Almost did something stupid at work

LegacyUser

I was in the office of a manager at work today. (He's really high up in the company, but not directly my manager.) I have regular meetings with him regarding orders and stuff. He's very attractive, and while I've made a really conscious effort to hide the fact that I think that way, something must have given me away.

Today, I leaned across his desk to grab a calculator (our faces were at least 2 feet apart) when he leaned in and pulled me towards him and kissed me. I was really thrown and I kissed back for a second. Then I stopped and made my excuses to leave. He actually looked a bit hurt and surprised when I stopped him. I don't think he's some sleazebag boss who sexually harasses women (because I know that's a conclusion people sometimes jump to). I'm no victim here, and I'm not in any way angry at him. I'm just pre-occupied with the whole thing now and need to get it off my chest. I'm so scared of this going further as I really am attracted to him and we have great chats in the canteen and stuff. I feel a little awkward and my job is important to me. I'm not planning on pursuing this.

Does anyone have any advice?

ThE_IVIAcIVIAIV

attracted wrote: »

I was in the office of a manager at work today. (He's really high up in the company, but not directly my manager.) I have regular meetings with him regarding orders and stuff. He's very attractive, and while I've made a really conscious effort to hide the fact that I think that way, something must have given me away.

Today, I leaned across his desk to grab a calculator (our faces were at least 2 feet apart) when he leaned in and pulled me towards him and kissed me. I was really thrown and I kissed back for a second. Then I stopped and made my excuses to leave. He actually looked a bit hurt and surprised when I stopped him. I don't think he's some sleazebag boss who sexually harasses women (because I know that's a conclusion people sometimes jump to). I'm no victim here, and I'm not in any way angry at him. I'm just pre-occupied with the whole thing now and need to get it off my chest. I'm so scared of this going further as I really am attracted to him and we have great chats in the canteen and stuff. I feel a little awkward and my job is important to me. I'm not planning on pursuing this.

Does anyone have any advice?

tell him what you you just said , that you don't want to pursue it
if you really care about your job and if sleeping with manager could complicate things then things are better left the way they were before he kissed you...
i don't think you should tell him you find him very attractive because i think he won't stop trying then...

MagicMarker

Well, first of all, he was way WAAAAYYY out of line.

Regardless of whether or not he knows you're attracted to him, it was completely unprofessional of him to do that, which really doesn't say a lot about him tbh.

However, is there any reason you don't want to pursue this? Are you already involved with someone? Is he? If not then i don't see the problem tbh, apart from the fact he does appear to be less than respectful of his position and his employees.

4Xcut

If you get involved with someone of authority in your workplace, there will be a conflict of interest at certain times, even if he is not directly your manager. Not only this but it could lead to awkwardness if thing go wrong. Quite simply, say to him that you are not interested as you don't think it's a good idea to get involved with people you work with.

Wibbs

Given his position of authority the kiss was well out of order. IMHO he was abusing that position. Would he have pulled that if you were above him on the totem pole? I think not.

On the other hand if he had simply asked you out I wouldn't see nearly as big a problem as you would have been given a choice. Choice is the thing. though the office gossip could get interesting though.

pookie82

Fair enough he was out of line in kissing you like that but I don't think there's any need to be harsh on him unless you uncover a history of him doing this to female employees. Maybe he fancies you too and just seized the moment. Yes he's management, but he's only human too. He probably feels awful now too.

Why do you not want to take this further? Is it just because of work? I know you'll get a huge amount of warnings on here and yes, if it all ended horrible you would be in trouble BUT.... I also know of quite a few couples who met in the workplace and are now happily married. It doesn't always end in tears.

Anyway, if you really don't want to take it further if I were you I'd probably e-mail him - make it casual and jokey - a what were we thinking kind of approach. Tell him you don;t want there to be awkwardness now and that you hope things won't be weird next time you have to meet him. See what his reaction is. Despite how he feels if he has any pride at all he'll probably agree with you an laugh it off. it will be odd for a bit but if you brush it off and don't make a big deal or avoid him over it I'm sure he'll be fine.

Stheno

Imo his behaviour is unacceptable in work, especially given that he's a manager, he could just ask you out if he's that interested.

As regards things going further, that depends on you wanting it to, loads of couples meet in work and it ends well

Good luck.

Reesy

Hi,

My humble opinion: better to talk to him than to email him. Written words can come back to haunt you, be read by others, etc. Also, if you have a dialogue, he will be able to ask questions. Finally, in my experience, tone of voice can make all the difference. Orally, your words are much less likely to be misinterpreted.

Good luck. And forgive me if I suggest you're (relatively) lucky.

Victor

Did he think that you were going to kiss him?

CDfm

is this for real

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice guys. I just bumped into him in the canteen this morning. He looked really embarassed and so was I. He said "sorry about yesterday", just blurted it out. I told him "that's alright, no worries" sorta thing. Anyway it was a bit awkward but not horrifying. I think it'll probably just be forgotten about.

CDfm

attracted wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys. I just bumped into him in the canteen this morning. He looked really embarassed and so was I. He said "sorry about yesterday", just blurted it out. I told him "that's alright, no worries" sorta thing. Anyway it was a bit awkward but not horrifying. I think it'll probably just be forgotten about.

You vixen you. But you do fancy him?:eek:

He is not your direct boss but is kind of senior.Awkward but not terminal.

Its up to you to make the next move - non chalantly like. You could go for coffee after work. I had a work fling a few years back it fizzled out and I moved. But we are still friends. :cool: