Long, Complicated and more of a rant

LegacyUser

Okay, so its eleven o clock on a Monday and im here typing what I do not know exactly yet. as I read through it now its more of a rant then a PI, but I just wanted to put it out there. Be heard I suppose.

As f*cked up as it sounds I want to write this down. Ive taken the mad notion to do this kind of thing once before, although that was awhile ago. 3 years in fact. Which is were I’m gonna start. 3 years ago my first real long term relationship ended and thought for a good 2 months life was gonna end for me. I was a right twat. The breakup wasn’t smooth at all. I acted like a complete idiot, and for reasons I’m still not sure of did things I’ll l regret for ever. Split milk, and nothing major but enough to stick in the memory. We both did and said things (especially me) that were out of line and we don’t speak to one another as result. I took the breakup bad, and made a fool out of myself...but sh!t happens I suppose.

Im not sure if I writing this down is a time killer for me, an act of boredom or a cry for help or to be noticed. Feeling sorry for myself is something I don’t want to do but thinking already that all the so called bad stuff that went on will be typed in the next few minutes.

Anyhow, after getting over that almost - women didn’t actually enter my head and I never went on the pull/searching etc. One or two came along in the mean time but I never showed a real interest in anyone. I had it up there in my head with the moments when my sister was badly in hospital as bad times in my mind, I let it get to me and it kills me still that I did that. I was 21, young I know but I still should have known better. Maybe I don’t now still if Im typing this now. But when I finally got over it, the next phase was to move to finish college, move away, live the City life and start a career. zero interest in any women and almost visa versa (apart from 2 eejits), then getting very very sick didn’t eh help things. Getting fit went out the window. Ended up with a really weird disease (not fully diagnosed - 3 long stints in hospital) that will never go away and could see me on various drugs for the rest of my life. That was a year I wanna forget, I took in my stride and didn’t really moan. I was kinda proud how I did it, sometimes going to work and getting 2 buses cas I wouldn’t be able to make the small walk from Parnell st to Pearse st cas of the illness. Foolish but thats what people do, try and fight it and ignore it in the process. (and not lose their job!)

Im just really down at this stage, im in my mid twenties, single, sick (seeing a specialist and not fully diagnosed with an ilness) and with all those the plans I had (getting back in shape, back playing sport, getting on in my job) go somewhat out the window. I dunno if any advice or such can be given here;so apols to anyone reading this who thinks its just a moan, but Im really just fed up of it all. I think getting sick just put a damper on things and Ive no energy and dont seem to enjoy much things anymore.

I think back to a few years ago when i was playing 3 different sports, in college and in a what i thought a healthy relationship... I dont miss her, i do miss what I had. Rant over.

MojoMaker

For what it's worth..peace brother and be safe in the knowledge that you ain't alone. Chin up is a tool's answer, so I'll say left foot in front of right, cos all that matters is progress, no matter how you quantify that.

Overheal

Its not uncommon to lose everything you've had. I recently just lost the last 3 years of my life and had to say goodbye to everyone I've known in the last 8. The long story short is I dropped out of college and a family member dies, so now I've moved 4000 miles away and now have to start all over, the only thing I have left is everything I've learned but I'm blessed with parents that will help me until I'm on my feet. Just try and remember you havent lost anything until you've lost everything. Good luck and good health.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies guys, its just bein sick gets ya down. And there is only so many days you can get up and put on a brave face.