Will I send him running for the hills

LegacyUser

A bit of a backstory

I met a guy on the internet - we chatted for a long long while and clicked straight away. As I was living abroad at that time it took us a long while to meet up. When we did, it was .... as great as I could ever hope.

Anyway, I've been back home for 3 months now and we're still in touch - lots of texts messages, plenty emails/chats but due to the distance between us -(160 km) only a couple of meet ups.

The thing is - he keeps blowing hot and cold - i can't for the life of me figure out what he wants from me - friendship or more. On the one hand, he compliments me, admits to having thought about me, drunk-texts me and all that
One the other, it is usually me who has to suggest meet-ups and who comes over to see him, not the other way around.

I'm just confused. I'm useless at those games, I like to know the hard facts

So, here's the question - and lads' opinions are especially welcome

Should I write him an email, asking straight out what he thinks of us? Whether he sees us becoming more than friends? Or will I appear too intense? Will I just send him running for the hills?

If it was not for the fact that I genuinely care about him, and would settle for being just friends if that's all he's prepared to be, I'd just ask him and be done with it. But I'm afraid that if I'll do it with him I'll lose a friend.

Guys, how would you react? would you be mortified? How would you behave if an email like that came from someone you've fancied once but no longer do (we kissed once but the next time we met it was just a peck on the cheek for me - yet, would still get flirty texts from him every once in a while after that)?

Victor

AboutToRiskIt wrote: »

Should I write him an email

E-mails are bad for conveying sentiment, its better that such a conversation be in person. That way, both sides can read tone of voice, body language and so on.

brianthebard

Ring or meet him and ask him straight out,but dont make it into an ultimatum,because that would prolly make him push away.

Red Hand

Victor wrote: »

E-mails are bad for conveying sentiment, its better that such a conversation be in person. That way, both sides can read tone of voice, body language and so on.

I'd agree with this. Emails can be chopped and changed and the relevant content ignored. At least with a straight question, you get a straight answer.

sinnerboy

Meet up and have a no bull , cards on table chat . No need to be "heavy" just honest . "What do, you want from me ? " or " Do you want us to beacome a dedicated couple? " is the kind of un ambiguous language to use

If you don't hear straight talking back at you .... then chalk it down to experience and ( cliche warning ) ... move on

00011000

i don't think you should be making all the effort in going to see him. Something just doesn't seem that right about it. Especially when you met over the internet.

Blowing hot and cold is kinda bull**** if you ask me. if you're going to commit to a long-ish distance relationship like that, you want HOT HOT HOT all the damn time.

I'm a big hypocrite though... I'm always laying my heart on the line.

my 2c.

LegacyUser

Well, we've 'known' each other for over a year now so I seriously don't think you can keep it HOT HOT HOT all the time. Life is not like that.

It might work out, it might not.

The real question is if I do risk it and ask him straight out and he says no, will he be able to continue the friendship?
I don't know how men see that - would that be a total no-no for them(as in: oh no, that chick luuuuuvs me, I'd better run for cover! She won't find me in Mexico, will she?")

i'd rather have him as a friend than not at all

m83

I think he's just lookin for the ride. tbh.

wasper

AboutToRiskIt wrote: »

A bit of a backstory

I met a guy on the internet - we chatted for a long long while and clicked straight away. As I was living abroad at that time it took us a long while to meet up. When we did, it was .... as great as I could ever hope.

Anyway, I've been back home for 3 months now and we're still in touch - lots of texts messages, plenty emails/chats but due to the distance between us -(160 km) only a couple of meet ups.

The thing is - he keeps blowing hot and cold - i can't for the life of me figure out what he wants from me - friendship or more. On the one hand, he compliments me, admits to having thought about me, drunk-texts me and all that
One the other, it is usually me who has to suggest meet-ups and who comes over to see him, not the other way around.

I'm just confused. I'm useless at those games, I like to know the hard facts

So, here's the question - and lads' opinions are especially welcome

Should I write him an email, asking straight out what he thinks of us? Whether he sees us becoming more than friends? Or will I appear too intense? Will I just send him running for the hills?

If it was not for the fact that I genuinely care about him, and would settle for being just friends if that's all he's prepared to be, I'd just ask him and be done with it. But I'm afraid that if I'll do it with him I'll lose a friend.

Guys, how would you react? would you be mortified? How would you behave if an email like that came from someone you've fancied once but no longer do (we kissed once but the next time we met it was just a peck on the cheek for me - yet, would still get flirty texts from him every once in a while after that)?

Get him out of his misery & call him. He might just need that little bit of help from you.

Chinafoot

Have you ever kissed? Slept together?

Is the only indication that he may like you as more than a friend compliments and drunk messages? What do the drunk messags say?

Just ask him. I'd be dubious about someone who lets you make all the effort though.

john_aero

only trouble i could see if if he is blowing hot and cold as you say and you ask him straight out he may just whimp around the answer and say he does but not be too bothered with it. just go and lay it all out and make a full hearted decision then

Marksie

AboutToRiskIt wrote: »

Well, we've 'known' each other for over a year now so I seriously don't think you can keep it HOT HOT HOT all the time. Life is not like that.

It might work out, it might not.

The real question is if I do risk it and ask him straight out and he says no, will he be able to continue the friendship?
I don't know how men see that - would that be a total no-no for them(as in: oh no, that chick luuuuuvs me, I'd better run for cover! She won't find me in Mexico, will she?")

i'd rather have him as a friend than not at all

Yes you can keep it hot, and hotter, but both have to want to.

If you dont risk it whats going to happen? My guess is you may not have him as a friend as you will be feeling strung alng until the point you have had eenough.
As to whether guys would run for the hills, depends on the guy. I wouldn't, but others would.

In the end life is too short not to take chances.

RedXIV

hmmmm personally after reading your initial message i got the impression that the guy would almost be trying to play it cool. He wants you to know that he's interested but he doesn't want to appear far too eager to suggest meetups. After all, with media in the last few years saying how meeting guys off the net is 100% going to lead to a rape, this has subliminally made meeting another person you might be slightly more than interested in a bigger deal than necessary. Now this is all pure speculation on my part but i reckon if you and him are good friends and you've met up more than once, he's not going to get overly freaked out by this conversation. Go for it

Burial

Me thinks he's undecided on what to do. Ask him, but my bet is that he'll say "I don't know" to how he feels. A long distance relationship is alot of work...

And I wouldn't go for e-mail, but it's just as good as any other forms of communication. Anyway, I wouldn't be scared by this, but don't write "I LOVE YOU" on the email and expect a great (or speedily) reply. Say I think we get on great and what is the dealio with us? Say you love your friendship but is this aimed at more? My preference would be text or msn, as this would allow speedy replys.

LegacyUser

Chinafoot wrote: »

Have you ever kissed? Slept together?

Is the only indication that he may like you as more than a friend compliments and drunk messages? What do the drunk messags say?

Just ask him. I'd be dubious about someone who lets you make all the effort though.

We kissed during our 4th and 5th meet up. No fireworks so to speak and while I don't need to go weak in my knees and know that passion is something that builds up over time just as love and other stuff, I guess men see it differently.
The 6th meet-up ended up with a hug and a peck on the cheek (then again we had little time for anything more as my train was just leaving).

Yet after that he texted me (while sober) saying he thinks about kissing me all the time.
And yet even though I dropped hints I might be up for another meet up soon he's quiet on the subject...

As for making all the effort - true, except for our first three meet-ups it's been me who inititates those visits, but he does lots of things for me that, I think, no one would bother to do if they didn't care for the other person (way to be vague, eh?)

Seriously, if the guy blew hot and cold any more he could be an air conditioner!

LegacyUser

Burial wrote: »

. Anyway, I wouldn't be scared by this, but don't write "I LOVE YOU" on the email and expect a great (or speedily) reply. .

I don't love him, that's the thing. Not yet anyway. I can see myself falling for him, but love is a strong word and it doesn't just happen.

What I want from him is a declaration on whether or not he wants to give us being more than friends a try or if friendship's all he's interested in.

The reason I wanted to do it through email is precisely because a speedy reply wouldn't be expected. I wanted to give hima chance to think things through - even mention in the email I'd disappear offline for a couple of days to give him time and not feel pressured...

LadyE

AboutToRiskIT wrote: »

We kissed during our 4th and 5th meet up. No fireworks so to speak and while I don't need to go weak in my knees and know that passion is something that builds up over time just as love and other stuff, I guess men see it differently.
The 6th meet-up ended up with a hug and a peck on the cheek (then again we had little time for anything more as my train was just leaving).

Yet after that he texted me (while sober) saying he thinks about kissing me all the time.
And yet even though I dropped hints I might be up for another meet up soon he's quiet on the subject...

As for making all the effort - true, except for our first three meet-ups it's been me who inititates those visits, but he does lots of things for me that, I think, no one would bother to do if they didn't care for the other person (way to be vague, eh?)

Seriously, if the guy blew hot and cold any more he could be an air conditioner!

Id leave it to be honest...a hug and a peck ont he cheek because thats all you had time for?? If he liked you he would have MADE the time..even a proper kiss on a bench or anything

Him going quiet on the subject of meeting up again says it all really.

As for passion, I would view this as important from the start!!

Ask him WTF is going on but be prepared to hear something you dotn want to.

LolaDub

No offense but are you sure this guy isn't married or in a relationship?

It sounds like he's trying to cool it for whatever reason but you'll never know the reason or have any input unless you talk to him

adsgirl

OMg!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you talking about the same twat I met two years ago on-line, because honestly it smacks of him!!!
Met a guy online two years ago, bombarded with texts, emails, devotions of love, funny only two phone calls the whole time, titters claimed in the end he had a phone phobia..lol...

Meanwhile I am wondering does distance about a 2 hour drive, make life so difficult when it comes to matters of the heart?
Cut a long story short found out from chatting to another girl online, he had a wife!!!!!! and not only that numerous female friends...
Hun drop this guy pronto, if he doesn't give you ans, life is way too short to waste on a w***er...