Friends Annivsery

mollybird

hi people.
it's my friends 3rd Annivsery (R.I.P) today and i'm here listening to take that and remembering the good times i had with her. we went to school together and we including my best mate loved the boys.

thing is after school we lost touch but when she died i was very upset. she died from eplipesy that she always had. i sometimes feel like saying that i miss her but do i have that right to say that even though we lost touch for a few years?? i have some very fond memories of her and the last pic i have of her she is making some funny face at our graduation from a course we did in the techincal college back at home.

anyway just wondering if i'm entitled to mourn her this way since lost touch with her.

WindSock

Moved from LL. Probably more suited to here. And yes, you are entitiled to mourn however which way you want. No one can tell you how to deal with death, it's very personal.

mollybird

thanks i didn't know where to put my post. but the mad thing is that my grandad's 6th annivsery is in 2 days time. and that is a total different ball game.

wasper

mollybird wrote: »

thanks i didn't know where to put my post. but the mad thing is that my grandad's 6th annivsery is in 2 days time. and that is a total different ball game.

Mourn your friend but don't dwell on it too much to compensate for the years of not getting in touch.

Dave147

Well it's like this, you liked this girl.. you are upset that she died, life moves fast, it's VERY easy to lose touch with good school friends, it happens all of us! So just because she wasn't a part of your life for a couple of years doesn't mean you can't mourn her for all the good times you had.

A friend of mine was killed in a car crash 2 years ago this october, my lasting memory of him was being down in his house drinking with his girlfriend and another friend. I thought alot of him and only really knew him for about 2 years. I mourned his death and was very upset, that's my own business.

You should do the same.. it's nobodies business but your own.

lee_arama

Death is never an easy subject to deal with. Almost everyone will have lost a friend from school, and if you've progressed to college then chances are you've known a few more who've passed on.

I recently laid a wreath at the grave of a friend who has been gone for 10 years now. In the months following her tragic death our gang at college insisted that the mantra "drink to remember, never to forget" should be the order of the day. In essence, remember the good times, try and forget the sorrow, guilt, or regret.

If you allow such losses to affect you now then you'll find yourself ill prepared for the inevitable slew of deaths a person in their 20's and early 30's will suffer through accident/misadventure/illness, not to mention natural causes.

One-Day-Juande

The fact that you were drifting apart can if anything make it more difficult to deal with. You have every right to mourn the passing of a friend.

A friend of mine passed nearly a year ago now. I wouldn't have said that we were the closest of friends but I was incredibly fond of the guy. We were all a very tight knit social group so it hit all of us hard. Anyway over the past year I've found myself thinking about him quite a bit, more fond memories more than anything which is good, but it's still sad. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that had he not died and maybe he'd gone away for a year, I know he wouldn't be on my mind that much at all.

Unfortunately that's the way life is and sometimes we can feel guilty for mourning because we know that person wouldn't have wanted us to be upset. Nothing can be 'done' about it, but when you're feeling like this, it's always a good idea to meet up with mutual frriends of that person and talk about the funny stories each of you have. You'll laugh and you'll cry but it's a very good way of getting that emotion out there because you know the others feel the same as you do.

And if you feel that somebody is judging you because you're mourning that person, along the lines of "you weren't as close as I was" etc, well they have no right, grief affects everybody in different ways and there is no general rule to apply. Anyone using it to get one up on someone else can just blank right off.

JonathanAnon

Hi Molly,

I think you are making this too much about you.. I am not really in touch with any of my college/school friends.. but that doesnt mean that I should feel guilty about any of them dying, if that should happen. People move on to different jobs, get married, leave the country etc etc and just lose touch, it's nobody's fault that's just life.

eveie

you are entitled to mourn over a friends death, its only natural, but be careful that you dont drag yourself down, sometimes these thoughts can take over your mind.
ive had quite a few friends who have died, the first was over 10 yrs ago and i still mourn her loss, i think about her most days, like her name will just come into my head that may be it.