My man hits me

LegacyUser

I'll keep this as short as I can as Im totally worn out.

My man totally flipped on sunday night and gave me a real battering. It has happened in the past and he has had a lot of counselling as he is very aware he has a problem but he didnt have anger management therapy like I asked him to.

We have a baby who is 2 and life has been good the last year (he last hit me over a year ago), it has happened about 3 times in total since we are together (5 yrs).

But, we were having a few drinks on sunday evening and he lost it. He destroyed the house and smashed everything in sight, he then repeatedly kicked and hit me. I am black and blue and obviously devastated.

He has gone and I am feeling very weak mentally and physically - I have told my best friend and sister and they are a great support and my sis informed the police and they rang and asked me to press charges, I dont know what to do? Im aware that if I do it will prevent him doing it to someone in the future, but I just want to get on with my life and I fear for what will happen if I do.

I have given everything in this relationship and am still in shock that he could do that to the person he loves.

He is respecting my wishes by not ringing or contacting me but its only a matter of time as he adores our child and will be coming round soon to see her. I have to be strong and am not for a minute considering allowing him back but I dont feel I have the strength for this at the moment.

Its helped me typing this but Im scared of what the future holds - I jump at every little noise in the house and feel very alone at the moment.

Wibbs

lostmysoul wrote: »

I have given everything in this relationship and am still in shock that he could do that to the person he loves.

I tell you this lassie, he neither loves you nor himself if he degraded himself to this point.

I dont feel I have the strength for this at the moment.

Everyone has more strength than they ever imagine. You do too. Use that strength for you and your family. He lost that right to that family when he hit you the first time. I can forgive once, but twice or three times? eh no.

Its helped me typing this but Im scared of what the future holds - I jump at every little noise in the house and feel very alone at the moment.

You're not alone. You've got you for a start and you now what that's enough, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Secondly you've got your child. Thirdly you most likely have family and friends, or even neighbours. Fourthly you have various social services. Fifthly you have the bunch of yahoos on here. You're positively surrounded.:) Day and night.

Don't lose faith.

Karen_*

Well you're a very brave woman for getting him out of the house and making plans to stick to it. I know its really daunting pressing charges when you just want to make it all go away but not only will you be preventing it happening to someone else but also he might get the help he needs with his anger.

I know you feel very shaky and you're totally traumatised but you are a very strong person. Your actions have shown that.

I don't know what to say or what advice to give you but I'm really touched by your post and awfully sorry for what happened to you. And I think you're brilliant for how you've handled this. You'r child is very lucky to have a mam like you.

spurious

Does he have a key to where you live?
If you are not in a position to stay elsewhere, can you get someone to come and stay with you in your home?

Liam Byrne

I've just 3 words for you:

YOU

DESERVE

BETTER

Convince yourself of that and you'll be fine. If at some stage waaaay down the line you are equally convinced that he's changed and that you want the new him back, cross that bridge then.

colosseum

When I read your post OP my first reaction was anger. I wanted to knock the **** out of him.
Then I had sympathy and worry for you. Trapped. The kid.
But you have to get real. Reality is you need to get as far away from this man as possible. You need to take this probelem from your life. Do everything in your power to stop this man from seeing you ever again. Life can be great and fun!, you need to forget about him and ..move on.

Dont think for a minute he wont hit that little girl in the future.

MagicMarker

Press charges.

LegacyUser

Hi there..well done for getting this far. My heart goes out to you. But you know what, my heart would go out to you more if you were still living with him.

About 4 years ago, I was in a similar situation - no child though. It had been going on - like you- on and off for about 6 years. Unlike you, I was not brave enough to share with anyone else. Anyway, to cut a long story left I eventually left him and since then have married someone else and I have a little girl. My life could not be anymore differant. Sometimes I think back and remember the bad ole days and it seems like fiction..ie did I really live that life??

Anyway, what I am trying to say is life can and will get better. But only you can make it so, if not for yourself do it then for your little girl. I would never have wasted 6 years of my life in an abusive relationship if I had had my little girl to consider too. She is far too precious, as i am sure your little girl is too.

If there is anyone that can maybe stay over with you for a while, you may find this helps.

Where do you want to see yourself in 6 months, then 1 year ect..? Picturing a better calmer, happier future helped me eventually leave my ex because the stronger I knew what I wanted for my today and tommorrow the more I was able to reject my ex and his way of living.

Hope that makes sense..

Well done and hang in there. You are doing it.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for the encouraging replies.

I am a regular poster but have gone anon for this, never posted in PI before but the kind words here actually really do mean something.

I am balling as I write this because when I re-read my post I cant believe that this is happening to me.

Im lucky to have very good friends and family around me but at the moment have chosen to tell a select few because (it sounds crazy) but I'm embarrassed by it. My Dad will go nuts as he really was very fond of him and always had a lot of time for him as will my brothers and Im afraid they will find him and beat the crap out of him. Yes, he deserves it I know but violence is violence at the end of the day and I dont want that.

He does have a key and Im contemplating getting the locks changed. No, I am going to get the locks changed. I own the house so Im not going anywhere, my sis and friend have offered to stay but I want to be alone. Im feeling sorry for myself and crying a lot and dont want to talk about it at the moment.

I still have glass embedded in my back and hand that I need to get seen to but dont relish going to my local doc as he knows us all. The hospital is prob my best bet. I took monday off work but went in today and as we are all close in work they knew something serious had happened but didnt push me on it. I like my private life staying that way and just dont want to tell people.

Colosseum, I cant prevent my little one from seeing her Daddy. I just can't. I genuinely dont believe he would lay a finger on her.

maryjmul

lostmysoul wrote: »

I'll keep this as short as I can as Im totally worn out.

My man totally flipped on sunday night and gave me a real battering. It has happened in the past and he has had a lot of counselling as he is very aware he has a problem but he didnt have anger management therapy like I asked him to.

We have a baby who is 2 and life has been good the last year (he last hit me over a year ago), it has happened about 3 times in total since we are together (5 yrs).

But, we were having a few drinks on sunday evening and he lost it. He destroyed the house and smashed everything in sight, he then repeatedly kicked and hit me. I am black and blue and obviously devastated.

He has gone and I am feeling very weak mentally and physically - I have told my best friend and sister and they are a great support and my sis informed the police and they rang and asked me to press charges, I dont know what to do? Im aware that if I do it will prevent him doing it to someone in the future, but I just want to get on with my life and I fear for what will happen if I do.

I have given everything in this relationship and am still in shock that he could do that to the person he loves.

He is respecting my wishes by not ringing or contacting me but its only a matter of time as he adores our child and will be coming round soon to see her. I have to be strong and am not for a minute considering allowing him back but I dont feel I have the strength for this at the moment.

Its helped me typing this but Im scared of what the future holds - I jump at every little noise in the house and feel very alone at the moment.

oh my god my heart is breaking for you please keep him away you are worth much more than this and so is your little girl you are someones little girl would you like this to happen to her please be really strong and kick him to the kerb ,men do this because they can they are nothing but bullies please hun for yourself wave him goodbye xx best of luck,, im really upset by this post

maryjmul

Wibbs wrote: »

I tell you this lassie, he neither loves you nor himself if he degraded himself to this point.
Everyone has more strength than they ever imagine. You do too. Use that strength for you and your family. He lost that right to that family when he hit you the first time. I can forgive once, but twice or three times? eh no.

You're not alone. You've got you for a start and you now what that's enough, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Secondly you've got your child. Thirdly you most likely have family and friends, or even neighbours. Fourthly you have various social services. Fifthly you have the bunch of yahoos on here. You're positively surrounded.:) Day and night.

Don't lose faith.

for any one that has this happen to them i feel real pain as often there is no reason why ?

maryjmul

lostmysoul wrote: »

I'll keep this as short as I can as Im totally worn out.

My man totally flipped on sunday night and gave me a real battering. It has happened in the past and he has had a lot of counselling as he is very aware he has a problem but he didnt have anger management therapy like I asked him to.

We have a baby who is 2 and life has been good the last year (he last hit me over a year ago), it has happened about 3 times in total since we are together (5 yrs).

But, we were having a few drinks on sunday evening and he lost it. He destroyed the house and smashed everything in sight, he then repeatedly kicked and hit me. I am black and blue and obviously devastated.

He has gone and I am feeling very weak mentally and physically - I have told my best friend and sister and they are a great support and my sis informed the police and they rang and asked me to press charges, I dont know what to do? Im aware that if I do it will prevent him doing it to someone in the future, but I just want to get on with my life and I fear for what will happen if I do.

I have given everything in this relationship and am still in shock that he could do that to the person he loves.

He is respecting my wishes by not ringing or contacting me but its only a matter of time as he adores our child and will be coming round soon to see her. I have to be strong and am not for a minute considering allowing him back but I dont feel I have the strength for this at the moment.

Its helped me typing this but Im scared of what the future holds - I jump at every little noise in the house and feel very alone at the moment.

pleaes stay away from him .he will never change and dont kid yourself that he will hiw horrific is im really destressed

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

I tell you this lassie, he neither loves you nor himself if he degraded himself to this point.
Everyone has more strength than they ever imagine. You do too. Use that strength for you and your family. He lost that right to that family when he hit you the first time. I can forgive once, but twice or three times? eh no.

You're not alone. You've got you for a start and you now what that's enough, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. Secondly you've got your child. Thirdly you most likely have family and friends, or even neighbours. Fourthly you have various social services. Fifthly you have the bunch of yahoos on here. You're positively surrounded.:) Day and night.

Don't lose faith.

Thanks Wibbs, lovely post. You mentioned neighbours in it. One thing that Im astounded by is that not one neighbour rang the guards. The whole street must of heard him. I mean annonymously, I know people dont like to get involved but I know for a fact that if I heard that I would have to do something.

Maryjmul, Im not going to take him back - I know what he is capable of and saw something in his eyes that terrified me.

Otis Driftwood

To the OP all I can say is that my heart goes out to you.Ive seen the effects of spousal abuse and know how devestating it can be.Obviously been a bloke I dont know how you are feeling but any man,and in cases like this,that word is used in the loosest possible terms,that raises his hand to a woman,for any reason,is up there with child abusers and rapists for the lowest form of life there is.You or anyone does not deserve to be treated this way.Try and stay strong and take care of yourself.My thoughts are with you.

Sephiroth_dude

press charges,he should'bt be allowed to get away with that.

LegacyUser

Lostmysoul I could have written the exact same words as you 4 years ago.

You bawl your eyes out girl. Release all that pain, hurt and anger. Feel the pain and eventually you will let it go.

I too am a regular enough poster and have chosen to go anon, for this thread. Just goes to show you still have your pride.

When you are finished crying, put on your jacket and get the glass removed. The emotional scars will eventually heal, don't be left with any physical reminders. You've served your time.

I'm sending you a massive hug, let us know how you are getting on xxx

Andrew H

Hi, you should distance yourself as far as possible from this man, press charges and change the locks. He does not deserve your love, your trust or to be part of your family in any way. He lost that right the first time he raised his hand to you.

You have great inner strenght and that strenght is always with you. You have proved that strenght to yourself by distancing yourself from him and going about putting your life back together. It might be hard now but it will get easier. The love of your family and friends will help you through this time and you can always leave posts here or pm me if you need someone to talk to. My heart goes out to you and im sure you'll get past this.

Andrew

Miss Fluff

You poor sweetheart, my heart goes out to you.

Please for your own sake, and mental health, get the locks changed tomorrow, it will help you feel that little bit more secure. Please also go and get medical assistance tomorrow, you need to get the glass removed and those wounds seen to, it's really important.

I am really impressed by the very positive steps you have taken thus far and you would be surprised by the well of strength you have if you dig deep enough OP. The worst is now over you and you will NEVER have to put up with this again. Ever.

Although I can understand that you want to be alone right now, it is important to talk about this, it will cause you pain, there is an element of humiliation, shock, disbelief etc but it is imperative that you keep talking, talking is healing. Women's Aid have a helpline and I would urge you please to call them. They will offer you sympathetic, non-judgemental support. Their number is 1800 341 900.

Please let us know how you are getting on OP. The worst is now over, you will never have to put up with this pain or hurt again.

Stay strong and yes, you do have that strength, don't underestimate yourself hon xx

Latchy

How very sad to read this thread .We like to think that this kind of abuse is not around as much as it used to be but it still is .Op my best wishs for you and your family in the coming days, weeks and months ahead in this difficult time but as Wibbs said , there are enough Yahoos around here to offer advice comfort and to listen whenever you need it ,

kind regards L

dlofnep

He has already had his chance if he got counselling. If it's happened a few times, then I don't think he will change. It's ultimately up to you if you want to press charges. In either case, end it for good.

bug

This will drain you in every way.
You need to tell him to get counselling and stay away.

He has no choice but to get counselling, and keep away from you while he is doing it to reflect properly.

It will drain you to the point you aren't 100% for the kid or for yourself and your own head.

Seek advise on this professionally, whilst family and friends will give support they are not counsellors. And you need to secure a stable future for all involved.

LegacyUser

hi OP...,
my heart goes out to you totally.i can would like to come at this from a different angle,i am a 26 yr old female who was battered(nearly every day) by my "father" as was my mother who is now 42.she met him at 17 and got drawn in completely but at 39 with my help and the help of friends she got rid of him.i do not for one min blame her for one finger he laid on me as she was treated the same and like many women did not see the problem for many years.i know how mixed up you must be feeling.i have a little sister who is 8 and my mother still has to have contact so he can see her.he has never showed any anger etc towards her.but i need to say that it is so much better for your little child to know you loved yourself and him enough to leave as i wish this had happened for me.just because a child isnt hit does not mean that hearing it through a wall is not as bad...trust me...you are so lucky to see the problem for what it is.none of this is your fault.i know you are drained but i have so much hope for you and the path you have choosen.my mum still has many down days and the worst of it is the guilt she feels for what happened to me...please please dont let this happen to you.five years is enough already to put up with it.again stay strong and get strength from the fact that you are so brave in what you have done and at the end of the day you have nothing to fear,you have to fight for your family which is you and your little child xx

Seraphina

Please press charges. Not only to prevent this happening in the future (he'll certainly think twice about doing it again if he has a record) but also because pressing charges might be the shock he needs to realise he has a really serious problem.

I know he went to counselling, but i seriously doubt he EVER mentioned going wild and getting violent, because the counsellor would have been required by law to inform the police, so he is unlikely to be getting the proper attention to his anger problems.

People CAN change. I would never consider getting back with him, but its possible he could maintain a normal relationship in the future. Plus, you say he'll never touch your little girl, but how can you really be sure??

cowzerp

press charges, have it on record so he cant think its ok to do it, you might save someone from this in the future...never go back to him either, never...

Wibbs

MagicMarker wrote: »

Press charges.

I would add my vote to this too.

Marksie

Oh my heart goes out to you.

The fact is he was walking teh tightrope with the counselling, and it seems, despite the year you had after it will always be there. He has completely broken the faith and trust you put in him.
In the end now you know that it isnt going to go away.

Pressing charges will be necessary I am afraid. As will going to the doctor and getting this all recorded. Do get that hand seen to, you will make it worse if you don't.
I can understand your feelings of guilt and shame that people will find out about this, but it is that which perpetuates domestic violence, the conspirancy of silence. But its the sense you have done something wrong, when in fact you haven't.

The legal route is the only option now. While I also appreciate that you want your child to see her dad, neither can your child be exposed to what he does to you, that in the long term will have a more detremental effect.
So a solicitor, or legal advice on where to proceed.

As for what the rest of your family will think and do. You are not responsible for that, nor should you be. This is going to come out now anyways.
All you are responsible for are yourself and your child, do what is best for you two.

As for the neighbours, well people would rather know and not do, a valley of the squinting windows syndrome. You know now from that score there is no help. For the record though OP, years ago, i did intervene in one dispute, and the neighbours after simply complained to me about the noise.

Have faith in yourself and in what you are now doing.
We can add support to you from this forum and advice, accept the goodwishes and see if any of the advice is suitable.

All the best OP

the glass woman

DO press charges. And DO change the locks. If not for yourself then for your little girl. Even consider a barring/restraining order until he goes and gets help. I wouldn't be so sure he would never hurt your child. Children, esp toddlers, can test your patience at the best of times, and you don't know when he could lose it again. Blind rage is called just that, because when you're consumed by that sort of anger you lose control and don't SEE who you are lashing out at. Least of all remember that you love them and shouldn't hit them. You're a mother and its up to you to protect yourself and your child in any way you can. It only takes one blow to cause serious damage to a child. You'll find the strength OP, and keep posting here for continued support and encouragement. My heart goes out to you.

Henry Ford III

1/. Get the glass out of your hand etc.

2/. Press full charges, and get a barring order.

3/. Change the locks.

Never, ever, be alone with this deadful man again.

Good luck.

Cork Exile

It's up to you now to make the wisest choice. Press charges and stop him from doing this to you or anyone else again!!!

bada_bing

The best thing you can do now is to press charges as this will let him know that he can no longer harm or threaten you. It would also ensure that you would have full custody rights to your child.

chuckles30

I don't have a lot to add as I agree with everything that has been said already and believe that you need to get your injuries taken care of, get the locks changed and press charges. You need to focus on you and your child now and make a better life for both of you. Take care of yourself

AngryBadger

Fair dews to you for having the strength to handle this OP. I know you're upset, but you're making some very good decisions, and you're very clear in your own head as to what's going on.

I wouldn't succumb to any pressure to make a decision about pressing charges right now, (although in the longer term that would be the best move) I'd continue along as you've been doing, get the locks changed, take a few days to sort your own head out, and get yourself to a hospital/GP and have your wounds treated.

I'm not going to comment on your partner, but you seem very sure yourself that this has taken things way over the line, and I doubt anyone could dispute that.

Mainly I'm only posting to say well done on being so strong in this situation. In the long run I think you'll be fine, but in the short run things are going to be tough, but you have family and friends around you, and you're talking to them which is fantastic!

Well done OP!

K-9

Can't add much to what everyone has said, but please change the locks!

SpookyDoll

Hey you brave girl, good for you for getting him out.

Change those locks, today.

When the shock has subsided, organise counselling.

Keep your little crew around you, dont let that [EMAIL="b@stard"]b@stard[/EMAIL] back in, AT ALL.

After what he has done, he now has to EARN supervised visits to his daughter, I know you dont think he would harm her, but he could. So keep her away from him for the time being at least.

And finally, dont let this pr1ck leave you with any physical scars, get the glass out and then use cica-care on the scar, it will stop scar tissue forming, not vanity OP, you just shouldnt have to look at what he did for the rest of your life.

Stay strong and stay safe xxx

LegacyUser

I really am overwhelmed by the warm responses. Am going to the Doc after work today. A few work colleagues have noticed my hands but I haven’t said anything.

I’m getting the locks changed later on also. Strongly considering pressing charges – I am very aware this is the right thing to do but am holding back as I am thinking of a number of things down the road. Will he be arrested? Will he loose his job? I will financially struggle without him as he has a very well paid job and he pays crèche fees and all the household bills so as ridiculous as it sounds I’m I trouble in that regard.

It’s a luxury to be able to type this here and offload. I will get through this as I know I have an inner strength that comes from having a fair amount of sh*t thrown at me growing up. My mum was a cross addict (drugs & alcohol) and spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals when we were young which was very distressing for us, I also found my brother dead when I was about 5 which affected me hugely. My mum moved out when I was about 7 and eventually took her own life 12 years ago. I adored her and it was the most horrendous thing I have ever had to deal with. As the eldest, I have had to be there for my siblings and I have had a ‘lot of counselling’. In fact, I’m a trained Suicide Counsellor myself but don’t practice. Shortly, before my mother died I met the love of my life and we were together about 8 years, but following the suicide I developed an eating disorder which nearly killed me. My relationship suffered badly and through no fault of his own he had to walk away from as I refused to get help. I mourn him every day but he is now happy with a lovely girl living in the house that we bought together. Jesus, life sucks eh…

Anyway, sorry went off on a bit of a tangent there - its really helping me typing all this, a big thank you to you all for the positive responses..

NextSteps

Stay strong.

LegacyUser

have to agree with all of the above posts

Stay strong, I know what it's like to be in an abusive relationship, from the age of 15 until I was 18 my then boyfriend beat the crap outta me whenever the whim took him, or when he was in a mood, so I know exactly what your going through

But i woke up one day and realised that I deserved more than that, it was hard going, I had no support or anyone but hey it was worth it

I know you will do the right thing for you and your child. Stay strong x x

bionic.laura

I can't even begin to imagine what you've lived through but I think you are one wonderful and strong lady. I really hope that everything will work out well for you and your child in the future.

LegacyUser

My heart and soul is yours, you are a very brave woman.

About 10 years ago I was in a relationship that was heading violent, started off with pushing....ended with bruises down both my sides the night I finished with him.

I had a very strong family around me and like you my father was very fond of him, to this day only one person(my husband) knows what happened, everybody else, including my family and friends think the relationship just ended, although I'd say that a few had a rough idea of what was going on.

My point- I wish I did press charges, why?- I found out that he battered his wife to be about 3 years later, she had to go running out in the street screaming for help. (One of my friends worked in a nearby bar.)

The other side of the coin- if I did press charges he would prob be dead or disfigured and my father in prison.

Will he be arrested? Will he loose his job? I will financially struggle without him as he has a very well paid job and he pays crèche fees and all the household bills so as ridiculous as it sounds I’m I trouble in that regard.

It is a very difficult decision to make, but at least you have someone to talk to about it, your best friend and sister. Why not talk to the police as they are already aware of the situation, ask them whats involved and exactly what and how will everything be done

Please stay strong for your daughter and more importantly for yourself. Change those locks, get yourself looked after, walk with your head held high and do what is right for you.

You have taken the first step by getting him out, the next step is to now live your life.

rs

Your daughter is already learning that "daddies hit mommies". If you don't stop it, she will learn that it's acceptable for daddy to hit mommy and will probably actively look for this in her own relationships later on. It's also very likely that he will assault her at some stage too.

You have to stop this, for both of you. Please do press charges. Your Man and your daughter need to learn that this kind of behavior is totally wrong.

Call in all the support you can. It's sounds like you have great support from your family and friends so don't be afraid to use it. It's obvious that they want to help. Let them.

You and your child don't deserve this. Do it for not only yourself, but for your daughter too.

jprender

This kind of thing really makes my blood boil.

First things first op, get yourself looked after for your injuries.

Then protect yourself and your daughter by changing all locks and get a restraining order of some kind put in place.

Tell your family, all of them. You need support to get this fcuker outta your life. I know you are reluctant to tell the males in your family cos of what they might do to him. Try not to think about that. This kind of guy will get what's coming to him somewhere down the line. He will strike out at the wrong person some day and get the flakin of his life. This cowardly scum needs a good beating to see what it feels like. I'd do it myself as I hate scum like this. Jesus, I am so angry :mad:

Press Charges. this scumbag deserves a record. He deserves for all his friends and work colleagues to know what kind of scum he is.

When you are up to it, look at how you can sort out your financial situation without him. Get this guy out of your life for good. Seriously, do not rely on this fcuker for money. Work it out on paper how you can get on without any input from him.

It is just such a shame that scumbags like this have the capability to procreate. Protect your daughter from this boll1x. It is only a matter of time before he targets her, regardless of what he might say.

Don't be fooled by anything this coward says when he comes crawling. Tell him to rightly fcuk off, then get him out of your life and move on.

Press charges. Future victims need protection from scum.

not yet

Whatever you do don't allow this really brave ''man'' back into your life......

I'm sure your well aware of the old ''if he did it once'' and ''he'll never change''

keep this prick well away from you. You seem like you have friends, family etc, thats all you ever need, oh plus your baby.

carlybabe1

Hey there lostmysoul, my heart goes out to you. I know that all you want to do is crawl into a corner and lick your wounds but honestly the best thing would be to tell anyone and everyone who can help and support you, and though this may sound crazy, you may be less likely to take him back if you know that people who love and support you would be dissapointed in you and lose respect for you. I'm glad that he's staying away, and I totally understand that you just want it all to go away and you know what, I say if you dont have the strength to press charges then dont! Think about yourself, concentrate on getting your life back on track and then see how you feel. Anyway as far as I know (im open to correction on this) the police dont need your evidence to press charges for assault, they can do that without you. Any way, give yourself time, dont be hard on yourself and make sure you have company even when you dont feel like it, it can take your mind off everything and help you relax

Sugar Drunk

well done for leaving you are a strong amazing person and you deserve so much better.

Get your handsand back sorted. Go to the hospital or even if theres another doc close by. remember they are bound by confidentiality

Get the locks changed. ASAP. If there anyone even one of your brothers or a friend who could come stay with you

Press charges

Bring him to court to sort out visitation for the child and maintenance payments etc. he should only be allowed supervised visits a man that could to this to the mother of his child is a disgrace

no matter who finds out or what is said above all else hold your head high. When I saw this post I was afraid it was going to be another 'he beats me but I wont leave him ever' posts. I was so happy to see that you had more sense than that and that you have already taken the hardest step by dumping him

aidan24326

rs wrote: »

It's also very likely that he will assault her at some stage too

Not necessarily, unless you have evidence that wife-beaters are commonly daughter-beaters aswell there's no point in saying that. I can see how it would be of some concern given his propensity to violence though.

jprender wrote:

When you are up to it, look at how you can sort out your financial situation without him. Get this guy out of your life for good. Seriously, do not rely on this fcuker for money. Work it out on paper how you can get on without any input from him.

She will be entitled to financial support for her daughter, if it goes to court the judge will insist on it anyway. The fact they share a daughter means it isn't possible to get him out of her life completely, and the daughter is entitled to see her dad.