What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?

LegacyUser

I honestly don't know why I'm posting this here or what I expect you to tell me. Maybe I just need somewhere to vent. I don't know. I'm going to dive right in here in any case. Basically my story is this; I'm 6 months out of my first serious relationship, it lasted a year and a half. I'm only 20 so I know that I'm still fairly young in terms of relationship/love/whatever maturity.

And the problem? Well I just can't get her out of my head. And thats quite literally. I'm not naive enough to think that my first serious relationship would turn out to be my only relationship in life. That's what happens in Hollywood, not in reality. Maybe 1 out of a 100 people end up marrying the first person they date. I know its very uncommon anyway. Secondly, I have gotten with other people, I have tried the whole 'player' lifestyle and it took me the first week to realise that its not who I am nor what I want. I don't know how to put this, but riding around isn't my thing. Its empty for me. Thirdly, I have filled my life with a whole heap of things since she broke up with me. I have surrounded myself with very good friends, started to work out, taken up new hobbies and basically reassessed my goals in life. I guess I've followed the "How To Get Over Someone" guide to the tee.

But I can't stop thinking about her. Its not as if I'm still mourning the relationship, I know its over and always will be. There is no going back. I know that if she came to my doorstep tomorrow morning and looked me in the eyes asking me to take her back, I'm 90% sure I wouldn't. It could never be the same. I keep telling myself to cop on, there are loads more fish in the sea and all that jazz. But I can't. I could be going about doing something - working, swimming, out with my friends and then *bang* she'll just appear in my head and it'll stick with me for the rest of the day. Stuff we did together, the hopes and dreams I had and it all ends up depressing. You know the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach?

I feel I've moved on, that I'm ready for another relationship when it comes but I'm afraid that she'll still be there. Maybe I need another one to get farther down the road. But I don't want to use someone either. If I get involved with someone else I'd want it to be for the right reasons. Maybe this will just right itself with time, it probably will. But all the same, I'm sick of still feeling something for someone who gave up on me, I fell in love with her and she didn't catch me yet here 6 months later its still affecting me, its starting to get to me. I don't know what you can tell or even if you can tell me anything but its good to get this out.

Go-Go-Gadget

you will always have that space in your heart for her, the advice i was given after my relationship ended is find someone else to occupy your heart, someone to love. things will fall into place, and by no means and im telling you to throw ur love at the next thing on legs, i mean just be ready and willing to.

LegacyUser

See the thing is, I've tried that, I've tried hooking up with someone I actually like and feel something for. It didn't work out but Im still open to anything. I'm even texting a girl right now, but while she's really nice my heart just isn't in it. I want it to be but I can't. And its that other ones fault.

And yet I'm still not angry at her. What the hell is with that?!

sinnerboy

There is nothing wrong with you . You are greiving that is all . You have suffered a loss and what you are going through is perfectly natural .

You are on a slow train journey and you can't speed it up - that's the bad news. But it will end - good news . You are a decent bloke - lucky girl who finds you ( in time )

LegacyUser

Absolutely nothing wrong with you at all, what you're describing is perfectly natural for your first love!! I was almost exactly the same age as you when I first fell in love and it definitely takes time, how much time nobody can say cause it's different for everybody, for me it was probably closer to a year before I was totally over her (met a few people in between but didn't feel the same about them). That was coming up on 10 years ago now and she'll always be a little bit special to me cause she was the first girl I loved. Unfortunately the only thing which really does help is time but honestly, it does get better.

LegacyUser

Unfortunately this is the way life works. Just because something doesn't work out with someone doesn't mean you get to wipe the slate clean. We all trundle on through life with hang-ups and attachments from previous experiences and relationships.

There has only been one girl that I have ever loved in my life and while it's been a good few years since we split there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her.

The thing is that you do get over it - you just learn to remember fondly without dwelling on the fact that they're not around anymore. You're only 6 months down the road so don't worry about still being hung-up on her. It will take time and it will happen gradually but it wil happen. You won't forget, you'll just learn to get on with things.

It might be some time before you meet someone who makes you feel like that again but it will happen. (At least that's what I'm hoping in my case). You just have to enjoy life while you're on the way to that next relationship.

LegacyUser

See the thing is, its almost involuntary. I'll be doing fine, doing something or going somewhere and then all of a sudden she'll just pop into my head. Its getting really annoying now cos no matter how much I tell myself to cop on, it still happens.

Maybe I need hypnosis or something

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated. Good to know this isn't only me it happened to.