Terrified about return to school...

HouseHippo

I am so nervous.I'm not the most popular person, been bullied alot.

Over the summer I had a falling out with someone I considered a good friend I have tried to apologize etc (she was hanging out with some racist lads who called another friend a Nigg-er pie and she was very upset, I refused to hang out with them and told her what i thought, she flipped out)

However she has turned most of my friends against me and now I will be completely alienated. Not to mention I have exam pressure with this being my last year.

I know this might seem like a really immature problem but believe me I'm not the one being immature in this situation

sinnerboy

See how things pan out . Maybe the other friends are not as turned off you as you have been led to beleive . Stand firm and see who is isolated after a couple of weeks .... it may well be this primary "friend"

HouseHippo

sinnerboy wrote: »

See how things pan out . Maybe the other friends are not as turned off you as you have been led to beleive . Stand firm and see who is isolated after a couple of weeks .... it may well be this primary "friend"

I was hoping that they weren't but I seen them all together in town yesterday and they started shouting at me throwing things etc

Dudess

Are there other people you could hang out with besides that crowd? They don't seem to deserve the time of day.

leesmom

sorry to hear this,theres nothing worse.when i was 15 my so called best friend tryed to turn people in my year against me all because i was really close friends with another girl and she was jealous,she even stooped as low to say i hope your mum dies(my mum had cancer):rolleyes:
people like this are not worth a second thought and im sure you know this,keep to yourself ,work hard and get your points to get your course in college,you will make new friends there,there is no need to waste your life on people like this,believe me you will look back and laugh when the same sad little group of people are acting like stupid immature kids as you get on with your life,bullies never come out on top in the end;)

who007

HouseHippo wrote: »

I know this might seem like a really immature problem but believe me I'm not the one being immature in this situation

The only immaturity is on their part HH!
What about your coloured friend? Does the other friend not want to stand up for her too?

I know yuo may not want to, but speak to a parent or teacher and ask for help and that they be discreet about it.

sinnerboy

HouseHippo wrote: »

I was hoping that they weren't but I seen them all together in town yesterday and they started shouting at me throwing things etc

Oh that is crappy - sorry to hear that . You said most friends have turned .... not all ? Value those who are with you now . Seek support from them .

Audio record any verbal abuse secretly with your mobile phone , so if you need to you can proove your point to the school . Get your parents involved

I know it can't be easy but stay strong and mark my words some if not many of your termentors will later approach you and apologise and admire your dignity and courage

Keep posting here if it helps

johndaman66

HouseHippo wrote: »

I know this might seem like a really immature problem but believe me I'm not the one being immature in this situation

I wouldn't think so in the slightest and its not a problem I would consider small or immature. I know it may seem the most obvious yet unrealistic answer but it may be an idea to talk to a teacher or principal you feel easy with and are have some confidence in. Despite what you may think you may be surprised, they could be able to help fix the problem to some extent by talking to these people and/ or acting as mediator. Nobody should have to put up with that kind of sh!t and abuse in this day and age just because they are kind of quiet or shy. It would generally be considered unacceptable in society today to be abusive towards a gay fella for example so why should it be any different for a shy person.

MizzLolly

To be perfectly honest with you House Hippo, I think you were damn right in what you did. One thing I can't stand is racism, bloody sickens me! :mad: I'd have probably done the same thing you did and if you ask me, they seem to be the immature ones.

Anyway, all that is irrelevant now. I'm sorry to hear that they reacted that way when they saw you. Best thing you can do is find another group of friends, ones that are on your wave-lenght. You and your friend (the one you defended) stand your ground and stick together. You'll see this other ''friend'' will change her tune pretty quickly.. Right now she's in an environment where she's the queen bee (with the group of racist guys you mentioned), remember that in school, you'll all be mixed with everyone else again and not many people will tolerate her behaviour. I really don't think you need to worry. They were bang outta line! :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

Well done for standing up for what you believe in....

Your old friend may just not want to be seen as to be rocking the boat and has gone for what she sees as an easier option and to stick with the 'gang' with silly attitudes rather than siding with you who she may actually agree with.

Obviously if she can flip that easily she;s not worth hanging out with.

Having said that, if they're causing you hassle then they'll just try and get a rise out of you. Don't go for the bait..... just ignore them as much as possible as they sound like those idiots one can't reason with.

Remember, in school you might have to see them on a regular basis but once it's over, you'll never have to deal with those idiots again.

Concentrate on your exams and don't let them get you down.

Well done again on standing up for what you believe in. There are older, more mature people out there who wouldn't have the 'balls' to do so

HouseHippo

Dudess wrote: »

Are there other people you could hang out with besides that crowd? They don't seem to deserve the time of day.

Unfortunately no. I am a bit of a hippy and don't really fit in with the rest of them I try, sometimes I sit with people from my class but I get that feeling im not wanted cause when I walk over everyone goes quiet etc.

HouseHippo

leesmom wrote: »

sorry to hear this,theres nothing worse.when i was 15 my so called best friend tryed to turn people in my year against me all because i was really close friends with another girl and she was jealous,she even stooped as low to say i hope your mum dies(my mum had cancer):rolleyes:
people like this are not worth a second thought and im sure you know this,keep to yourself ,work hard and get your points to get your course in college,you will make new friends there,there is no need to waste your life on people like this,believe me you will look back and laugh when the same sad little group of people are acting like stupid immature kids as you get on with your life,bullies never come out on top in the end;)

I know how you feel, my stepdad had cancer and everyone said it was A.I.D.S. You wouldn't believe there are still people who think I have A.I.D.S

My mum died while I was in school and the next day I came back to everyone asking me was it a drug overdose and gossiping at her funeral.

I was planning on keeping my head in my work, just hoping people don't behave like that in college. Nice to know that bullies don't come out on top..

HouseHippo

who007 wrote: »

The only immaturity is on their part HH!
What about your coloured friend? Does the other friend not want to stand up for her too?

I know yuo may not want to, but speak to a parent or teacher and ask for help and that they be discreet about it.

No she is a racist now, amazing what a hot guy can do to a desperate girl.

HouseHippo

iknowiknow wrote: »

Well done for standing up for what you believe in....

Your old friend may just not want to be seen as to be rocking the boat and has gone for what she sees as an easier option and to stick with the 'gang' with silly attitudes rather than siding with you who she may actually agree with.

Obviously if she can flip that easily she;s not worth hanging out with.

Having said that, if they're causing you hassle then they'll just try and get a rise out of you. Don't go for the bait..... just ignore them as much as possible as they sound like those idiots one can't reason with.

Remember, in school you might have to see them on a regular basis but once it's over, you'll never have to deal with those idiots again.

Concentrate on your exams and don't let them get you down.

Well done again on standing up for what you believe in. There are older, more mature people out there who wouldn't have the 'balls' to do so

You remind me of myself.

HouseHippo

Thanks guys nice to know people agree I was doing the right thing


Just want to let everyone know that I've been down the whole going to teachers route.They were less than supportive, (my school is the one that was in the paper last year after a girl got stabbed outside school as she stood up for a black girl and teachers did nothing,in the end it was the girl who was attacked who had to move school)
I ended up having to get the Garda involved and taking out a restraining order against one particularly vicous girl)

The school do nothing to help and make the victims feel like the bullies alienating me from my class, not allowing me to eat lunch with them, it was my fault apparently I asked to be bullied.

Larianne

Some (not all) people grow up a lot during the summer months and you can be surprised who you end up talking with in 6th year. That's what I found anyway.

Also, I know you do Art. Art class is a great way to talk to people you might not get a chance to normally speak to. And there's plenty of ways to start a conversation - asking about their poster pieces or art history or 3d piece. Or anything really!

Hopefully it will all blow over once you're back to school and if it doesn't make sure to tell someone about any type of bullying.

HouseHippo

Larianne wrote: »

Some (not all) people grow up a lot during the summer months and you can be surprised who you end up talking with in 6th year. That's what I found anyway.

Also, I know you do Art. Art class is a great way to talk to people you might not get a chance to normally speak to. And there's plenty of ways to start a conversation - asking about their poster pieces or art history or 3d piece. Or anything really!

Hopefully it will all blow over once you're back to school and if it doesn't make sure to tell someone about any type of bullying.

You are always helping me
And i booked that course in Draiocht, hopefully I'll make some friends.

bug

HouseHippo wrote: »

You are always helping me
And i booked that course in Draiocht, hopefully I'll make some friends.

Is this your last year?

HouseHippo

bug wrote: »

Is this your last year?

It is indeed

Larianne

HouseHippo wrote: »

You are always helping me
And i booked that course in Draiocht, hopefully I'll make some friends.

That is excellent!!! I'm so delighted for you!!!:D You'll defo meet like minded people in there. I was an arty farty typed myself and didn't have the best time at school (I got that sickly feeling in my stomach) but I got through it, did a course I love and made some great friends that will always be there for me. :)Sometimes its just the group of people who get lumbered in a year together!

Let me know how you get on at the course and pm me anytime.

bug

HouseHippo wrote: »

I know how you feel, my stepdad had cancer and everyone said it was A.I.D.S. You wouldn't believe there are still people who think I have A.I.D.S

My mum died while I was in school and the next day I came back to everyone asking me was it a drug overdose and gossiping at her funeral.

I was planning on keeping my head in my work, just hoping people don't behave like that in college. Nice to know that bullies don't come out on top..

Right, the best advice I can give you...

If you have to go to this school in September then head down and keep it together.
It sounds like a f**ing mess of a place to be honest, if the teachers can't even get it together to protect their students, but it doesn't surprise me.

Either way, nothing you can do to change that, and from the sounds of it, possibly nothing they can do either.

To be honest I'd rather hear about someone being called a N***er than you getting hopped on. Why? well, sticks and stones....
It's wrong, you know it, but don't put yourself in harms way for the sake of standing in the way of some idiot shouting names at people.

You can't change the "social ways" of your school. Schools are funny that way, they get caught in a "way" of operating, outside of what real life is like. But it's not your place to change it.

This time next year you will have a great leaving cert and be out of that sh*t hole for good. You'll be in college where you'll find things are completely different, and people don't suffer or put up with that ****.

So keep it together and keep schtum. Let friends that you may not know next year, defend themselves, (they are well able).

You! keep your head down and make friends outside of school in Draoicht or whatever. Keep out of harms way and look after your own interests. It's all very well trying to stand up for what is right, but you haven't a chance against imbecilic idiots. Wait until it matters. These fools that throw things at you, just walk on by as if you didnt notice. Its not worth it at the moment believe me.

Bullies dont win. The two main bullies in my school ended up on heroin. Luckily I wasn't at the end of their targeting because I, like other girls, learned how to "manage" them. I can't say when I saw them later on in life I was happy to see them in that state at all, even though I hated them for picking on people, but, I did feel awful sorry for them, because when school is finished you see what it's like in the real world. I promise you, it's completely different to what you know now.

HouseHippo

Larianne wrote: »

That is excellent!!! I'm so delighted for you!!!:D You'll defo meet like minded people in there. I was an arty farty typed myself and didn't have the best time at school (I got that sickly feeling in my stomach) but I got through it, did a course I love and made some great friends that will always be there for me. :)Sometimes its just the group of people who get lumbered in a year together!

Let me know how you get on at the course and pm me anytime.

HouseHippo

bug wrote: »

Right, the best advice I can give you...

If you have to go to this school in September then head down and keep it together.
It sounds like a f**ing mess of a place to be honest, if the teachers can't even get it together to protect their students, but it doesn't surprise me.

Either way, nothing you can do to change that, and from the sounds of it, possibly nothing they can do either.

To be honest I'd rather hear about someone being called a N***er than you getting hopped on. Why? well, sticks and stones....
It's wrong, you know it, but don't put yourself in harms way for the sake of standing in the way of some idiot shouting names at people.

You can't change the "social ways" of your school. Schools are funny that way, they get caught in a "way" of operating, outside of what real life is like. But it's not your place to change it.

This time next year you will have a great leaving cert and be out of that sh*t hole for good. You'll be in college where you'll find things are completely different, and people don't suffer or put up with that ****.

So keep it together and keep schtum. Let friends that you may not know next year, defend themselves, (they are well able).

You! keep your head down and make friends outside of school in Draoicht or whatever. Keep out of harms way and look after your own interests. It's all very well trying to stand up for what is right, but you haven't a chance against imbecilic idiots. Wait until it matters. These fools that throw things at you, just walk on by as if you didnt notice. Its not worth it at the moment believe me.

Bullies dont win. The two main bullies in my school ended up on heroin. Luckily I wasn't at the end of their targeting because I like other girls learned how to "manage" them. I can't say when I saw them later on in life I was happy to see them in that state at all even though I hated them for picking on people, but, I did feel awful sorry for them, because when school is finished you see what it's like in the real world. I promise you, it's completely different to what you know now.

Great advice thanks, nice to know people get what's coming to them!

One thing though....If Rosa parks had of kept schtum where would we be now?

Hehe sorry I can't help myself I'm the biggest anti-racist white person I know.

bug

HouseHippo wrote: »

Great advice thanks, nice to know people get what's coming to them!

One thing though....If Rosa parks had of kept schtum where would we be now?

Hehe sorry I can't help myself I'm the biggest anti-racist white person I know.

Know your surroundings and your situtation.

You are living in Dublin in 2008.

She was living in the states in the 1950's.

It is a very different situtation. The bus driver wasnt about to pull a knife on her because she refused to give up her seat. Get real. You're a clever girl, use it later on and bide your time. Changing views later on maybe your goal, getting stabbed by a load of sub intellectual idiots that you cant compete with is a waste of what you may be able to do later.

HouseHippo

bug wrote: »

Know your surroundings and your situtation.

You are living in Dublin in 2008.

She was living in the states in the 1950's.

It is a very different situtation. The bus driver wasnt about to pull a knife on her because she refused to give up her seat. Get real. You're a clever girl, use it later on and bide your time. Changing views later on maybe your goal, getting stabbed by a load of sub intellectual idiots that you cant compete with is a waste of what you may be able to do later.

sub intellectual i like it

bug

HouseHippo wrote: »

sub intellectual i like it

well, it's not something that should be said to them, while they are throwing things at you.

You could equally be a sub intellect if you don't handle the situation correctly and "manage them".

Being hippish is great. But it shouldn't get you killed. Being clever enough to be able to manage them/ignore them when necessary, will add to your strength. You don't have to wear your beliefs on your sleve to have beliefs.

For this year it's all about your survival. Next year, when you're free you can do say whatever you want, when it matters. Most of life is about biding your time.

I'm not usually a "poster" but just wanted to agree with all that's been said and add a bit in the hope that it might be of help to you. You seem like an intelligent, mature person and I admire your courage in this awful situation. I believe that courage is doing something despite fear & not the absence of fear (that's just stupidity!)

Your survival is the most important thing here - physical as well as mental:cool:. Have you bumped into any of the gang on your own over the Summer or have you isolated yourself to avoid that? It's just that - they were throwing things at you! That is very serious. You didn't mention what they threw or if the items actually hit you but I hope that this throwing/shouting abuse hasn't happened again. If it has, then you really do need to approach either a parent/guardian (if you can trust them to do the right thing here and not make the situation worse), or a trusted teacher/counsellor at the school. I realise that students are reluctant to draw attention or be seen as different, but you sound like you are already mature enough not to run with the herd. It seems like the world really needs you to make it through this and come out laughing the other side - In the meantime, you need to help that to happen by keeping yourself safe, which may mean confiding in somebody who can help. In the meantime, keep posting here. You are in my thoughts, good luck with it.

spurious

HouseHippo wrote: »

Just want to let everyone know that I've been down the whole going to teachers route.They were less than supportive, (my school is the one that was in the paper last year after a girl got stabbed outside school as she stood up for a black girl and teachers did nothing,in the end it was the girl who was attacked who had to move school)
I ended up having to get the Garda involved and taking out a restraining order against one particularly vicous girl)

The school do nothing to help and make the victims feel like the bullies alienating me from my class, not allowing me to eat lunch with them, it was my fault apparently I asked to be bullied.

I can hear the smart lawyers licking their lips there.
I hope the school has a good legal team and a big bank account.

You seem to be having a lot of school-related problems. I think Draíocht is a great idea. It will widen your circle of friends.

G86

I'm really glad for you that this is your final year chick. The sad reality is that things probably won't change this year, but just keep the head down and get a good leaving. Once you do that, the worlds your oyster! :)You won't know yourself at college and you'll make so many new friends that those lousy years at school will be the furthest from your mind.

Best of Luck :)x

Dave147

Jesus you've had a tough time, and these people aren't making it any easier.. My LT ex was still in school when we started going out and she was also bullied, not to the same extent but I remember one guy in her class poured flour over her head, I remember confronting him in front of all his friends and I had one of my buddies waiting with me in the car, I was after seeing my gf crying in front of me over some guy, my face was red with rage I told him if he even looked at her funny again he would be in serious ****. Never hassled her again, point I'm getting at, do you have anyone in your life who is maybe a bit older i.e. a brother who could act as a deterrent in this bullying?

If not tell an adult you trust, I absolutely hate to see this going on, keep us posted on how everything is going and if you need a threatening phone call to be made give me a shout!! :P Good luck

Setun

As others have said, you'll meet great people who you'll probably have lifetime friendships with in college. You'll find a lot of people with mutual interests in your course, and I met a lot of great people who greatly influenced me and am happy to be able to call them friends (eg my gf of nearly two years now ) I know it seems like ages away, but it's not too long until you'll be posting anxiously in the LC forum And it's a very busy year, so if you are doing a few extra-curricular things like that art course you mentioned you won't have any time for those 'friends' anyway. Just keep your head down and keep out of their way. The last thing you need is an aggressive confrontation this year.

/EDIT or get Dave147 to sort em out!

LegacyUser

Hey HouseHippo,
Im very sorry to hear about your situation. Unfortunately when we are in Sec School there are a lot of very immature ppl around us. It sounds to me that your "Friend" is not strong enough to have opinions of her own and does not want to be an outcast like yourself for having morals. I understand that it will be hard trying to stay away from these ppl such a closed environment such as a school..is there any clubs that you can get involved in that may introduce you to more ppl? i know you said the teachers wont help but im sure there is some teacher you could approach or trust?? Perhaps you could ask to change your timetable if possile to ensure that you are in as few classes as these ppl as possible. I know what i am describing seems to be like running from the problem, but often these sorts of ppl just want a rise out of u and removing yourself from their circle does not allow them to get to u as much. And as a lot of ppl have told you this will be a long and tough year for you minus any problems so just concentrate on your studies. Believe me sec school seems like another world the minute you leave it. Once you get to college or your chosen path you will meet like minded ppl and you will not cast 2 thoughts on those small minded ppl of the past.

HouseHippo

Lol

If anyone starts I'll just tell em I know Dave147.

I hear he's badass

dee8839

Daddio wrote: »

As others have said, you'll meet great people who you'll probably have lifetime friendships with in college. You'll find a lot of people with mutual interests in your course, and I met a lot of great people

Utterly true. Sadly, you tend to find that you lose or greatly reduce contact with your LC friends when you seperate and go to college. But college friends are for life. They don't expect conformity in uni! You will find like-minded people who will be far more mature than these immature kids you're being troubled by.

Daddio wrote: »

Just keep your head down and keep out of their way. The last thing you need is an aggressive confrontation this year.

Tough to do but he's right.

bug wrote: »

Bullies dont win.

So true. And it gives an involuntary sense of self-satisfaction to see the same bullies walking around wheeling buggies, etc. in your locality when you're only home for the weekend from college where you're having a blast, or from your great job. In my experience the queen-bees in school tend to peak at that age and then its all downhill from there! Not so for you.

bug wrote: »

Being hippish is great. But it shouldn't get you killed. Being clever enough to be able to manage them/ignore them when necessary, will add to your strength. You don't have to wear your beliefs on your sleve to have beliefs.

For this year it's all about your survival. Next year, when you're free you can do say whatever you want, when it matters. Most of life is about biding your time.

I know its hard to take this advice but its entirely true. You need to be sensible about things. Self-preservation first. You can gradually distance yourself from people who display traits you dislike over time, sure, but its best not to voice your opinions if all you will achieve by doing so is get into a bad situation. Some people won't change, sadly. All you can do is feel a bit sorry for them and hope that you will make better friends in the future. No point rocking the boat if you know its a lost cause. Frustrating as hell but true! Concentrate on the end game - get a good LC and get the hell away from idiots like those racists. It may be a tough year, I won't lie, but you sound strong and intelligent enough to weather the storm and just look to the future.

Good luck!!

Dave147

HouseHippo wrote: »

Lol

If anyone starts I'll just tell em I know Dave147.

I hear he's badass

Hahaha thanks, although it doesn't prove true when you hear it from me.. I'm certainly no badass*, don't need to be a badass to stand up for someone you love, which is exactly what I did and would do again in a heartbeat.




*That's a lie, I am actually the baddest badass!

RedXIV

Hiya lass,

Just reiterating what else was said, i'd agree with the others in concentrating on your final year but i'd bet every penny i have that when you hit college, you'll have the time of your life. The beauty of college is that its not mandatory and these fine specimens of humanity will not survive in a college environment. Trust me, it's COMPLETELY different way of life in college and your honesty and strength of character will stand to you.

Chin up lass! I know you'll be ok

Red

buckieburd

Listen you walk into school with your head held high, you've done nothing but stick up for a friend. if any of your ex mates start on you looks them straight in the eyes and tell them to get a grip and walk away. You sound like a good person so dont torture yourself over this, tbh you're well rid of them. Even if you are own your own for bit just hit the books and get ready for your exam, the best revenge is living well so get stuck into the studying, get good results and your off for a brand new start in college. Wish you the best of luck and remember you will look back in a few years and it will all be a distant memory.

xoxkellyxox

i have pretty much the same thing that you are going through. check out my post, people left me LOADS of good advice on there. ignore them .. lol..Good luck with your exams.

x Purple Pawprints x

Dudess wrote: »

Are there other people you could hang out with besides that crowd? They don't seem to deserve the time of day.

Couldn't have put it better myself.

OP, you're completely in the right here. Stand your ground. If things do get out of hand, tell someone.

DancingDaisy

All I can say is that these people aren't worth a second of your energy or thought.

I went through both primary school and secondary school with bullies and I found that in my college years it has given me the ability to choose friends wisely. I look back now and notice that I made a number of very good friends in sixth year and not one of them came from my school, these people are still my best friends now and I wouldn't change them for the world, and the friends I have made in college have also managed to integrate into one large group.

So in other words, count yourself a lucky person because you know that you are above all this childish behaviour and that you are the one that will end up with friends that you can trust. These bullies will likely never have true friends, as they will find that their "friends" will always prey on the weakest of the group and many of them will have little or no sense of decency or compassion. Who wants friends like that?

On another point, I know myself that going to an all girls school was probably a mistake for me and that I am more compatible in a friendship sense with guys as they generally cut the bull, so maybe it might be an idea to work on making male friends aswel as female ones. The guys are often more trust worthy.

Anyhow, I have to say good luck in the sixth and final year, my baby brother started his this morning, and stick to the studying. Remember to rise above it and that at the end of the day, when they start that in public and you ignore them, they are embarrassing themselves, people will see them for the fools they are.

HouseHippo

Back tomorrow will post and let you all know how it went

HouseHippo

Just to let everyone know that It was ok, however the people I am having all the trouble with are still away on holiday so I haven't been able to gauge it properly as of yet.

I did what was advised, kept my head down, I sat on my own down the back and waited to be approached, one girl I am a little friendly with sat next to me and talked to me, and then we walked home together. Hopefully it continues this way and those girls don't cause too much trouble when they get back.


I did notice some dying for me to come over so they could snub me, but I didn't give them the satisfaction, just pretended i didn't see me. If they want to chat in a friendly way they can approach me, I refuse to come of desperate this year

dudara

Keep it going HouseHippo. You know that ultimately you did something according to your moral compass. Have faith in yourself.