Just cant accept getting older....

LegacyUser · 26-08-2008 2:32pm #1

I am very sad all the time, my problem is I just cant seem to accept getting older.
As time goes on I just feel frozen with shock and fear about it......

I want to be selfish as I ever was in my 20's, inside although I know its ridiculous, I feel dissappointed and abandoned by my friends who are no longer available to come out any more. Yet I have no interest in joining in the life of nappies and responsibility, then in turn I feel guilty and "odd" about this.

The thing that shocks me to the core is how easily everyone else seems to have accepted all the hard things about growing up, not only do they not seem to mind but they literally seem to embrace going forward into the world of pain that is getting older.....

I just feel such an oddball, I had a brilliant youth, a lot of partying and freedom, it never occurred to me that everyone else just saw this as "a phase" on the way to something else...I just never thought it would end...

I thought this was it, we had made it to adulthood and it was good, we were free and it was for good, turns out not.

I keep waiting for this to change, but it doesn't. Every morning I wake in a panic, wondering when everything is going to get back to normal and back to proper life......

Its not going to happen I know, I keep my thoughts to myself but more and more I feel at odds with everyone else. As the years wear on I see people much younger than me diving into various forms of responsibility without a second thought, even seemingly GLAD to do so.
Although I am silent outside, inside the Munch scream reverberates through my head.

I've avoided a lot of the big responsibilities in life, although I do own my own house and help out with aging parents, which obviously I make time to do.

I am so sad and bereft, all I feel is grief for my youth and no interest whatsoever in looking forward to any further aging. Am I all alone in feeling this way, why doesnt anyone else ever say anything.....

The daily hell and horror of growing older literally saddens me to my soul, all I feel is loss and grief.....

Beruthiel · 26-08-2008 2:38pm

TimeWontStop wrote: »

The daily hell and horror of growing older literally saddens me to my soul, all I feel is loss and grief.....

And all the while you are getting older with each day and by the sounds of it, wasting your precious time.
We all get old, ya it's a bummer, wrinkles, aches in the morning, grey hair, whatever. While your brain, arms and legs are working you should be damn well making the most of it!
What is your life like now? I ask, because if you were happy, then this is not something that would be bothering you day in and day out.
Do you not have a list of things you wanted to do with your life? If not, make one and get on with it!

RedXIV · 26-08-2008 2:40pm

take it from me, i can't wait to get out of this party youth stage so i can finally, FINALLY not have to save up to buy 12c noodles from tesco. being young is cool the way you have no responsiblities etc but when you get past that, well thats when life is truely your own. you have your own house, you can probably come and go as you please, you have so much available to you in today's world that i actually can't comprehend how you could feel anything but excited in today's world

LolaDub · 26-08-2008 2:43pm

Its easy to idolise what you don't have but while you're doing that you're missing what people enjoy about your stage of life. Look around and get involved.

Marksie · 26-08-2008 2:43pm

Beruthiel wrote: »

And all the while you are getting older with each day and by the sounds of it, wasting your precious time.
We all get old, ya it's a bummer, wrinkles, aches in the morning, grey hair, whatever. While your brain, arms and legs are working you should be damn well making the most of it!
What is your life like now? I ask, because if you were happy, then this is not something that would be bothering you day in and day out.
Do you not have a list of things you wanted to do with your life? If not, make one and get on with it!

+1.

But with age comes experience, self awareness or knowledge.
you should have the life skills available to you to do what you desire.

Instead of looking back..find out what that is and do it.

Craft25 · 26-08-2008 2:46pm

no ones forcing you to accept responsibilities you dont want, in fact im sure they appreciate that you dont enter into joint responsibilities you arent up for.. im talkin of the ones involving nappies..

do what you want when you wake up in the morning, but dont waste the day cursing father time!!, no one says you cant go surfing/skydiving/on the pull/go to other side of world at drop of hat/or just watch judge judy for the day when you wake up.. if you have the means to do that and its what you want then go for it!!!... you might turn around at 45 and have kids with a younger woman if thats your bag(& u could be a better father for it!) or u might never bother.. up to you!!...

dont worry what everyone else is up to

LegacyUser · 26-08-2008 2:52pm

"What is your life like now?"

Its alright, I have a good relationship which is satisfying. However, I dont have much money and I do have a lot of debt, which I suppose brings me to....

"Do you not have a list of things you wanted to do with your life? If not, make one and get on with it!"

Weirdly enough, I dont have a list, you see I should have one, why have I not thought of that? Whats wrong with me? If I was to have a wish I would really like to travel or move abroad but I dont want to leave the aging parents as a problem for my siblings to deal with as they have young families to be getting on with....
Also my OH needs to stay here for his job, so in a way its not as simple as just pleasing yourself....then I feel terrible guilt for such self pity....

Ah RedXIV -dont be wishing it away, I still struggle with the supermarket bill and yes I can come and go as I please I suppose but it still seems a grind.....

Im sorry I know how useless I sound, I dont go around talking about this to anyone, if you met me I would never mention these things, there are people in worse situations I know that.

LegacyUser · 26-08-2008 3:05pm

LolaDub wrote: »

Its easy to idolise what you don't have but while you're doing that you're missing what people enjoy about your stage of life. Look around and get involved.

What people enjoy about my stage of life is kids, thats it, there is nothing else.

Yeh, its nice having a house, but its not like having a "free gaff" when you are younger when you can ask all your friends around !!! Having a gaff when you're older is all about sitting in some soul-less housing estate worrying about the bills and knowing no-one is going to call around to see the footie in the pub.

It makes me want to cry.

SuperGrover · 26-08-2008 3:53pm

ah jaysus get a grip, will ya

Dizzyblonde · 26-08-2008 4:07pm

I think your problem is lack of direction rather than impending old age. The greatest happiness comes from giving - if I were you I'd volunteer for something. The Simon Community are always looking for help on their soup runs

You just haven't needed to grow up before now, but it comes to us all sometime. It would seem your time has come.

stovelid · 26-08-2008 4:44pm

TimeWontStop wrote: »

Yeh, its nice having a house, but its not like having a "free gaff" when you are younger when you can ask all your friends around !!! Having a gaff when you're older is all about sitting in some soul-less housing estate worrying about the bills and knowing no-one is going to call around to see the footie in the pub.

It makes me want to cry.

What an absurd generalization.

Are you 18 or something?

ZygOte · 26-08-2008 5:01pm

OP: what do you mean when you say "getting older", can you tell us your age bracket?

i would count myself as "getting older" ive just hit 30 recently, and yeah i find myself occasionally muttering "damn kids" as i walk along the street, then realise what i just thought and mentally slap myself and tell myself to get over it i was like them no so long ago.

point is, like you i have no real desire for kids, nappies etc im not sure i ever will but its just that "not sure". if it happens some day so be it, you have one life, its up to you take hold of it and shake every bit out of it that you can.

my life has recently taken a massive change in direction (its another story) but the point is im now in a place i never thought i would ever be, i have no real idea what lies ahead or no definite plans, i have some loose goals, i will achieve them, im not sure how and everything that happens allong the way is just life.

as John Lennon put it "Life is what happens when your busy making plans"

live your life, dont worry about it passing by. we have no control over that so why waste time concerning yourself about it. if you can accept that then i think you might find it easier and you might actually enjoy yourself a bit more.

LegacyUser · 26-08-2008 5:04pm

In my mid 30s and I hear ya.

But, we all have different priorities.

Mine aren't house, wife & kids as I have none of those - although I would like a house and maybe a wife.

Haven't decided on kids.

I was out on Sunday at the festival in Dun Laoghaire on Sunday and bumped into some gay friends in their late 20s who were all having fun and then a gang of people I know all in their 30s who were out drinking pints.

Living in a souless housing estate in a burb of a city, working 9-6 to pay the mortgage and feed the kids sounds like hell to me - I guess that's why I have never gone down that route. But, it suits a lot of people - my brothers and sisters and many of my friends. It's a choice you made but who says you can't change your mind.

Sounds like you need to find some new friends as well.

I have older friends still into pills, thrills and bellyaches although not as bad as they used to be. I have married friends who come to festivals with me. I have separated friends who still come out and party.....

But then, I'd give up a lot of those nights out if I had a gf...... I wouldn't be arsed going out so much.......

magick · 26-08-2008 5:11pm

honestly, i believe ur only as old as u feel, im 28 and still go out and party with my friends that and i have a very understanding wife God bless her. But yeah, my friends would joke "ohh ur the first one to turn 30! old man!"

This doesnt trouble me in the slightest, in fact anything i say is usually followed by "listen to ur elders"

point is dont worry about a number, worry about ur situation and see how to change things, if your friends dont go out and party, may theirs a social group thats does? Boards beers is one place to start!

Wibbs · 26-08-2008 6:49pm

SuperGrover read the charter. While your point of view would have some agreeing, short, unhelpful comments are not welcomed around here.

SuperGrover · 26-08-2008 7:10pm

yeah, fair enough. apologies if offence caused. i was just saying what i was thinking.

MaGrOtTeN · 26-08-2008 8:43pm

wow tight reign there moderator!

I understand your disappointment in getting on,
the whole feeling of 'there has to be more to life than this,' but thats the point, there is!

OK so we are 21st century humans, and the sole purpose of our existance doesn't have to be reproduction.
not to say that we aren't vulnerable to our primitive urges, but our existance now can be rich and fufilling no matter which path we choose to follow.
so choose a path.

OK I am ignorant in the sense that I haven't got to the stage of my life yet where Im looking after my parents because my siblings are busy,
but my brother is gay, and if he was ever looking after my mother whilst I was galavanting around I would be downright ashamed.

that may be a bit off topic, point is that when you get older, despite the (seemingly relentless) restrictions we have, there is still time to enjoy life.
read a book by an author who you can relate to. Try Kant or even Joyce.
enjoy culture, arts, movies and music. these things can be done on the cheap, and its even more rewarding when you manage to do so!

best of luck

Dudess · 26-08-2008 11:14pm

Beruthiel wrote: »

What is your life like now? I ask, because if you were happy, then this is not something that would be bothering you day in and day out.

+1. Why get so upset about something over which you have absolutely no control? It's a reality - you have to accept it. I would suggest you begin by focusing on the positives. If you find that hard, maybe have a chat with a doctor or counsellor? I'm not blowing it out of proportion. Sometimes with mild depression or stress, everyday stuff becomes more of a big deal.

And your peers who seem to be having no trouble with the stuff "grown-up" life throws at them... not necessarily, but they just get on with it because they have to - and they probably don't think about it as much.

You also seem to be worrying about this day of judgement when suddenly you'll be forced screaming into the scary world of adult responsibilities - but it doesn't happen like that so why worry? It will happen gradually and you won't even notice - in fact it's already happening for you seeing as you have your own house and care for your elderly parents. Not bad going actually! Fair play!

I always think in this context of a particular line in that Wear Sunscreen thingie from a few years ago (you know with the oldish sounding guy dispensing advice over a melody and beat):

Don’t worry about the future... or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind - the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

As Beruthiel says, you're wasting yet more of your life (and probably youth - I'm guessing you're still quite young). Do you want to look back in a few years and regret all that time you wasted worrying about getting older when you could have made the most of it - because I bet in a few years you'll consider this time part of your youth.

What age are you anyway?

iguana · 27-08-2008 12:05am

TimeWontStop wrote: »

However, I dont have much money and I do have a lot of debt, which I suppose brings me to....

Tbh, I think this, along with your parents' infirmity, may be the crux of your problem. Right now you seem to be living in a house you own (have a mortgage on) but don't like, in an area you don't like. And working a job you don't care for, which wouldn't be too bad if it wasn't for the fact that a lot of your earnings is being spent on a mixture of a lifestyle you hate and paying back debt.

To top it off, your feelings are going to be tempered by how you see your parents lives. And fears that their present is your future.

First off you need to realise that getting old doesn't mean giving up the good stuff. Nor does it necessarily mean becoming infirm. I have one grandparent left and she is in her late 70's and has a great time. She goes on foreign holidays and regular cruises with her friend's. She usually celebrates the new year abroad, she goes to dances several times a week. She has a selection of boyfriends and admirers. She lives like I did in my early 20's.

Secondly you need to decide what you want out of life. If you hate where you live, sell your house and move somewhere else. If you can't afford to buy in an area you'd like, rent a place. If you are lucky enough to sell your house for a good bit more than your mortgage you could pay off as much of your debts as possible, which will feel amazing. Either way start budgeting your money so you have a debtfree life in sight. Then start using your money on things you really want. And don't forget to start a pension fund so you can keep having adventures once you retire.

iPlop · 27-08-2008 1:02am

TimeWontStop wrote: »

What people enjoy about my stage of life is kids, thats it, there is nothing else.

Yeh, its nice having a house, but its not like having a "free gaff" when you are younger when you can ask all your friends around !!! Having a gaff when you're older is all about sitting in some soul-less housing estate worrying about the bills and knowing no-one is going to call around to see the footie in the pub.

It makes me want to cry.

Do you want to have kids? I'll tell you now that I look at all the young people in their early 20's and yes id love to be at that stage again , but ya know life goes on and you can't stay there forever.I have 2 kids and they mean the world to me and my life is about them and my OH cos thats what people do at my age (early 30's).I think you need something to take your mind off your age ,kids maybe?

ZENER · 27-08-2008 1:10am

iguana wrote: »

. . . . Right now you seem to be living in a house you own (have a mortgage on) but don't like, in an area you don't like. And working a job you don't care for, which wouldn't be too bad if it wasn't for the fact that a lot of your earnings is being spent on a mixture of a lifestyle you hate and paying back debt. . .

Well done !! You've probably just described 99% of the 40+ brigade in that one paragraph alone !! If that described the OP then I 100% empathize with her !! OP I feel this way every day, I work with a 26 year old male who takes pleasure in telling me all about his weekend sexual exploits totally ignorant of just how old he makes me feel ! You see that's the point, you don't think or feel that way anymore. You've grown up, gotten older and your priorities have changed. We pine for the past but prepare for the future. While you'd like to be young again you accept that that's not going to happen. I don't have any magic answer for you because I'm still in the middle of that area myself, but I'd be more than willing to talk to you about it if you want.

Do you have any friends of similar age you can chat to ? You would be surprised at how many actually feel the same way. I'd bet that you greet people as if your life is fine and you don't have any worries - in fact you probably seem like a cool together mature adult to all your younger friends - they simply haven't got a clue about what's really going on in your head, do they ? I bet that's how you feel.

To top it off, your feelings are going to be tempered by how you see your parents lives. And fears that their present is your future.

+1

First off you need to realise that getting old doesn't mean giving up the good stuff. Nor does it necessarily mean becoming infirm. I have one grandparent left and she is in her late 70's and has a great time. She goes on foreign holidays and regular cruises with her friend's. She usually celebrates the new year abroad, she goes to dances several times a week. She has a selection of boyfriends and admirers. She lives like I did in my early 20's.

Good advice but if you're suffering from depression - which in my opinion the OP is - it's of scant consolation. Sorry if that offends you.

Secondly you need to decide what you want out of life. If you hate where you live, sell your house and move somewhere else. If you can't afford to buy in an area you'd like, rent a place. If you are lucky enough to sell your house for a good bit more than your mortgage you could pay off as much of your debts as possible, which will feel amazing. Either way start budgeting your money so you have a debtfree life in sight. Then start using your money on things you really want. And don't forget to start a pension fund so you can keep having adventures once you retire.

Wow !! You make that sound so easy !! Let me tell you . . it's not. At least not when you're in this state of mind. The OP needs some counseling and above all - A Break !

OP you need to talk to someone who can not only offer practical advice but also see that you follow through on it and can make it all happen. As good as boards.ie is I believe you'd be better off seeking help from professionals. There are probably people her qualified to assist you, they have probably been in touch already if they are listening. As far as I can see you have several distinct problems that require different solutions/remedies.

You're getting older and feeling the normal things people at that stage feel. You just don't know that this is how you are meant to feel, but would normally have experienced someone else in this situation thus learning from it and helping you through it. I emphathise with you, I feel what you're going through I think. Be assured you're not alone in these feelings. If you talk to people of a similar age they will tell you that they went/are going through these feelings. There is another side where you feel content and accept your situation and realise you still have a long life ahead full of whatever it brings. As suggested above start planning for it, it will come and (this is my slant on it) you will live it to the full !

Your next problem/concern is your aging parents. Do you have any help with them ? Other sisters/brothers that could help with the burden ? If you are their sole carer then you should get in touch with the HSE and arrange for someone to help you. It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I have a close friend who cares 24 hours a day for his wife who had a stroke and is wheelchair bound. I have the utmost respect for him and respect his time when he gets a break. You're human, you need time for you, you deserve a break. There are organisations that will help, enquire and make use of them. They're there to help you in just these circumstances.

Please realise, you are not alone and there is help there if you look for it. Your first step was coming here and acknowledging it, now you need to do something about it. There are good people here who can point you to organisations willing to help and support you, maybe we'll see some of them now ?

Good luck, I really hope you get through this !

ZEN

IanCurtis · 27-08-2008 1:37am

OP I just reckon you need a new circle of friends.

If your old mates wanna play happy families, let them. It would bore me to tears too.

You do your own thing which will be infinitely more exciting and fulfilling than the weekly trips to Lidl and the visit to the in-laws every weekend.....Zzzzzzz

Go travelling, that's what I would suggest....a change of scenery and the chance to mix with adventurous types

Go for it, you will NEVER regret it (unlike suburbia, which while getting to know the soaps, you'll wish you were dead every night

)

iguana · 27-08-2008 9:35am

ZENER wrote: »

Well done !! You've probably just described 99% of the 40+ brigade in that one paragraph alone !!

I really don't think that is true. For one thing people who are 40+ were mostly able to buy houses which they actually liked, in areas which they wanted to live in and mortgages which were reasonable. It is mostly people in their late 20's to mid-30's who are living on souless estates in the arse end of nowhere, with what feel like insurmountable debts. And anyone living that type of life must feel at times, if not all the time, as if the best of their life is over.

ZENER wrote: »

Good advice but if you're suffering from depression - which in my opinion the OP is - it's of scant consolation. Sorry if that offends you.

There is a big difference between suffering from depression and being depressed. And I don't think the OP has depression, I think she has quite simply followed a life path which is not for her. The state of her life is making her unhappy and she is harking back to a time when she was free of that lifestyle. And she fears deep down that if she continues down this path she will just feel worse and waste her life.

OP unless you have negative equity on the house, it really is that easy to change things. If you aren't happy in your house, and you sound miserable in it, move. Sell it, and buy or rent somewhere you actually like living. Even if you have negative equity talk to your bank about your options, perhaps you could transfer the shortfall into an unsecured loan and get your life back. Seriously, the life we live and the fun we have, have nothing at all to do with our age and everything to with identifying what we want out of life and pursuing it.

Dudess · 27-08-2008 9:56am

Youth is relative too OP. I bet when you're 60 you'll be mourning the youth of your 40s. I know that might not seem like much consolation but I have always found it to be a good way of looking at things when it comes to age, stages in life etc - to have perspective. You might be pissed off about turning 30 or whatever but make the most of it because if you were 40 you'd give anything to be 30 (not in all cases but in general).

LegacyUser · 27-08-2008 10:24am

Everybody, I really just want to thank you all, each and every post was excellent and worth reading, Ive read the thread twice and have so much food for thought, even yours SuperGrover, lol -I've often said the same thing to myself believe me!

Firstly, it is so consoling to know Im not alone and others also feel this way. Zener your post imparticular was so insightful and meaningful to me, thanks very much. I am still digesting every word! I think I may go and see someone, the whole subject is so private to me, I think I would feel very self conscious talking to anyone about it iykwim, but perhaps a counsellor maybe.....I do think there may be depression issues there linked to the sense of being in a cage with the money worries.

Also, my parents, my siblings I must say all help, so I am not alone doing that, but I am I suppose the closest to them in distance so there is a psychological burden there where I dont feel free to do spontaneous things, I feel guilty even saying that. We have been up and down the roads with the social services, gp, HSE and the rest -each one pushing the responsibility to the other like a hot potato, to say its gruelling and there is no "joined up thinking" in the Irish health system is an understatement. But lets not go there!

Iguana, weirdly although you disagreed with Zener on a point your post was so true in this point:
"It is mostly people in their late 20's to mid-30's who are living on souless estates in the arse end of nowhere, with what feel like insurmountable debts. And anyone living that type of life must feel at times, if not all the time, as if the best of their life is over"

I am late thirties, banging on the door of 40, so I guess this is possibly a typical age thing.
So kids are out of the picture and I am somewhat relieved to tell you the truth, I can barely keep my own ship floating to be honest.

I would not have negative equity on the house, but if I did sell and paid off my debts I would be at ground zero, no debt but no house or nothing to show after 10 years breaking my back. I dont hate where I live so very much, and I mightn't have made it clear but my other half lives with me, so I do have someone to share the bills, but still its a difficult, difficult struggle, hey I am not alone there. It is though, just the sense of getting nowhere fast and barely even treading water!

I cant even seem to keep on top of small houshold things going wrong, the immersions kaput, so is the gas fire, the car is falling apart, I am weak emotionally and financially and I feel somehow its like that thing they say "death by a thousand cuts"

Anyway, I was nearly off again there, again I want to thank you all who posted, I really must say the advice and points of view were quality!

Thank you all so very much

Marksie · 27-08-2008 10:49am

TimeWontStop wrote: »

I cant even seem to keep on top of small houshold things going wrong, the immersions kaput, so is the gas fire, the car is falling apart, I am weak emotionally and financially and I feel somehow its like that thing they say "death by a thousand cuts"

Well now

. Lets hope the quality advice continues

I find this very interesting, you may have hit up against what is the deepset issue.
Not your age.
But all the little things that can get on top of you and drag you down in day to day living.

A case of not seeing the woods for the trees.

It may sound strange but draw two columns:

Positives and negatives.

On the one put the things that are important and "good".
simple stuff like health, partner etc.

On the other put the negatives: gas fire, emotional weaknesses.

Then look at each in turn and get rid of some of the easiest one after another, working up to either reducing the negative list and increasing the positive list

.

Also don't expect it to change overnight, it does take effort (e.g. i am in the process of changing careers, so am doing retraining while in the current job) and you may have to take a short term pain for a lont term gain.

BUT start small, each one either off the - and gone or moved to teh + is a boost to you.

My reasoned guess is that it is these that are the crux of the issue, the age is a symptom.

When you have begun this process, then make a list of what you would like to do :-), when you have worked a clear space, start doing them. E.g visit X,Y,Z.
But do "reward" yourself by doing something from the third list

iguana · 27-08-2008 11:38am

TimeWontStop wrote: »

I would not have negative equity on the house, but if I did sell and paid off my debts I would be at ground zero, no debt but no house or nothing to show after 10 years breaking my back. I dont hate where I live so very much, and I mightn't have made it clear but my other half lives with me, so I do have someone to share the bills, but still its a difficult, difficult struggle, hey I am not alone there. It is though, just the sense of getting nowhere fast and barely even treading water!

I cant even seem to keep on top of small houshold things going wrong, the immersions kaput, so is the gas fire, the car is falling apart, I am weak emotionally and financially and I feel somehow its like that thing they say "death by a thousand cuts"

I've felt like that from time to time. I think it's something we all go through now and then. I think the best thing to do is to just deal with each issue one at a time. I know it's a cliche but it's true.

I may be a bit too much hung up on the moving aspect of changing your life.

but I recently went from owning a house in an area I'd grown to despise to renting a house in a nice area which I can't (yet) afford to buy in. And I feel MAGNIFICENT. I was worried that I'd miss owning, but I really don't. It's actually like a huge weight has been lifted and everyday is a holiday. And it's a falling market, so it's a sensible financial decision as well as a lifestyle upgrade.

Moving house might not the choice for you, but you should sit down and really work out what you don't like about your life and how you can change it. Maybe you'll decide to retrain, travel more or it might be something as simple as going on a regular date with your partner. It's easy to feel stuck with things in life, but there is very little we can't change.

LegacyUser · 27-08-2008 2:01pm

Septic Leper wrote: »

Do you want to have kids? I'll tell you now that I look at all the young people in their early 20's and yes id love to be at that stage again , but ya know life goes on and you can't stay there forever.I have 2 kids and they mean the world to me and my life is about them and my OH cos thats what people do at my age (early 30's).I think you need something to take your mind off your age ,kids maybe?

I hope to God no one takes this advice as it is positively dangerous. Have children because "that's what people do at my age"?

Children could be "something to take your mind of your age"??

Poor, poor children.

Ludicrous.

LegacyUser · 27-08-2008 2:21pm

Thanks very much Iguana, Dudess and Marksie.

Iguana, your story is very interesting to me, at present I feel like a snail carrying a heavy shell that is less and less my asset and more and more a heavy weight which is slowly crushing me, mind, body, soul, not to mention wallet!
So your story is very interesting and tempting indeed! I couldn't even see before part of what was opressing me is circumstances and not just aging.

Someone earlier said about not being able to see the wood for the trees, its true, all this happened gradually until I am in this mess I suppose. However a bit of fresh perspective has worked wonders actually! At least given some relief from the mind running down the same dead end pathways with the same panicking thoughts!

Replier -I couldnt agree more, I like kids but as Ive hit the late 30's I saw at least 4 or 5 people I knew who were "on the fence" pushing one out, to ensure against being "to late" or missing the baby bus, for me I was never that into it and what I saw happening to them galvanised my point of view even more. I think if you dont really, really want kids then its wrong to have them "just in case" which is what I would have been doing.

However having said that, I know what you meant Septic Leper, even though some of those very friends have nearly been pulled under by various things, not enough money, health problems and the like, the very same people have a contentedness and a reason for living too, so its not all black and white.

But despite that its just not for me!

Anyway all thanks again.

Just cant accept getting older....

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