Extract from my book, "Indigo".

rhapsody!

Would really appreciate comments. Constructive criticism all the way :]

It was a watery summer over the moors of Friden. The sun hung above the marshy landscape, the landscape that never seemed to end. Clouds of greys and whites, blacks and even blues, moved smoothly across the placid sky. That morning, there had been a red sky. “Red sky at night – Shepard’s delight. But red sky in the morning – Shepard’s warning.” It was the type of weather that no one really knew whether it was going to rain or not. The clouds looked miserable and weepy, though it was quite warm on ground level. If it were to rain, it would be awful – the type of humidity that makes one sweat, and clothing sticks; and shoes become uncomfortable because feet get too hot. The moors were relatively cool, despite the heat elsewhere. Somehow, Friden was always cooler than everywhere else in Mahrg.

Mahrg was a place of great size, with cities stretching for hundreds of miles each. The vastness was always intimidating to newcomers, who were stunned by the enormous walls and heights of the buildings. The province of Mahrg was believed to have gotten its name from the ancient tongue of the worlds; and it means “Largest”. The accuracy of the name was exceptional, because even when the Ancient people lived, Mahrg was the largest of the seven provinces, with the largest cities, widest rivers, and the tallest mountains. The biggest of Mahrg’s cities was Ruen, which – from east to west – reached two hundred and forty miles, and from north to south – four hundred and twenty-five. A city of such unbelievable size, must have great capacity for habitation, surely? Not quite.

Because of its size, Ruen had to be divided into four sectors. Ruenmoon – the sector from north to east, Ruensun – the sector from east to south, Ruenice – the sector from south to west, and Ruenfire – the sector from west to north. It is true to say that all but one of these sectors are lived in. The reason has been lost over the centuries, why Ruenfire has been abandoned. This part of the city is rarely travelled through. Occasionally the odd traveller would wander beyond the boundary between Ruenmoon and Ruenfire – or the boundary between Ruenfire and Ruenice. This is out of sheer curiosity of course, but never have any of the travellers returned, all but three, whom had severe memory loss and could barely remember their names. Buildings still stand in Ruenfire, towering taller than any buildings in other parts of the city. However they lie out of civilization, the passage of time wears them thin and crumbling.

Legend has it that during a huge war known as “Fyr” – Ruenfire – then the richest and finest of the sectors, was used to house warriors and sorcerers in luxury. Arath was the most powerful and beautiful sorceress of all the magic folk residing in Ruenfire. She was destined for more and more power, but she began to use her greatness to steal other sorcerers’ power, stealing the life from them. She, of course, had been housed in Ruenfire, and by the time she had finished with all the sorcerers housed there, she had aged greatly. All the other sorcerers and sorceresses lay dead in Ruenfire, and – afraid the mortal warriors would speak out against her and have her arrested and executed, she used all her magic to dispose of them. However this huge amount of power left her exhausted and frail. She walked to the central fountain of Ruenfire, where she slumped into the waters and drowned. This story could never be proved, for historical documents have been lost in time, and any bodies that once lay in Ruenfire after Arath’s massacre would have long disintegrated over time.

The clouds over Friden Moore finally burst, raindrops penetrating the mossy ground, seeping into the waterlogged bog that lay underneath. The sky rumbled and grumbled, and lightning forks blistered across the sky like bright gashes. The humidity caused steam to rise out of the tree, like mystical clouds embarking on a journey of ascension. On the edge of the Griss forest, in a meadow that looked over the moors, a young woman, called Thea, sat crying. Her tears were almost invisible, because rain ran down her face too. Her hair became soaked, its red colour becoming darker the wetter it got. In her arms she held a bundle, that blinked every now and then in the rain. She knew she was too sick to take care of her child, for the previous winter’s snows had caught her off guard all those months ago, making her ill. She knew her child would be safe, for everyone has a friend who would do anything to ensure his or her happiness.

The woman pushed a strand of her long, now deep red hair, out of her face, and gazed into her baby’s indigo eyes – before taking her last struggled breath. The small baby girl was growing fast, at only six months when her mother had died. Her hair was an auburn red colour, much like her mother’s. Her most distinguished feature were her indigo eyes, often remarked upon by visitors to the household. The girl was small and dainty – but strong and steady. Her mother knew she would grow to be a beautiful young woman with great wisdom and willpower. There are many reasons for this, which the young girl would soon come to knowledge of, but for now, only being an infant, her undeveloped mind was not ready for such prophecies.

I've expanded on this tremendously, I just need some sort of opinions as to whether you would continue reading the book, etc, etc. I am aware of all the paragraph line breaks but I can't figure out how to do tabs in this thing or whether you even can..

Cheers

Matt Holck

I would keep reading
the cities are so large. I would expect there was no room for open planes
yet, the piece opens with the shepherd

seems the little girl will end up a sorcery in the abandon city

I can't figure out how to do tabs in this thing or whether you even can..

tabs can be created
by inserting a transparent line image
[PHP]http://voltic.com/0/i/Harmonics/space12.gif[/IMG]tabs can be created
by inserting a transparent line image[/PHP]

IF you want more space
add more images
[PHP]
IF you want more space
add more images[/PHP]


it's a bit of work
but tabs are doable

 

rhapsody!

Thanks for the comments :] I'm continuing to work through it, and I'm hoping to make something of it. I've been writing for years, I've just never had the motivation to finish anything. But now this is my last year of school I suppose I'll be able to finish things properly!

Thanks again, oh and about the tabs too!

edit: to point out, it doesn't open with a shepard. that's merely an old saying. =]