Friday Quickies

rocky25

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house.

After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week.

Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away.

"There's just one problem," explained the model.

"Because of my job, I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath."

"That's not a problem," replied Doris.

"We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water."

"What about your husband?" asked the model?

"Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris.

"Good," said the model.

"Now that that's been settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight."

That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model.

After stripping off, the model stepped into the bath.

Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair.

The model noticed Doris' staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimmer or underclothes.

Later when Fred returned,

Doris related this oddity and he does not believe her.

"It's true, I tell you!" said Doris.

"Look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains

slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself."

The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the model.

As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her.

Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model's naked pubic area.

Then she lifted up her skirt and wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass.

Later Fred returned and they retired to bed.

"Well, do you believe me now?" she asked Fred.

"Yes, he replied.

"I've never seen anything like it in my life.

But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?"

"Just to show you the difference," answered Doris.

"But I guess you've seen me millions of times."

"Yes, said Fred, I have - but the rest of the dart team hadn’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble.

Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits.

She's desperate, so she decides to ask God for help.

She begins to pray... 'God, please help me.

I've lost my business and if I don't get some money,

I'm going to lose my house as well.

Please let me win the lottery.'

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... 'God, please let me win the lottery!

I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... 'My God,

Why have you forsaken me?

I've lost my business, my house, and my car.

My children are starving.

I don't often ask you for help, and I've always been a good servant to you.

PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order.'

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself....

'Sweetheart, work with me on this.... Buy a ticket.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists.

a university graduate and an old aboriginal.

They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was ' TIMBUKTU '

First to recite his poem was the university graduate.

He stepped up to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels two by two
Destination - Timbuktu .

The crowd went crazy!

No way could the old aboriginal top that, they thought.

The aboriginal boy calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin' went
Met three whores in a pop up tent
They were three, and we was two
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu .

The aboriginal won.

~~~~~~~~~~
When a woman wears a leather dress,

A man's heart beats quicker,

his throat gets dry,

he goes weak at the knees,

and he begins to think irrationally.

-Ever wondered why?




.....Because she smells like a new car.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Sean Quagmire

:D Blonde and the lottery ftw

fitz0

Love the Apocalypse Now .gif Better than the real thing!

lorweld

you'll have to wait till later for my thanks lol i'm all out! Very funny I'm still laughing at the darts one! Thank you!