long distance

LegacyUser

ok maybe the title is a bit misleading but heres the story....iv been texting this girl i met on the net and we have been getting on fine, its been going on for about 3 months now, just a text every now and again but its been good. a while ago she was in dublin for work and i was at home sick and she said oh you should have come up to visit me,half joking i presume,but it did get me thinking was it a start of maybe wanting to meet up???thats the first question i suppose or am i reading too much into it.
next thing is that she lives a fair bit away from me, im in south east and she is in the very south west....makes hting very awkward just even to meet up once...im not sure if its worth it, any suggestions from anyone?????

thanks

jackbutler

i had a very long term, long distance relationship with a girl about a year and half ago. We met up only a few times, but she was a nice enough girl.
I found that after id spent all that time "being" with her, i realised how i could have been out with girls i could see everyday, it was horrible to know that i couldnt see the girl i was dating more than a few times every now and then.

my advice to you, keep it short, simple, dont get too far into it, believe me, you wont like it.

LegacyUser

i see what your saying but then there is the side in my head that says just try it, who knows....BUT im just wondering how to bring it up to try and meet up and with the distance its even harder, maybe i should have explained that better in my first post

LegacyUser

You're in the South East, and she is in the South West?! Thats long distance? ermm....you should try Ireland and central europe, now thats long distance!

Do what your gut tells you, no regrets and all that, if you are serious about her then this 'distance' shouldnt be a big issue......absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that malarky.

jackbutler

perhaps you and her could arrange a place that is equa-distant to where you live and where she lives, and that place could be a place where you can meet up often, that is, if it would cause problems when trying to decide who would come to the other persons town.

Burial

Do you like this girl? Yes? Then give it a try. No? Leave it as it is. The "You should've come up to visit me" is definatly her just having a laugh, but it's her way of telling you if you want to come up, she'll meet you.

So, next time your free or travelling to Dublin, just tell her this in a text before hand. Like your going to a concert, or what have you in Dublin and If she wants to see you, she'll let you know.

Burial

As to what JackButler said, do that only if your going out with each other. She won't agree to it. (Especially if you haven't met up before)

Another thing JackButler said:

JackButler wrote:

"it was horrible to know that i couldnt see the girl i was dating more than a few times every now and then.

my advice to you, keep it short, simple, dont get too far into it, believe me, you wont like it. "

I agree with this. You've got to understand that if you have a relationship with this person, you'll rarely get to see them.

Another point I'm going to make, she hinted if your in Dublin to see her, say the same to her whenever she's near enough to wherever you live.

john_aero

makes life very hard, you can find you loose your friends and loose contact with other people. i did it for nealry 6 years and was difficult to leave but we both new for the best as you can end up holding onto feelings and pretend that your both ok with distance

Hansel

Long distance is doomed to failure if you ask me. I've dated a girl based in New York and I've dated a girl based in Dublin. It's just too hard to maintain a decent relationship over distance. I don't buy into "if something's worth it, you'll make it work". Some obstacles you just can't overcome. If you were to develop a long term relationship with this person, you'd end up missing them more than anything else. it's not worth it.

Annie Bananie

Hansel wrote: »

I don't buy into "if something's worth it, you'll make it work". Some obstacles you just can't overcome. If you were to develop a long term relationship with this person, you'd end up missing them more than anything else. it's not worth it.

I will disagree as I am in a long distance relationship (England-Sweden).
I hate "waiting" until I see him the next time and I hate not being able to see him whenever I want to. But he is the love of my life and its SO worth it! I would have for sure regretted if I hadnt given us the chance.

However, I am not saying its easy, cause its not. It is tough and not everyone cant cope with it. I would think about if you guys got together as a couple, how often would you be able to see each other.. realisticly? I do not know your or her age, but if things work out, would you be willing to maybe move there?

Good luck!

sunnyside

Could you meet her in Cork maybe? Sounds mid-way and should be fairly accessible from both directions.

Do you/does she mind driving? It is kind of awkward for meeting up but I think you should try to because you'll end up wondering what might have been.

Edited to add: The hints about meeting up in Dublin--I think she does want to meet you and the hints are the result of a communication problem because she's too shy to ask straight out.