is he beinf possessive?

macbarbie

ok so i dont know whats the right thing to do!
my boyfriend has literally begged me to come off bebo, he said i would make him so happy, were together three years and not hes not possessive at al, lets me go out with my friends, do my own thing, but his only problem is bebo, he wants me off, he hates it and says fellas jus go on and pervre, i made it private but its not good enough, he wants me off! i like it for chatting to my friends and cant understand this, you wouldn believe the way hes acting over it, like im cheating on him! is he jus bein possessive, or should i delete and keep the peace?
Thanks in advance.

Sherifu

He's being unreasonable. Take a stand on it.

Wibbs

I'm not quite sure what he wants or his objections are. Maybe it's just simply other men objectifying you he objects to. Common enough, but surely if it's private how is that a problem. I'm quite sure men look at you walking down the street too. he may not be happy with that either if pushed, but the bebo stuff is just a focus for that.

I dunno, if in every other way he's cool and the gang, I would maybe consider getting shot of bebo if it's not a big part of your life. I know many will object to that idea saying it's your right etc and in fairness they would have a point too. As I say if that's his only issue, then if I was in that position I might jack it in for the quiet life or just to reassure him.

Beetlebum

I don't use any of that Bebo malarky but if I did and I enjoyed it then there's no way I'd delete it just to make my boyfriend happy. If you just use it to chat with your friends and keep yourself entertained in work then keep on going! He must not trust you very much if he is threathened by Bebo. If he trusted you he'd have no problem with men looking at your site cause he'd know that you weren't responding.

The fact that your page is private is compromise enough. Tell him to stop being so insecure, reassure him that you can be trusted and keep your Bebo!!

RedXIV

i'd have said he's probably being unreasonable until i thought about it for a second. if you are one of those girls that wakes up, checks bebo, every menial task is seperated by a bebo check, etc etc, in that case i can kinda see where he's coming from. if not, if it's only once or twice a day tell him to grow up

Stargal

macbarbie wrote: »

ok so i dont know whats the right thing to do!
my boyfriend has literally begged me to come off bebo, he said i would make him so happy, were together three years and not hes not possessive at al, lets me go out with my friends, do my own thing, but his only problem is bebo, he wants me off, he hates it and says fellas jus go on and pervre, i made it private but its not good enough, he wants me off! i like it for chatting to my friends and cant understand this, you wouldn believe the way hes acting over it, like im cheating on him! is he jus bein possessive, or should i delete and keep the peace?
Thanks in advance.

Your boyfriend is overreacting. Do not even think about deleting your Bebo page just to 'keep the peace', as you put it. It's your own thing and has nothing at all to do with him. The page is private so he should trust you enough to know that it's just for keeping in touch with friends rather than some fiendish way to cheat on him behind his back. If he doesn't, then tough. He needs to cop on a bit tbh.

Also I don't understand why you praise him for 'letting' you go out with friends and do your own thing. That's a bit mad.

Wibbs

Stargal wrote: »

Also I don't understand why you praise him for 'letting' you go out with friends and do your own thing. That's a bit mad.

I wasn't going to mention that part, but yes that was a bit freudianish. If you had said he was happy to or encouraged you, then fine. BUt let you?

macbarbie

wel i mean wen i choose the girls over him hes cool, jus says have a good night babe, i dont mean physically lets me, but hes great with letting me have space, this is why im more confused by this and thinking should i for the peace, because he never asks anything of me, and does everything i want, hed jump off a cliff to make me happy, so even though i can see why everyone is saying no way, do you think i should now, after iv explained more!
oh and im not mad into bebo, jus check now and then to keep up with my friends i dont see much, i dont go on weekend or evenings, only in work!
he says why cant i just ring them, he trusts me but doesnt agree with bebo as everyone knows your business!

C_Breeze

Came accross this thread on the main screen ...

No he's not being possesive, I despise bebo aswell and it causes too much hassle and at the end of the day its nothing but trouble.

People are just assuming he wants you to cancel becuase he thinks that you might cheat and this highlights his insecurity and the lack of trust in the relationship and other Dr. Phil bullsh!t - bla bla bla

Anyway i'm not gonna keep goin on about it but I asked my gf to cancel hers a few motnhs ago for various personal reasons and she did and nothing but good has come of it since.

If you cant live without bebo you need help, If you can actually live without it cancel it for him.

And at the end of the day it doesnt even matter if the reasons he has are good or bad, he is asking you to sacrifice something for him.. and if you believe that he is a good bloke that would sacrifice something/compromise something for you should you ever feel strongly enough about something then you have your answer right there.

good luck

Marksie

MacBarbie: I am sorry, i am having difficulty translating this with the punctuation.

Could you make an attempt to use at least some full stops.

macbarbie

C_Breeze wrote: »

Came accross this thread on the main screen ...

No he's not being possesive, I despise bebo aswell and it causes too much hassle and at the end of the day its nothing but trouble.

People are just assuming he wants you to cancel becuase he thinks that you might cheat and this highlights his insecurity and the lack of trust in the relationship and other Dr. Phil bullsh!t - bla bla bla

Anyway i'm not gonna keep goin on about it but I asked my gf to cancel hers a few motnhs ago for various personal reasons and she did and nothing but good has come of it since.

If you cant live without bebo you need help, If you can actually live without it cancel it for him.

And at the end of the day it doesnt even matter if the reasons he has are good or bad, he is asking you to sacrifice something for him.. and if you believe that he is a good bloke that would sacrifice something/compromise something for you should you ever feel strongly enough about something then you have your answer right there.

good luck

Thanks for this, nice input as you have been through it yourself from his side. I see where your coming from andthis is what is making me think i should, i see where people are coming from and i thought it was very possesive at first, but im starting to think i should.

The only thing that bothers me is all my friends are on it! why cant i be, their bfs dont mind, so why me?

macbarbie

Marksie wrote: »

MacBarbie: I am sorry, i am having difficulty translating this with the punctuation.

Could you make an attempt to use at least some full stops.

sorry just in work so typing very fast

Craft25

is he a little older, i have a few issues with my own profile and puttin too much up, definitely keep it private, and no pics of child relatives.. it can all seem a bit scary to a generation where none of it was possible..

but like an above poster said, any guy in the street/bars can scope you out!!

if he's a good fella in all other respects then its worth really listening to him earnestly to get to the bottom of his fears, maybe give a few inches as you have done with private setting, no e.mail/contact details viewable etc..

but definitely dont give up something you see as a positive in your life for socialising and keeping in touch with friends..(he doesnt want to isolate you a bit from friends does he??-cos thats a total no-no!!)

Dizzyblonde

It's never a good sign when someone tries to control what their partner does. Unless you have nude pictures of yourself up there then I fail to see what's bothering him.
These things can be a slippery slope too - if you were married would he 'let' you see your friends? I wonder.....

loulou79

I can't bear bebo so don't see the problem with deleting an account if it is worrying him in some way

I reckon he may have an issue with someone who is on you friends list..thus going private is not helping him :eek:

C_Breeze

macbarbie wrote: »

Thanks for this, nice input as you have been through it yourself from his side. I see where your coming from andthis is what is making me think i should, i see where people are coming from and i thought it was very possesive at first, but im starting to think i should.

The only thing that bothers me is all my friends are on it! why cant i be, their bfs dont mind, so why me?

Im in work aswell and cant post as much info as i'd like and to be honest i just clicked into this by accident but had to comment as ive been through it myself and you should see it from your bfs side aswell instead of only the majority of Dr. Phil response syou seem to have gotten so far

You have your friends phone numbers to keep in touch with and you see you friends in person don't you!!? ... its not like they are your long lost relatives from the other side of the world with no other means of communication!

So what if your friends bf's dont mind, yours does and thats who you're in a relationship with and this is the situation you are being presented with. There is no point in comparing your situation to your friends becuase given any other situation they bf might do one thing and your bf might do another thing that would make you happy if you get what i mean.

He sounds like a decent guy from the way you go on about him so i think deep down you know you should to keep him happy . As I said in my previous post if you think he would sacrifice something for you it is worth it then.

Just look at your situation and dont try and compare it to others or ur freinds

mikewest

macbarbie wrote: »

because he never asks anything of me, and does everything i want, hed jump off a cliff to make me happy,

And you are complaining you have to give up Bebo ! Just think about your statement there for a minute .......... and then delete your Bebo page.

C_Breeze

EXACTLY!

To be honest it sounds like deep down you already know the answer to your question anyway

delete it

Leeby

He gave his reason for not liking it being that guys just go on to perve, so you made it private so that should be problem solved. If he still wants you to delete it he obviously has another problem with it.

Do you have people on your friends list that you don't really know all that well? Maybe he's uncomfortable with them. I know it's an easy way to keep in touch with people you don't get to see often enough, so it's not as easy to just delete as those who don't like it think. Would he be agreeable to going through your friends list with you and cutting out the people he's uncomfortable with seeing your profile?

Or do you have any pictures of yourself (or him for that matter) that he wouldn't like up on the internet (private or not)?

macbarbie

loulou79 wrote: »

I can't bear bebo so don't see the problem with deleting an account if it is worrying him in some way

I reckon he may have an issue with someone who is on you friends list..thus going private is not helping him :eek:

good point, i wonder if its someone in particular!

MCMLXXXIII

Like anything else in life, you get out what you put in.

It all seems fairly simple. You want your Bebo and he doesn't. Relationships take compromise and sacrifice.
Compromise: Have him hang out with your friends and their boyfriends as a group, and casually slip Bebo into the conversation. Hopefully there will be a positive response from your friends' boyfriends. Also, ask him if putting up a picture (or two) of you and him together will make him feel better. If he is still upset about it, see if you can get something like Facebook, which is (known as being) less provocative.
Sacrifice: If all else fails, take down the Bebo page. If he is jumping off cliffs for you, then in the grand scheme of things, Bebo isn't really that important. You still have a phone, email, etc. Bebo has a different reputation than most other sites. Instead of people thinking of it as a social networking site, it is seen as a site that you can "put yourself out there" for people to perv or hook up. Whether or not it's true depends on the person.

If you two were dating for three weeks, it would be a different story, but after three years he might be getting ready to take the next step in the relationship. If you really only have decent pictures, and really are private and not talking to anyone new or that your bf doesn't trust, and it really still bothers him that much, and it's the only thing that upsets him, it might be worth it to close it down to continue with a happy relationship...you can always get back on Bebo at a later date if something changes.

Sometimes you just need to put it on the worth-it scale.

macbarbie

ok so half of u will think im crazy, half will think im sane but basically we had a very long conversation and in the end i deleted. He had very simple reasons but effective ones, he would do anything for me and wen i put bebo in the big picture, its really not that important. I guess it was the principle at first i felt it was possessive but he points where similar to everyone here. its gone now anyways and I suppose il just have to text and call my friends more.

kjt

Just a thought.. IF he has his own bebo account maybe he's cheated/or done something stupid he doesn't want you to know about. You may see it on his bebo page and all hell will break loose. As I said, just an thought

If not he's being totally unreasonable, It's similar to him not letting you read your post.. sorta :P

Sherifu

No loss tbh. Good luck.

LittleBear

Maybe there was something written about him on someones Bebo and he dosen't want you to see it. Also maybe im looking into this to much!! lol

LivingDeadGirl

If you enjoy it then don't delete it, I mean really, what difference does it make to him and his life? You've already made it private so only direct friends can look at your page, that should be enough. It's a harmless social networking page for talking to your friends, it's not like you're on an online dating site!