Stage Fright

LegacyUser

Hey,
Going unregged for this one. I have been going out with my girlfriend now for a few months and things are great except for one part....in the bedroom. One time we went to have sex when we where both drunk and I could not stay hard, so I put it down to the drink. Then recently we tried again and up until I stuck the condom on I was erect but once on it was soft. She's a very attractive girl and I can get erect during foreplay so it's not as if I'm not sexually attracted to the girl. I've also been with other girls and have never had a problem like this before so I don't know what's wrong. We where going to try again the other night but I was so put off by the first two attempts that I said no which got her kind of píssed off I didn't want to have sex, it's just down to my self confidence. She keeps telling me it's grand and it's not my fault but I'm very embarrassed by it. Any suggestions?

Thanks

pinkgirl1

I think it is totally understandable,if your not long together you feel pressure to perform.If she likes you she will be patient and if she said its ok then relax and dont think about it so much and it will happen.

gamblitis

I recognise what your saying about the condom. If you haven't been using them before read on. Its very common for guys to suffer anxiety subconsciously about filling the condom and it will instantly effect their ability to maintain erection when putting it on and when it is on. There is a solution where you masturbate alone while wearing a condom numerous times, experiment with lube get used to the feel of it and soon enough you'll have no problem maintaining some permanent wood. If you have been using them with other partners i think its maybe subconscious worry about a new partner and expectation levels. If your girl has some respect for you she will have no problem waiting and experimenting with different scenarios until you shake it off. Its not all about the intercourse. Enjoy

Wibbs

It happens to pretty much everyone. It's happened to me. After the first time it puts even more pressure on you. The condoms really add to that. You can have a glass cutter of an erection and you think OK let's roll(or more romantic words to that effect), the second the johnnie touches you, ones William shrinks in a similar way like a snails eye being touched. Again they just add to the pressure, by screaming, "right we're going to need this erection NOW!". When that has happened to me I could walk out of the bedroom for a drink and be like a human tripod in seconds.

You'll just have to relax and maybe say to yourself that you'll do things that won't require an erection that night. Try that for a few times and you should be right. Even put on a condom, but not use it. Just to get yourself used to that.

LegacyUser

Hey buddy, don't worry - this happens to a lot of people, especially at the start of a relationship. The psychological solution is "Get out of your own head!" - by this, I don't mean take psychotropic substances! You seem to be putting too much pressure on yourself, which has the negative, spiralling effect of lowering your self-confidence.

Some practical advice - Keep the condom close your bed/sexy-time area. Nothing kills the mood more than trying to find a condom in the dark! Even the best of us will recoil under the strain of multi-tasking at such an inappropriate time.

Ask your partner to put the condom on you - It should feel a lot nicer for you, helping you to maintain that happy-go-lucky attitude.

If you feel you may be losing your erection, take action, go down on your partner and if you think it might help, avail of the opportunity to have a sneaky tug. When you're ready, resume/proceed.

Sex is not *only* about "making love" as it is depicted in the movies, two beautiful people, straining under the weight of their own sexual energy, with twisted facial expressions, looking as though they are _so_ in love with one another that it physically hurts them!

Sex can be a laugh! Wear a smile, have a giggle, relax and above all else, enjoy yourself!

Hope it helps, happy humping.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice guys but I've started to notice my erections in general have gone to shít. I find I don't get hard as I used to and don't keep it for as long as I used to when I'm having alone time. Could this be down to a very bad diet? Recently have been getting no nutritious foods into me and was putting it down to this?