Wednesday Quickies

rocky25

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and
famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading:

"George and the Dragon."

He knocked.

The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.

"Could ye spare some victuals?"

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes.

"No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she shouted.

"Could I at least use your privy?"

"No!" she shouted again.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

"D'ye suppose," He asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

~~~~~~~~~
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests,

"Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand.... and try saying things like

"Yes, I see," and "Yes, go on," and "I understand."

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says,

"Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying,

"No sh*t... what happened next??

~~~~~~~~
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men.

One was sitting under a tree and reading a book, the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

~~~~~~~~~
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own.

He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them.

As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date.

This was the first time this had occurred.

As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.

The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived.

Father answered the door and the lad said,

"Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?"

The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next lad arrived and said,

"My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?"

Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door.

The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.

The Bollox

loved the priest one and the last one. very good, Rocky

Vic Vinegar

Ha Ha! cool....:D

Aurora Borealis

rocky25 wrote: »

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and
famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading:

"George and the Dragon."

He knocked.

The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.

"Could ye spare some victuals?"

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes.

"No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she shouted.

"Could I at least use your privy?"

"No!" she shouted again.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

"D'ye suppose," He asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

~~~~~~~~~
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests,

"Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand.... and try saying things like

"Yes, I see," and "Yes, go on," and "I understand."

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says,

"Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying,

"No sh*t... what happened next??

~~~~~~~~
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men.

One was sitting under a tree and reading a book, the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

~~~~~~~~~
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own.

He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them.

As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date.

This was the first time this had occurred.

As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.

The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived.

Father answered the door and the lad said,

"Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?"

The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next lad arrived and said,

"My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?"

Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door.

The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.

Particularly love the priest one. Teehee!!

antodeco

Haha! Well done. Last one is the best

Sean Quagmire

smile - out - loud

Curlypinkie

Aaaah, the Chuck.. a classic!!!
LOL