Overreacting to gf's banter?

LegacyUser

Hey all.

Going unreggd for this one. Chatting to the new girlfriend this evening and she mentioned that a guy at work asked her something this evening and was shocked by her answer.

Turns out he asked if she enjoyed giving head, and she replied saying yes. Now I realise everyone has a past (and she does, as do I) and this is fine. No worries. But I wonder is it really neccessary to say things like that to workmates? If it was a close friend, then fair enough... but as close as a workmate is, they're still a workmate.

I made the point that not many girls wanna be known at work as "the girl who loves giving head", and she seen my point, but I said if it worked for her, then don't change. I'll just deal with whatever she does, as I don't want her to change for me. Its up to me how I deal with it.

Anyways, opinions? Like, I guess I don't want my gf having a rep, and that side of pride does come into it. But I could be over-reacting? Its just a fairly new relationship and the thought flashed into my head that I hope I'm gonna be happy in it (which I am thus far)

Anyhoo, I'd appreciate replies people, thanks

Redpunto

First off, its a feckin insult of a question to ask a women, secondly she shouldnt have answered,,,maybe she was takin the p*ss by saying yes??? Not to say its not true just maybe she was shocked by being asked

AlmightyCushion

NeedSomeAdivce wrote: »

If it was a close friend, then fair enough... but as close as a workmate is, they're still a workmate.

I'm very close with some of the people I work with/worked with, I don't see them any different to my other non work related friends.

Trinity

If it was a female colleague would you be upset?

Does it go deeper than that? It is understandable you do not want her getting a name for herself but if she is old enough to have a job i imagine she is old enough to make these decisions for herself and be aware of the repercussions. This is all down to maturity at the end of the day. You are not her chaperone.

Or are you worried there might be some flirting going on and a little upset that he was talking about things of a sexual nature to her?

MagicMarker

Some people are just very open about sex.

If someone asked you if you liked receiving head what would you say?

Personaly, my response would be ''damn ****ing straight i do''.

LegacyUser

Trinity1 wrote: »

If it was a female colleague would you be upset?

Does it go deeper than that? It is understandable you do not want her getting a name for herself but if she is old enough to have a job i imagine she is old enough to make these decisions for herself and be aware of the repercussions. This is all down to maturity at the end of the day. You are not her chaperone.

Or are you worried there might be some flirting going on and a little upset that he was talking about things of a sexual nature to her?

Well she's 17, but she acts more mature than a 17 year old (I'm 22, five year difference, but never feels like it). She just has this thing where she wants to answer any question she's asked, and she answers them honestly... fact is, she does enjoy it.

If it was a female colleague, I'd probably be less put about by it... I know she's quite flirty by nature (as am I) but like me, she wouldn't cheat. Its just fun to do.
I guess it's just that I don't want her to get a rep, or for people to talk about her behind her back, and also I don't need one of her workmates coming up to me with the line "well aren't you lucky she loves giving head? Hahaha, you old dawg" because quite honestly, I want to look at her the way I do now (which is with respect) but I know it'd be hard to see her (or anyone else) the same way if they were known for this by her workmates.

Like, I doubt any of the girls on here would like for their man to be known in his workplace for his love of anal sex, would they?

MagicMarker

Just to add...

I would never just ask a girl this out of the blue, for me to ask this i would need to be comfortable that she wouldn't get offended. That would usually entail some form of flirting or some kind of sexual innuendo. That's just me though.

davyjose

Pride my a$$, admit it, you are just bugged that she had a past before you came along.
At the endof the day, she did nothing to compromise her relationship with you. The words "storm" and "teacup" spring to mind.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

davyjose wrote: »

Pride my a$$, admit it, you are just bugged that she had a past before you came along.

You say it like it's a bad thing though? It shows he cares. There are better ways to show he cares though

LegacyUser

Davy, its not her past. I felt dodgy about the past in previous relationships, but I've come to realise the past is the past. It has nothing to do with this current issue.
I'm going unreggd, why lie or deny?

sinnerboy

She told you what she said to a work mate when he asked her something very intimate ( and in my opinion - not seeking agreement here ) very in appropriate

The girl is "open" , which is fine except - are you ?

She's ok , you'r ok but are you compatible .

It would piss me off ( again not seeking validation or agreement ) to be with someone quite so open . But so what - will it continue to piss you off ? It would be un reasonable to expect her to start being "discreet"

lee_arama

Well it's swings and roundabouts.

If I knew that this workmate knew she was seeing someone (you), and wasn't considered to be the friend to whom anything could be said (the gay one usually) then I'd hit the roof.

It's out of line, and as much of a tomcat as I used to be I doubt I ever asked such a question of even the most depraved tramps I was with.

At the same time, it's hard for a girl to avoid answering that question without creating a situation where, well, where it looks like she's trying to avoid the question. By answering yes maybe she assumed that there was nowhere the workmate could take it without creating a wonderful litigious opportunity.

Just tell her that you felt slighted by her referencing past relationships, that it upset you. That should set things right.

Jack B. Badd

NeedSomeAdivce wrote: »

Turns out he asked if she enjoyed giving head, and she replied saying yes. Now I realise everyone has a past (and she does, as do I) and this is fine.

You've forgiven her for not being a virgin? Good for you!

Tbh, she's a grown woman and you're not her minder. If she wants to answer a question about sex asked by a close friend, workmate or complete stranger it's her prerogative.

MagicMarker

Why did she even bring this subject up with you?

pickarooney

I don't understand the question... who has the problem with what in the OP?

Gyalist

NeedSomeAdivce wrote: »

Hey all.

Going unreggd for this one. Chatting to the new girlfriend this evening and she mentioned that a guy at work asked her something this evening and was shocked by her answer.

Turns out he asked if she enjoyed giving head, and she replied saying yes. Now I realise everyone has a past (and she does, as do I) and this is fine. No worries. But I wonder is it really neccessary to say things like that to workmates? If it was a close friend, then fair enough... but as close as a workmate is, they're still a workmate.

I made the point that not many girls wanna be known at work as "the girl who loves giving head", and she seen my point, but I said if it worked for her, then don't change. I'll just deal with whatever she does, as I don't want her to change for me. Its up to me how I deal with it.

Anyways, opinions? Like, I guess I don't want my gf having a rep, and that side of pride does come into it. But I could be over-reacting? Its just a fairly new relationship and the thought flashed into my head that I hope I'm gonna be happy in it (which I am thus far)

Anyhoo, I'd appreciate replies people, thanks

Man, you fell for one of the oldest female tricks in the book. Your girlfriend has good game. She tested you and you failed miserably. The thing is you know that you've done something wrong -that's why you are asking questions here - but you're not aware of the wrong thing that you did or how to fix it.

Every woman will test you like this - some with more subtlety than others - it's like it's hardwired into their behaviour. What she is subconsciously doing is putting two males to compete for her. By telling you about the other guy at work she is letting you know that other men find her attractive. I think that's what really bothering you. The end result is to make you invest more in the relationship. Did she really have to tell you about that work conversation? Would you be so worried if she had the conversation with another female?

The correct response to that conversation was not to get sucked into it. Your response should have been something like "Cool" then completely change the topic. You can rest assured that your girlfriend has noted your vulnerability on this issue and that she will use it again.

Is this a LDR?

tbh

I can see why you're upset. In my experience, the only reason someone would ask a question like that is because they are testing the waters, sexually. You ask a question like that (especially to someone you barely know) to gauge their reaction. Depending on their reaction, you either cross them off your mental list, or you move them up a notch. Your girlfriend gave an answer that would - imo - move them up a notch. It doesn't mean that this guy deffo intends to make a move on your missus, he's just trying to test if she might be receptive, and her answer makes it sounds like she could be. I guess that depends on how she gave the answer - could be a frightened "yes" or a saucy, arch "yes", and I'm guessing it's the latter as you're getting upset.

If you want my opinion, it's definitely flirting. Are you already worried about this aspect of your girlfriends behavior, or is it a new thing?

oh and by the way, I'm not for one second passing judgement on the op, his missus or the other guy. I'm just saying that I think the scenario above is the most likely scenario based on my experience. It may strike a chord with the OP, or it may not.

Fat Pie Lot

To the OP:

It's only inappropriate behaviour if your gf thinks that it is. That she answered the question indicates to me that she doesn't have an issue with that line of questioning. The fact that it was a co-worker means nothing if she feels comfortable enough answering. Being a co-worker doesn't mean you can't be friends or even close.

LegacyUser

By the way, my replies from last night only got approved now, so you might want to look at them before replying?

Oddly, yes it is a very new Long Distance Relationship, Gyalist... why did you think it was?

Jack Sheehan

There doesn't seem to be any problem to me, if she wasn't offended by the question you shouldn't be.

Le Rack

dude, get with the times, we may still be ruled by the vatican n all that jazz but people are so much more open about sex these days that it happens, my manager started talkin about porn and vibrators n things with us one day, purely for the craic, now yeah we were shocked at first but big deal.

As for the test theory I don't know about that...if someone is in a conversation about sex it generally does come up in the form of "do you ACTUALLY like doin it though??!" with a slightly shocked and apauled tone...I really wouldn't count it as that big a deal...unless she just came out with it, if there was a build up in conversation to it then meh whatever, get over it...

craichoe

Gyalist wrote: »

Man, you fell for one of the oldest female tricks in the book. Your girlfriend has good game. She tested you and you failed miserably. The thing is you know that you've done something wrong -that's why you are asking questions here - but you're not aware of the wrong thing that you did or how to fix it.

Every woman will test you like this - some with more subtlety than others - it's like it's hardwired into their behaviour. What she is subconsciously doing is putting two males to compete for her. By telling you about the other guy at work she is letting you know that other men find her attractive. I think that's what really bothering you. The end result is to make you invest more in the relationship. Did she really have to tell you about that work conversation? Would you be so worried if she had the conversation with another female?

The correct response to that conversation was not to get sucked into it. Your response should have been something like "Cool" then completely change the topic. You can rest assured that your girlfriend has noted your vulnerability on this issue and that she will use it again.

Is this a LDR?

Game my hole, if someone starting playing "games" with me they'd be told where to go fairly fast.

LegacyUser

So far Jack Sheehans reply has kinda struck a chord with me more than anyone elses... plus the OH did explain that she's extremely close to her workmates - apparently "they all know each others business".
I guess if she's happy with it, then I've no reason to be otherwise?