I've got it all and now I have nothing...

LegacyUser

Hi....

I suppose I am using this to vent some steam and I know for a fact that this is the most common of problems that pops up here daily but it has hit me like a brick wall and a car crash.

My (ex) Girlfriend and I have split... For good and it's killing me.

Bit of background is a year of heaven and then she joined a public service job.... Since then it has been downhill. She has been on shift work and things were tough but we were working through it. Then it got to the stage that we were arguing over little things. She is still training in this role and as a result was away during the week from home. Texts werent often and phone calls were hard work.

She dumped me about two weeks ago because she said she wanted to get what she had to get done, done down in her "workplace" and then work on us afterwards...

I met her today and she has been given her new place of works location and it is a good drive from where I live and from where her family home is however it is a drive that I do myself daily so is not impossible...

Anyway, she has seen this as a sign and has said that she is moving to that place to get on with her job / life.

She says that she wants to be my, wait for it......... "friend" cliche or what ?

Anyway, she says she loves me and that maybe she is making a stupid mistake but that she doesnt want to be with me right now... Maybe some day.... Maybe..

Says she wants to still see me and stuff and text and so on.

Problem is that I am madly in love with her still ! I am willing to work through problens and make a go of it. She isnt but she is still landing me with this false hope !

What can I do ? How do you get over somebody who says they still love, still want to see you but doesnt want to be with you !?

How can I actually emotionally get over this ?

If I block her out it will crush me ! If I dont then its going to crush me aswell....

I really do feel like my life has fallen apart. I moved to an area where I dont know anybody... Times are tough up there because of that and a lot of my friends have gone off to the UK and stuff.... I am lonely and just had my dream of having her and me in the house together crushed....

How do I go on ?

Kevster

Hey,

You're still "in love" with her because you were so used to having her involved in your daily routines - That's partly what love is. However, love can fade away with time (and quite easily too if you allow it to). The future seems impossible to you now but it most certainly is NOT impossible. I suggest that, for the next few weeks, you take things easy and take a low profile at any events that you attend.

Things will improve for you, and remember: There are positives in every negative.

Kevin

MagicMarker

If you don't block her then yes it will crush you and it will CONTINUE to crush you...

But if you block her it will crush you at the start, but it WILL get easier.

I know it's hard man and we've ALL been there... But you know what you have to do.

I recommend reading through this forum, looking at other threads by people in your position, but who haven't cut all ties.

Move on man. Don't listen to her ''maybe's'', it's all crap and will only mess with your head. Make a clean break.

sam34

MagicMarker wrote: »

But if you block her it will crush you at the start, but it WILL get easier.


Move on man. Don't listen to her ''maybe's'', it's all crap and will only mess with your head. Make a clean break.

magicmarker speaks the truth. false hope is just that...false. as painful as it will be initially, you should make a clean break, for your own sake.

LegacyUser

It's really really hard but it's the only way.
The hope of a comeback will torture you night and day.
You need to cut all ties.It's not your responsibility to worry about crushing her she has made her choice.
Your only duty is to yourself and like Magicmarker said,it is horrible at first,but it WILL get better.
I only say this so vehemently because not so long ago I was in a similar position.
My ex contacts me occasionally but I dont respond.(Circumstances are somewhat different)
It's tough my friend but it's the only way.
I wish you the very best of luck

jellie

As hard as it is, if she doesnt want to be with you right now then you have to accept it. dont beg her to take you back, its not attractive & will only make her run away faster.

to be honest i think shes being selfish. she wants it all to suit her, "maybe some day" etc sounds like shes trying to keep you around as a back up incase she realises she made a mistake. do you really think you can be friends with her? do you know how hard it is to try be friends with someone youre in love with? when you cant just give them a kiss or a cuddle when you feel like it like youre used to doing?

sorry if im rambling on & making no sense, im tired. ive gone through a breakup recently where i was still in love with the guy & the only thing to do is cut contact. it still hurts, but it gets a bit easier. youll have days where the pain is as fresh as it was at the beginning & days where you feel like youre finally getting somewhere. contact just drags it all out & makes it harder. my ex missed me & wanted to chat as friends etc, but as much as i missed him i wasnt going to settle for that just to please HIM. it would give him the comfort of having me as a friend, while it would hurt me everytime we spoke. you have to think about yourself & whats best for you.

dresden8

Anyway, she says she loves me and that maybe she is making a stupid mistake but that she doesnt want to be with me right now... Maybe some day.... Maybe..

Says she wants to still see me and stuff and text and so on.

Your ex is a cnt and is taking you for a sap. Grow the f*ck up.

I can't believe you haven't seen this a thousand times before on boards.

Wibbs

dresden8 ease up on the vitriol. Read the charter etc. Suggesting people "grow up" is rarely helpful in of itself.

JonathanAnon

sever_all_ties wrote: »

It's really really hard but it's the only way.
The hope of a comeback will torture you night and day.
You need to cut all ties.It's not your responsibility to worry about crushing her she has made her choice.
Your only duty is to yourself and like Magicmarker said,it is horrible at first,but it WILL get better. I only say this so vehemently because not so long ago I was in a similar position.My ex contacts me occasionally but I dont respond.(Circumstances are somewhat different). It's tough my friend but it's the only way. I wish you the very best of luck

I would agree with this. You should suggest that you "take a break" from each other for a few months, just to give you a chance to get your head together and accept things. Being friends does not work, as one party always have higher aspirations for the "friendship", and that is even before one of you starts seeing somebody else. Then then fun really kicks off.

By suggesting this you will also force her hand. To be honest, I think by suggesting a "short term" break while she is working - she means that she wants to break up but doesnt have the guts to come straight and tell you, as in letting you down gently. That is what I would think anyway.

Raekwon

JonathanAnon wrote:

By suggesting this you will also force her hand. To be honest, I think by suggesting a "short term" break while she is working - she means that she wants to break up but doesnt have the guts to come straight and tell you, as in letting you down gently. That is what I would think anyway.

I'd agree with the above statement, your ex has taken the selfish, cowardly way out and has not been totally upfront with you. I'm sure this has been on her mind for quite sometime so her 'let's be friends for now and see what happens' is a total cop out IMO.

The best thing to do is the cut all contact with her and keep your mind occupied by going to the gym or going to the cinema with friends etc, anything that will take your mind off your ex. It is going to be hard, but you will get thought this, as clichéd as 'time is the best healer' is, it's actually very true.

Wibbs

Taking a break in 99 times out of 100 cases means game over.

I would also echo the previous posters, breaking contact when a long termer goes south is by far the best option. Otherwise no good will come of it.

Do not go along with her wanting to be "friends" or any of that. She is saying that entirely for her own selfish reasons and as such is utter crap. It's about how she feels the loss of you as an emotional crutch and has little to do with her own feelings, though she will likely claim she's thinking of you. She may even believe it. Of course it will be easier for her to believe at as she's already left the relationship.

Same with the taking a break part. If it's actually true in her head it's in some ways worse than her sparing your feelings. What she's really saying is more along the lines of; "I know how you feel about me, but I'm at the point where I don't feel it as much and want to see if there are other fish in the sea, but if it's OK with you would you hang around in case this goes wrong?" Your answer should be no thanks. Tell her that you see it's over, you are now both free and single but you don't want her in your life for the moment as you need to time to digest this. Tell her you don't want any contact from her. Be firm about it too.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys....


I've had a good long think about it. Asked for to leave my stuff at a friends for me to pick up. She said she could bring it to me but I insisted she leave it there and I will pick it up.

As hard as it's going to be I am going to cut her out. It's her loss and by the looks of it, my gain. Appreciate the help...

Thank you all....

Redpunto

Walk away and move on, love is not meant to be that difficult.

sam34

aloneandsad wrote: »

Thanks guys....


I've had a good long think about it. Asked for to leave my stuff at a friends for me to pick up. She said she could bring it to me but I insisted she leave it there and I will pick it up.

As hard as it's going to be I am going to cut her out. It's her loss and by the looks of it, my gain. Appreciate the help...

Thank you all....

well done op. it will be hard initially, but you will survive it.
good luck!

jellie

aloneandsad wrote: »

Thanks guys....


I've had a good long think about it. Asked for to leave my stuff at a friends for me to pick up. She said she could bring it to me but I insisted she leave it there and I will pick it up.

As hard as it's going to be I am going to cut her out. It's her loss and by the looks of it, my gain. Appreciate the help...

Thank you all....

try to remember how you feel right now & why this is a good thing. youll have days where you feel awful & days where you know youre going to be ok, but on these bad days you need to remember why this is for the best.

stick with the no contact thing. its the only way to get through it.

best of luck

Toots

aloneandsad wrote: »

Thanks guys....


I've had a good long think about it. Asked for to leave my stuff at a friends for me to pick up. She said she could bring it to me but I insisted she leave it there and I will pick it up.

As hard as it's going to be I am going to cut her out. It's her loss and by the looks of it, my gain. Appreciate the help...

Thank you all....

Best of luck OP. It's gonna be tough now, but you're doing the right thing and it'll get easier with time. Look after yourself.

MagicMarker

aloneandsad wrote: »

Thanks guys....


I've had a good long think about it. Asked for to leave my stuff at a friends for me to pick up. She said she could bring it to me but I insisted she leave it there and I will pick it up.

As hard as it's going to be I am going to cut her out. It's her loss and by the looks of it, my gain. Appreciate the help...

Thank you all....

Fair play to ya dude, you've made the right choice.

seraphimvc

aloneandsad wrote: »

Thanks guys....


I've had a good long think about it. Asked for to leave my stuff at a friends for me to pick up. She said she could bring it to me but I insisted she leave it there and I will pick it up.

As hard as it's going to be I am going to cut her out. It's her loss and by the looks of it, my gain. Appreciate the help...

Thank you all....

been there done that glad ye made it!