Split with my Boyf

LegacyUser

I am pretty much stricken with the shock. Yesterday my boyf and I broke up-- we'd been together about eight months, and it was great, had lots of little rows but we always made it up and we used to always say we were a strong couple ya know... Well last week he came to me and said that him and his parents were thinking about selling their house in the town and buying a site in the country with the sale money and then my boyf was to take out a mortgage on the place. There was going to be a granny flat, or extension really for his parents to live in. He rang me about it, and I was surprised, we had planned ourselves to live together shortly and I was all set for moving to his county which is miles and miles away from my own, and I was even going to change career so that I could get a good job down there. That's what we planned to do. Now I know it was his mother who suggested this, she;s not happy at all in their estate house and that's fair enough, but I didn't think anyone was considering me in this. My boyf even went ahead basically and booked an appt with a mortgage advisor who's a friend of him to discuss what he can potentially get, and all that. He didn't ask me to go with him until I asked him about it. He kept saying then that it made sense,a free site etc. and that we could say how we wanted to builld our part ya know? But the site would be their decision essentially. I was hurt by this, I've always imagined living with my man in our own chosen site and place and all of that, also I can't live miles from home basically with his parents. I've already said I'd move, change jobs, et.c etc. I couldn't go the extra length.

So I told him all of this, I also told him that I felt i was being taken for granted, that I was doing all the travelling for us to meet up, and that I needed more compromise from him, needed him to let me know where I stood.

So... day went by and no response from him... I finally texted him and the break-up ensued. He called me irrational, said I'm too much to handle and he's not doing it, etc. etc. and well since I was prepared to walk away if he can't compromise I did.. I started the break up and didn't fight to resolve it. Previously one of us always backed down ya know?

So that's that and it's killing me. I am thoroughly down in myself. I guess I tested him and got the answer I didn't want and it's so hard, I hadn't imagined life without him anymore, I really did think we were in it for the long haul. Sure he said it to me as well lots of times..

Please help me, with any advice to feel better. I can't think

adastra

Well in my opinion I don't really think you are being fair on him. In all fairness, ye've only been together eight months, how does he know for sure that ye'll still be together a year or so down the line? He's right that he has a free site, and its a good way to get on the property ladder. I think he'd be mad not to take the opportunity when he has it. Were you prepared to put money towards this? Because if not, then why is it a big deal for him to go to the mortgage advisor by himself?

How old are you both by the way?

MIN2511

Hmm, my 2c the relationship is over move on.

Both of you want different things right now

drunkmonkey

deadinside wrote: »

I guess I tested him and got the answer I didn't want

Cheer up girl, There's loads more lovley lads out there, this guy was way to demanding, even verging on bully....your best shot of him before it gets worse.....

Just make sure your future love is better, you'll be fine:)

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

It's never a good sign when one party is makin all the moves to meet and the other is planning futures without consulting you, so this was probably on the cards.

Probably a good thing that it happened before you moved and quit your job...

MagicMarker

deadinside wrote: »

but I didn't think anyone was considering me in this.

I think that is one of the most self centered things i've read on boards in a long while.

OP, no offense, but this has absolutely nothing to do with you. You're ex has been given an opportunity to secure a home for next to nothing in the grand scheme of things and he'd be crazy not to take it.

You've been together 8 months, and you were about to change jobs and move cross country for him? Do you normally do this soo soon into a relationship?

I get the feeling your very young. I think it's time you did some growing up. I can't even fathom why he would mention building ''you're own part'' with someone he's been with for 8 months.

MagicMarker

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Cheer up girl, There's loads more lovley lads out there, this guy was way to demanding, even verging on bully....your best shot of him before it gets worse.....

Just make sure your future love is better, you'll be fine:)

Errrr.... what!?

adastra

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Cheer up girl, There's loads more lovley lads out there, this guy was way to demanding, even verging on bully....your best shot of him before it gets worse.....

Just make sure your future love is better, you'll be fine:)

How exactly was he being demanding or a bully? If anything, I'd say its the OP who is being demanding, and a tad unrealistic

gamblitis

adastra wrote: »

Well in my opinion I don't really think you are being fair on him. In all fairness, ye've only been together eight months, how does he know for sure that ye'll still be together a year or so down the line? He's right that he has a free site, and its a good way to get on the property ladder. I think he'd be mad not to take the opportunity when he has it. Were you prepared to put money towards this? Because if not, then why is it a big deal for him to go to the mortgage advisor by himself?

How old are you both by the way?

+1 tbh.

Sorry OP but 8 months puts you nowhere near a decision making position about what happens in his family. Blood is always thicker than water.

His family sound like psycho control freaks.

Commiting your future to living with your parents until they kick the bucket, hasn't been an opportunity since 1960.

Your best shut.

Femelade

In fairness, you are with him only 8 months.
He's not going to build a house in a place that you want - when he will get a free site from his parents.
Be a bit reasonable..i think you were probably a bit controlling, - trying to get him to make decisions he didn't want - and your demanding backfired on you big time.
Relationship over - move on - and don;t try to rush into anything next time.

Burial

Just read the OP, not the comments, and here is my advice to you:

Grow up.

This guy has his house problems sorted (basically) and your paying nothing towards anything of it. Your asking him to kick out his parents, the people who are paying for his house, and make a part for you, and give you free rent, and you think he's being unreasonable. All I can say for this guy is thank god your not part of his life anymore, and I congratulate him for not staying around with you.

If your still not convinced in what I'm saying, you were prepared to move to another county and change jobs to be with him and to move in with him. Eight months. My friends parents who have been married for twenty years wouldn't do this. I'd imagine you wanted to end this anyway. As if you were meant to be after only eight months, you wouldn't have broken up so easily. Your getting no sympathy from me nor should you need any. You broke up with him because you were unreasonable.



Just to illistrate my point, EIGHT MONTHS and this is what your saying:
" I hadn't imagined life without him anymore"

Grow up. Seriously.

tbh

he hasn't changed, you just found out you were wrong about him. I can see how it doesn't suit you to live with his parents, but it's only been 8 months. In the same situation, I'd have probably done the same.

John Mason

OMG:eek:

you have ONLY been with him 8 MONTHS and you want to get a mortgage with him and build your own house.

Seriously, you need to relax, i really dont blame him for running away. His parents gave him a free site and you feel like you have a right the site.

Maybe if you had been married or even engaged i could understand why you are upset but ...........:eek: i am lost for words tbh, i think i smell a bunny boiling somewhere.