Holy ****ing ****!!!

MagicMarker

Just went into my bedroom, turned on the light....

Came back into my front room to grab my laptop... back into the bedroom and notice something move on the floor in the corner of my eye, i nearly ****ing died!!

What was it i hear you say, only a muthafuckin BAT!!!!!

All hell breaks loose! I jump back in to the front room and i see it in the other room flying around, at first i thought it was a bird but then i realized it was awfully silent, where as a bird you'd hear the wings flapping away. Then i got a closer look and assumed the worse...

It then takes a detour into the front room and i nearly shat meself! It's not a big room and i'm not a small man, increasing the chances of a head on collision.

I walk hurriedly out of my apartment into the hallway where i desperately try to think about what the **** i'm gonna do! My phone is in the front room DEAD! My charger is in the bedroom, i'm not going into that feckin war zone!

I peak from the hallway into the bedroom and finally get a glimpse at the cretin as it rests on a window frame, it most certainly is a bat!! We make eye contact, there's a moment.... Until suddenly, i notice something else, a moving shadow! Yes, ANOTHER bat. TWO BATS!!! I suddenly realize how it feels to be chris, the unhappy sheep.

I really am at a loss as to what to do for a few minutes... i just stand in the hallway racking my brain, with the door open hoping they would just fly out of the apartment, but realize that's unlikely for both of them to do it. They can't get out of the windows as they all have screens on them. And i'm hardly going to try and sleep in a small apartment with 2 bats flying circles around me. I'm also not going in to try and grab them, i've seen the great outdoors, i know what kind of repercussions are to be had.

I finally just end up knocking on the building managers door, yes, it's 11pm, but ****, if you can't disturb him for this, then what?

He comes up with fellow apartment dwellers and enters the apartment on his own, after 20 seconds or so he says to come in. We do, and all appears to be clear.

A few seconds more are spent trying to find the second bat, most likely hiding in some nook or cranny, we fail.

He leaves with his men and says to call if the other one shows it's face. I say 'much obliged' and tip my hat to the good fellow while closing the door nervously.

At this point i am just happy that all is calm, i don't care if the other bat is here so long as it stays where it is. So i sit down to gather my thoughts and then it occurs to me....

At no point upon entering the apartment did i see the first bat that the manager supposedly dealt with, he did have a towel but i don't think it was in that. Which leaves the question, what the **** did he do with it? The window screens don't open, so he couldn't have thrown it out. I took my garbage out today and haven't gotten a fresh bag out, so it can't be in there... One thing that springs to mind is the toilet, but surely he wouldn't put a feckin bat in the toilet? At least i certainly hope not, because it's been blocked since this morning!!!! I don't think i could handle lifting up that seat to be greeted by a dead bat....

I think i'll be sleeping with the lights on tonight. Stupid Canada, i knew i never should have come here!!!:mad:

FX Meister

boring

cHaTbOx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Wd-Q3F8KM

are you a vampire yet,because there are positives

MagicMarker

Toilet's clear BTW:)

cHaTbOx

MagicMarker wrote: »

Toilet's clear BTW:)

\o/:)

MarkR

I was hoping for a more shocking story going from a double expletive title. This thread fails to deliver.

christeb

Holy scrambled egg, Batman

magick

arent bats supposed to be protected?

pickarooney

You should relly edit that and add in some dead strippers and a small explosion. This might have flown in the 90s but we expect rather more from Canadian horror stories these days.

Black Swan

Are you sure the second one wasn't a Robin?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I for one wouldl ike to welcome our batty overlords...

BroomBurner

magick wrote: »

arent bats supposed to be protected?

Yes they are, and they're not a danger to humans either. Poor little fellows get some bad press sometimes.

OP, grow some balls :P

Toto Wolfcastle

Meh there was a bat in the hall in the Irish college I worked in last week. 200 screaming kids, a parent at the door watching, and a supervisor who encouraged them to scream.

I'd rather deal with your bat.

Also, who even cares that they are protected? Kill them I say.

OP, man it up!

Karoma

OP: http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/08/08/vampire.bats.ap/



*walks away whistling *

AckwelFoley

Hmm, clever marketing ploy by hollywood for "the dark night"

Holsten

He put it in your pillow for a laugh.

That'll learn you to knock his door down at 11pm!

slimjimmc

Have you looked in your closet yet? :eek:

anything hanging upside down in there with beady eyes watching you?

tech77

slimjimmc wrote: »

Have you looked in your closet yet? :eek:

anything hanging upside down in there with beady eyes watching you?

^<Insert snyper joke here>.

Also why no "holy ----, batman" thread title.

JerryHandbag

I was just after coming home from watchin The Dark Knight, got out of my car and what came flying straight for my head only a huge bat.....hmmm strange:eek:

Dave!

MagicMarker wrote: »

JI don't think i could handle lifting up that seat to be greeted by a dead bat....

Could be worse...

...it could still be undead!!! :eek: muahahahhahahaha

MagicMarker

I'm alive people, slept surprisingly well:) With the light on of course, them bats don't likes the light.

Earthhorse

Canadians are a cowardly and superstitious lot - so I have to wear a disguise that will strike terror into their hearts! I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible, like a... a... a building manager!

javaboy

snyper wrote: »

Hmm, clever marketing ploy by hollywood for "the dark night"

No but arranging Heath Ledger's death was a publicity master stroke altogether.

To the conspiracy theories forum.

Loopy

My sister's talking of moving there - she hates bats:eek:

MagicMarker

I don't think this is a common occurrence...

rhapsody!

Epic fail lol
There's nothing wrong with bats..

MagicMarker

rhapsody! wrote: »

Epic fail lol
There's nothing wrong with bats..

Shurrup!!!!

There's everything wrong with bats.

FlutterinBantam

Ok! you are in Canada,BFD.

Now that you have told us that, what the fcuk is the point of this thread Pilgrim??

ChewChew

we get bats every summer in our office. . .. they aint bad little things but the mammies are feckers!! :eek:

ZygOte

bats....meh

Redrocket

@MM
YOU SUCK

0utpost31

MagicMarker wrote: »

Stupid Canada, i knew i never should have come here!!!:mad:

Why? Whats wrong with canada?

Gran Hermano

OP grow a pair.
Next time get a tennis racket and a blog.

MagicMarker

Gran Hermano wrote: »

OP grow a pair.
Next time get a tennis racket and a blog.

Yore ma got a mouth full of my pair last night... HUZZAH!!!

Gran Hermano

Nice try but epic fail as we all know you spent last night running around crying like a little girl
because there was a harmless bat in your room.
Now toddle along and thank the kind manager that came to your rescue.

javaboy

MagicMarker wrote: »

Yore ma got a mouth full of my pair last night... HUZZAH!!!

I thought you wanted nothing to do with old bats?

MagicMarker

Bats... Plural!

I was outnumbered. So not a fair fight.

MagicMarker

javaboy wrote: »

I thought you wanted nothing to do with old bats?

I don't mind the old ones, they're weak and will swallow anything you give them with little to no objection.

0utpost31

MagicMarker wrote: »

I don't mind the old ones, they're weak and will swallow anything you give them with little to no objection.

like YORE MA

MagicMarker

0utpost31 wrote: »

like YORE MA

You're not allowed use that yet n00b!

Riddle101

At first i thought it was interesting but then you said it was in Canada, i thought you meant in Ireland. Anyway I wouldn't advise you sleep in the apartment when you know there's a bat still there, he could easiy come at you at nighttime and bite you or something and if it's lie one of those bloodsucking Bats you might get Rabies or whatever desease you get from them

Piste

If your windows don't open and you're in an appartment building with no front door leading onto the street, how did they get in in the first place?

MagicMarker

A very good question....

Manager says it was probably because of building work done to the roof. Although that was months ago.

Kirby

harmless creatures. There was bats under my bedroom floorboard for 20 years. They arrive every summer to have their young and its amazing watching them every night zip towards a tiny, tiny gap in the bricks at breakneck speeds and nail it every single time.

So dont be so dramatic OP. If i can sleep with 40 bats 5 feet from me every night than you can handle a phantom bat thats probably long gone by now.