Dark Thoughts

LegacyUser

I just want to ask, is it normal to have thoughts about killing yourself?


I get in depressions every so often and if I get upset during one I can become hysterical and all I can think about is how it would be so much easier to end it. I usually think of my family, friends and boyfriend and that drags me back from the edge. Although I don't think that I could go through with it, it makes me feel better when I scratch at my legs or arms (sounds weird, I know).

I was in a slump for about a month working in a horrible job, and thoughts would pop into my head on my way to work about stepping out in front of a car...

I've been to counseling but have never managed to bring this up (I'm a counselor's dream given I've been through a lot!).

I'm heading into another depression/breakdown at the moment (I'm unemployed, can't see where my life is going,,,), and I was thinking about it last night when I was alone.


Is this a normal thing to think about?

ntlbell

It would be normal enough what wouldn't be normal would be thinking about it so much that affects your life, if it's having a negative impact on your day to day living I wouldn't consider that not "normal"

LolaDub

You're going through a hard time and its understandable your thoughts would be a bit darker during this. However scratching yourself to feel better is a little worrying although a lot of people do it sometimes. There are many avenues of help in place to help you through this. Its important if you are having suicidal thoughts to talk to someone. If you are nervous about going to counselling in person there are many organisations that offer on the phone counselling. Remember these people are there to help you not to hurt you and you will be a much stronger person to get yourself help.

LegacyUser

LolaDub- I've been for counseling before to try and deal with other issues (panic attacks, anxiety and depression), but it was no good for me. And I've been before in the past. None of the counselors I've been to have been able to understand the main problem, and instead get excited about my family situation, or bullying I suffered or anything else from the long list...

RedXIV

You say you never mentioned the idea of sucide to your counciller, if you don't tell them about these things, then how do you expect them to understand where the main problem lies? councillers are good but they aren't psychic, they need your input

LolaDub

DarkThoughts wrote: »

LolaDub- I've been for counseling before to try and deal with other issues (panic attacks, anxiety and depression), but it was no good for me. And I've been before in the past. None of the counselors I've been to have been able to understand the main problem, and instead get excited about my family situation, or bullying I suffered or anything else from the long list...

I would agree with red you need to tell a counsellor/psychologist/psychiatrist or whoever you go to the whole truth. They're not there to judge and just getting it off your chest can do a world of good. I had an awful experience with a counsellor before that put me off but it really is a helpful thing to do in these situations. You can tell the counsellor just to listen to you and to give no imput if you want or you can ask for their opinion on some things only. Family situations tend to be quite dominant in our lives so if there was/is a porblem i would think it normal for them to address it. It might have a lot more to do with your depression than you think. If you suffer from panic attacks and anxiety as well as depression they might suggest medication. As with the counselling you need to be honest and tell everything to get the full result. If you don't feel comfortable with a counsellor then go to someone else. There is no need to suffer in silence. Good luck with it x

LegacyUser

RedXIV- You're right, and I didn't expect them to be psychic, but I suppose that I felt I wasn't able to direct the sessions in that way (I am quite an articulate person, so I found this difficult). The last place I went to gave me a form to fill out stating various feelings and situations where I had to fill out on a scale of 1-5 of how they applied to me. For the suicidal thoughts section I filled this in appropriately but he never brought it up.

I'm wondering though is it normal to feel like this, rather than where I can seek help.

RedXIV

i can't tell you if it's normal or not because i dont' know what "normal" is. I know for example, it wouldn't be normal for me. I'd always think that there is always something better coming my way.

I'd recommend you tell your counciller if you think this may be an issue for you after all there is no point paying someone to listen if you won't talk

Karen_*

Do you feel better when you scratch yourself? Its just that people do it and its a way of transferring emotional pain from the mind to the body. So you're not wierd at all but just really distressed and you need a bit of help. Please don't keep doing this as you'll be left with scars:(

I don't know if its normal to consider suicide but certainly lots of people do consider it. Sometimes as a fleeting thought and other times more frequently. And sometimes it feels like the only way out. but its not the answer.

Is it just a general feeling of misery and despair or is there any reason or reasons for it? Because sometimes if people are depressed they don't even know why themselves.

The Black Oil

Perhaps you could print off some of your posts and show them to the counsellor - might be easier and more personal than the scale you had to complete. It's good that you can recognise the difficulty you're in.

LolaDub

Dark Thoughts i guess it depends on how you think about it and what stage of life you are in. Does it make you feel better to think about suicide? Do you think about how you would? I imagine this isn't 'normal'. But its a tough call to say. In my teenage years i thought about suicide a lot and never got help, that escalated until i did try. with women it is quite common to become very depressed just before your period. I think suicidal thoughts would be an extreme depression of any sort but only a professional could you tell you that. Would you phone the samaritans and ask them?

LegacyUser

RedXIV- I appreciate that there's no such thing as normal. Think you have the wrong idea, I did talk to the counselor, but I think he was just a bit rubbish. Looking back on it I did tell him about me wanting to get knocked down but he just said, "That's not a nice thought". From his reaction it seemed that thinking this way was not something he felt that he had to address and instead came back to other issues. I stopped going to him as I felt I wasn't getting anywhere.

I'm unemployed now, living in a new place and I don't enough money to start seeing a counselor again.


Any other thoughts or is it up to me to decide if I should be concerned about my behavior and thoughts?

LegacyUser

Karen- Yeah, I do feel better, but it's usually when I'm in a hysterical state. This state is usually because of a fight with OH or family combined with being in a depression at the time. I have been feeling more miserable over the past few months, so I went to the doctor. He wanted to change my pill, wait 6 months and then see.

The Black Oil- no more counselor, no more money! I do recognise the problems I'm having, and have taken steps to help myself, but I feel that the help was a temporary fix..

LolaDub- it does make me feel better when I'm in that state to think about it, and I have gotten to the stage of picking out a knife from the kitchen and all. But I then talk myself down. The samaritans might be helpful, but given that I know that I couldn't go through with ending it, maybe there's no point in calling them?

Beruthiel

The samaritans are there if you need someone to talk to.
They are great for just having a chat.

RedXIV

DarkThoughts wrote: »

RedXIV- I appreciate that there's no such thing as normal. Think you have the wrong idea, I did talk to the counselor, but I think he was just a bit rubbish. Looking back on it I did tell him about me wanting to get knocked down but he just said, "That's not a nice thought". From his reaction it seemed that thinking this way was not something he felt that he had to address and instead came back to other issues. I stopped going to him as I felt I wasn't getting anywhere.

ok consider this, the point of a counciller is to address the points in your life you have issues with and help you deal with them so they don't dominate your life. Now if this idea of ending it all is the main point you wish addressed, if you want to talk about it, then thats what your counciller needs to hear, however, if you're giving him nothing, then he will keep addressing different issues until he finds the one he thinks may be responsible for your feelings like this.

But if you feel this guy wasn't the one for you, nothing wrong in switching?

DarkThoughts wrote: »

I'm unemployed now, living in a new place and I don't enough money to start seeing a counselor again.

As said above, the samartains will always listen and there are free councilling services in place as far as i'm aware

DarkThoughts wrote: »

Any other thoughts or is it up to me to decide if I should be concerned about my behavior and thoughts?

why wouldn't it be up to you?

RossFixxxed

It's not 'normal' but it does happen a very large minority. It really depends on how much credence you put into the thoughts, and how much sway they have over you.

I'd always have concerns telling a doctor/councellor that I have suicidal thoughts as I see a risk in involuntary admission to somewhere. Could someone please clear that up?

If it affects your life past a certain point you do need to say it no matter what. Nothing is worth ending your life for. Believe me I've been through a lot.

The real danger sign is if you feel relief and a feeling that your problems are lightened by suicide, then you are in danger and you NEED to get this sorted.

Either way, this is not the way you should be feeling and you need to keep on to GP and councellors and anyone else availible. Sure PM me if you want, get on to the samaratains as Ruthie has said above me. Do whatever you have to do to sort this out! It will be so so much worth it on the flip side!

Stay safe, good luck.
Ross

LolaDub

I don't think you'd be admitted unless a doctor was positive you were going to hurt yourself and/or others. Op there are a few free counselling organisations out there or organisations which offer free counselling in regards to what the represent. The samaritans are just a phone call away, can't be any harder than posting here, why not give it a go?

Karen_*

DarkThoughts wrote: »

Karen- Yeah, I do feel better, but it's usually when I'm in a hysterical state. This state is usually because of a fight with OH or family combined with being in a depression at the time. I have been feeling more miserable over the past few months, so I went to the doctor. He wanted to change my pill, wait 6 months and then see.

Well just a suggestion but alot of people benefit mentally from yoga and pilates. Not saying this will cure all but maybe worth a try?

Also when you feel like totally losing it and becoming hysterical then count to ten and breathe and then make a decision. Decide are you going to have the emotional resonse or the one coming from reason. Now this isn't easy to do but if you even think of doing it when you feel hysterical well then that's a start. I think there are loads of things you can do to help yourself.

Byt the way if you go to your doctor you can ask him about getting some free counselling because it is available.