends and because we've known each other so long my honesty would not really be questioned. I generally AM honest though apart from on certain occasions. With certain recent friends Ive made however, I know that they know I've lied on occasions and I'm worried that if I cant cut out this problem now it'll cost me friends in future.
The thing is, i've known people before who have been compulsive liars and generally disliked them because of it. I know that it shows a lack of respect to people you consider your friends. Why do I still do it occasionally so? I reckon it must be some sort of attention seeking thing or something....I dunno....I'm improving but want to cut it out altogether. Any thoughts/similar experiences?

Karen_*

Well I just had a look on a couple of sites about it and one said that there might be some form of comfort for you in telling a lie? Would you identify with that? And also it might link to a compulsive disorder like OCD. And any behaviour which provides comfort can become a hard habit to break.

Think about how you feel when you like or why you do it. You probably think there's no reason but there must be even if its a bad habit it must give you something.

I'd say that the realisation that you have a problem is half the battle and you might benefit from talking to a counsellor or a close friend about it as well as really watching what you're saying.

gandhi123

i don't believe you

Nevyn

gandhi123 Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Nevyn

lieissue you need to figure out why you tell such tales.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

lieissue you need to figure out why you tell such tales.

!
I know that!
Thats my problem
I dont know why. There is no logical reason for it. Maybe just need to kick myself up the arse and tell myself to stop it, the only thing is I've already done that and it didnt work

Nevyn

Ok so maybe you need professional help, go talk to your dr about getting a referal.

LegacyUser

Thaedalyl- I didnt mean to snap,

Honestly, I dont think I need professional help.
As I said in OP im getting control of it. And also, its mostly all silly lies.
I dunno.
anyway
thanks for responses

NoQuarter

one of my mates does it OP, we all know he does it and give him a bit of stick about it but i find it really strange, I mean...can ya not just not do it??? why not is thats the case?? im quite interested !

Wurly

lieissue wrote: »

!
I know that!
Thats my problem
I dont know why. There is no logical reason for it. Maybe just need to kick myself up the arse and tell myself to stop it, the only thing is I've already done that and it didnt work

Are any of the lies that you tell stuff you wish had happened to you? Stuff you wish you could experience?

I had a terrible lying compulsion in my very early teens. I lied basically to detach myself from the life that I had. I was a very unhappy child and things weren't good at home etc etc. So I lied and created fantasy things that happened and even fantasy people. It basically made life more bearable and made me happier. I almost believed myself sometimes.

Then the inevitable happened and I tripped myself up lying.. I lost all my friends and got a reputation which took a long time to repair. You say that your honesty won't be questioned. Believe me, it will... After a time... When you contradict yourself. The sad thing is, people will then assume everything out of your mouth is a lie. Worse still, they are not likely understand why you did it and will take it as a personal act of mistrust against them.

Does my story above have any similarity to yours at all? Can you identify with any of it? If so, I can try to help you to stop.

If not, can you tell me what goes through your head just before the lie comes out.. Also, do they just come out or do you concoct them for a while and then tell them?

LegacyUser

No, I never concoct the lies before I tell them, they appear out of nowhere.
And, They're not about things I wish I could do or anything, they're more lies of the entertainment sort....
will reply more later but wrecked now

litup

Good advice there Tri.

OP, if you can't figure out why you do it, maybe identify when it happens to see if you can spot a trigger, which you can then address.

Does it happen when you are in a certain situation, with certain people etc?

Irishcrx

OP,

I have a mate who does this, he lies on occasion to boost a story or will make one up but we all know him so well and he openly admits it to us and is able to make a laugh out of himself with it and for that we respect and love him as a friend, not to mention that the stuff he comes out with is usually classic, he accepts it as part of his personality and we do to cause he's our mate through all his positive AND negitive aspects.

Miss Fluff

You probably need professional help to me honest. Go to your GP and get a referral.

Irishcrx

I'm going to disagree here for once, I don't think you need professional help for telling a few fibbs , you need to sit down with yourself and wonder why you do it and sort it if it is bothering you that much..

boogle

My brother does that all the time. We used to give him stick. Nowadays when his mouth runs away with him and he tells some story or anecdote and we all laugh, he says "yeah, that didn't really happen, but it's a good one alright!" and makes it all light-hearted.

board om

Irishcrx wrote: »

OP,

I have a mate who does this, he lies on occasion to boost a story or will make one up but we all know him so well and he openly admits it to us and is able to make a laugh out of himself with it and for that we respect and love him as a friend, not to mention that the stuff he comes out with is usually classic, he accepts it as part of his personality and we do to cause he's our mate through all his positive AND negitive aspects.

someone in their teens exagerating a story to get a better laugh from it isnt seen as that bad. it is one thing to exagerate a story to make it funnier. as some people say, never let the truth get in the way of a good story. but there is a big difference between exagerating a story for laughs and completely making something up.

and what happens when they hit their twenties and thirties and they are still doing it? when they are in their teens and in a small group of close friends and the friends accept it then no harm is done. but when the person is older and starts going to college or working and they are meeting new people, then it goes from being a laugh to being a nuisance. they become known as a BS artist and people arent laughing with them, they are laughing at them. ive worked with a couple of 'story tellers' and they become the office joke. i worked with one guy in particular who was so bad that he was actually known across the industry as walter mitty. when ever his name was mentioned people would just laugh at the thought of him, and nobody wanted to be known as being friendly with him because it would ruin their reputation in the industry. its bad enough being known like that by your immediate co-workers, but for your reputation to procede you to the point where you are known as a liar by people who have never even met you is really bad. and thats what happened to this guy. in fact after about a year of working with him he just left one day becuase he got sick of being caught out on his BS. he just didnt turn up for work one day and we never heard from him again. (well actually he called to say he was dying in hospital and would be out for a while :rolleyes:)

so what i am saying is this, nip it in the bud now before it gets to be a serious problem. up until now it has been ok and you havent been caught out. so quit while you are ahead.

HouseHippo

had this problem when I was 12 or 13, mostly as I had no friends and in school alot of people were talking about great things they got up to etc, so I just made em up.


I found it was mostly a self esteem issue(I did go to therapy but that was for lack of confidence)

I started to get caught out in my lie which at the end of the day is more embarrassing then not having a story to tell in the first place.So I weighed up the pros and cons

Pros: You sound cool for a minute.
You get a rush from lying, everyone does, it's a natural human thing, just some
more than others.

Cons: You get found out, they think you are a twat....for good.
Chances are they know you are lying and just play along, again you look like a
twat.
Nobody trusts you or believes anything you say from now on

So to combat my habit I, next time I felt a lie spring up in my head thought to myself of the embarrassment of being caught out and how much that persons opinion of me would change, no one likes a fibber. Although I will admit that I did grow out of it.It had alot to do with age

However i found it to be a self esteem issue mostly, so maybe try a bit of therapy, and if it doesn't work try something else. Maybe even go out and have great experiences so you won't have to lie

Gone Drinking

I've known a few people that used to do this alot.. and the thing is, while you think everyone is just taking it all in, fact is they're saying "did you hear the bs that so and so was talking last night?" because everyone knows a bs'er when they go on about stuff thats clearly untrue. No one says it to you because they either enjoy laughing at your bs stories behind your back.. or they feel sorry for you.

Either way, that should be ensentive enough to stop really.

LegacyUser

I also tend to lie a fair bit. It's generally similar to yourself, telling stories/ talking about stuff that I haven't actually done. For example, if I meet someone new and they're talking about having gone to the States or something, I might say that I've been too and make up a load of bs about it. Is that the kind of thing you tend to do? I'm not sure why I do it but I think it's to make myself seem more interesting. And... to have more to talk about, I suppose.

I've never really examined why I do it before, to be honest, but your post has really made me think. I went through a bit of a compulsive lying phase when I was about ten (and way back when I was four or five as well) but I got caught out a lot and eventually managed to kick the habit for years. But in the last couple of years - since I've started college - I've gotten really bad again.

Are you a very imaginative person? I am, and like one of the previous posters, I have in the past almost managed to convince myself that some of my lies are the truth.

It's strange for me to read this thread because I tend to assume that no one realises when I tell lies. But I suppose it's just that people don't challenge you about it when you get older. And I can usually recognise when others are lying, so it stands to reason that they would realise when I do it.

Perhaps some people (like us) have more of an innate tendancy to lie? I don't know, and I'm sorry, I know I'm not being much help. But the thread just really struck a chord with me and I thought I'd let you know that I'm in the same boat as you.

LegacyUser

Lyre wrote: »

I also tend to lie a fair bit. It's generally similar to yourself, telling stories/ talking about stuff that I haven't actually done. For example, if I meet someone new and they're talking about having gone to the States or something, I might say that I've been too and make up a load of bs about it. Is that the kind of thing you tend to do? I'm not sure why I do it but I think it's to make myself seem more interesting. And... to have more to talk about, I suppose.

I've never really examined why I do it before, to be honest, but your post has really made me think. I went through a bit of a compulsive lying phase when I was about ten (and way back when I was four or five as well) but I got caught out a lot and eventually managed to kick the habit for years. But in the last couple of years - since I've started college - I've gotten really bad again.

Are you a very imaginative person? I am, and like one of the previous posters, I have in the past almost managed to convince myself that some of my lies are the truth.

It's strange for me to read this thread because I tend to assume that no one realises when I tell lies. But I suppose it's just that people don't challenge you about it when you get older. And I can usually recognise when others are lying, so it stands to reason that they would realise when I do it.

Perhaps some people (like us) have more of an innate tendancy to lie? I don't know, and I'm sorry, I know I'm not being much help. But the thread just really struck a chord with me and I thought I'd let you know that I'm in the same boat as you.

Yeah, sounds exactly like me! I'm imaginative as well (Obv!)
Often when just walking home etc I'll get carried away daydreaming and stuff.

Anyway, I reckon we both try and cut it out. I suppose you just have to try and bite your lip when you feel a fib brewing. Anyway, quiet and mysterious is the new cool I reckon.

LegacyUser

OP I also tell little lies. I was bullied a lot when I was younger and started elaborating stories to make myself more interesting to the bullies, and just in general to get people to like me.

Now, at 21, I still do it. I tend to embellish stories. For instance a car cutting me off while turn into 'a car cut me off but there happened to me an undercover garda car on the road and they pulled him in'. I do it all the time. My boyfriend knows I do it and he knows I try and stop. He also knows it's harmless. The other thing I do is make up confrontations. I have a fear of arguing and will never confront someone if they're annoying me in work or something. Instead I'll make up stories were I confronted the person and was all assertive and great. I hate this about myself and it's caused serious problems as I am now confronting people but they never react in the way I've spent the last 20 years imagining and I don't know how to react. So little white lies can be harmless but they can cause problems also.

That said, I also have serious issues with being interrupted. I snap if someone interrupts me and I go crazy if someone interrupts me and doesn't let me finish my story at all. In secondary school this was used as a bullying technique against me and now I take it personally. I believe the two things are tied in together. If I get interrupted I feel boring so I elaborate so I won't be boring. Does that seem similar to you?

As the 2nd poster said, I also have OCD but I never realised there was a tie between the two.

By the way, your post has made me realise how stupid I am to elaborate/take being interrupted personally and I think it's what I needed to make some changes.

April Raine

are you what they call a walter mitty type person who lives in fantasy world about things you would like to have done? Google wm if you are not familiar with him

My name is URL

Even a pathological liar carries deep in his heart a desire for goodness and honesty and yet, because of painful emotional wounds, believes that the world never has, and never will, recognize his pain. And so, to hide that pain from himself, he uses all the lies he can concoct to hurl at the world as he runs in fear from his own goodness.

-Raymond Lloyd Richmond