Parents advice needed fast please

LegacyUser

I've just gone up to my sons room to collect the plates and cups he's left up there and lo and behold, there's a load of hash smoking paraphanalia on the floor. He's nearly fifteen and I dont know what to do. Yeah I smoked hash and grass at his age but I dont want him doing it.

I didnt know he was at this and am all over the place about how to handle it. Another of the mothers in my area told me recently that she caught her son at it, but since they dont pal together I thought no more of it.

Basically what I'd like to know from other parents is what methods they'd employ to put a stop to this, and I'd also appreciate some feedback from teenagers as to how widespread this is and whether or not there are in fact any effective ways of putting an end to it as far as they're concerned.

My son will be home shortly so I'd really appreciate some fast advice. Thanks all.

Redpunto

RELAX,,,,,,you will need to have a chat with him but not in a confrontational way,,, dont grab him as soon as he comes in, plus he was very silly leaving it lyin around like that,,,,have a drink,,,,,and ask him to have a chat with you,,,you know what youre talking bout so let him know your experiences as well

tiny-nioclas

Hash is bad for you,its mixed with all types of chemicals and oils, herbal cannabis is not if used maturely and correctly,fact.although he is very young but probably just experementing because he is at that age i suppose! you should be more worried if he was drinking a few cans or something, alcohol is the worlds most dangerous drug,let nobody forget that.marijuana has never,not once killed anyone.

Just tell him hes too young and that hash is bad for his health like cigarettes,hes probably not even getting high off it, just relax, he'l probably get more into it if you overreact, teenagers eh!!:cool:

Silverfish

Just to check.... are you absolutely sure?


When I was 14 I had a bong.

I didn't even know what it was, it just looked pretty. Not saying your son has this stuff cos it looks pretty, but some stuff is just cool to own, even if you don't use it for its intended purpose.

**Caroline**

That's a tough one worriedmam. Sometimes when you go too hard on teenagers for doing stuff like this, it can drive them very much in the opposite direction intended. For this reason, I'd thread very carefully in your approach to handling this. If you go overboard with him, he'll feel he has to rebel against you.

Maybe tackle it in such a way where you tell him you're going to give him the benefit of the doubt and let him speak to you like an adult about the situation. By doing this you'll gain his trust and he'll feel privileged that you're treating him in a grown up manner!! You could tell him you're concerned and wouldn't like to see him going down the wrong path. Explain that you're aware that everyone makes mistakes but it's putting them right that makes them mature!

See how he reacts and if you think you're getting somewhere, give him the vibe that you're putting your trust in him to be sensible with his decisions. That way instead of him feeling like he was attacked and wants to rebel, he'll have it on his mind that he's disappointing you and breaking your trust if he continues carrying on like this.

Of course, I'd still advise you to keep an eye on him in the future and in particular what circle of friends he's hanging out with. Maybe if you notice a pattern of bad behaviour with him when he's around one friend but no when he's with another, you could encourage him to pal with the other friend. You could use it to your advantage to steer him in the right direction. I think that the company he's around will have a lot to do with his actions; if his friends are doing it, you can't blame him wanting to try it out to be in with the crowd and be "cool". Even the srtongest minded teenagers can be roped into these scenaries by peer pressure and such!

Anyway, I really hope that whatever approach you take will work for you! And try not to get too worried over it because many if not most teenagers go through phases with trying new things. You have to let your kids make their own mistakes as it's the mistakes in life that make them learn from it!!

LolaDub

I'd say the main thing is to talk to him as an adult because if he's doing this he is definitely viewing himself as one.

Nevyn

Well where is he getting the money for it ?

Gavin "shels"

15 is a bit young if he is smoking it in all fairness, I'm 17 and only had a few joints this year (literally a few) for the first time.

Smoking hash and weed is widespread among teeangers at the moment and probably always has been, just confront him about it. Not going to be bad or anything but it would be better for his father to talk to him (if he's around), I feel I have a better connection with my dad than my mam, probably because we talk alot more, saying that you can relate to him since you smoked it yourself.

One piece of advice is, make sure he isn't selling. That could end up horribly, either being caught by the Guards or being caught by his dealer and getting a hiding, etc...

Maybe ask him why he started using it? Could it be family problems or school problems, etc...


BTW just because there's drug stuff on the floor doesn't mean anything? You'd easily smell it walking into the bed room, or off the bed sheets, etc...

jack87

i think the shock horror aproach is best..maybe few slaps u know urself,and den the best of all make sure he knows hes let you down and you cant trust him and all dat,dat will dig at him.....

why the harshness....a little talk wnt do it..hes jus guna go ''well if thats what happens wen i get cought fck it shur keep doin it.''

i no i did ...

sunshinegirl

maybe remind him of legal stance of it. Ask how long he is doing it and how much he uses a week,talk to him and see what he says, be friendly about it saying you dont really approve see what he has to say.dont come down hard on him as he wont listen to you.

unhappycamper

Took that stuff all the way up until it caused sever panic attacks, so I smoked weed and hash for like 9 years with my mates as a teen . Then I had to have some, the stuff is addictive mentally, don't be cruel but tell him not in the house and keep an eye on him, he is only a teen all the same. I gave it up because it was causing me mental illness GAD the doctor said. General anxiety disorder. Bad place glad I am free. My friend has psychosis and was bed bound for 2 years. Smoke too much and its problem after problem. Too much I mean by years. Once he gets a hit he will unlikely stop. Its great fun until it all goes pear shaped.

SnowMonkey

i was 14 when i started smokeing pot at 16 id taken lsd magic mushroom's pills and lots of has. It happens all to easy.

i dunno how i would deal with it but i think id make the dession to say look if your going to smoke let me see what your smoking... id have a look at that then say go of for a while take a smoke, see what its like then from there. id probably get my own stash, sample and show him the differencee between good and not so good id try educate him in what hes talking not say oh your doing drugs this is unexceptable behavour, because hes a kid hes going to go back out and do it.... whats he going to say :O Mummy told me not to do that... nah he'l probably go at it harder if you attack it like that...

its tricky i think id ballance it out with a good talk and the knowladge that he knows what he's doing

does he play sports....?

msg11

Only 18 myself, And I know a few people my age that are totally pheked up from the other drugs.

Personally I would have a chat with him about it, just don't "let" him smoke it, or even smoke.

It will lead onto other things.

That is all I can say really.. Oh and give him a horror story !

Victor

You need him to stop, but you need to tell him to stop in a way that won't make him rebel.

Treat him as a (young) adult is a start and educate him.

jack87 wrote: »

i think the shock horror aproach is best..maybe few slaps u know urself,and den the best of all make sure he knows hes let you down and you cant trust him and all dat,dat will dig at him.....

why the harshness....a little talk wnt do it..hes jus guna go ''well if thats what happens wen i get cought fck it shur keep doin it.''

i no i did ...

Violence is not the solution.

lee_arama

Depends on the typeof teenager he is really. What dos he normally respond to? Tread carefully here so as not to force him down a dark path.

FunkZ

It's strange that I'm looking really forward to the day that I have children and find them smoking hash, ohhh it's gonna be so much fun.

Chance are what you say won't stop your son from smoking it, if he stops or stays smoking it it's going to be up to him. I know it's **** but it's the way it is.

Beruthiel

Before mini me got old enough to get into this stuff, I told her all about drugs, not the scaremongering stuff, just the plain facts, their different uses, their different effects, which ones are the most dangerous, which ones will hook you the most. It was a conversation and not a sermon.
When it comes to hash, it can cause memory loss, it most certainly does not help when you are studying for exams etc... I told her if she felt she just had to try it in the future, she should confine it to weekends if possible.
Conversations like this tend to burst the bubble a lot of the time.
Don't come right out and tell him not to use it. Talk to him about it and ask his opinion on what he thinks it will do to him and the pros v the cons.

beth-lou

I think you should talk to him about it. Explain to hiim that you understand that he is curious about it and it's only natural, but that you would rather he didn't let it become a habit. Do some research.
The poster who said it doesn't have any negative effects is wrong. Sure it isn't as obvious that you are stoned and you are more relaxed than someone falling around drunk. However it does affect memory, and long term habitual use will have detremental effects on his memory. More worryingly hash and grass can have serious psychological effects on the teenage brain and can trigger a lifetime of depression and at worst schizophrenia and other mental illnesses. Get some information on paper for him and ask him politely to read it. Then I would have a very honest, open and frank discussion about drugs in general.
Kids are going to try stuff. It happens. The best that you can do is educate them so they can be aware of the dangers involved and make informed decisions.

oldboy

I started smoking hash at 15. I'm from a good back ground, we all were.

When one of the lads turned 18 after years of waterfalls and bongs and heavy smoking he started acting a bit weird, he lost the plot altogether and ended up in a mental home. He's schizophrenic, was getting paranoid delusions. Doctors reckon his brain was of the type sensitive to hash and drugs and he reacted to it. Ten years later he still is on medication and has his free bus pass and benefits. A shadow of who he used to be.

You know with kids...... be it drink, drugs or sex that if they want to do it they will. They can go behind your back in all sorts of ways and you have no control.

You need to talk to your son, make him trust you. In a non-confrontational way ask him about whats going on. Tell him what you found. Tell him you understand he is curious but then explain to him it can lead onto other things.

Let him know that it can have mental health implications, tell him about my mate who ended up damaged by it. Tell him that is can be a gateway drug onto ecstasy and anything else and to be careful (NOTE - alcohol is by far more of a gateway drugs because you're more likely to try new stuff when you're drunk so have a banter with him about that too).

Most importantly let him know that no matter what, if he is in trouble or any of his mates are in trouble. Or that he thinks he is loosing the plot or somebody else is, if they've taken or smoked somehting and reacted to it.................he can trust you.......come to you......... and talk to you about it.

Educate him and trust him. As I said simply telling him "dont do it" wont work, kids are resourceful as f@~k and can find ways to do most things. With any luck its just a phase, curiosity and nothing else.

Good luck !!

Irishcrx

I'd take the sensible approach with him TBH, when I was 15 I smoked hash and weed a little , But rather than being blasted for it my parents told me the truth about it that they didn't mind me taking it now and again as long as I treated it like an adult and with maturity, they also told me weed was better for me as it had less chemicals and warned me of the danagers of hard drugs and to stay away, It worked I smoked for a few years still do on occasion but neevr did anything heavier, got a good education, collage and a good job and house. Had they said NEVER DO IT etc your grounded i'd probably have tried to spite them at that age.

Miss Fluff

oldboy wrote: »

I started smoking hash at 15. I'm from a good back ground, we all were.

When one of the lads turned 18 after years of waterfalls and bongs and heavy smoking he started acting a bit weird, he lost the plot altogether and ended up in a mental home. He's schizophrenic, was getting paranoid delusions. Doctors reckon his brain was of the type sensitive to hash and drugs and he reacted to it. Ten years later he still is on medication and has his free bus pass and benefits. A shadow of who he used to be.

Yes, likewise. I shared a student house with someone similar who completely and utterly lost the plot and was diagnosed with schizophrenia from smoking so much. Some people are predisposed towards it.

God I used to smoke A LOT back in the day, wouldn't touch it now, does nothing for my personality or creativity. Maybe show him this article, don't through a fit over it, sit him down and discuss it with him as a young adult and perhaps get him to read up on drugs and their effects.

http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/medical/hash.htm

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your posts, and particularly for yours with that useful link Miss Fluff.

I spoke to him yesterday evening when he came in and I'm sure he was being honest with me when he said it was only an occasional thing. Apparently the kids club a few euros out of their pocket money together and send one of their older brothers off to get a ten spot off some eejit. I could spot a lie out of him no probs, so I'm sure he was telling the truth. I'm glad to know it is nowhere near serious problem stage, but I'll be keeping a sharp eye anyway and told him so.

For the record, I'd never even consider clattering my son over this. And also, the last person who told me prolonged cannabis abuse doesnt banjo your brain was someone whose brain cannabis has well and truly banjoed!