So apprehensive about public speaking in college

LegacyUser

Hello!
Im going into my third year in college, and i'm getting really scared about the idea of public speaking. I've always hated it and thankfully managed to avoid it in secondary school. I only had to give 1 presentation so far in college (in first year), and it was rather horrible, with my hands shaking a ridiculous amount as I was reading from the paper in them

My phobia is so bad that I'm reading about my classes beforehand to see if I have to give any presentations or debate or anything like that! And I do

I have low confidence in general, and it's actually becoming problematic (I'll have to try and sort it out) when it comes to things like counting money in work (I'll count it about 3 times to be sure), when I'm asked for my opinion I'm kind of cautious about coming down on one side too much, in case I'm misinformed or just wrong.

I generally do not participate in classes, including tutorials, unless I have to. I'll be sure to avoid being the spokesperson in my group, don't really put up my hand to speak, and if the lecturer is asking questions of people, I'll be sweating like crazy in case they should happen to pick me. It doesn't help that I do not have any friends (bar 1 now) in the class! It's not that I'm unpopular or anything, just that I have never made the effort to interact with them too much, and consequently I am rather anonymous!

One positive point... In a class last year there was a bit of a debate, and the class was divided into 2 and allowed to freely make points. Completely out of character for me, but I was fairly confident/reckless :pac: about a particular point, and put my hand up. It proved to be a good point to which nobody could respond So all is not lost. I just need the confidence to be able to do that more often.

Any advice?

mikewest

When it come to public speaking confidence is everything. While there may be a debating society in your college it is probably made up of the overeager debater type not absolute beginners. Check it out anyway and if there are any absolute beginners this is your first port of call. If not where is your college, there may be a Macra na Feirme club nearby. Don't laugh because they have a brilliant public speaking and debating programme with a lot of emphasis on absolute beginners and I have seen many people who wouldn't be heard over a newspaper develop into brilliant orators and debators (they've even been guilty of producing a number of senior politicans from different parties via this route over the years)

Finally you could always try the self help route and get yourself a copy of "the idiots guide to public speaking" or similar. If you understand the technique then the actual speaking will be a lot easier. The upside of this is that as you gain confidence in being able to speak to a group you will find it much easier to speak within a group. Huge numbers of people have this same anxiety and for most it is so easy to cure.

CDfm

no probs

that used to happen to me - years ago

go to your tutor and ask can you have some time and do a run thru

even ask a few friends

concentrate on the volume and content

i spoke somewhere recently and didnt give it a thought

dont worry talk to someone prepare and next year you will be presenting the oscars

LegacyUser

I had the same problem in college. The first time I really spoke in front of a group was presenting my final-year project, and I was nervous enough that I nearly blew the whole thing. After that, I decided "feck this, that's not happening to me again", so in my master's I made a point of answering every question, and going up to the board as often as I could. It was really though at first, but it got easier, and as a bonus everyone thought I was really smart

I would advise you to do the same. Take every opportunity to speak in class. It'll be scary at first, but it'll get easier as your confidence grows.

Kooli

Isn't there some statistic that says public speaking is the most common fear/phobia, above snakes/spiders/heights/death etc.?! You are DEFINITELY not alone.

What's really important to realise is the approach you must take is not to wait until you reduce your nerves before you can make contributions in public - on the contrary, what you need to do is make the contributions despite being nervous. Avoidance is what keeps the anxiety going and makes it worse - it is the easiest way to instantly reduce the anxiety in the short term (that feeling of relief when you know you've gotten out of doing something you're scared of!) but in the long term it makes you feel worse because it reinforces your belief that 'I can't do this'.

The other thing that might help is to realise that people aren't as concerned with you, as YOU are with you! You might think they are noticing every shake and stammer, but they might not even have noticed!

And if they DID notice, you might think they are thinking 'what an idiot, stumbling over their words like that' or 'oh god how embarrassing, they're making a mess of it', when in fact all they are thinking is 'they seem nervous' and that's it!! What would you think if you saw someone else being nervous in class? Probably nothing as harsh as you imagine others think about you!

So I hope you'll give it a go, maybe in small steps (i.e. today I am going to ask one question, next week I will make a comment etc. etc.) and afterwards, resist the urge to look for your mistakes, and instead congratulate yourself on any part of it that went ok!

Good luck!

MizzLolly

Hello,

A year ago I'd have probably been a bit apprehensive about speaking in a rooom full of people. Maybe not to the same extent that you described but I wouldn't have been totally comfortable. A few months ago I took up a job offer that requires me to talk to hundreds of people every single day and to interact with crowds of people. Sounds scary but it's actually not. All you've got to do is feel very proud of what you're saying and believe in every word. You know this works because you said in your post that when you felt strongly about an issue you were able to drive your point home regardless of the audience!

You're well able to do it.

As for the shaky hands, this happens to everyone. I'll probably have it happen to me again at some stage even though I'm used to speaking in public. It's not a big deal, somedays are just better than others and you feel more confident. Best thing you can do is re-read your presentation over and over again until you know it's fool proof and you believe in what you're speaking. Take a deep breath and be proud of your work.

It's really not a big deal, you're equal to every single person in that lecture theatre/classroom and what you've got to say is just as valid as the next person.

Good luck

Blush_01

Public speaking still scares the bejaysus out of me, and I've been doing it since I was in primary school. I know it's easier said than done, but I find the best thing to do is just pretend you're on your own/just talking to one person in the room - i.e. your tutor. If your tutor is human, the prospect of speaking in front of all of you will probably make them nervous too.

Make sure you know your basic points.
Make sure you're comfortable with the subject matter and can hold a conversation with a friend about it.
Pretend that your presentation is a conversation with someone about the subject.

We had to do a presentation every week in final year for one of our tutorials. Any 3/4 people could be called and you never knew who would be picked (being called the week before was no guarantee you'd be ok the next week) so it became commonplace.

Practice really will make things easier.

Finally, who is so scary in your tutorials? Your tutor was in your shoes not so long ago. Your classmates probably feel the exact same as you but their nerves are manifested differently. It's all about convincing yourself that you're the ultimate authority on whatever you're talking about, sticking up for your opinion, like you know you can do, and putting it out there. You'd be surprised how other people will interpret your points and make you sound even smarter than you realised you were!

Just take it easy. It won't get any easier if you build it up to a mountain before you have to deal with it, when really it's a speedbump.

Meself

Hi,

I know exactly what you are going through. A good few yrs ago i suffered from the same problem, to the extent i used to get very bad shakes, heart racing, voice trembling mind becomes fuzzy and unclear.

I managed to chip away at the problem by slowly exposing myself. for instance i would start to ask questions in work groups, team meeting, etc and i slowly built up my confidence to the point were it is now not a problem.

However when presenting to a group a few yrs back i started to get what i now know to be panic attacks. In my case, an irrational fear of public speaking in specific formal circumstances. Now i know the last 2 paragraphs may sound a bit contradictory but asking questions, giving my opinions etc was quite different than giving a presentation. there was a lot more pro longed exposure to talking to a group in a formal setting. The most frustrating thing about it was that if i could control these attacks i would be fine. The thought of what other people would think of me just added to the onset of attacks!!

I found what helped me was talking to a Cognitive Behavoural therapist which eventually changed my thought processes and the irrational thought i associated with public speaking. The key point OP in my rambling is that it is just that, Irrational... once you begin to realise that your fear of public speaking is irrational then you will begin to overcome it.

The whole anixiety/tembling senario you describe is you body's fight or flight defence system (google it) kicking in. Unfortunately it has associated public speaking with a danger therefore as soon as you realise ur about to give a talk you get the nerves, hightened short breathing etc kicking in ( you probably want to run out of the room right! thats your body's flight defence saying run from danger when no danger exists... irrational!!).

Anyway OP the most important thing is you WILL overcome it. Do not let it get you down as there are loads of people out there that suffer from it and do nothing about it. make sure you are not one of them.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for the replies! Very helpful

Meself wrote: »

I found what helped me was talking to a Cognitive Behavoural therapist which eventually changed my thought processes and the irrational thought i associated with public speaking. The key point OP in my rambling is that it is just that, Irrational... once you begin to realise that your fear of public speaking is irrational then you will begin to overcome it.

The whole anixiety/tembling senario you describe is you body's fight or flight defence system (google it) kicking in. Unfortunately it has associated public speaking with a danger therefore as soon as you realise ur about to give a talk you get the nerves, hightened short breathing etc kicking in ( you probably want to run out of the room right! thats your body's flight defence saying run from danger when no danger exists... irrational!!).

Hey would you happen to have any more info on the cognitive aspect of this/general phobias? I'm quite interested in that, and it may indeed help to know the specifics of why I percieve it as a threat. I guess it's the vulnerability of it Cheers

Aurora Borealis

I suffered very badly with this too. Was more than able academically but had this terrible fear of such situations and suffered very bad panic attacks a lot even as far into my course as my final year exams and presentations were a regular part of my degree. I was so frozen with fear by it that I would play the ostrich game and just stick my head in the sand and not prepare in any way thus perpetuating my fears of it going badly. I still don't relish the thoughts of speaking in public but I do what I can to minimize the discomfort of it. I prepare well in advance, I wear something I'm comfortable in, I get plenty of sleep before hand. Smalls things but they help hugely.

I think the problem, well for me anyway, is perfectionism. I see what way it should be done but freak out that I won’t pull it off that way. This may not be the case for you but for me the biggest thing is sometimes just letting things go as they are and not expecting miracles. Most times my expectations for myself are set far too high which is how I then scare the bejaysus out of myself. Try and lower the bar a bit for yourself and see if that helps initially.

dan_d

I had the exact same problems.Very shy, quiet, still am to an extent.Didn't tend to participate in college classes,tutorials etc.More of a listener than a speaker!But in final year in college we had to give a presentation to our entire class once a week, for 6 months, as part of our course.And our final project included a presentation to a board of lecturers, the point being to get us used to having to do it.Nearly killed me!But I did realise that firstly,everyone is nervous.People deal with stuff differently, and a lot won't spend a sleepless night over it, but regardless, every single person gets up there with butterflies in their stomach and shaky hands.It's how you hide it that matters.
Funnily enough I found that knowing EXACTLY what I was going to say and HOW I was going to deliver it really helped.Write down EVERY word, and basically learn it off.Then practice it over and over, with the notes in front of you making sure you only glance down every so often,working on how fast,slow,emphasis,even when you breath, or pause.Its' easy on your own but in a room of people you can lose your nerve very quickly, and it helps to know what you're going to say next.I also found that highlighting the first word/line of paragraphs, or of important points helped too.That way if you lost your train of thought you could glance down quickly and it would jump out at you, regardless of how nervous you are. At the end of it all, don't recite it as a learned exercise!Plus you come across much better if you do all that, because you sound prepared, and confident (even if you don't feel it) and that's what they look for.

RossFixxxed

I actually just finished giving a presentation in work. I now enjoy doing it, despite being nervous etc.

The fact is that other people will have to present too so they're watching you hoping you do ok and really really hoping that they don't do it wrong. Even if you do say something silly, or your voice cracks people will understand, you can always just laugh it off or apologise.

It does get easier each time you do it too. There is a degree of autopilot once you get up and if you have prepared the stuff you can easily work your way through it.

Just remember everyone in the room is human, they're not going to be judging you in any real way and ALL of us that present regularly have made a bit of a mess of it, it's just the ability to smile and move on.

Look people in the eye, they'll always help and smile back. Everyone in there wants you to do well.

what you need to do is make the contributions despite being nervous

+1 on this, it's very true. Do it a couple of times and you'll really see that it's not so bad at all and there is a great feeling once you pull it off! Everyone is nervous doing it. I have seen some famous comedians (Ardal O'Hanlon, Ed Byrne etc.) in absolute BITS before going on stage, total nervous wrecks. We all get it, we just get used to getting up and get to enjoy it frankly.

Good luck and don't let it hold you back. Practice it with yourself, your friends, the dog, your family!

Ross

Sabre0001

It's all about practice really. I also hate speaking up in college, etc (classes, tutorials and such...even when I know the answer!) but I was able to manage presentations and stuff. Not sure why!

But it is about practice - feeling the fear and doing it anyway! Once you do it a couple of times, you will get more used to it and you will be better at it! Some tutors should be quite happy to help you out with a bit of practice and giving you tips. You could also look into Toastmasters - no pressure, weekly practice and I think they try to give you tips and help you out...

LegacyUser

Hi! I remember being completely horrified when I saw the amount of presentations I had to do during final year - especially as some of them were in a foreign language :O At the end of teh day though, everyone else in my year was in the same boat, you'll do well to remember that I used to try not catching anyone in the eye and just looked towards the back of the room while speaking. Oh, carry a pen with you, it helps to have something to hold on to/fidget with! Practise in front of a couple of friends before the real thing too. Hope this helps!