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Lads weekend away

  • 25-08-2008 3:47pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭


    Backround story.......

    My OH and I met at the Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking festival 2 yrs ago. We went back last year for our anniversary but this year he wants to go back on his own with a load of the lads (who are all single).

    I keep fretting about this, am I over reacting?

    Should I just keep my mouth shut and let him on? Or should I tell him I'm fretting? but then the trust thing will come into it..............

    Help?
    :confused:


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    Out of interest why would you be fretting?

    Has the OH given you any reasons to doubt his loyalty? Has he been away with people without you before? If it was mixed groups going would you have an issue if you couldn't go?


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    if you dont trust him, you havent really got the basis of a good relationship.

    why wouldnt you trust him ?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    Dragan wrote: »
    Out of interest why would you be fretting?

    Has the OH given you any reasons to doubt his loyalty? Has he been away with people without you before? If it was mixed groups going would you have an issue if you couldn't go?


    No reason, Yeah he was away with the lads at the rally last year, I didn't mind that though. The lads he is going with would be like male tramps though. He will be the only one in the group who is attached.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    irishbird wrote: »
    if you dont trust him, you havent really got the basis of a good relationship.

    why wouldnt you trust him ?


    I trust him. Not his mates though.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,194 ✭✭✭Little Miss Cutie


    It seems a bit strange that he is going to a matchmaking festival with all his single friends, but on the otherside from what I have heard about it is really just a big session? Surely it is no different to him going away on a lads weekend or a stag?

    The trust thing is the major issue, if you trust him then you should stop fretting!


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  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    thats not very fair on your OH to lumping him in with the male sluts. Do you not think he has a mind of his own ?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,194 ✭✭✭Little Miss Cutie


    Seriously, he is an adult with a mind of his own! Do you have any reason to think that his mates would want him to go off with someone else?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    Cutie_pc wrote: »
    It seems a bit strange that he is going to a matchmaking festival with all his single friends, but on the otherside from what I have heard about it is really just a big session? Surely it is no different to him going away on a lads weekend or a stag?

    The trust thing is the major issue, if you trust him then you should stop fretting!


    Yeah it is just a huge month long session. Great craic.
    Think I'm just afraid because I met him down there and fell in love with him. I keep thinking he is going to find someone else down there. :(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    irishbird wrote: »
    thats not very fair on your OH to lumping him in with the male sluts. Do you not think he has a mind of his own ?


    They are though, one of them is his brother. I'm not lumping him in, just I know what they are like!!!!!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 533 ✭✭✭SpookyDoll


    Why dont you pull the old "its our anniversary" rabbit outta the hat!


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    SpookyDoll wrote: »
    Why dont you pull the old "its our anniversary" rabbit outta the hat!


    I tried that yesterday!!

    I don't want to keep him from going away with the lads, but just hate the fact its Lisdoon!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,194 ✭✭✭Little Miss Cutie


    05D wrote: »
    Yeah it is just a huge month long session. Great craic.
    Think I'm just afraid because I met him down there and fell in love with him. I keep thinking he is going to find someone else down there. :(

    I can understand where you are coming from it is tough especially as I am guessing that it is nearly your second anniversary and he will be away?

    My OH and I have been together just over a year and in that time he has been to 5 stags and countless weekends away with the lads. If I am worried about what will happen when he is away I always try to talk to him. I find it works best as what I imgaine they will get up to is always worse than what actually happens!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    05D wrote: »
    They are though, one of them is his brother. I'm not lumping him in, just I know what they are like!!!!!!!

    I still fail to see what the relevance if that is. He is going to hook up with some lass becuase they do?

    I have to be honest with you and say i think you are being a bit unreasonable to your fella here.

    And i hate the "I trust him, but not them" line.....it smacks of "I love you, but i'm not in love with you.", basically a cop out for the truth.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,526 ✭✭✭finbarrk


    You could suggest that a gang of your friends were thinking of going down there on the following weekend and you might tag along with them, if he says ok then you can't say anything really.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    Dragan wrote: »
    I still fail to see what the relevance if that is. He is going to hook up with some lass becuase they do?

    I have to be honest with you and say i think you are being a bit unreasonable to your fella here.

    And i hate the "I trust him, but not them" line.....it smacks of "I love you, but i'm not in love with you.", basically a cop out for the truth.


    Its not like that. His Bro gets into very tricky situations. If they all cop off with someone wheres my OH gonna go? This is just racing around my mind. I do trust him. But I do not trust some of the lads going.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,021 ✭✭✭LadyE


    05D wrote: »
    Its not like that. His Bro gets into very tricky situations. If they all cop off with someone wheres my OH gonna go? This is just racing around my mind. I do trust him. But I do not trust some of the lads going.

    But you're not going out with the other lads?

    If you really do trust him - then leave it. Seems to me like you dont. And are using his friends as an excuse.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    I think the best thing for a relationship is the freedom to do things without each other. Men especially tend to need that, and if you can't give it to him things are only going to get worse tbh. Let him go and organize a girls' weekend or go to a spa or something.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    05D wrote: »
    Its not like that. His Bro gets into very tricky situations. If they all cop off with someone wheres my OH gonna go? This is just racing around my mind. I do trust him. But I do not trust some of the lads going.

    So, that is his brother. I have friends who get into tricky situations, the most it ever means is i am the one telling everyone to shut up and sorting it out. For the really tricky ones i occassionally have to break up a fight.

    As for where is he gonna go? Down the pup, back to his room, read the paper, ring his girlfriend....what does it matter? He will be away and can look after himself.

    And whether you trust some of the lads going is not the point, either you feel your fella can be trusted and can make his own decisions or you don't!

    Look, i understand where you are coming from, the time and place and situation has special meaning for you in the context of your relationship with him and you feel bad that he would want to share it with someone else.

    Simple fact is that he doesn't. Your fella just wants a lads weekend, plenty of distraction for his mates who are inclined towards pulling so he won't have to listen to them moaning about a lack of women!

    What you need to remember is that for you fella the situation and the setting and time mean nothing with you. :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    Your ex was having doubts about the relationship lately wasn't he? Is that why you're worried about him going to a matchmaking convention?

    Because since it was practically finished a couple of weeks ago then I'd probably be bothered if he was going.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    Having been to Lisdoon once or twice, the chances of meeting someone decent that you want to hook up with are slim....it's a drunken hooley whose name just happens to be matchmaking.....

    So what you're really worried about is whether lightning can strike twice ?

    The ONLY possible reason I could see for this to play on your mind is IF he was with someone else when you two hooked up down there, and he left her for you ?

    Otherwise, forget it....it's a lad's weekend away and if you were going away with some loose/slutty/single friends and he gave you grief over it, you'd be p'd off, wouldn't you ?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 517 ✭✭✭greatgoal


    jaysus,you either trust him or you dont,from what youre saying you definitely dont,tell him out straight that you dont want him to go and if you both are compatible and as close as you say then he shouldnt even think of going but, if a little thing like this is causing so much grief then perhaps its time to look at the bigger picture.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 49 Fat Pie Lot


    I'm torn here. Part of me says that you should talk this through with your OH, but to what end? What would you expect if you sat down and discussed it? That he wouldn't go or that he'd still go, but have your concerns in the back of his mind the whole time?

    I'm assuming your OH hasn't shown any signs of misbehaving in the past two years and he's already been away without you at least once, so what's the issue now?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    I, too, have never understood the term "i trust him but not them/her" because if the first half of the sentence is true, your problem ends there.

    A lot of girls have boyf's who have a certain group of mates they just don't trust them with. This may be because these guys in general like to act like macho ladykillers when on the razz and will encourage said BF to partake of the fun. They don't respect relationships or girlfriends and will encourage the BF to be a lad and forget the missus etc.

    But again, if the first half of your above sentence is true, you have nothing to worry about. I don't think it is though. I think you want it to be, but deep down you have niggling doubts.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    Think I'm just jealous more than anything. i want to go to! Was thinking about it lastnight when I was with him and I do completely trust him.

    He can go if he wants! I really don't mind.

    Just the feckin worry took over!!!:mad:


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    05D wrote: »
    They are though, one of them is his brother. I'm not lumping him in, just I know what they are like!!!!!!!

    well seeing as you are so worried, he must be like that too.

    so what are you doing with a male slut, who doesnt know his mind ?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭i-digress


    05D wrote: »
    Think I'm just jealous more than anything. i want to go to! Was thinking about it lastnight when I was with him and I do completely trust him.

    He can go if he wants! I really don't mind.

    Just the feckin worry took over!!!:mad:

    The lady doth protest too much methinks. I think the best thing you can do is not say anything to him. You don't like his friends, so you probably think the feeling is mutual. If they're going to pour poison in his ear its better if you don't come over like a bunny boiler.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    Yeah ur right!

    I'm not going to mention it. Not worth it.

    I'm terrible for getting all worked up like that!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 622 ✭✭✭Solarball10


    05D wrote: »
    Backround story.......

    My OH and I met at the Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking festival 2 yrs ago. We went back last year for our anniversary but this year he wants to go back on his own with a load of the lads (who are all single).

    I keep fretting about this, am I over reacting?

    Should I just keep my mouth shut and let him on? Or should I tell him I'm fretting? but then the trust thing will come into it..............

    Help?
    :confused:

    Let me get this straight. Your bf wants to go to a matchmaking festival with a bunch of his single mates? Yes, you should be worried. Why would he want to go to a matchmaking festival? Alarm bells...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,500 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    ozzyoh wrote: »
    Let me get this straight. Your bf wants to go to a matchmaking festival with a bunch of his single mates? Yes, you should be worried. Why would he want to go to a matchmaking festival? Alarm bells...

    you're reading too much into this. Guys will go ANYWHERE where they can get together for a chance to have fun and get pissed. My mate whos a pioneer is coming with me and another few mates to Oktoberfest next year that doesn't mean all of a sudden he's gonna start drinking. he just wants to come along for the adventure. The company makes it fun, not the destination


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 384 ✭✭Leeby


    ozzyoh wrote: »
    Let me get this straight. Your bf wants to go to a matchmaking festival with a bunch of his single mates? Yes, you should be worried. Why would he want to go to a matchmaking festival? Alarm bells...

    That's what I was thinking! He wants to go to a matchmaking festival? On your anniversary? Why?? I wouldn't be concerned about who he's with or anything, I'd be concerned with the fact that he wants to leave you alone on your anniversary so that he can go to a MATCHMAKING festival, where surely the purpose is to meet other women?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    It's simple really.
    You either trust him, or, you don't.

    Which is it?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 622 ✭✭✭Solarball10


    Leeby wrote: »
    That's what I was thinking! He wants to go to a matchmaking festival? On your anniversary? Why?? I wouldn't be concerned about who he's with or anything, I'd be concerned with the fact that he wants to leave you alone on your anniversary so that he can go to a MATCHMAKING festival, where surely the purpose is to meet other women?

    Exactly! I forgot to stress on my last post, that on your anniversary is a double blow. Hmm, I wonder how he'd react if you told him you wanted to go to a matchmaking festival with all your single friends on the weekend of your anniversary especially? Doubt he'd be too happy....he sounds like a total idiot!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    ozzyoh wrote: »
    Let me get this straight. Your bf wants to go to a matchmaking festival with a bunch of his single mates? Yes, you should be worried. Why would he want to go to a matchmaking festival? Alarm bells...


    I have been there a few times, it more a big huge month long session. I wouldn't really say a whole lot of matchmaking goes on there!!

    We met at a bar there, we weren't matchmade!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    ozzyoh wrote: »
    Exactly! I forgot to stress on my last post, that on your anniversary is a double blow. Hmm, I wonder how he'd react if you told him you wanted to go to a matchmaking festival with all your single friends on the weekend of your anniversary especially? Doubt he'd be too happy....he sounds like a total idiot!


    He's not a total idiot. He's just a lad.

    Our anniversary is on the following weekend. Lisdoon goes on for the whole month of Sept.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    ozzyoh wrote: »
    Let me get this straight. Your bf wants to go to a matchmaking festival with a bunch of his single mates? Yes, you should be worried. Why would he want to go to a matchmaking festival? Alarm bells...

    Because his mates are going and he feels like getting drunk.

    People predominantly go to clubs to interact with members of the opposite sex. Should people in relationships only go places like this when their partner is with them?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    He's not just a lad though is he? He's 46. And he by all appearances wanted things finished a week or two ago and was ignoring you and now he wants to go to a matchmaking festival without you on your anniversary. Not to worry!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    Karen_* wrote: »
    He's not just a lad though is he? He's 46. And he by all appearances wanted things finished a week or two ago and was ignoring you and now he wants to go to a matchmaking festival without you on your anniversary. Not to worry!


    Excuse me Karen,

    We sorted through that and we are very much back together. He told me what was bothering him then and every is clear.

    Age is not an issue here.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 622 ✭✭✭Solarball10


    Karen_* wrote: »
    He's not just a lad though is he? He's 46.

    Holy God! He's 46?! Makes it all the worse...surely he's a bit old for going on lads weekends now?!

    OP, sorry, but it doesn't sound good at all, tbh.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,500 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    ozzyoh wrote: »
    Holy God! He's 46?! Makes it all the worse...surely he's a bit old for going on lads weekends now?!

    OP, sorry, but it doesn't sound good at all, tbh.

    *cough cough* life doesn't stop at 40 lass.

    my dad and his navy buddies went for a lads holiday which involved them on a boat going up the shannon for 4 days. guys don't get too old for lads holidays. i agree with 05D, age isn't an issue here


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    Can 46 yr olds not go away with there mates? Whats the big deal there?


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 622 ✭✭✭Solarball10


    OK, I shouldn't have said "lads weekends" - I meant shouldn't he have the cop-on and maturity not to be sloping off to matchmaking festival, and telling his g/f he doesn't want her with him? God, when I read the posts first I thought they were a couple in their 20's maybe....hence I could understand the immaturity a bit.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    05D wrote: »
    Excuse me Karen,

    We sorted through that and we are very much back together. He told me what was bothering him then and every is clear.

    Age is not an issue here.


    Fair enough and you know the situation far better than I do. But with the information given when asking should you be worried then I advised that yes, I did think there was something to worry about. You asked the question O5D!

    Well you're not worried now and you trust him and thats great. None of us have a crystal ball which can tell us what will happen at the festival but you're the best qualified to know how he'll behave.

    No one has an issue with either of your ages but at 46 he's not really a lad and he could make the effort to stay for your anniversary, in my opinion. You don't mind at all so then there is no issue.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 384 ✭✭Leeby


    05D wrote: »
    He's not a total idiot. He's just a lad.

    Our anniversary is on the following weekend. Lisdoon goes on for the whole month of Sept.

    Right okay, I got the wrong end of the stick there altogether, I thought he was leaving you on your anniversary to go to a matchmaking festival whereas he's just going for a weekend pisssup, and it's not your anniversary. That's grand so, I'd say leave him be.

    I am wondering why you started this in the first place about being anxious but you've gotten quite defensive with the people who've agreed with you. I don't know the background to this but I don't think Karen meant offence by her comments, I think she was just trying to look at the bigger picture.

    Also, just one little question, who did you go to the festival with the time you met him? Could you go with them again? He probably wouldn't like you going at the same time as him but sure if it goes on for a month, he's going one weekend, you've an anniversary another weeken, that leaves two weekends that you could go down with the girls.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭05D


    Leeby wrote: »
    Right okay, I got the wrong end of the stick there altogether, I thought he was leaving you on your anniversary to go to a matchmaking festival whereas he's just going for a weekend pisssup, and it's not your anniversary. That's grand so, I'd say leave him be.

    I am wondering why you started this in the first place about being anxious but you've gotten quite defensive with the people who've agreed with you. I don't know the background to this but I don't think Karen meant offence by her comments, I think she was just trying to look at the bigger picture.

    Also, just one little question, who did you go to the festival with the time you met him? Could you go with them again? He probably wouldn't like you going at the same time as him but sure if it goes on for a month, he's going one weekend, you've an anniversary another weeken, that leaves two weekends that you could go down with the girls.


    I was thinking that at the start but then I though I was just being petty. I think I'll leave it now and try and say nothing! Don't know why I freaked out.


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