Addicted to internet porn

LegacyUser

Hi i guess i'm writing this to verbalise something that inside i've known for years.. I'm definitely addicted to internet porn. It doesnt cost me money as i use free sites but it is robbing me of all my time & most likely of the possibility of a proper relationship.

Where can one go for help in ireland??.. in the past i have had addiction problems with drink/hash and other drugs, and have been to on/off psychoanalysis for years, this has helped me greatly to get my life on track as far as career goes although relationship wise i dont think with my present counsellor i can go any further(she reminds me slightly of my mother..same age, accent, demeanor, is this a barrier to progress or a potential help?).. i have mentioned porn to her once or twice, and reasoned out how it was wrong, and about the bad situation of the actresses.. but then i only sought out amatuer porn or porn where the woman had a glint in her eye, to justify to myself that she wants to be there, therefore its not wrong..

but now i realise that that issue is superfluous (in my personal sense, perhaps not in the femenist sense).. I am only an observer, i havent got the trust or openness or whatever the word is to reach out in real life sex.. all my sex (fair few partners, VERY limited intimacy or long term) has been pretty crappy.. you know its funny the last girl i slept with (few weeks duration) after 2 crappy sex sessions, she told me to cut the bull**** more or less and we lay there side by side kissing gently(intimacy) and i was getting a raging one.. totally different than normal where i'm stuttering, have to masturbate to get hard, but then i ruined it by grabbing for her and trying to get it done too soon.. i guess i want one really good sex session so i can tell my self - you know finally the monkeys off the back!!

Anway - sorry if this should be in the sex section but it wont let me in there for some reason..

any advice welcome, PS im late 20's, masturbating using porn/masturbation since 13/14/15 initially tame - lingere catalogue etc, tastes havent changed much just gotten more graphic.. oh and i realise people may say i have more of relationship issues than specifically the porn / distance thing, but i'm full sure now this is a key issue in my way

AARRRGH

I'm not sure why you think porn is wrong? The actresses choose to do it and they get paid. Unless you think sex and nudity are wrong? But that's another issue altogether...

I agree you have a problem though: porn is negativily affecting your life.

I think there are all sorts of issues going on, so maybe start with small steps.

Can you try adding something positive to your life? For example, join a gym and get a bit of a routine going. This will force you to get out of the house, and will make you feel a lot better about yourself, as well as make you look better and become healthier.

You could then try improving your diet, and try to add other positive hobbies such as acting or learning an instrument.

Basically I think if you start adding positive things to your life, you'll find yourself dedicating more time to them and less time to porn.

Continue with the therapy, and I agree, maybe you should pick a different counseller if your current one reminds you too much of your mother!

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Many many people in your boat. Its an huge unspoken social issue. Also, I don't think the OP is discussing whether internet porn is good or not; it's that he's addicted to it and that in itself is a bad thing.

maryjmul

Unregpornaddict wrote: »

Hi i guess i'm writing this to verbalise something that inside i've known for years.. I'm definitely addicted to internet porn. It doesnt cost me money as i use free sites but it is robbing me of all my time & most likely of the possibility of a proper relationship.

Where can one go for help in ireland??.. in the past i have had addiction problems with drink/hash and other drugs, and have been to on/off psychoanalysis for years, this has helped me greatly to get my life on track as far as career goes although relationship wise i dont think with my present counsellor i can go any further(she reminds me slightly of my mother..same age, accent, demeanor, is this a barrier to progress or a potential help?).. i have mentioned porn to her once or twice, and reasoned out how it was wrong, and about the bad situation of the actresses.. but then i only sought out amatuer porn or porn where the woman had a glint in her eye, to justify to myself that she wants to be there, therefore its not wrong..

but now i realise that that issue is superfluous (in my personal sense, perhaps not in the femenist sense).. I am only an observer, i havent got the trust or openness or whatever the word is to reach out in real life sex.. all my sex (fair few partners, VERY limited intimacy or long term) has been pretty crappy.. you know its funny the last girl i slept with (few weeks duration) after 2 crappy sex sessions, she told me to cut the bull**** more or less and we lay there side by side kissing gently(intimacy) and i was getting a raging one.. totally different than normal where i'm stuttering, have to masturbate to get hard, but then i ruined it by grabbing for her and trying to get it done too soon.. i guess i want one really good sex session so i can tell my self - you know finally the monkeys off the back!!

Anway - sorry if this should be in the sex section but it wont let me in there for some reason..

any advice welcome, PS im late 20's, masturbating using porn/masturbation since 13/14/15 initially tame - lingere catalogue etc, tastes havent changed much just gotten more graphic.. oh and i realise people may say i have more of relationship issues than specifically the porn / distance thing, but i'm full sure now this is a key issue in my way

Hi i really have no problem with porn,it only becomes a problem when it affects your potential relationships ,firstly i would say get yourself off to your local bookstore and read up on good sexual relationships between sexes,this thing about making a grab for her so you can get on with the business would make any girl run ,where is the fun in it for her women want it all and that includes a good sexual partner believe me when things are wrong in the bedroom she wont be happy,do yourself a favour stay out of these porn sites and spend your time with your mates indulging in a healthy social life and remember next time you get a girl between the sheets she is there because she has needs also and if you do it right the first time she may come back for seconds ,,,good luck

LegacyUser

Unregpornaddict wrote: »

Hi i guess i'm writing this to verbalise something that inside i've known for years.. I'm definitely addicted to internet porn. It doesnt cost me money as i use free sites but it is robbing me of all my time & most likely of the possibility of a proper relationship.

Where can one go for help in ireland??.. in the past i have had addiction problems with drink/hash and other drugs, and have been to on/off psychoanalysis for years, this has helped me greatly to get my life on track as far as career goes although relationship wise i dont think with my present counsellor i can go any further(she reminds me slightly of my mother..same age, accent, demeanor, is this a barrier to progress or a potential help?).. i have mentioned porn to her once or twice, and reasoned out how it was wrong, and about the bad situation of the actresses.. but then i only sought out amatuer porn or porn where the woman had a glint in her eye, to justify to myself that she wants to be there, therefore its not wrong..

but now i realise that that issue is superfluous (in my personal sense, perhaps not in the femenist sense).. I am only an observer, i havent got the trust or openness or whatever the word is to reach out in real life sex.. all my sex (fair few partners, VERY limited intimacy or long term) has been pretty crappy.. you know its funny the last girl i slept with (few weeks duration) after 2 crappy sex sessions, she told me to cut the bull**** more or less and we lay there side by side kissing gently(intimacy) and i was getting a raging one.. totally different than normal where i'm stuttering, have to masturbate to get hard, but then i ruined it by grabbing for her and trying to get it done too soon.. i guess i want one really good sex session so i can tell my self - you know finally the monkeys off the back!!

Anway - sorry if this should be in the sex section but it wont let me in there for some reason..

any advice welcome, PS im late 20's, masturbating using porn/masturbation since 13/14/15 initially tame - lingere catalogue etc, tastes havent changed much just gotten more graphic.. oh and i realise people may say i have more of relationship issues than specifically the porn / distance thing, but i'm full sure now this is a key issue in my way

Basically, you NEED to have real life sex.

STOP **** right now... TODAY!

You can do it. HARNESS your sexual energy into GOING OUT and meeting women.

You will find yourself in a very sexual state when talking to women which they will feel and will like.

You will find yourself approaching more women and the more doors you knock on, the more will open.

Make a date with yourself every Sunday. You will have one good **** every sunday. LUBE UP! Enjoy yourself. Go to town on yourself and slap on some porn while you do it.

Then continue to harness your sexual energy into finding REAL LIFE women to bang.

Use prostitutes if you have to. Anything is better than pulling your plum 5 times a day in the comfort of your own home.

Start living.

pwd

using prostitutes really isn't preferable to **** in any moral or constructive sense you know.
disciplining yourself into extreme sexual frustration isn't a good approach to developing intimate relationships either. The op doesn't seem to have any problem approaching women from what he's saying.

op, what it sounds like to me is that you think too much and are too introspective, and this is why you have that feeling of distance with people and trouble connecting. If you take the focus off sex and onto developing a relationship with someone I think you will find the intimacy and the sex that you want.
look at porn or don't look at porn - **** if you feel like it - but stop thinking about it so much - it's more akin to using the toilet than proper fucking anyway.

Giggidy

Listen mate, every guy loves porn, if he doesn't he's lying even gay men love porn, we're men for god sake, are sex drives are naturally big. A key thing to realise porn actresses choose to be there, they CHOOSE to, its different to prostitutes who are sometimes forced into it.

By the sounds of it you have personal issue despite what you say and your making porn your scape goat. You said you were able to get it up by kissing her, so you didn't need to masturbate to get it up like you stated, so what you went for it with her, like any normal guy would when he's been with a girl twice and is lying in bed kissing her.

I think if there is one thing you have to do is separate fantasy from reality and this is the only part i agree with you in a sense. Porn has given you a false sense on what sex is like. But that is not porn's fault as its reaching out to your fantasy like its there for, its yours for not being able to realise this and separate the real from the fantasy

LegacyUser

I really don't see why people come on here and say
"don't worry about it, guys love porn..... it's normal" when the OP considers it to be a serious problem.

It's not as if when an alcoholic comes on people say "Ah sure we all drink, you'll be fine".

Internet porn addiction is destructive (I'm not saying that normal porn viewing is) but one's inability to stop looking at it and **** has a detrimental effect on the addict.

The addiction is not being able to stop yourself from looking at it no matter how many times you say "I'll never do it again"......

The release of dopamine on climaxing is such a great sensation and now linked to porn viewing. So then climaxing comes only from self pleasure and porn and disappointing sex sessions sends one back into the comfort of one's own living room. Not only that, internet porn is available on demand anytime you want it FOR FREE.

To the OP:
Make an appointment with a sex therapist - if you're in Dublin then check out http://mrcs.ie/ . Have a chat with them. They're good for support and I think that's what you need right now if you can' do it alone

and check this out

http://www.no-porn.com/

milod

OP, for the moment, you should leave aside the moral issues around porn - and let's face it, there are many simplistic opinions out there.

Your real focus seems to be on the potential addiction to porn and that's the important issue. Porn is a problem if it takes up a disproportionate amount of your time, or if you choose to look at porn rather than socialise, or if it affects your work etc. It's also a problem if it desensitizes you in relation to sex - porn addicts usually find that they need more and more hardcore or fetishistic activities in order to become sufficiently turned on.

It sounds like you've self-diagnosed fairly effectively - now all you need to do is find a therapist that can actually help you. It's unlikely to be general counsellor - you need to find a specialist in that area...

John Mason

why dont you jsut cancel your internet subscription? you are hardly going to be heading down to the local cyber cafe to watch it

HugoDuncan

I used to be in your position, OP, but I gave it up. I was literally obsessed with porn and watched it for 16 hours per day, even while in work. It got so bad that I was going to various pubs/shopping centres in town during lunch so I could watch vids on my phone and pull my plums in the toilets.

Then one day I got caught by a security guard. The shame. I went straight home and threw my phone in the fire. I cancelled my broadband and wiped my PC. After 4 weeks of sleepness nights the cravings were gone. :cool:

I feel normal again! And re-ordered broadband :pac:

Good luck!!

xoxkellyxox

I guess tbh if you don;t stop this an then have aproper relationship the intimacy will never match up to what you will expect aftre watching this all these years if you are too embarrassed to go to a consullor ( although i would reccomend it ) block all the sites on your computer with a filter and try going out and having fun. Create your own experiences instead of basing your time around watchign others