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Suggested a break...

  • 20-08-2008 1:14am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Thats exactly what I said to my boyfriend tonight and now, Im so confused!!!! We have been together 10months, Best friends 5/6years. But just recently in the last 2/3 weeks I have been feeling really unhappy in our relationship.

    I have a job that involves me to be away alot and I think it has added a little strain to our relationship ie I arrived back to Ireland at the weekend, extremely jet lagged, so slept all day. I didnt go near my phone, I didnt even hear it going off. I had previously arranged a night out on the town with a few friends so when I woke up, I text and invited him along. I got the narkiest text back saying "Now it makes sense why I havent heard from you all day" - implying that I didnt want him to come along. This resulted in a big row. The next day it was all apologies and we went for dinner that night. He didnt have two words to say to me at that table, and at times, was looking everywhere else but me. Tbh, this kind of put the icing on the cake for me.

    So today, I finally bit the bullet and met up to tell him how I felt and I suggested a week or 2 break from eachother - this didnt go down too well. He thought it was a stupid idea but was willing to do it and would "wait as long as it takes to get me back". It was the hardest thing for me to say and he eventually got in a huff, said I dont hate you just really pis*ed at u and got into his car and sped off..... I was upset most of the night, and now, tonight, I was starting to miss him, not talking to him etc....

    Has anyone got any good advice for me, have they been in similar situations etc.....really appreciate it! thanks!


Comments

  • #2
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,253 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    WhatDoIDo wrote: »
    But just recently in the last 2/3 weeks I have been feeling really unhappy in our relationship.
    OK there was the row at the weekend, which sealed the deal about this break, but clearly there's other stuff. This other stuff, can it be fixed or worked around?

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #3
    4Xcut
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,248 ✭✭✭4Xcut


    WhatDoIDo wrote: »
    Has anyone got any good advice for me, have they been in similar situations etc.....really appreciate it! thanks!

    Put some genuine thought into this and make up your mind. As Wibbs said, can the other stuff be worked on? If not, then there's your answer. If it can, then you can't work on it if you're not together. One way or the other. Don't leave him wondering if its a "break" or a "break-up".


  • #4
    Madame Razz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,252 ✭✭✭✭Madame Razz


    Op, as a person whose work requires them to be away alot and work long hours and to be generally VERY involved in their work, i can tell you that relationships are very difficult, esp if your OH has a standard 9-5 job.

    Subconsciously your OH resents your job, and resents the fact that it takes up so much of your time. hes not pissed at you per se, hes just tired of your job taking over your relationship with him.

    Its a tricky one. You work so hard that you have very little time and when you have free time you are trying to keep everybody happy, whilst grappling with your own tiredness. and hes just frustrated that he doens't get to see you ebough, that your job gives you so little freetime and that you are wrecked because of your work(its actually concern manifested as frustration btw)

    If this is the only reason well then i think it is something you can work on. Moreso than most if you work hard and are away alot, it is so good to have a rock solid relationship at home, in fact it makes things so much easier. Take some annual leave and go off together for a while or something, he needs reassurance that he does not coem second to you work and that he is still important in your life

    You have been friends for a long time and are now in a relationship, dont jeopardise that for your work. Trust me, its not worth it, i know.


  • #5
    Zulu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    My advice (and your not going to like this) would be to grow a pair of balls and break up with him if thats what you want.
    "A break" is a cowards way of splitting up, and is showing him little respect.

    You were away. You came back and went to bed without texting/calling him. You contacted him via text to invite him out with your friends. You couldn't be bothered even ringing him at this point. Do you believe that is an acceptable way to treat your partner?

    How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

    So he got upset at the clear lack of attention and you suggested "a break". Nice. Look you clear want to break up with him, but don't have the back bone to do it.

    How you treat him from here out is up to you, but a decent person would treat him with respect - make up their own mind and act accordingly.


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