boyfriend got job abroad

rock_chic

Hi there

Me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years and we just finished up college in may and have found i hard to get jobs. Been to loads of interviews. We even discussed last week about going to work in New Zealand in january for a year.
However he just received a job offer from a company in Clonmel but the job has now changed, locating him to Saudi Arabia.
The money is $50k+ a year, with accomodation and all expenses already paid for him. That is way more than he'd get in Ireland, but of all coutries for it be in.

He's got a couple days to decide whether he's going to take it. We still have to sit down properly to discuss it but i duno what to do. The company gives him 2 weeks off every 12 weeks so he can come home, but is that enough to keep our relationship?I've never done long distance.

Me upping sticks to Saudi Arabia isn't an option, its not the place i could see myself being able to live. Anywhere else i would definetly consider.

If he stays there 3- 5 years, when he comes back he'll have a pick of well paid managerial positions in Ireland.

Any thoughts or advice from anyone??

thanks

MagicMarker

If he definitely couldn't get anything as good here then he should do it.

2 weeks off every 3 months is actually pretty good going and he'd be well able to come home for the 2 weeks and/or pay for you to come and see him(if you can't afford it that is).

Dave147

It does sound like a good opportunity, but also sounds like a really tough decision.. It's not all about money, I mean if he's not going to be happy in Saudi Arabia and you're not going to be happy with seeing him once every 3 months then it's not worth it.. I mean 3-5 years is a long time! I would probably hold out for something else.

Hope it works out anyway!

brianthebard

MagicMarker wrote: »

If he definitely couldn't get anything as good here then he should do it.

2 weeks off every 3 months is actually pretty good going and he'd be well able to come home for the 2 weeks and/or pay for you to come and see him(if you can't afford it that is).

I think the point is SA is not wimmin friendly, regardless of how long the op would visit for...Does he definitely have to be gone three-five years op? Even though you've never done long distance before if you've been together a while and love each other it would be possible for a year or two imo..five years is different though, that would put a lot of strain on both of ye I think.

rock_chic

brianthebard wrote: »

I think the point is SA is not wimmin friendly, regardless of how long the op would visit for...Does he definitely have to be gone three-five years op? Even though you've never done long distance before if you've been together a while and love each other it would be possible for a year or two imo..five years is different though, that would put a lot of strain on both of ye I think.

hey thanks for responses

ya the job being in Saudi Arabia is one of the main issues as i was looking it up and it'll b virtually impossible to visit him, lots of stuff about getting sponsorship and rules, not women friendly etc etc, not to mention the cost of the flight, nearly €1000.( which he has offered to pay for as v expensive)

He is still thinking about it but I am the only reason he's not jumping at the chance (he's never done the travelling thing and really wants out of Ireland), so i don't want him to regret it if he doesn't go.

He'll be getting his contract to look over in a day or two before he decides but i think its a min 3 years there. If it was a year we could work it out. he'll be travelling in around europe, but mainly the US aswell with the job so he'll b v busy. Just if its for 5 years, it will definetly put a strain in the relationship.

baglady

if it's not a place you could 'see yourself living' maybe u might have to adapt to the fact that u may actually want to do it if its too hard for u to be away from him.
from a personal pt of view, i was in a LD relationship for ages. longest without seeing him was a bit over 3months and it was very hard but we are still together, very very strong and I am so glad I stayed with him.
The time he will get off work may sound like plenty to some and too little to others but at the end of the day it is up to you guys. If u feel u could deal with it, (and it WILL be difficult the 1st and 2nd times u do it, not to discourage u, i'm just being honest,) then you should go with it. however if u really dont think u can surivive without him, u have 3 options, either move with him, ask him to stay, or just break up. if u have been together 5 years i'm sure ur love is very strong so maybe breaking up isn't an option. If it was me, and if I had no real ties to Ireland, apart from family/friends, (I'm talking necessary obligations like a work contract etc.) I think I would just go for it and move over/ Though I realise I don't know your life situation, i just think that I would be willing to sacrifice a hell of a lot for my OH to be with him but I know other ppl in my position would probably have broken up with him ages ago. If the most important thing in your life is being with him, then you need to move, make him stay (not like it sounds, as in, you can't force him, but maybe u could persuade him its for the best for your relationship...), or just put up with the long distance. I put up with LD for years and it was horrible but I am so happy now coz now he has moved here and it's all good. SO so so sorry for rambling but I am really interested in giving my 2c on LD relationships. Whatever u decide, BEST OF LUCK!!!!!!:):):)

c - 13

Hey rock_chic. I believe I might work for the same company as your husband.

I did the same, took a position out foreign with a view to moving back.

I left my g/f of 3.5 years behind and we're doing okay.

Depending where he is in Saudi you can visit/live with him if you so choose. This particular company is very good for looking after its workers.

The whole visiting/living thing in the middle eastern countries isn't as bad as you would think.

You should get him to ask how they would feel about moving you both over there (there should be no problem getting a family visa since your married) just to see what they would say.

Macha

Hi there,

My parents both went to Saudi Arabia for 2 years before us kids came along & then again for 5 years (I lived there from 0-5yrs old). We lived in Jeddah & Riyadh and that was in the early 80s.

I would say that the place isn't as bad as people make out, especially if you're a European. It's not like Taliban Afghanistan! Yes, my mum had to have a driver & wear an abaya but she loved the experience of living in another country and another culture. There is also a very large expat community. You will also probably be living in a compound, with very good sports facilities and again, more potential friends. My mum did also have a good job out there.

I just cannot emphasise enough the amazing opportunity of living in a different country. It's totally different to visiting. Plus when we lived there, we visited Egypt, Palestine, Israel, Jordan, Syria..Then you have fantastic holidays inside Saudi. Plus the gold souks, the spices, the bedouins, the call to prayer 5 times a day, the subterfuge making of alcohol at home. Now my mum was also happy when she left, due to the limitations for her but she wouldn't change it for the world.

Just to put across a personal experience of living there.

4Xcut

To be quite honest, I think you should tell him that you don't want him to go, if you don't want him to. Give him all the information and let him make an informed decision.

If I was a friend of his, giving him advice it would be that he was crazy to do it. If it was somewhere you would go too, then yeah go for it, but not in this situation.

I am in no way saying that being in a relationship should stop someone from progressing theor career or what have you, but after 5 years, ye should be making decisions for both of you, not just him.

50k/year is not worth moving away from a 5 year partner for 3 years minimum.

Miss Fluff

c - 13 wrote: »

You should get him to ask how they would feel about moving you both over there (there should be no problem getting a family visa since your married) just to see what they would say.

They are not married. I lived in Saudi as a kid and it was an amazing experience, although you coming over to visit may not be as straightforward as you think. What part of Saudi is it?

c - 13

Miss Fluff wrote: »

They are not married. I lived in Saudi as a kid and it was an amazing experience, although you coming over to visit may not be as straightforward as you think. What part of Saudi is it?

Whoops, could have sworn I saw husband written in the OP there somewhere

Solarball10

OP, I really feel for you! tbh, if it was my b/f, I'd be pretty upset, and not want him to move. You need to tell him exactly how you feel, and let him make a decision then. My b/f got a job in Dublin, and I was apprehensive enough about moving up here, never mind Saudi Arabia! The location of the job is unfortunate, I can understand why you wouldn't want to live there.
What line of work is your b/f in? Is there no way he can make the same amount of money here or somewhere else?

Solarball10

4Xcut wrote: »

50k/year is not worth moving away from a 5 year partner for 3 years minimum.

+1

4bugny

rock_chic wrote: »

Hi there
However he just received a job offer from a company in Clonmel but the job has now changed, locating him to Saudi Arabia.
The money is $50k+ a year, with accomodation and all expenses already paid for him. That is way more than he'd get in Ireland, but of all coutries for it be in.

Would both of you working in Oz/NZ not be able to make more than $50,000 a year. That would be fairly good out there with a nice quality of life.

newestUser

$50,000 is currently just over 34,000 euro. It's not *amazing* money, even for someone just out of college. It's average for lots of grads (ie teachers, nurses, occupational therapists, etc.)

Although I know the square root of diddly about relationships in general (and nothing of yours in particular!) I can't see how your relationship will survive 5 years of him being out there.

I suspect your boyfriend is somewhat dazzled by this job offer for some reason (the money, opportunity to travel, lure of something exotic and different). Most people straight out of college are not in a position to make smart career choices because they don't have enough experience to draw on to judge what would be a good move for them.

I wouldn't *assume* that in 3-5 years he'll have his pick of managerial jobs back home either. How do you know what the economy's going to be like at that stage? How do you know he's going to even want to come back?

I also suspect the guy isn't up for a committed relationship with you at present. He's not a bastard because of this, he's just young, wants to travel and see the world.

marti101

I know you have been together for 5 yrs but do you not think he has a lot of life to live.5 yrs is not that long in the scheme of things,i dont mean to belittle your relationship but your oh has a chance to do something different.You will be stuck for years with kids and a mortgage so i say go for it.You have to tell him you dont want him to go.Whats the difference you were going to oz/nz for a year is this really so different,if he makes the decision not to go because of you he will most likely end up resenting you.If this was you,you would expect your bf to support you all the way so why cant you do the same for him.Anyhow he could get over there and hate it but if he doesnt go he will never know.

LadyE

If he didnt want to go, then I would think he would have said it straight away, and the fact that he is still lulling over it says to me that he does.

Under no circumstances should you say "I dont want you to go", because that would make him feel guilty..this is HIS decision. And he prob will always think about his "missed opportunity" career wise, if he stays for you and will always wonder "what if?"

If the realtionship is strong enought, then you'll survive the time apart. And prob be stronger for it. Absence makes the heart grow stronger and all that

Miss Fluff

newestUser wrote: »

I wouldn't *assume* that in 3-5 years he'll have his pick of managerial jobs back home either. How do you know what the economy's going to be like at that stage?

Very good point.

I wouldn't have viewed it from the perspective of the bouyancy of the local economy here but rather trying to get work when he returns.

I know from first hand experience through work (not going into it but PM me if you like OP) that many grads who have ONLY had work experience in the Middle East and not a local workplace will not necessarily be favoured for a job when they return. It can be hard to repatriate and some people can become quite institutionalised making it hard to settle when they go home. Fair enough going for 12 months or what have you but having to commit for 3-5 years is bullsh1t and I would question this if I were him.

I've a lot of experience in this OP so like I say, feel free to PM me.

roberta c

Does no one find it odd that he is seriously considering moving to a country where his girlfriend who he loves and respects fully as his equal wouldnt even be allowed drive a car?!!

How could he take his coworkers seriously over there knowing they are happy to deny half the population human rights all in the same of domestic slavery?

If it was me i would not consider a relocation for a job if my OH would not be allowed to live freely with me in that country, whether they wanted to or not.

craichoe

roberta c wrote: »

Does no one find it odd that he is seriously considering moving to a country where his girlfriend who he loves and respects fully as his equal wouldnt even be allowed drive a car?!!

How could he take his coworkers seriously over there knowing they are happy to deny half the population human rights all in the same of domestic slavery?

If it was me i would not consider a relocation for a job if my OH would not be allowed to live freely with me in that country, whether they wanted to or not.

Your point of view on what little you obviously know about Saudi .. is ..eh .. not really the point .. but anyway i'll give my two cents

A bunch of my friends work for Shell and its quite common that they travel to Saudi. For a start, 50k Dollars is crap money for working in Saudi actually 50k Euros would still be crap money. On top of that most companies such as Shell/Nuon/Eneco/Gazprom/E.ON have an allowance of flights thrown in too, 20 one way flights to your home country for example.

I'd say before i'd even CONTEMPLATE Saudi, it would have to be:

A. A maximum of 6 months
B. Around 100k gross for those 6 months
C. Flights thrown in
D. If it was a Permanent contract, i'd want a guaranteed job to come back to, if not then i'd want serious contract rates.

Bearing in mind you'd need the skill and experience to earn those rates, but there is not point in uprooting and going to someplace so far away if the benefit isnt there.

Why the hell is he looking at Saudi anyway, if its that hard to find a job and he's willing to go that far, why not try one of the Countries in Western Europe first.

OP, Would you be interested in Moving Abroad ? Perhaps you could suggest you both try to get a job somewhere closer to home, maybe Germany ?

rock_chic

Hey thanks for so many responses

4Xcut wrote: »

To be quite honest, I think you should tell him that you don't want him to go, if you don't want him to. Give him all the information and let him make an informed decision.

If I was a friend of his, giving him advice it would be that he was crazy to do it. If it was somewhere you would go too, then yeah go for it, but not in this situation.
I am in no way saying that being in a relationship should stop someone from progressing theor career or what have you, but after 5 years, ye should be making decisions for both of you, not just him.
50k/year is not worth moving away from a 5 year partner for 3 years minimum.

Ya he family are really happy for him to have the opportunity and i haven't seen them since he told them yesterday.
i thought that $50 k was a lot and that plus the experience would be invaluable to him.
I don't think he wants to go for as long as 3-5 years but its termed in the contract and doesn't want to burn any bridges if he wants to come back early.

4bugny wrote: »

Would both of you working in Oz/NZ not be able to make more than $50,000 a year. That would be fairly good out there with a nice quality of life.

Ya NZ was where we were talking about going as he really wants to try working abroad and i was up for going there. Just bad timing that he's offered this job now without any other rival job offers which he could take instead.

Miss Fluff wrote: »

...although you coming over to visit may not be as straightforward as you think. What part of Saudi is it?

I don't know what part of Saudi Arabia it it, but ya thats the major issue with him going to that country. I think we could work it out if he was going to the UK or Europe as i could freely visit him and vice versa.
Even if i did want to go with him i don't think i could, especially as i would want to work. You need a sponsor to work in the country etc etc, be very hard.

Also i don't want to put my career/life on hold, by not working over there for 3-5 years, 1-2yrs i could consider.

I have a feeling he is rushing in a bit to this job. He just has had so many interviews the last couple months and just marginally didn't get them due to lack of experience. So he is dazzled a bit alright about it. He is worried about the contract as 3-5 yrs is a bit long for him.but i think he's afraid to pass this up in case he's still unemployed in weeks to come.

I just don't know how to approach this with him as i don't want it to come across as me trying to talk him out of it or being selfish about it!!
we meeting for dinner tomorrow to talk about it

pookie82

I've never been in your position OP but I'm in the middle of job hunting at the mo (only in a temporary office situation these days) and it's the worst time in the world to come out into the workforce in this country. I understand how it feels to send application after application and get nothing back and to feel really excited by even the hint of a job offer and I can sympathise with your OH being carried away by such a seemingly exciting job prospect. But a lot of people have raised very valid points about how long he'll be away for, the various potential problems with you visiting him there, the money not being THAT exciting considering the changes he'll have to make etc....

It is a pity that he has no job to consider here against it, as that would probably make a huge difference to his decision. At the moment something has FINALLY come up for him and he's delighted and wants to grab it with both hands. That's only natural. But maybe with a little more time he'd get an equally great offer here (though that's easy to take for granted - I understand he has to live and eat in the meantime).

A lot of people can make long distance work, but some aren't built for it - I know I'm not, and you need to think about whether or not you are. This isn't any old job abroad. It's in a country where you won't be able to visit freely or move around in independently - that should be a big issue for him. I know that telling him you don't want him to go away seems selfish as he feels he's just gotten the offer of a lifetime, but if you don't feel like you can realistically do it, I think you should tell him. there's no point in sending him off to Saudi thinking he'll have you waiting at home if you know deep down you won't be able to do that.

I really feel for you. I've been contemplating moving to the other end of the country away from my OH lately and that alone has been stressful enough in itself! I wish you luck. Try to urge him not to sign any contracts too quickly. He needs to consider such a huge move with a level head. He might be dazzled by the seemingly brilliant offer but he should do his research and evaluate what he risks losing, as well as gaining, before he sign on the dotted line.

LegacyUser

Hi OP. I can relate to your situation. I am currently our here in the middle east, close to Saudi, and may work for the same company. The 50K is ok, but its the "not paying tax" that helps! My GF comes out once between the 3 months so that makes it 6 weeks. It's not so bad. Communication is daily, obvioubsly. It allows her do what she wants to do, which is important in my book. Then it allows for total obsession for 2 weeks at the end of the stint. Look, work is slack at home, the middle east is booming. If you get a good year or 2 work experience under you, you've got places like Dubai, Qatar and Abu Dhabi out this way that are DEFINATELY more livable than Saudi. Which puts you in a different position no?

I think most people have to do a stint in Saudi if they are working for a company like this. But there are much better places, and I'm sure he'll get to them after that. It's a serious oppurtunity. He might hate it of course, which in turn may lead him back home. But, if he doesnt try it, he will regret it.

nogoodnamesleft

Im quiet young (24) and have worked in Riyadh and Damman in the past year a week or two in each place. Just going to reiteriate a few things other posters have said. Its not that bad once your perpared for what to expect. Most organisations will have expat compounds where ever he goes. The money that he is being offered at the moment isnt that good, most people work out here for the added cash of working in that type of enviroment. He should be looking for perks such as flights home per year, money for a car, rent allowance etc. What kind of visa is the company getting him and does he have to give his passport over to them while he works there.


Climate summer can be 40 degs + commonly reached over 50 in certain parts.
Alcohol is illegal out there but you can still get it on the black market, I think the average price for a bottle of vodka is £70. Compounds make their own in bath tubs with non alcoholic beer, sugar yeast and bobs you uncle. its ment to give a desperate hangover thou. Satellite t.v etc is censored. Women cant drive by law (they recon in the next few years this will change) BTW Drivers there are nuts. Most people fcuk off to Dubai or to Bahrain which is connected to Saudi by a land bridge for the weeked for drinking and a taste of normality again.

Its a big step to work out there which he should be aware of just to live there never mind leaving a long term relationship behind.

Garthicus

I agree with a lot of what is being said. I have a lot of M.E. experience (both working there and recruiting people into there) that is little to no money for an expatriate position, please keep in mind that as his girlfriend you in theory CAN'T visit him.... you can't just roll up and walk down the street with him etc. Saudi immigration will want to know where you are staying, who you are staying with etc. ALSO, you can't be in public with him as you aren't married, so you just can't pop into McDonald's for a quick bite to eat. This is the reason you see a lot of westerners in marriages of convenience in Saudi.

I agree with a poster above, if I was to go it would be the following terms:

1 year renewable contract
$150,000k basic - 50% in local bank 50% off shore or back to Ireland
Business class flights home x 6
Completion bonus
Accommodation, moving expenses etc.

The better option would be for him to work out a deal that he can get you flights to Dubai and meet you there for his R&R.

Plenty of people I know say that they had the best social life of their lives in Saudi (embassy/compound parties etc) but they were also all on much better money and contracts (not particularly senior positions, but good money)

Take it from someone who know the M.E. salaries and packages well, regardless of the position, that is not good money vs the sacrifice

PM me for more specific info,

Cheers.

Therickmachine

ya the job being in Saudi Arabia is one of the main issues as i was looking it up and it'll b virtually impossible to visit him, lots of stuff about getting sponsorship and rules, not women friendly etc etc, not to mention the cost of the flight, nearly €1000.( which he has offered to pay for as v expensive)

It would be VERY difficult as a single woman to visit. You need a visa as far as I know. When outside you need to be accompanied by a male relative or husband.

I lived in the UAE and adored it. I ve travelled all over the middle east. I ve a basic knowledge of Arabic. However, as a single woman, I would refuse point blank to go to Saudi. I don t think I d be allowed to go anyways!
Its ok if you are in the compounds but its very claustrophobic according to people I know. (This is if you work, I don t believe for one minute you would be allowed in as a single woman tourist) I ve seen Saudi girls go totally wild when they get the chance to escape such an oppressive regime.

Fornication outside marriage is an offence and you will be deported if caught. You have to wear an Abaya in public. Something I as a western woman would have issues with. In certain more conservative areas its highly recommended you wear a headscarf if you don t want trouble off the Muttawa (religious police) I don t really think visiting your BF is posssible in Saudi from what I have heard. You wouldn t be allowed stay together and unless your brother accompanies you staying in a hotel, on your own is out.

please keep in mind that as his girlfriend you in theory CAN'T visit him.... you can't just roll up and walk down the street with him etc. Saudi immigration will want to know where you are staying, who you are staying with etc. ALSO, you can't be in public with him as you aren't married,

+100

I honestly cannot see you being allowed over there just to visit him!

My friend is a 24 year old Muslim girl from the UK. Get this, her 18 year old brother gets to "supervise" her for her first trip to Mecca. And she is 6 years his senior :rolleyes: FFS

Never mind not being able to drive or be with a man who is not related to you! I don t see how anyone would want to live in such a country!

Tell your BF to look at the UAE. Its much more forward and modern thinking. Its becoming a tourist destination and its much more liberal open to westerners! You have to use your common sense of course, but its definately possible to have a boyfriend over there.
50K ain t that much! Check out UAE websites!