Boyfriend pushing me away

LegacyUser

Hey boardsies

Just a very quick question..
I have been with my OH for 2 years now. I really love(d) him and thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. He is one of the very rare people you meet in your life that just "get" you and he used to make me so very happy.

Unfortunately we have been having some rows lately and the rows are getting more frequent. The rows always centre on the same issue, which I have raised with him, which he said he would change, and which he has made zero effort to change.

It is the issue of him going out at the weekends, and staying out for 2 whole days without making any contact with me. I ring him and there is no answer and when I do finally get in contact with him there is always some ridiculous reason - i was asleep etc.

I am at breaking point with this. I know I deserve so much better but I really want to believe he will change. He is still a very young lad at the end of the day (early 20's) and I know he just wants to have fun with his pals.

I know his heart is in the right place and he would never do anything to hurt me on purpose but he is just so feckless sometimes and hurts me so badly even though he doesnt intend to.

For example we would have plans and I would wait for the phone to ring and it wouldnt.

Basically he is pushing me away from him and as much as it hurts I can feel myself beginning to resent him and the love is fading. Should I walk away now and save myself any more pain, or try and make things work even though I cant seem to get through to him that this behaviour cannot go on???

SpookyDoll

Hmm, early 20's is so young to be talking about "spending the rest of our lives together"

It sounds like although he does care for you a lot, he could be a bit torn between you and his friends......

He possibly feels stuck in a stalemate, he cant decide, he wants both, so he votes with his feet, you during the week and his mates at weekends.

I would imagine he is having difficulty even articulating this to you or even himself, the fact that he makes plans and then breaks them and cuts contact shows he is feeling conflicted.

Yes, of course he should either 1. be with you or 2. do the decent thing and break it off, but its not that easy to see when you are young and possibly this is his kack handed way of trying to please everyone...

OP, you should never stay with someone in the hopes that they change, that is a real waste of time.

Its possible the relationship could change though if you relaxed your clingyness and maybe started to go out yourself seperate to him, then when ye see each other you would have stuff to talk about and he would not feel so smothered.

I am not by, the way in agreement with the way he is dealing with things, as in: going missing and lying and breaking promises, but it does look like he feels under pressure to be something he doesnt want to be.

I think either lighten up the whole thing and see how it goes, or move on and try to meet someone who wants what you do!

MagicMarker

What would you prefer him to do at the weekends?

Do you spend the week together? Maybe he just wants his ''alone time'' come the weekend?

jimmycrackcorm

let him be. He's a young lad and wants to have some fun. If you aren't happy because of that then you need to be with some one else who is ready for what you want.

Spike440

Walk away. If he thinks it's OK to go into radio silence every weekend he has no respect for you. What's even worse is that you've told him that you're concerns and he has done nothing. If he can't be bothered to answer the phone to you, he can head out with his mates every night. You can do better.

Overheal

SpookyDoll wrote: »

Hmm, early 20's is so young to be talking about "spending the rest of our lives together"

It sounds like although he does care for you a lot, he could be a bit torn between you and his friends......

He possibly feels stuck in a stalemate, he cant decide, he wants both, so he votes with his feet, you during the week and his mates at weekends.

I would imagine he is having difficulty even articulating this to you or even himself, the fact that he makes plans and then breaks them and cuts contact shows he is feeling conflicted.

Yes, of course he should either 1. be with you or 2. do the decent thing and break it off, but its not that easy to see when you are young and possibly this is his kack handed way of trying to please everyone...

OP, you should never stay with someone in the hopes that they change, that is a real waste of time.

Its possible the relationship could change though if you relaxed your clingyness and maybe started to go out yourself seperate to him, then when ye see each other you would have stuff to talk about and he would not feel so smothered.

I am not by, the way in agreement with the way he is dealing with things, as in: going missing and lying and breaking promises, but it does look like he feels under pressure to be something he doesnt want to be.

I think either lighten up the whole thing and see how it goes, or move on and try to meet someone who wants what you do!

This is pretty much what I was trying to write with limited success.

zoey

You are in a relationship with this guy for 2 years, i don't think you are asking too much of him to be able to contact him at the weekend and know what his plans are regardless of his age.

OP has he always been like this? i.e wanting the weekends to himself?

You've told him how you feel and he hasn't changed. Does he know how serious the issue is. From what I gather you would consider ending the relationship if his behaviuor persists. Does he know this?

I understand what other posters have said- he is young and wants to spend time with his friends. Fair enough if this is the case but from my point of view it means he isn't ready for a seriuos relationship. He can't have it both ways- have a loving girlfriend but at the same time have no consideration for her at the weekend. Looks like maybe you both simply want different things at this stage in your lives.