From hot to not.

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm looking for your opinions on a few things. I'm nearly 22 and going into my final year of college. I'm a very fit guy, not being arrogant but I'm fairly big muscle wise. I'm 5'11 and 91kg so give you an idea of my size, around 11% body fat upon last testing so I'm certainly not fat! (saying this has a purpose btw and will be discussed later!)

Back when I was in my early teens I was REALLY shy, but I kind of kicked myself up the arse and forced myself to be more sociable. Had my first real GF around the age of 15, and between the ages of 16 to 18 I was quite the pimp it has to be said! I seemed to get women easily. I mean, I would stand by the bar wherever I went and women always approached me. I was a sure thing that I would get a girl when I was out. So I became very confident about myself, I no longer had the "she's too good for me" attitude, and now had a "shes NOT good enough for me" attitude. I went to an all boys school, so upon entering college I thought to myself, this is going to be awesome! Women around me all day! ... since then though, I seem to have regressed to my early teen years.

I'm still confident and all, but I just dont get women like I used to.. I've been in college for 3 years, and I've only had one, 3month relationship. Other than that, absolutely nothing... there has been no one I have had even a slight connection with. I havn't even snogged a girl drunkenly on a dance floor in over a year, and I go out at least once a week... Basically, I'm finding it very hard to attract or be attracted to women of late. I had more girlfriends when I was in an all boys school than since I've been in college for 3 years... doesn't that seem weird?

My theory on it is this:

1 - I must be getting less attractive physically. Since comming to college I've really become very professional in my training, and to be honest I've gotten very muscular because of my sport... maybe women in dublin just dont find stocky men attractive? Seems to make sense as I got women very easily when I was of average build around 5 years ago. I've also noticed that people would rather stand on a busy train than sit next to me! HARSH!

2 - I'm "too" confident. Maybe I freak people out by being so nice and open with complete strangers... Mabye I come across as being too "in your face" or something.

3 - Irish women just dont like me. I'm Irish by birth, but I really dont feel irish. I've always been slightly embarassed by our international reputation, our attitude to work and the ignorance of alot of irish people. Lately I just seem to get along alot better with women from american and europe. I find them easier to relate and talk with, and they are always more open and adventurous. Irish women I find more and more often to be quite boring. Maybe Irish women find me boring as consequence?

.. Baiscally I'm confused. I'm an intelligent, friendly, confident, athletic guy who constantly gets told I'm great (apparently) but cant get a gf, or even a dance in a club... what the hell has happened to me? What am I doing wrong?

I realise that this post sounds ridiculously arrogant on my behalf, but believe me I'm a modest person, I'm just telling you the facts of the situation.

SpookyDoll

" to be honest I've gotten very muscular because of my sport... maybe women in dublin just dont find stocky men attractive?"

BINGO !!!!

"I really dont feel irish. I've always been slightly embarassed by our international reputation, our attitude to work and the ignorance of alot of irish people. "

Very offputting, generalisations and you are "embarassed by our international reputation" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....:eek:

I think you need to re-think your definitions of "modest" and "arrogant" -you dont come off so well in your post Im sorry to tell you.

TerrorFirmer

Trust me it's not your appearance. I have never really had a problem with women when I was incredibly fat, then extremely thin, then muscular, and now a mixture between muscle and fat. And somehow, I don't think it's down to the mindset of every woman in the locality. You mention that when you were younger, you could stand in bars and be approached- key words being when you were 'younger'. People mature with age; no-one in their right mind would expect to be randomly approached at the bar on an ongoing basis at that age, there's a little more work required. You put emphasis on your physical condition, but mention nothing about yourself as a person....how can we offer advice really? Maybe you talk too much about yourself, maybe you talk too much about the training you seem so obsessed by - basically your post as a synopsis is "Help, I'm well built but girls don't like me, what could possibly be wrong with them?" You're blaming the most outlandish things in your post and I can quite honestly say most of it is utter rubbish - I think it might be time to re-evaluate your own personality before you go lambasting our entire nation and culture over your own failures!

Karen_*

I read this post and I thought of Ross O'Carroll Kelly to be honest:D

You do sound like a great guy and you also realise that you do come across as arrogant and a bit up yourself. I think you're probably a bit too preoccupied with yourself and I don't mean that as sarcasm, I just mean stop wondering whats wrong with you. Focus your attention outwards and then you may see a difference. Things tend to happen when you're not looking for them to.

Perhaps women are finding you to be a bit staged and not as natural as you think you are. Just go out to enjoy yourself is my advice. And if something happens great and if it doesnt' then you've still had a great night out. Things will fall into place.

dsg

I had written a great response but it got lost in the ether. Basically what karen said! You're in your final year in college, concentrate on that instead of your appearance instead and getting the ladies.

RedXIV

hmmmmm as i read this i was trying to get an idea of what you'd be like in person and i can kinda see the problem. As terrorfirmer said, expecting women to approach you, your entire life is just not going to happen. In this backwards land we live in, a huge number of girls as you enter your 20s start to get a bit more serious about their relationships and believe guys should do all the chasing (no offence to women here, just my personal experience, i can be wrong )

Now i realise it's thrown about alot here that confidence is the key to getting women to open up to you and to be more sucessful but this is an example of possibly misplaced confidence. While it's unarguable that yes you are confident enough to deal with women in today's society, it's directed the wrong way. Instead of being confident "i have the body of a god and every woman should bow before me" try being confident "She looks like an interesting person and i'd love to learn more about her, and i think i'll ask"

It's a bit of a messy concept that makes perfect sense in my head and i hope i convey it properly in this post

Red

LolaDub

You said that people would rather stand on a train than sit with you so it sounds like generally people are intimidated by your appearance. It could be a lot of women you meet aren't into the 'i'll sleep with you then nick your handbag in the morning' look. It might also be that by putting so much time and energy and focus into how you look that you appear vain. From your post you definitely come across as arrogant and vain which are very unattractive qualities to women. The 'she's not good enough for me' attitude you mentioned having will never get you anywhere with anyone. Perhaps if you had a sense of humity about you and loosened up on the need to 'score on the dancefloor' you might actually get into conversations and things could go from there. When we were younger everyone did the few cheeky scores but theres a lot more to meeting someone when you're older, ie an actual connection or a personality that you could put up with for longer. Good luck

seamus

I would imagine that your age probably has the most to play in this. When you were 16-18, girls wanted the guy that they could show off to their mates and who looked like he was big and study. They really had no idea about what they were looking for in a relationship overall.

Now you've got women who understand that a relationship is far more important than having a buffed boyfriend.

The main thing which may be putting them off is your concentration on your looks. Most women don't want a slob, but most women also don't want someone who spends more time in front of the mirror than they do. A man who is big and buffed and looks like he goes to the Gym every day, is a man who has little time for anything but himself. Many women have mentioned that this puts them off going for such men.

You'll also need to learn to stop trying to simply hope they "jump into the boat" so to speak and approach women without appearing cocky.

As TerrorFirmer says, some of your reasons are silly. The nationality of a woman doesn't affect her ability to find you attractive. Unless you're going very wrinkly early on, then it's unlikely that you're getting less attractive. Men in general are at their most attractive in their twenties/early thirties.

How Strange

ever hear the phrase 'big fish in a small pond'? well, I'm guessing that's the case here.

in your teen years you may have been THE guy but now you're just one of hundreds of guys in a bar so why start doing a bit of work and making yourself seem interesting enough for a woman to talk to.

it doesn't matter if you're built like a hollywood actor or 5 stone over weight, if you're as arrogant as you seem to be from your post then the chances are most girls will run a mile

Call Me Jimmy

I'de say women can see from a mile off someone who is preoccupied with himself and maybe think "is it worth it?". I doubt that anyone who looks as good as you seem to think (there was a girl before who had a thread like this) would fail to attract someone if the problem wasn't something other than their looks. Good looking people attract people, it's a fact of life. But when good looking people don't attract others then they have to look elsewhere at their personality, body language etc.

newestUser

I'd go with the age thing. Everyone else has moved on, you haven't. You're still trying to score using the same tricks that worked when you were 16/17, they won't work if you're 22.

kingofthecastle

i can sympathise with you completely, and know whats its like to go from someone who was approached by women regularly in my teens but then this stopped as i entered my twenties. its not you, its that women especially good looking women realise that they dont have to do the work as they get older and leave it all up to us fellas. apparently equality is only employed by the ladies when it suits them. you not only have to try and look good but you also have to develop a killer personality in order to pull as you get older. i also dont agree with other replies which say that women dont like guys who seem to spend all their time in the gym and appear vain. both christiano ronaldo and matthew mcconnaughey look as though they spend evrey other minute in front of the mirror or working out and lets face it, neither is ever short of a bedtime partner.

my advice therefore to you is to get what you can whereever you can when your in your 20's, quantity over quality - its in ur 30's im reliably informed that the pendulum swings back in favour of the male of the species

as for your national identity, ive been to many countries and i can honestly say that each time i return home from being abroad i am more proud to be irish and living in ireland, sort yourself out!

LegacyUser

thanx for the replies. The general consensus seems to be that I'm some sort of vain a-hole? News to me. I was really trying to state that I'm getting worried about my appearance for the first time in years... I mean, on paper I feel I should be a good prospect for most women, and I have worked really hard at both my brain and brawn to be a success, which is shown in my grades and athletic achievments. I am social, out spoken, fun and friendly individual. It just seems that lately when I approach people they turn away rather than smile back and have a conversation with me... It's like they instantly say no just at the sight of me. And I cant understand this at all...

I'm sorry if this seems like vainity or me being concerned with image, but when women have stopped talking to me or approaching me, how am I supposed to show them my personality etc... ??

I dont know if I'm making myself clear, but basically I feel like women are scared of me(despite the fact I look like any other student in ireland), or label me a scumbag (by the looks i get on the train sometimes) when if anything I'm an upperclass twit!

Also, forgive me for the ireland remarks, I'm only trying to emphasis my point

How Strange

frontrowfoward wrote: »

thanx for the replies. The general consensus seems to be that I'm some sort of vain a-hole? News to me. I was really trying to state that I'm getting worried about my appearance for the first time in years... I mean, on paper I feel I should be a good prospect for most women, and I have worked really hard at both my brain and brawn to be a success, which is shown in my grades and athletic achievments. I am social, out spoken, fun and friendly individual. It just seems that lately when I approach people they turn away rather than smile back and have a conversation with me... It's like they instantly say no just at the sight of me. And I cant understand this at all...

I'm sorry if this seems like vainity or me being concerned with image, but when women have stopped talking to me or approaching me, how am I supposed to show them my personality etc... ??

I dont know if I'm making myself clear, but basically I feel like women are scared of me(despite the fact I look like any other student in ireland), or label me a scumbag (by the looks i get on the train sometimes) when if anything I'm an upperclass twit!

Also, forgive me for the ireland remarks, I'm only trying to emphasis my point

Hmm, I'm still not buying the 'I'm good looking, I'm intelligent, I should be a babe magnet but I'm not but I'm very very modest'. It just doesn't add up OP.

IMO, you need to take stock of yourself and see what you need to change to make you more attractive (as a person and not just sexually) to other people. Perhaps you are that over cocky, arrogant guy you claim you're not. Who knows but you asked the question so I'd say take a hard look at yourself.

chump

frontrowfoward wrote: »

thanx for the replies. The general consensus seems to be that I'm some sort of vain a-hole? News to me. I was really trying to state that I'm getting worried about my appearance for the first time in years... I mean, on paper I feel I should be a good prospect for most women, and I have worked really hard at both my brain and brawn to be a success, which is shown in my grades and athletic achievments. I am social, out spoken, fun and friendly individual. It just seems that lately when I approach people they turn away rather than smile back and have a conversation with me... It's like they instantly say no just at the sight of me. And I cant understand this at all...

I'm sorry if this seems like vainity or me being concerned with image, but when women have stopped talking to me or approaching me, how am I supposed to show them my personality etc... ??

I dont know if I'm making myself clear, but basically I feel like women are scared of me(despite the fact I look like any other student in ireland), or label me a scumbag (by the looks i get on the train sometimes) when if anything I'm an upperclass twit!

Also, forgive me for the ireland remarks, I'm only trying to emphasis my point

Maybe you're just a bit of diick :pac:

I don't mean to be offensive here, but that's what strikes me from reading your posts. Maybe other people jump to that conclusion on seeing you or listening to you for more than 1 minute?

earlyevening

chump wrote: »

Maybe you're just a bit of diick :pac:

I don't mean to be offensive here, but that's what strikes me from reading your posts. Maybe other people jump to that conclusion on seeing you or listening to you for more than 1 minute?

+1

Pen1987

Jesus your all a bit in a muddle here people. The stock response for men who have trouble pulling women and start threads on here is 'just be confident, women love confidence', yet your all slating the man for having the confidence to know he's a catch, he probably is, whats wrong with knowing that!

Men know their good looking the same way that women know (deep down, because alot of women are insecure, but they do know theyre good looking, even if its from seeing how good looking ex-boyfriends are and knowing their of the same 'standard' *shudder*), this guy is posting anonymously online telling us what he thinks are his attributes, hes hardly boosting his ego is he? it would be a different story if he was a regular poster who started this thread under his registered username.
OP, life is very different at 18 than it is in your early 20's. Back then the girls wanted the lads who looked like men, now all the lads look like men. In your case they may have wanted the status of getting the best rugby player on the *insert private school name* senior team. I presume youre on a scholorship at a Uni or something playing rugby due to the fact that a) you went a private school b) youre now training to a higher level. Even with this scholorship its not the same, women have grown up, the playing field has been leveled, they dont care if youre a great rugby player anymore.

You need to go back to the way you were when you were 16/17/18 when you were pulling girls but without the expectation that youre going to actually pull girls. I'd say due to the fact you were getting girls - your confidence was high, you behaved like the life of the party, you enjoyed life and you didnt care if you got a girl that night or not (probably because subconciously you knew you would get one so it didnt matter consciously, it wasnt a worry)... get into that mindset, smile when you speack to women, make eye-contact and ask about them and you should be reeling in the numbers. Good Luck.

LolaDub

There is a big difference between confidence and arrogance

Have a look at this thread in the ladies lounge about women not approaching men they're attracted to. It might give you an idea of the womans thoughts.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055365323

happypartygirl

ok i am going to say something a little different.

i think this has absolutely nothing to do with looks/personality.

i think this has everything to do with you over analyzing the situation. what can happen then is that even though you don't mean too you emit this air of desperation without meaning to.

Take this as an example - I used to work in sales and when I was selling I had this unspoken air of confidence about me which in turn helped me do better. However, when I was having a bad month, people can sense that off you that you are so desperate to make a sale that you end up giving discounts etc that you really dont wanna give.

Maybe stop thinking so much about it, go out and have fun and if your having a good time people will want to have fun with you

Pen1987

LolaDub wrote: »

There is a big difference between confidence and arrogance

Have a look at this thread in the ladies lounge about women not approaching men they're attracted to. It might give you an idea of the womans thoughts.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055365323

You mean the thread I started and have maintained? What I'm saying is that the OP cant win on here. Theres a big difference between knowing something abut yourself and letting it come out in your personality, and even bigger difference between saying this stuff anonymously on the net and letting it be part of your personality...

Rayven199

Number 3. Its that attitude I would imagine thats off putting, the Im better than you attitude.

You are Irish. Deal with it.

Madame Razz

OP, You're self absorbed, vain, image obsessed and have cultivated for yourself the personality of a brick. You do not dress this up with any charm, you make no bones about the fact. Sadly, people see through such blatent brickness and arrogance, as life isn't really a Ross O Carroll Kelly novel, where you live and relive schoolday glory, big fish in small pondness. I hate to say this, And I mean it in the nicest and most helpful possible way....

GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!


You'll be amazed the difference it will make.

Dragan

frontrowforward wrote: »

I realise that this post sounds ridiculously arrogant on my behalf, but believe me I'm a modest person, I'm just telling you the facts of the situation.

Sorry bro, you really do sound like you are pretty hung up on your looks. I mean, a Bodyfat % on a board where most people won't even know what that means?

If i was you i would look inwards, not outwards.

You might not be coming across as great as you seem in certain areas.

Oh yeah, and be honest with yourself.

K_P

I know I'm repeating what some other posters have said but you do come across as a bit self-absorbed in your posts. Also, I'm guessing you're the same OP as this thread:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055365568

You're obsessing too much about what other people think of you and what impression you're giving to others. This might also explain why you're not having much success with the laydeez. Confidence can be attractive, but not if it's not coming to you naturally. It seems like you've got into a bad patch, you're obsessing over your lack of success and maybe over-compensating. Confidence can all too easily come across as arrogance or even desperation. For want of a better piece of advice: relax!

Also you're too hung up on how you look and you possibly put too much time into it. You say you're 95kg and have 11% body fat. I genuinely have no idea what that means, but the fact that you're so aware of your weight and body fat means you obviously put a lot of time into training. Maybe you should broaden your horizons, get out of the gym once in a while and find a way of meeting new people.

LolaDub

To be honest everybody goes through dry spots of meeting the sex they're attracted to. Just relax, don't go out with the purpose to score and enjoy yourself-things will get better!

not yet

Ever entertain the idea that the women around you now have a brain..........

or the only other explanation is your a.......na fcuk it i'd get banned.

Cionn

Ditto this "I thought of Ross O'Carroll Kelly "

"so give you an idea of my size, around 11% body fat upon last testing" what a load of bull its like there is a relationship between one and the other.

I was in my early 30's gave up on trying to be this or that got confortable with myself and stopped trying to play the game what happened then is met girl had two kids and happy as.

my point being in general the problem with meeting girls and the right girl for lads is generally lying within the lads head get confortable with yourself stop the agenda and things will happen, it did for me. daughter starting school on Monday I'm happy as.

C

Dark Artist

The problem here is that you're expecting way too much.

From your first post I take it that you're not originally from Dublin. In smaller areas it's a lot easier to make a name for yourself as you grow up and people hear your name. Correct me if I'm wrong, but maybe your reputation and social circle was a big help in your life before Dublin.

I can relate because I came from a small town, and once you come up to Dublin, you're literally a nobody and you have to work your ass off to find your bearings. Women of our age, 20-22 are light-years more mature than girls of 16-18 and random scoring doesn't do it for most of them. Most women, even the less attractive women are well used to being approached by guys every night and they will shut you down hard if they don't like the cut of you.

The only advice I can possibly imagine giving you is, rather than standing there trying to look pretty or attempting a sly dance with a strange girl, to strike up a conversation with whatever girl you're interested in and make her laugh. Humour is gold!

Despite what most of these posters say, women do fall for cocky guys who can make them laugh, but there's a difference between a guy like that and a stuck-up douchebag. Not saying that's what you are at all, but women value appearance 10% and personality 90% from what I've seen, and if they get the drift that you're any bit too proud of yourself you'll be in trouble.

Karen_*

not yet wrote: »

Ever entertain the idea that the women around you now have a brain..........

or the only other explanation is your a.......na fcuk it i'd get banned.

I disagree. I think women like a bit of confidence in a man.:)