What's the best way to deal with this?

LegacyUser

This is a bit of a trivial issue, but it's bugging me. I'm 21 and have been living abroad for university for 3 years. I get on well with my parents and always talk to my mum about relationships and all that. I've not had a proper relationship in a few years, and haven't bothered to tell her about the non-important guys that have come and gone. I'm living at home for the summer now. About 2 months ago, I started seeing a guy. I didn't mention him to my mum until very recently because it wasn't serious, but in the past few weeks, it's started to get so. I vaguely mentioned to my mum that I'm seeing someone, not thinking much of it. She's been away for most of the summer, at our holiday home, while I've stayed at home working (my dad works all the time and goes to her every weekend). Now they're back though, and that's where the problem is arising.

My parents are quite old-fashioned when it comes to sex and everything. I would never have a guy over to my house while they were there. My boyfriend has his own place, which is great, but I can't stay the night without having to make up an excuse to my parents. They're very protective of me (only daughter, youngest child) so I always text them when I'm out to let them know when I'll be home. They would not be happy with the idea that I was going back to his house though. I stayed at his one night last week and made up some rubbish story about a party at a friends house, and I'm pretty sure they don't believe me. I'm tired of having to make up excuses about where I am and wish they'd just accept that I'm an adult and can make my own decisions. I don't want to have to get up and go home after we've had sex, I want to be able to stay the night and the next day if I feel like it!

This is getting very long-winded, so basically my question is: How do I get my parents to understand that I'm an adult now? I briefly discussed it with my mum earlier and she gave me the whole "We know that but when you live under our roof, you abide by our rules" jazz. I'm going back to college in a few weeks, should I just wait it out? The problem is, of course, once I go back to college I won't see my boyfriend much at all, so I want to make the most of our time left together and I can't do that with my parents questioning where I am every moment of every day! Honestly, I feel like I'm 14 all over again! I'd love to know what to say to my mum to make her relax about the idea of me spending the night with my boyfriend.

Jack Sheehan

You're 21, they have no right to stop you staying over at your boyfriends. Fair enough about bringing someone home, they might be a bit uncomfortable about that but as long as you let them know where you are they don't have anything to be complaining about.

Say exactly that, 'mum, I am staying over at this blokes house and we are having sex, we're both adults and it's not a big deal.' or at least it shouldn't be.

mrsdewinter

Sounds like they have a policy on this. They might be old-fashioned but it's their house you're staying in - on very good terms and conditions too, if I may say so. They might ease up after they meet him and see that this relp is going somewhere. Till then, I'd say it's dirty weekends away for you...

LegacyUser

heya, know exactly how you feel. i'm 25, still living at home and i can't bring guys home. not been an issue since ive not been with anyone seriously enough to sleep with in FAR too long, but it's probably gonna come up soon since ive started seeing someone, and if it progresses i'll always end up back at his.
but yeah my folks have a very strict 'not under this roof' (its the same for my brothers, not just my being the only girl, too) but they accept that when im not under their roof, im an adult as well as their daughter. all i can suggest is you sit them down, tell them the score, that you're old enough to do what you want, but since you're going to respect their 'not under our roof' rule, they'll have to respect the fact that you're an adult and in charge of your own life. they might be pissed at first, but in the end, youre 21. and are they really going to disown you over this?
good luck
xx

Fat Pie Lot

Jack Sheehan wrote: »

You're 21, they have no right to stop you staying over at your boyfriends. Fair enough about bringing someone home, they might be a bit uncomfortable about that but as long as you let them know where you are they don't have anything to be complaining about.

Say exactly that, 'mum, I am staying over at this blokes house and we are having sex, we're both adults and it's not a big deal.' or at least it shouldn't be.

This is good advice. I don't know that you have to specifically mention that you're having sex, but you can say that you're staying over at your boyfriend's house.

Your parents have rules, fair enough, but I don't think it's fair of them to force these rules upon you when you're out of the house. If your mum is using the "live under our roof, you abide by our rules" line, it might be a good idea to ask what rules you are breaking by staying over at your boyfriend's house.

I would imagine they'd far rather know where you are and that you're safe than have you lie to them and they not know where you are, which they're effectively forcing you to do right now.