Family dont care

LegacyUser

I live abroad with my wife and we had a baby recently. We are thinking of moving home but my family back home leave alot to be desired. I can count the number of times they have called me or my wife. They just dont seem interested. Yet any time i call hear how wonderfull everyone is. My mom makes excuses for there lack of interest. Oh they are busy, what a load of rubbish. If i tackle anyone i am the prick. To be even writing this on boards tells you how sad the situation is. I dont know if its just us or is this normal behaviour. The last year has been the worst with my wife nearly dieing giving birth yet nothing.The reason why i am writing this is because it saddens me that they dont want to be part of our lives. Even my own father doesnt ask about his only grandchild. That saddens me the most.

Overheal

out of sight, out of mind. send pictures much? helps when youre sitting in the living room. but when I was away from home I would get called seldomly and only to check i wasnt dead :pac: its normal

MagicMarker

I've been away for 9 months almost, i've received 2 calls, and one of those was to tell me someone died.

However, emails are exchanged every now and again.

OP, were you close to your family before you left? Because some people just aren't the close 'type'...

dresden8

Some people are just pr1cks. Even if they are related.

doctor evil

Know how you feel. Some people are just awful at getting the ball rolling. You can do two things; send them photos and stuff or just think 'f*ck it' and get on with your life.

Overheal

came back to this thread just because ive now remembered i told my ma id call her when i got off the train. that was a week ago.

EKRIUQ

Overheal wrote: »

came back to this thread just because ive now remembered i told my ma id call her when i got off the train. that was a week ago.

Why are you still at the train station?

Avns1s

Overheal wrote: »

came back to this thread just because ive now remembered i told my ma id call her when i got off the train. that was a week ago.

That's a long train ride!;)

Trinity

Did you post here before OP regarding a similar situation? Its neither here nor there but i have read similar threads meaning its not unusual!

I myself find it hard to keep in touch with people, its not that i dont care.

But if it wasnt for other people contacting me i would probably never speak to anyone!

I live 5 mins from my mother and she texts me every day even though i see her almost everyday, but when i lived in england years ago i dont remember hearing from her much!

Families differ, do you call them much? I guess they could be looking at it that you moved away, are independant and dont need them.

My Mum was ill when i lived away and felt i had left her, i had made my bed and my decision and as i am the one that moved away from her, it was up to me to keep in touch.

In regards to their grandchild, have they met the baby? It can be hard to bond with someone you have never met. It wouldnt kill him to ask how the baby is mind you but at the moment the baby is just a name, perhaps if you moved home things would be different and they got to bond with teh baby and hold him in their arms, At the moment the baby is just a name,

My sons grandparents have never called and asked how my son is, in 8 years. Although i am not with the father and its a different story, it still kills me that they dont know if he is dead or alive, although neither does his father so that doesnt say much for that family.

Were you close to your mother before you moved? Was she upset when you left?

LegacyUser

My dad has seen her twice she has been born. I suppose the distance thing could be the reason. I wouldnt normally let it get to me but now that we have a child now, things are different. Yes i was close to my mom and dad before leaving, still am. When i left my dad was close to tears and that is one thing i have never seen him do. That is one of the reasons why we are moving back, i dont want our child growing up not really knowing her irish family. I credit anyone who is a parent, its the toughest yet most meaningfull job in the world.

maryjmul

family_Problems wrote: »

I live abroad with my wife and we had a baby recently. We are thinking of moving home but my family back home leave alot to be desired. I can count the number of times they have called me or my wife. They just dont seem interested. Yet any time i call hear how wonderfull everyone is. My mom makes excuses for there lack of interest. Oh they are busy, what a load of rubbish. If i tackle anyone i am the prick. To be even writing this on boards tells you how sad the situation is. I dont know if its just us or is this normal behaviour. The last year has been the worst with my wife nearly dieing giving birth yet nothing.The reason why i am writing this is because it saddens me that they dont want to be part of our lives. Even my own father doesnt ask about his only grandchild. That saddens me the most.

Families are made up of a weird bunch of people,half of them we wouldn't give the time of day to other than the fact that they are our family and we try to get along for harmony sake,that said i think it would be a bad idea for now for you to move home as you have a lot of resentment built up through no fault of your own,one of the other posters mentioned to send regular photos and let them know whats going on in your life ,i wouldn't say that your family don't care they probably just aren't great communicators,as for your parents they are probably telling everyone at home all about you and their darling grandchild and you are most likely doing well for yourself so they have no need to worry so my advice is offer it up ,when i don't hear from my parents for a few weeks i ring their phones leaving messages like "hello do you know who this is ,do you remember me are have i been orphaned and no one has bothered to tell me ,Guaranteed within a few hours the phonecalls will start and you know its easier to except their reasons for not phoning than it is to argue and you know 9 times out of 10 they had been busy and as they always say to me why didnt i ring them,,good luck

Overheal

family_Problems wrote: »

My dad has seen her twice she has been born. I suppose the distance thing could be the reason. I wouldnt normally let it get to me but now that we have a child now, things are different. Yes i was close to my mom and dad before leaving, still am. When i left my dad was close to tears and that is one thing i have never seen him do. That is one of the reasons why we are moving back, i dont want our child growing up not really knowing her irish family. I credit anyone who is a parent, its the toughest yet most meaningfull job in the world.

well in retrospect, my parents had their first child and after he was a year old they moved from Daytona Beach to Seattle so my dad could sign on with Boeing. In the 6-7 years we were there we got visited once by each set of parents and the odd article of clothing sent by an aunt here or there. Its just regular.

If your dad has only seen her twice since she's been born its time to e-mail or better yet send them some photos and a home movie.

Trinity

family_Problems wrote: »

My dad has seen her twice she has been born. I suppose the distance thing could be the reason. I wouldnt normally let it get to me but now that we have a child now, things are different. Yes i was close to my mom and dad before leaving, still am. When i left my dad was close to tears and that is one thing i have never seen him do. That is one of the reasons why we are moving back, i dont want our child growing up not really knowing her irish family. I credit anyone who is a parent, its the toughest yet most meaningfull job in the world.

Well then credit your own parents. Whats harder is being a parent and then having to let go. Its hard for a parent to deal with their children flying the nest, particularly when the nest is abroad. I'm sure they miss you if you were close before you left. I bet they do care, they may harbour a little of um resentment?, maybe even anger, that you left particularly because you were close. They wont mean it, its just that well indirectly you hurt them even though you didnt intend to!! Dont take that the wrong way. Its kind of a good thing, means they care, they just dont handle it very well

You're a parent now, i'm sure you would be devastated when your daughter grows up and if she moves thousands of miles away. I know you may think you will call her everyday but in reality, everyone deals with things in their own way. Maybe they think you dont care cos you moved. If someone i loved dearly moved away I would be deeply hurt, yet happy for them, yet worried, yet wondering did they not love me enough to stay, wondering if its anything i did, etc etc, do you get what i'm saying? I'm not saying its right, its just the way things are.

Nevyn

How often are you in touch ?
How often do you ring ?
How do you include them in your life ?

LegacyUser

family_Problems wrote: »

I live abroad with my wife and we had a baby recently. We are thinking of moving home but my family back home leave alot to be desired. I can count the number of times they have called me or my wife. They just dont seem interested. Yet any time i call hear how wonderfull everyone is. My mom makes excuses for there lack of interest. Oh they are busy, what a load of rubbish. If i tackle anyone i am the prick. To be even writing this on boards tells you how sad the situation is. I dont know if its just us or is this normal behaviour. The last year has been the worst with my wife nearly dieing giving birth yet nothing.The reason why i am writing this is because it saddens me that they dont want to be part of our lives. Even my own father doesnt ask about his only grandchild. That saddens me the most.

OP,

Did your parents resent you for moving abroad ?

Do you feel like they don't appreciate how hard it is for you to come home ?

Did you feel like they think your on some sort of eternal holiday just because your not in Ireland ?

Do you feel like your talking to a brick wall when any argument comes up and because you didn't show up for x,y or z family event that your made out to be the pr*ck ?

Do your parents still treat you like your a child and that you should bend to whatever they're doing even though its YOU coming home and a little appreciation would be nice ?

If so .. welcome to the world of thousands of expats all across the world, its the way it is.

You have your own family now and you need to work and look after them, this sort of thing happens all the time.

It might sound harsh but i would say screw them, your not at home and all they are doing is causing upset in your life. They'll cop on at some stage, its not up to you to sort out whatever issue they have with you getting on with life.

Still, i know it would be nice to ring home and hear "Hi how are you, any news?" rather than "That neighbour next door is causing me agro"

Sugar Drunk

Op if you are this unhappy with your family why are you thinking about returning home to Ireland so your child can get to know them? That coupled with the economy and awful weather id wonder why anyone would want to move back!

Your far away and your dads only seen her twice so its normal that they are not calling all the time - how often do you call them? Do you send pictures, videos emails etc? When is the last time you visited? Its a two way thing but with families it often turns into a stand off where communication is concerned. people will naturally be more attentive to whats under their nose and its often out of sight out of mind. Its not intentional its just hard to have a big bond with people you dont see that often. Do your family know your wife well?

The other thing is when people have kids they often expect everyone in the family to be really keen and always wanting to hear about it etc. The understandable that you would want the kids grandparents to be like that (after all they are the grandparents!). But for other members of the family it might not be the same. I love my family but am not a baby person. i like kids okay, never want to have any but I really am not mad about babies. I am nit the type to gush about them, pick them up and hear every detail. Doesnt mean I dont care or am a bad person, its just not my thing

LegacyUser

We call my parents every couple of days. I try and stay in touch with the rest of them either by email, websites like facebook or the odd phonecall. We do send plenty of pictures and even have used our webcam to show off our little girl.

The situation is complicated as my wifes family live here and mine live back in ireland. That was the main reason why we moved back as my wife wanted to be closer to her family. Now that we have a child we are thinking of giving Ireland a go for a year to see if we like it and if not we can move back. That is the fair comprimise that we have come up with. Her parents are none too happy about the prospect of us moving back but they wont stand in our way. Thanks for the replies. It has definately helped me with our situation and made me realise that maybe my family does care but in a different way.