Why do I need a relationship!?

needhelpguy

Why do people constantly ask me if I'm going out with someone?

My family, mother, friends...

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

"You'd want to hurry up there'll be none left!" (my late granny, bless her)

Fact is, I don't care about girls or "relationships". Apart from sex I can't see any reason to get into one of these. Just because it's expected of me?!! I'm getting on fine without. Thoughts of fitting the mould fill me with dread.

I am a completely normal 22 year old guy but because I don't fit into the mould people get confused.

I have been asked, by my mother, if I am gay, on three seperate occasions. Once in front of the entire extended family at a dinner we were having. I think she is concerned and only asks because she wants to reassure herself that her only child is not a gay.

A friend of mine asked me recently aswell, also vowing to "find me someone". I just tell them that I don't really care about relatinships and all that sh*te. Which is true. But they don't get the message. They cant seem to grasp that a fit, healthy, social and not-unnatractive young man would not want these things.

I see it all around me. I admit, I feel pressure sometimes, but that's beacuse I am bombared with it. Even here on PI 80% of the posts are about relationships! What is the point of these things?!

Just leave me alone

/rant

Sorry I had to get this off my chest. I feel better now

Clare Bear

Ah you'll always get that off the Mammies, Aunties, general annoying people. Ignore it. Believe me it's more annoying when you are going out with someone then the evil Oh when are you going to give us a day out etc questions start.

If you're happy in yourself don't mind them.

Karen_*

Just say 'mam I'm not gay but I AM only 22 and I'm not ready for a relationship yet'.

It could be because you never tell her if you like someone etc etc. I know my 14 year old isn't gay because he has been bessoted with some sinead since 1st class and he writes lists of the girls he likes and doesn't hide them too well. Maybe your mam has never had an indication you like girls.

Anways, you do what makes you happy OP. Its not really anyone elses business what you want to do. And as you can see for yourself 80% of the posts in PI are about miserable relationships and heartache:D Enjoy your young life!

minidazzler

Since this PI is not Life or Death or anything I am just gonna say this.

Tell them all you are having too much fun to even think of getting a Girlfriend.

Say to your Buddies who say it that ya like roidin around too much.


And Just enjoy yourself. They are just old fashioned. I'm 19 and my parents expect me to pick up a career because I dropped out of college!!! Fat chance. Enjoy your youth that's my motto. Screw everyone who tell's you not to.


(In case anyone wants to know. I am against relationships in all forms {before the age of reason} because they tend to make my friends stop coming out clubbin and whatever.)

Oryx

Im with minidazzler. Use a conversation stopper like 'I prefer one night stands' or 'Im too busy shagging' when asked such a nosey question. In fairness, I wouldnt do this to your mam, sit down with her over a cuppa and tell her exactly why youre not seeing anyone. If shes genuinely worried then its only right to reassure her. And then ask her nicely to stop bugging you over it.

Everyone in my family outside my parents assumes that I'm gay due to my lack of interest in relationships. I've tried to explain to some relatives that I'm not interested in and am enjoying my life as it is free from the complications of having to share it with a significant other.

That said if I did happen to meet the right girl I would take a chance on a relationship.

MIN2511

Society dictates that a happy person is one who has a relationship, good job etc... It's not always the case...

OP, tell them you want to become a priest that ought to shut them up for a while

sunnyside

Tell them that relationships are too much hassel. I remember reading somewhere that 50% of marriages and 70% of all relationships end in failure.

I'm female, 30 and like you don't feel the need for a relationship. Possibly because so many previous ones haven't worked out. Or because I'm self-sufficient, can pay my mortgage and bills on my own and don't want children. Combination of both reasons maybe.

I am open to meeting people though because I still believe that some relationships can enhance life.

LOL@ minidazzler, that's so true about relationships stopping your friends from going out:p

cjmcork

OP - stay single, every couple I know is miserable - I'm 33 and single and every time i leave all my couply friends' houses, I thank the Lord that I'm single - I can spend my money on what I want, I can sit on my backside all day and do nothing and not have to listen to someone whinging about doing something for the day - I just moved from Cork to Dublin for a job -this would have been extremely difficult if I was in a relationship....there's loads of time to settle down.........enjoy your singledom, you could be tied down (in a not good way ) for 30, 40, 50 years.............

cjmcork

sunnyside - snap - I thought that I was a freak!:D not.......but it's nice to hear my thoughts from someone else's virtual mouth!

JerryHandbag

Screw relationships, friendships rule....remember, you dont break up with and end up hating your friends. I have enough to worry about than having an other halfs worries piled on top of that too......OP, do your thing and ignore the nosy small-minded ppl, once your happy with your life and dont need someone else to make you happier then your on a winner.

herya

Don't listen to your family. It just means they care for you. But you don't have to act accordingly to their expectations.

Now they ask you about a girlfriend.
If you brought them a girlfriend they'd start asking about the wedding.
Then about children.
Then about children's schools...
and their boyfriends and girlfriends.

It never ends.

IGNORE!

Dave147

Jesus, you're only 22, same age as me! I had a gf for 2 years and am glad that I'm single now, I also know that the only reason I would want a gf now is for regular sex.. but I'm not a scumbag so I wouldn't use a girl like that, unless we had an agreement lol.

Why not just tell your mom you're gay, she wont be at you then! :P Just joking, do your own thing and don't worry about anyone else. 22... lol.

SarahJ

~In the beginning I thought you were going to say you're in your 30's, but you're only 22.My God, if you want to have a life without having a girlfriend, its perfectly acceptable. Its still acceptable in you 30's, but I'd expect the comments from mothers etc when you are far older!

sunnyside

Dave147 wrote: »

I had a gf for 2 years and am glad that I'm single now, I also know that the only reason I would want a gf now is for regular sex.. but I'm not a scumbag so I wouldn't use a girl like that, unless we had an agreement lol.

I think you need a f**kbuddy or friend with benefits. Nothing wrong with that so long as there's a very clear understanding.

SarahJ wrote: »

~but I'd expect the comments from mothers etc when you are far older!

Mother's shouldn't worry so much. Men these days are well able to work washing machines and there are plenty of pubs and hotels serving carvery lunches with a target market of men who don't have a wife to cook the dinner!

It's better to be single and independent than in an unhappy relationship that's making you miserable.

Marksie

You don't.
Or rather the only one you need to have is with yourself. In terms of being happy with who you are and where you are going.
So many people never do this and look to others to fill the gaps in their life. They simply don't grasp the concept that when you are truly happy with yourself, then you can actually be in relationships when you are ready to and that its done without wanting from the other.
So its part overcoming societal conditioning, part learning to really love yourself (not in the ego, look at me i am italian, type way).

Dee369369

Oryx wrote: »

Im with minidazzler. Use a conversation stopper like 'I prefer one night stands' or 'Im too busy shagging' when asked such a nosey question. In fairness, I wouldnt do this to your mam, sit down with her over a cuppa and tell her exactly why youre not seeing anyone. If shes genuinely worried then its only right to reassure her. And then ask her nicely to stop bugging you over it.

I second this tell ur mum to not worry but that you are enjoying being your own person and when the right girl comes along u will know.Stress girl here
I'm 19 and out of a 2year relationship and have no intentions of getting into another for a long time!there's benefits to being single and in a relationship but u have to decide for yourself what u want and ur still young enjoy!

Handsome Bob

Same boat as you OP. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to put your parents, family etc etc minds at ease. No matter how many times I've explained that I like my own space and the freedom to do what I want they still worry. Once you're happy with yourself man that's all that matters.

EDIT: 1,000th post, yay!:pac:

LegacyUser

needhelpguy wrote: »

Why do people constantly ask me if I'm going out with someone?

My family, mother, friends...

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

"You'd want to hurry up there'll be none left!" (my late granny, bless her)

Fact is, I don't care about girls or "relationships". Apart from sex I can't see any reason to get into one of these. Just because it's expected of me?!! I'm getting on fine without. Thoughts of fitting the mould fill me with dread.

I am a completely normal 22 year old guy but because I don't fit into the mould people get confused.

I have been asked, by my mother, if I am gay, on three seperate occasions. Once in front of the entire extended family at a dinner we were having. I think she is concerned and only asks because she wants to reassure herself that her only child is not a gay.

A friend of mine asked me recently aswell, also vowing to "find me someone". I just tell them that I don't really care about relatinships and all that sh*te. Which is true. But they don't get the message. They cant seem to grasp that a fit, healthy, social and not-unnatractive young man would not want these things.

I see it all around me. I admit, I feel pressure sometimes, but that's beacuse I am bombared with it. Even here on PI 80% of the posts are about relationships! What is the point of these things?!

Just leave me alone

/rant

Sorry I had to get this off my chest. I feel better now

This is called SOCIAL CONDITIONING man.

Unfortunately everyone these days has bought into the whole monogamous relationship garbage.

People feel that they NEED a relationship. This is completely unacceptable way of thinking if you are a man.

Also, if people knew ANYTHING about evolution psychology they would know that polygamy is much more natural than monogamy.

I commend you on finding a distinction between love and sex. After all, sex is sex and has nothing to do with love. What is love anyway? Someone would say they love their wife/husband, but if they got a disease and put on 300 pounds and couldn't have sex for 10 years would you still love them? if your wife/husband suddenly started having sex with random strangers every weekend, would you still "love" them? Love is nothing more than a pair bond designed to keep 2 people together long enough for a child to be concieved and born and raised for a few years. Why do so many marriages fail?

Don't conform to the social norms like the other sheep OP.

In my opinion women are for fun and sex.

Handsome Bob

wow100 wrote: »

This is called SOCIAL CONDITIONING man.

Unfortunately everyone these days has bought into the whole monogamous relationship garbage.

People feel that they NEED a relationship. This is completely unacceptable way of thinking if you are a man.

Also, if people knew ANYTHING about evolution psychology they would know that polygamy is much more natural than monogamy.

I commend you on finding a distinction between love and sex. After all, sex is sex and has nothing to do with love. What is love anyway? Someone would say they love their wife/husband, but if they got a disease and put on 300 pounds and couldn't have sex for 10 years would you still love them? if your wife/husband suddenly started having sex with random strangers every weekend, would you still "love" them? Love is nothing more than a pair bond designed to keep 2 people together long enough for a child to be concieved and born and raised for a few years. Why do so many marriages fail?

Don't conform to the social norms like the other sheep OP.

In my opinion women are for fun and sex.

I wonder why you went unreg.:rolleyes:

Obviously if you love someone and they go sleeping around on you and cheat you are going to become disallusioned and "fall" out of love.

And I can't wait for female views of this forum on your opinion that women are for "fun" and "sex".

What is it with Personal Issue's these days? It seems to be a magnet for ****-stirrers.

LegacyUser

LZ5by5 wrote: »

I wonder why you went unreg.:rolleyes:

Obviously if you love someone and they go sleeping around on you and cheat you are going to become disallusioned and "fall" out of love.

And I can't wait for female views of this forum on your opinion that women are for "fun" and "sex".

What is it with Personal Issue's these days? It seems to be a magnet for ****-stirrers.

You are obviously not grasping my point.

If something as flimsical as a woman or man ACTING NATURALLY (having sex with another woman/man) makes you "fall" out of "love", this "love" is very easily "lost" as you say. This "love" is a MAN MADE CONCEPT. Please educate yourself on evolutionary psychology before you call me a sh*t stirrer. Do you really think your boyfriend/girlfriend all of a sudden doesn't find other people attractive and doesn't want to have sex with them just because they are with you?

The OP realizes this and I commend him for it. The only people who "love" you and who you "love" are your family. And you can read THE SELFISH GENE by RICHARD DAWKINS to understand why.

This brings us to relationships. Knowing that women and men are naturally polygamous hwy would you get into a long term relationship with one? There is no harm in relationships, but the world would be a much better place if people snapped out of the social conditioning they are in and educated themselves better. I have several girlfriends and they all know I see other women. Some of them are seeing other men, I have no doubt. This doesn't bother me at all. Occasionally one woman comes along who I feel really strongly about (once every 6 months I'd say), but I don't place any unrealistic expectations on her (monogamy).

Think about it.